SUSAN  CLEGG 
HER  FRIEND  AN 
HER  NEIGH 


ANNE   WARNER 


SUSAN  CLEGG 

HER    FRIEND   AND    HER 
NEIGHBORS 


"  I  wish  I  'd  never  gone!  "      Frontispiece.      See  page  154 


SUSAN  CLEGG 

HER   FRIEND  AND   HER 
NEIGHBORS 


BY 

ANNE  WARNER 

AUTHOR   OF   "  THE   RKJUVKNATION   OF   AUNT   MARY  ' 

"  JUST   BETWBBN   THEMSELVES,"    "  IN   A 

MYSTERIOUS  WAY,"   ETC. 


ILLUSTRATED 


BOSTON 

LITTLE,  BROWN,  AND    COMPANY 
1910 


Copyright  1903,  1904,  1905,  by  The  Century  Company  ; 
1904,  by  The  Red  Book  Corporation  ;  1905,  by  The 
Bobbs  Merrill  Company. 

Copyright,  1904,  1906,  IQIO, 
BY  LITTLE,  BROWN,  AND  COMPANY. 


All  rights  reserved 


THE    UNIVERSITY    PRESS,   CAMBRIDGE,  U.S.A. 


1523720 


CONTENTS 

PACK 

I.    THE  MARRYING  OF  SUSAN  CLEGG     ...  I 

II.    Miss  CLEGG'S  ADOPTED 43 

III.  JATHROP  LATHROP'S  Cow 83 

IV.  SUSAN  CLEGG'S  COUSIN  MARION.     .     .     .  126 
V.    THE  MINISTER'S  VACATION 1 66 

VI.    MRS.  LATHROP'S  LOVE  AFFAIR 

Part  First :  The  Deacon's  Dilemma      .  228 

Part  Second :  The  Automobile    .     .      .  249 

VII.    OLD  MAN  ELY'S  PROPOSAL 270 

VIII.    THE  WOLF  AT  SUSAN'S  DOOR 

Part  First:  Miss  Clegg's  Speculations    .  298 

Part  Second:  Gran'ma  Mullins's  Woe  .  322 

Part  Third:  Lucy  Dill's  Wedding    .     .  343 

Part  Fourth  :  Mr.  Jilkins's  Hat   .     .     .  357 

IX.    A  VERY  SUPERIOR  MAN 369 


SUSAN    CLEGG 

Her  Friend  and  Her  Neighbors 


I 

THE    MARRYING    OF    SUSAN 
CLEGG 

SUSAN  CLEGG  and  Mrs.  Lathrop 
were  next-door  neighbors  and  bosom 
friends.  Their  personalities  were  extremely 
congenial,  and  the  theoretical  relation  which 
the  younger  woman  bore  to  the  elder  was  a 
further  bond  between  them.  Owing  to  the 
death  of  her  mother  some  twenty  years  be- 
fore, Susan  had  fallen  into  the  position  of  a 
helpless  and  timid  young  girl  whose  only 
key  to  the  problems  of  life  in  general  had 
been  the  advice  of  her  older  and  wiser  neigh- 
bor. As  a  matter  of  fact  Mrs.  Lathrop  was 
barely  twelve  years  the  senior,  but  she  had 
married  and  as  a  consequence  felt  and  was 
felt  to  be  immeasurably  the  more  ancient  of 
the  two. 

Susan  had  never  married,  for  her  father  — 
a   bedridden   paralytic  —  had   occupied   her 


2     THE   MARRYING  OF  SUSAN   CLEGG 

time  day  and  night  for  years.  He  was  a  great 
care  and  as  she  did  her  duty  by  him  with 
a  thoroughness  which  was  praiseworthy  in 
the  extreme  she  naturally  had  very  little 
leisure  for  society.  Mrs.  Lathrop  had  more, 
because  her  family  consisted  of  but  one  son, 
and  she  was  not  given  to  that  species  of 
housekeeping  which  sweeps  under  the  beds 
too  often.  It  therefore  came  about  that  the 
one  and  only  recreation  which  the  friends 
could  enjoy  together  to  any  great  extent  was 
visiting  over  the  fence.  Visiting  over  the 
fence  is  an  occupation  in  which  any  woman 
may  indulge  without  fear  of  unkind  criticism. 
If  she  takes  occasion  to  run  in  next  door, 
she  is  of  course  leaving  the  house  which  she 
ought  to  be  keeping,  but  she  can  lean  on 
the  fence  all  day  without  feeling  derelict  as 
to  a  single  duty.  Then,  too,  there  is  some- 
thing about  the  situation  which  produces  a 
species  of  agreeable  subconsciousness  that 
one  is  at  once  at  home  and  abroad.  It  fol- 
lowed that  Susan  and  Mrs.  Lathrop  each 
wore  a  path  from  her  kitchen  door  to  the 
trysting-spot,  and  that  all  summer  long  they 
met  there  early  and  late. 

Mrs.  Lathrop  did  the  listening  while  she 


chewed  clover.  Just  beyond  her  woodpile 
red  clover  grew  luxuriantly,  and  when  she 
started  for  the  place  of  meeting  it  was  her  in- 
variable custom  to  stop  and  pull  a  number  of 
blossoms  so  that  she  might  eat  the  tender 
petals  while  devoting  her  attention  to  the 
business  in  hand. 

It  must  be  confessed  that  the  business 
in  hand  was  nearly  always  Miss  Clegg's 
business,  but  since  Mrs.  Lathrop,  in  her 
position  of  experienced  adviser,  was  deeply 
interested  in  Susan's  exposition  of  her  own 
affairs,  that  trifling  circumstance  appeared 
of  little  moment. 

One  of  the  main  topics  of  conversation 
was  Mr.  Clegg.  As  Mr.  Clegg  had  not 
quitted  his  bed  for  over  a  score  of  years, 
it  might  seem  that  his  novelty  as  a  subject 
of  discussion  would  have  been  long  since 
exhausted.  But  not  so.  His  daughter  was 
the  most  devoted  of  daughters,  and  his  name 
was  ever  rife  on  her  lips.  What  he  required 
done  for  him  and  what  he  required  done  to 
him  were  the  main  ends  of  her  existence, 
and  the  demands  of  his  comfort,  daily  or 
annual,  resulted  in  numerous  phrases  of  a 
startling  but  thoroughly  intelligible  order. 


4     THE   MARRYING   OF  SUSAN   CLEGG 

Of  such  a  sort  was  her  usual  Saturday 
morning  greeting  to  Mrs.  Lathrop,  "  1  'm 
sorry  to  cut  you  off  so  quick,  but  this 's 
father's  day  to  be  beat  up  and  got  into  new 
pillow-slips,"  or  her  regular  early-June 
remark,  "  Well,  I  thank  Heaven  't  father  's 
had  his  hair  picked  over  V  't  he 's  got  his 
new  tick  for  this  year  !  " 

Mrs.  Lathrop  was  always  interested,  al- 
ways sympathetic,  and  rarely  ever  startled ; 
yet  one  July  evening  when  Susan  said  sud- 
denly, "  I  Ve  finished  my  dress  for  father's 
funeral,"  she  did  betray  a  slight  shock. 

"You  ought  to  see  it,"  the  younger 
woman  continued,  not  noticing  the  other's 
start,  —  "  it 's  jus'  's  nice.  I  put  it  away  in 
camphor  balls,  'n'  Lord  knows  I  don't  look 
forward  to  the  gettin'  it  out  to  wear,  Pr  the 
whole  carriage  load  '11  sneeze  their  heads  off 
whenever  I  move  in  that  dress." 

"Did  you  put  newspaper  —  "  Mrs.  La- 
throp began,  mastering  her  earlier  emotions. 

"In  the  sleeves  ?  Yes,  I  did,  'n'  I 
bought  a  pair  o'  black  gloves  'n'  two  hand- 
kerchiefs 'n'  slipped  'em  into  the  pockets. 
Everythin'  is  all  fixed,  'n'  there  '11  be  nothin* 
to  do  when  father  dies  but  to  shake  it  out 


THE   MARRYING  OF  SUSAN   CLEGG      5 

V  lay  it  on  the  bed  in  his  room.  I  say  'in 
his  room,'  'cause  o'  course  that  day  he  '11  be 
havin'  the  guest-room.  I  was  thinkin'  of  it 
all  this  afternoon  when  I  sat  there  by  him 
hemmin'  the  braid  on  the  skirt,  'n'  I  could  n't 
but  think  't  if  I  sit  'n'  wait  very  much  lon- 
ger I  sh'll  suddenly  find  myself  pretty  far 
advanced  in  years  afore  I  know  it.  This 
world 's  made  f'r  the  young  's  well 's  the 
old,  'n'  you  c'n  believe  me  or  not  jus'  's 
you  please,  Mrs.  Lathrop,  but  I  've  always 
meant  to  get  married  's  soon  's  father  was 
off  my  hands.  I  was  countin'  up  to-day, 
though,  'n'  if  he  lives  to  be  a  hunderd,  I  '11 
be  nigh  onto  seventy  'n'  no  man  ain't  goin* 
to  marry  me  at  seventy.  Not  'nless  he  was 
eighty,  'n'  Lord  knows  I  ain't  intendin'  to 
bury  father  jus*  to  begin  on  some  one  else, 
V  that 'sail  it 'd  be." 

Mrs.  Lathrop  chewed  her  clover. 

"  I  set  there  thinkin'  f'r  a  good  hour,  'n' 
when  I  was  puttin'  away  the  dress,  I  kep' 
on  thinkin',  'n'  the  end  was  't  now  that 
dress  's  done  I  ain't  got  nothin'  in  especial 
to  sew  on  'n'  so  I  may  jus'  's  well  begin  on 
my  weddin'  things.  There 's  no  time  like 
the  present,  'n'  'f  I  married  this  summer  he  'd 


6     THE   MARRYING   OF   SUSAN   CLEGG 

have  to  pay  f'r  half  of  next  winter's  coal. 
'N'  so  my  mind  's  made  up,  'n'  you  c'n  talk 
yourself  blind,  'f  you  feel  so  inclined,  Mrs. 
Lathrop,  but  you  can't  change  hide  or  hair 
o'  my  way  o'  thinkin'.  I  Ve  made  up  my 
mind  to  get  married,  'n'  I  'm  goin'  to  set 
right  about  it.  Where  there  's  a  will  there  's 
a  way,  'n'  I  ain't  goin'  to  leave  a  stone 
unturned.  I  went  down  town  with  the 
kerosene-can  jus'  afore  tea,  'n'  I  bought  me 
a  new  false  front,  'n'  I  met  Mrs.  Brown's 
son,  'n'  I  told  him  't  I  wanted  him  to 
come  up  to-morrow  'n'  take  a  look  at 
father." 

"  Was  you  thinkin'  o'  marryin'  Mrs. 
Br — "  Mrs.  Lathrop  gasped,  taking  her 
clover  from  her  lips. 

"  Marryin'  Mrs.  Brown's  son  !  Well,  'f 
your  mind  don't  run  queer  ways  !  What- 
ever sh'd  put  such  an  idea  into  your  head  ? 
I  hope  you  '11  excuse  my  sayin'  so,  Mrs. 
Lathrop,  but  I  don't  believe  anybody  but 
you  would  ever  'a'  asked  such  a  question, 
when  you  know  's  well  's  everybody  else 
does  't  he 's  runnin'  his  legs  off  after  Amelia 
Fitch.  Any  man  who  wants  a  little  chit  o' 
eighteen  would  n't  suit  my  taste  much,  'n' 


THE   MARRYING  OF   SUSAN   CLEGG      7 

anyhow  I  never  thought  of  him ;  I  only 
asked  him  to  come  in  in  a  friendly  way  'n' 
tell  me  how  long  he  thinks  't  father  may  live. 
I  don't  see  my  way  to  makin'  any  sort  o' 
plans  with  father  so  dreffle  indefinite,  'n'  a 
man  who  was  fool  enough  to  marry  me,  tied 
up  like  I  am  now,  would  n't  have  s'fficient 
brains  to  be  worth  lookin'  over.  Mrs. 
Brown's  son  's  learnin'  docterin',  'n'  he 's 
been  at  it  long  enough  so  's  to  be  able  to 
see  through  anythin'  's  simple  's  father,  / 
sh'd  think.  'T  any  rate,  'f  he  don't  know 
nothin'  yet,  Heaven  help  Amelia  Fitch  'n' 
me,  f 'r  he  '11  take  us  both  in." 

"Who  was  you  thinkin'  o'  — "  Mrs. 
Lathrop  asked,  resuming  her  former  occu- 
pation. 

"  The  minister,"  replied  Miss  Clegg.  "  I 
did  n't  stop  to  consider  very  much,  but  it 
struck  me  's  polite  to  begin  with  him.  I  c'd 
marry  him  without  waitin*  for  father,  too, 
'cause  a  minister  could  n't  in  reason  find  fault 
over  another  man's  bein'  always  to  home. 
O'  course  he  would  n't  be  still  like  father  is, 
but  I  ain't  never  been  one  to  look  gift-horses 
in  the  mouth,  'n'  I  d'n'  know  's  I  'd  ought  to 
expect  another  man  jus  like  father  in  one 


8  THE  MARRYING  OF  SUSAN  CLEGG 
life.  Mother  often  said  father's  advantages 

O 

was  great,  for  you  always  knew  where  he  was, 
V  'f  you  drew  down  the  shade  you  c'd  tell 
him  it  was  rainin'  'n'  he  could  n't  never 
contradick." 

Mrs.  Lathrop  nodded  acquiescently  but 
made  no  comment. 

Miss  Clegg  withdrew  somewhat  from  her 
confidentially  inclined  attitude. 

"  I  won't  be  out  in  the  mornin',"  she  said. 
"  I  sh'll  want  to  dust  father  'n'  turn  him  out 
o'  the  window  afore  Mrs.  Brown's  son  comes. 
After  he  's  gone  I  '11  wave  my  dish-towel,  'n' 
then  you  come  out  'n'  I  '11  tell  you  what  he 
says." 

They  separated  for  the  night,  and  Susan 
went  to  sleep  with  her  own  version  of  love's 
young  dream. 

Mrs.  Brown's  son  arrived  quite  promptly 
the  next  morning.  He  drove  up  in  Mr. 
Brown's  buggy,  and  Amelia  Fitch  held  the 
horse  while  he  went  inside  to  inspect  Mr. 
Clege.  The  visit  did  not  consume  more 

DO 

than  ten  minutes,  and  then  he  hurried  out 
to  the  gate  and  was  off. 

The  buggy  was  hardly  out  of  sight  up  the 
road  when  Miss  Clegg  emerged  from  her 


THE   MARRYING  OF  SUSAN  CLEGG      9 

kitchen  door,  her  face  bearing  an  imprint 
of  deep  and  thorough  disgust. 

"  Well,  Mrs.  Lathrop,  I  don't  think  much 
o'  that  young  man,"  she  announced  in  a  tone 
of  unmitigated  disapproval;  "  'peared  to  me 
like  he  was  in  a  hurry  to  get  done  with  father 
's  quick  's  he  could  just  so  's  to  be  back 
beside  Amelia  Fitch.  I  'd  venture  a  guess 
that  'f  you  was  to  ask  him  this  minute  he  's 
forgot  every  word  I  said  to  him  already.  I 
asked  him  to  set  some  sort  of  a  figger  on 
father,  V  he  would  n't  so  much  's  set  down 
himself.  Stood  on  one  leg  'n'  backed  towards 
the  door  every  other  word,  'n'  me,  father's 
only  child,  standin'  there  at  his  mercy.  Said 
't  last  's  he  might  die  to-morrow  'n'  might 
live  twenty  years.  I  tell  you  my  patience 
pretty  near  went  at  that.  I  don't  call  such  a 
answer  no  answer  a  tall.  I  've  often  thought 
both  them  things  myself,  'n'  me  no  doctor. 
Particularly  about  the  twenty  years.  Father 's 
lived  seventy-five  years — I  must  say't  to  my 
order  o'  thinkin'  he  's  pretty  well  set  a-goin', 
'n'  that  the  life  he  leads  ain't  drainin'  his 
vitality  near  's  much  's  it 's  drainin'  mine." 

Miss  Clegg  stopped  and  shook  her  head 
impatiently. 


10    THE   MARRYING   OF  SUSAN   CLEGG 

"  I  d'n'  know  when  I  've  felt  as  put  out  's 
this.  'N'  me  with  so  much  faith  in  doctors 
too.  It's  a  pretty  sad  thing,  Mrs.  Lathrop, 
when  all  the  comfort  you  c'n  get  out  of  a 
man  is  the  thinkin'  't  perhaps  God  in  his 
mercy  has  made  him  a  fool.  I  had  a  good 
mind  to  tell  that  very  thing  to  Mrs.  Brown's 
son,  but  I  thought  maybe  he  'd  learn  better 
later.  Anyway  I  'm  goin'  right  ahead  with 
my  marriage.  It'll  have  to  be  the  minister 
now,  'n'  I  can't  see  what  I  Ve  ever  done  't  I 
sh'd  have  two  men  around  the  house  't  once 
like  they  '11  be,  but  that 's  all  in  the  hands  o' 
Fate,  'n'  so  I  jus'  took  the  first  step  'n' 
told  Billy  when  he  brought  the  milk  to  tell 
his  father 't  if  he 'd  come  up  here  to-night 
I  'd  give  him  a  quarter  for  the  Mission  fund. 
I  know  the  quarter  '11  bring  him,  'n'  I  can't 
help  kind  o'  hopin'  't  to-morrow  '11  find  the 
whole  thing  settled  'n'  off  my  mind." 

The  next  morning  Mrs.  Lathrop  laid  in 
an  unusually  large  supply  of  fodder  and  was 
very  early  at  the  fence.  Her  son  —  a  placid 
little  innocent  of  nine-and-twenty  years  — 
was  still  in  bed  and  asleep.  Susan  was  up 
and  washing  her  breakfast  dishes,  but  the 
instant  that  she  spied  her  friend  she  abruptly 


THE  MARRYING  OF  SUSAN  CLEGG      11 

abandoned  her  task  and  hastened  to  the 
rendezvous. 

"Are  you  goin'  t'  — "  Mrs.  Lathrop  called 
eagerly. 

"  No,  I  ain't,"  was  the  incisive  reply. 

Then  they  both  adjusted  their  elbows  com- 
fortably on  the  top  rail  of  the  fence,  and  Miss 
Clegg  began,  her  voice  a  trifle  higher  pitched 
than  usual. 

"Mrs.  Lathrop,  it's  a  awful  thing  for  a 
Christian  woman  to  feel  forced  to  say,  V 
Lord  knows  I  would  n't  say  it  to  no  one  but 
you,  but  it 's  true  'n'  beyond  a  question  so, 
'n'  therefore  I  may  's  well  be  frank  'n'  open 
'n'  remark  't  our  minister  ain't  no  good 
a  /*//.  — 'N'  I  d'n'  know  but  I'll  tell  any 
one  's  asks  me  the  same  thing,  f 'r  it  cer- 
tainly ain't  nothin'  f'r  me  to  weep  over,  'n' 
the  blood  be  on  his  head  from  now  on." 

Miss  Clegg  paused  briefly,  and  her  eyes 
became  particularly  wide  open.  Mrs.  La- 
throp was  all  attention. 

"  Mrs.  Lathrop,  you  ain't  lived  next  to 
me  'n'  known  me  in  'n'  out  'n'  hind  'n'  front 
all  these  years  not  to  know  't  I  'm  pretty 
sharp.  I  ain't  been  cheated  mor'  'n  twice  'n 
my  life,  'n'  one  o'  them  times  was  n't  my 


12   THE   MARRYING   OF  SUSAN   CLEGG 

fault,  for  it  was  printed  on  the  band  't 
it  would  wash.  Such  bein'  the  case,  V 
takin'  the  minister  into  consideration,  I  do 
consider  't  no  man  would  'a'  supposed  't  he 
could  get  the  better  o'  me.  It's  a  sad  thing 
to  have  to  own  to,  'n'  if  I  was  anybody  else 
in  kingdom  come  I  'd  never  own  to  it  till  I 
got  there ;  but  my  way  is  to  live  open  'n' 
aboveboard,  'n'  so  to  my  shame  be  't  told 
't  the  minister  —  with  all  't  he's  got  eight 
children  'n'  I  ain't  even  married  —  is  cer- 
tainly as  sharp  as  me.  Last  night  when  I 
see  him  comin'  up  the  walk  I  never  'd  'a' 
believed  's  he  c'd  get  away  again  so  easy,  but 
it  just  goes  to  show  what  a  world  o'  deceit 
this  is,  'n'  seein'  's  I  have  father  to  clean 
from  his  windows  aroun'  to-day,  I  '11  ask  you 
to  excuse  me  'f  I  don't  draw  the  subjeck  out 
none,  but  jus'  remark  flat  'n'  plain  't  there 
ain't  no  chance  o'  my  ever  marryin'  the  min- 
ister. You  may  consider  that  a  pretty  strong 
statement,  Mrs.  Lathrop,  'n'  I  don't  say 
myself  but 't  with  any  other  man  there  might 
be  a  hereafter,  but  it  was  me  'n'  not  anybody 
else  as  see  his  face  last  night,  'n'  seein'  his 
face  'n'  bein'  a  woman  o'  more  brains  'n  falls 
to  the  lot  of  yourself 'n'  the  majority,  I  may 


THE  MARRYING  OF  SUSAN  CLEGG      13 

just  as  well  say  once  for  all  that,  's  far  's  the 
minister's  concerned,  I  sh'll  never  be  married 
to  him" 

"What  did  he  — "  began  Mrs.  Lathrop. 

"All  't  was  necessary  'n'  more  too.  He 
did  n't  give  me  hardly  time  to  state  't  I 
was  single  afore  he  come  out  strong  't  we  'd 
both  better  stay  so.  I  spoke  right  out  to 
his  face  then,  'n'  told  him  't  my  shingles  was 
new  last  year  'n'  it  was  a  open  question 
whether  his  'd  ever  be,  but  he  piped  up  f 'r 
all  the  world  like  some  o'  the  talkin'  was  his 
to  do,  'n'  said  't  he  had  a  cistern  'n'  I  'd  only 
got  a  sunk  hogshead  under  the  spout.  I 
did  n't  see  no  way  to  denyin*  that^  but  I  went 
right  on  'n'  asked  him  'f  he  could  in  his  con- 
science deny  't  them  eight  children  stood  in 
vital  need  of  a  good  mother,  'n'  he  spoke 
up  's  quick  's  scat  'n'  said  't  no  child  stood 
in  absolute  vital  need  of  a  mother  after  it 
was  born.  'N'  then  he  branched  out  'n'  give 
me  to  understand  't  he  had  a  wife  till  them 
eight  children  all  got  themselves  launched 
'n'  't  it  was  n't  his  fault  her  dyin'  o'  Rachel 
Rebecca.  When  he  said  f  dyin','  I  broke  in 
'n'  said  't  it  was  Bible-true  's  there  was  's 
good  fish  in  the  sea  's  ever  was  caught  out 


14   THE   MARRYING   OF  SUSAN   CLEGG 

of  it,  'n'  he  was  impolite  enough  to  interrupt 
'n'  tell  me  to  my  face  *  Yes,  but  when  a  man 
had  been  caught  once  he  was  n't  easy  caught 
again.'  I  will  own  't  I  was  more  'n  put  out 't 
that,  for  o'  course  when  I  said  fish  I  meant 
his  wife  'n'  me,  but  when  he  pretended  to 
think  't  I  meant  him  I  begin  to  doubt  's  it 
was  worth  while  to  tackle  him  further.  One 
man  can  lead  a  horse  to  water,  but  a  thousand 
can't  get  him  to  stick  his  nose  in  'f  he  don't 
want  to,  'n'  I  thank  my  stars  't  I  ain't  got 
nothin'  'n  me  as  craves  to  marry  a  man  's 
appears  dead-set  ag'in'  the  idea.  I  asked  him 
'f  he  did  n't  think  's  comin'  into  property 
was  always  a  agreeable  feelin',  'n'  he  said, 
*  Yes,  but  not  when  with  riches  come  a  secret 
thorn  in  the  flesh,'  'n'  at  that  I  clean 
give  up,  'n'  I  hope  it  was  n't  to  my  discredit, 
for  no  one  on  the  face  of  the  earth  could  'a' 
felt  't  there  'd  be  any  good  in  keepin'  on. 
But  it  was  no  use,  'n'  you  know  's  well  as  I 
do  't  I  never  was  give  to  wastin*  my  breath, 
so  I  out  'n'  told  him  't  I  was  n't  giv'  to 
wastin'  my  time  either,  'n'  then  I  stood  up 
'n'  he  did  too.  'N'  then  I  got  even  with 
him,  'n'  I  c'n  assure  you  't  I  enjoyed  it,  f 'r 
I  out  'n'  told  him  't  I  'd  changed  my  mind 


THE  MARRYING  OF  SUSAN  CLEGG      15 

about  the  quarter.  So  he  had  all  that  long 
walk  for  nothin',  'n'  I  can't  in  conscience 
deny  't  I  was  more  'n  rejoiced,  for  Lord 
knows  I  did  n't  consider  't  he'd  acted  very 
obligin'." 

Mrs.  Lathrop  ceased  to  chew  and  looked 
deeply  sympathetic. 

There  was  a  brief  silence,  and  then  she 
asked,  "  Was  you  thinkin'  o'  try  in'  any  — " 

Miss   Clegg  stared  at  her  in  amazement. 

"  Mrs.  Lathrop  !  Do  you  think  I  'd 
give  up  now,  'n'  let  the  minister  see  't  my 
marryin'  depended  on  his  say-so  ?  Well, 
I  guess  not !  I  'm  more  dead-set  'n'  ever, 
'n'  I  vow  'n'  declare  't  I  '11  never  draw 
breath  till  after  I  've  stood  up  right  in  the 
face  o'  the  minister  'n'  the  whole  congrega- 
tion 'n'  had  'n'  held  some  man,  no  matter 
who  nor  when  nor  where.  Marryin'  was 
goin'  to  have  been  a  pleasure,  now  it 's  a 
business.  I  'm  goin'  to  get  a  horse  'n' 
buggy  this  afternoon  'n'  drive  out  to  Farmer 
Sperrit's.  I  've  thought  it  all  over,  'n'  I  c'n 
tell  father  't  I  '11  be  choppin'  wood ;  then  'f 
he  says  afterwards  't  he  called  'n'  called,  I 
c'n  say  't  I  was  makin'  so  much  noise  't 
I  didn't  hear  him." 


16   THE   MARRYING   OF  SUSAN   CLEGG 

"You  '11  have  to  hire —  "  suggested  Mrs. 
Lathrop. 

"  I  know,  but  it  won't  cost  but  fifty  cents, 
'n'  I  saved  a  quarter  on  the  minister,  you 
know.  I  'd  like  to  ask  you  to  drive  out 
with  me,  Mrs.  Lathrop,  but  if  Mr.  Sperrit's 
got  it  in  him  to  talk  like  the  minister  did, 
I  'm  free  to  confess  't,  I  'd  rather  be  alone  to 
listen.  'N'  really,  Mrs.  Lathrop,  I  must  go 
in  now.  I  've  got  bread  a-risin'  'n'  dishes  to 
do,  'n',  as  I  told  you  before,  this  is  father's 
day  to  be  all  but  scraped  'n'  varnished." 

Mrs.  Lathrop  withdrew  her  support  from 
the  fence,  and  Miss  Clegg  did  likewise. 
Each  returned  up  her  own  path  to  her  own 
domicile,  and  it  was  long  after  that  day's 
tea-time  before  the  cord  of  friendship  got 
knotted  up  again. 

"  Did  you  go  to  the  farm  ?  "  Mrs.  Lathrop 
asked.  "  I  was  to  the  Sewin'  So —  " 

"Yes,  I  went,"  said  Miss  Clegg,  her  air 
decidedly  weary ;  "  oh,  yes,  I  went.  I  had 
a  nice  ride  too,  'n'  I  do  believe  I  saw  the 
whole  farm,  from  the  pigs  to  the  punkins." 

There  was  a  pause,  and  Mrs.  Lathrop 
filled  it  to  the  brim  with  expectancy  until 
she  could  wait  no  longer. 


THE  MARRYING  OF  SUSAN  CLEGG      17 

"  Are  you  —  "  she  finally  asked. 

"  No,"  said  her  friend,  sharply,  "  I  ain't. 
He  wasn't  a  bit  spry  to  hop  at  the  chance, 
'n'  Lord  knows  there  wa'n't  no  great  urgin* 
on  my  part.  I  asked  him  why  he  ain't 
never  married,  'n'  he  laughed  like  it  was  a 
funny  subjeck,  'n'  said  's  long  's  he  never 
did  it  't  that  was  the  least  o'  his  troubles. 
I  did  n't  call  that  a  very  encouragin'  beginnin', 
but  my  mind  was  made  up  not  to  let  it  be 
my  fault  'f  the  horse  was  a  dead  waste  o' 
fifty  cents,  'n'  so  I  said  to  him  't  if  he  'd 
marry  any  woman  with  a  little  money  he 
could  easy  buy  the  little  Jones  farm  right 
next  him,  'n'  then  't  'd  be  's  clear  's  day 
that  it  'd  be  his  own  fault  if  he  did  n't  soon 
stretch  right  from  the  brook  to  the  road. 
He  laughed  some  more  't  that,  'n'  said  't  I 
did  n't  seem  to  be  aware  't  he  owned  a 
mortgage  on  the  Jones  farm  'n'  got  all  't  it 
raised  now  'n'  would  get  the  whole  thing  in 
less  'n  two  years." 

Mrs.  Lathrop  stopped  chewing. 

"  They  was  sayin'  in  the  Sewin'  Society 
's  he 's  goin*  to  marry  Eliza  Gr — "  she 
said  mildly. 

Miss  Clegg  almost  screamed. 


18  THE   MARltYING   OF  SUSAN   CLEGG 

"  Eliza  Gringer,  as  keeps  house  for  him  ?  " 

Her  friend  nodded. 

Miss  Clegg  drew  in  a  sudden  breath. 

"  Well !  'f  I'd  knowed  that,  I  'd  never 
'a'  paid  fifty  cents  for  that  horse  'n'  buggy  ! 
Eliza  Gringer !  why,  she  's  older  'n'  I  am, 
—  she  was  to  *  Cat '  when  I  was  only  to  '  M.' 
'N'  he's  goin'  to  marry  her!  Oh,  well,  I 
d'n'  know  's  it  makes  any  difference  to  me. 
In  my  opinion  a  man  as  'd  be  fool  enough 
to  be  willin'  to  marry  a  woman  's  ain't  got 
nothin'  but  herself  to  give  him,  's  likelier  to 
be  happier  bein'  her  fool  'n  he  ever  would 
be  bein'  mine." 

There  was  a  pause. 

"  Your  father 's  just  the  —  "  Mrs.  La- 
throp  said  at  last. 

"  Same  ?  Oh  yes,  he 's  just  the  same. 
Seems  't  I  can't  remember  when  he  was  n't 
just  the  same." 

Then  there  was  another  pause. 

"  I  ain't  discouraged,"  Susan  announced 
suddenly,  almost  aggressively,  —  "I  ain't 
discouraged  'n'  I  won't  give  up.  I  'm  goin' 
to  see  Mr.  Weskin,  the  lawyer,  to-morrow. 
They  say  —  'n'  I  never  see  nothin'  to  lead 
me  to  doubt  'em  —  't  he 's  stingy  'n'  mean 


THE  MARRYING  OF  SUSAN  CLEGG      19 

for  all  he  's  forever  makin'  so  merry  at  other 
folks'  expense  ;  but  I  believe  't  there  's  good 
in  everythin'  'f  you're  willin'  to  hunt  for  it 
'n'  Lord  knows  't  if  this  game  keeps  up 
much  longer  I  '11  get  so  used  to  huntin'  't 
huntin'  the  good  in  Lawyer  Weskin  '11  jus' 
be  child's  play  to  me." 

"  I  was  thinkin'  —  "  began  Mrs.  Lathrop. 

"  It  ain't  no  use  if  you  are,"  said  her 
neighbor ;  "  the  mosquitoes  is  gettin'  too 
thick.  We  'd  better  in." 

And  so  they  parted  for  the  night. 

The  following  evening  was  hot  and  breath- 
less, the  approach  of  Fourth  of  July  appear- 
ing to  hang  heavily  over  all.  Susan  brought 
a  palm-leaf  fan  with  her  to  the  fence  and 
fanned  vigorously. 

"  It  ain't  goin'  to  be  the  lawyer,  either," 
she  informed  the  expectant  Mrs.  Lathrop, 
"  'n'  I  hav'  n't  no  tears  to  shed  over  that.  I 
went  there  the  first  thing  after  dinner,  'n'  he 
give  me  a  solid  chair  'n'  whirled  aroun'  in 
one  't  twisted,  'n'  I  did  n't  fancy  such  man- 
ners under  such  circumstances  a  tall.  I  'd 
say  suthin'  real  serious  'n'  he  'd  brace  him- 
self ag'in  his  desk  'n'  take  a  spin  's  if  I 


20   THE   MARRYING   OF  SUSAN  CLEGG 

did  n't  count  for  sixpence.  I  could  n't  seem 
to  bring  him  around  to  the  seriousness  of  the 
thing  nohow.  'N'  I  come  right  out  square 
'n'  open  in  the  very  beginnin'  too,  for  Lord 
knows  I  'm  dead  sick  o'  beatin'  around  the 
bush  o*  men's  natural  shyness.  He  whirled 
himself  clean  around  two  times  'n'  then  said 
's  long  's  I  was  so  frank  with  him  't  it  'd  be 
nothin'  but  a  joy  for  him  to  be  equally  frank 
with  me  'n'  jus'  say  's  he'd  rather  not.  I 
told  him  he  'd  ought  to  remember  's  he  'd 
have  a  lot  o'  business  when  father  died  'f  he 
kept  my  good  will,  but  he  was  lookin'  over 
'n'  under  himself  to  see  how  near  to  un- 
screwed he  was  'n'  if  it  was  safe  to  keep  on 
turnin'  the  same  way  any  longer,  'n'  upon 
my  honor,  Mrs.  Lathrop,  I  was  nigh  to  mad 
afore  he  got  ready  to  remark  's  father  'd  left 
him  a  legacy  on  condition  't  he  did  n't  charge 
nothin'  for  probatin'." 

Mrs.  Lathrop  chewed  her  clover. 

"  So  I  come  away,  'n'  I  declare  my  patience 
is  nigh  to  gin  out.  This  gettin'  married  is 
harder  'n'  house-paintin'  in  fly-time.  I  d'n' 
know  when  I  've  felt  so  tired.  Here's  three 
nights  't  I  've  had  to  make  my  ideas  all  over 
new  to  suit  a  different  husband  each  night. 


THE  MARRYING  OF  SUSAN  CLEGG      21 

It  made  my  very  bones  ache  to  think  o' 
pilin'  them  eight  children  'n'  the  minister  on 
top  o'  father,  'n'  then  the  next  night  it  was  a 
good  jump  out  to  that  farm,  Pr  I  never  was 
one  to  know  any  species  o'  fellow-feelin'  with 
pigs  'n'  milkin'.  'N'  last  night !  —  well,  you 
know  I  never  liked  Mr.  Weskin  anyhow. 
But  I  d'n'  know  who  I  can  get  now.  There 's 
Mrs.  Healy's  husband,  o'  course;  but  when 
a  woman  looks  happier  in  her  coffin  'n  she 
ever  looked  out  of  it  it's  more  'n  a  hint  to 
them  's  stays  behind  to  fight  shy  o'  her  hus- 
band. They  say  he  used  to  throw  dishes 
at  her,  'n'  I  never  could  stand  that — I'm 
too  careful  o'  my  china  to  risk  any  such 
goin's  on." 

Mrs.  Lathrop  started  to  speak,  but  got 
no  further. 

"  There 's  a  new  clerk  in  the  drug-store, — 
I  see  him  through  the  window  when  I  was 
comin'  home  to-day.  He  looked  to  be  a 
nice  kind  o'  man,  but  I  can't  help  feelin'  't 
it  'd  be  kind  o'  awkward  to  go  up  to  him  'n' 
have  to  begin  by  askin'  him  what  my  name 
'd  be  'f  I  married  him.  Maybe  there  's  them 
's  could  do  such  a  thing,  but  I  've  never  had 
nothin'  about  me  's  'd  lead  me  to  throw  my- 


22   THE   MARRYING   OF  SUSAN   CLEGG 

self  at  the  head  o'  any  man,  'n'  it 's  too  late 
in  the  day  f'r  me  to  start  in  now." 

Mrs.  Lathrop  again  attempted  to  get  in  a 
word  and  was  again  unsuccessful. 

"  I  don't  believe  't  there 's  another  free 
man  in  the  town.  I  've  thought  'n'  thought 
'n'  I  can't  think  o'  one."  She  stopped  and 
sighed. 

"  There  's  Jathrop  !  "  said  Mrs.  Lathrop, 
with  sudden  and  complete  success.  Jathrop 
was  her  son,  so  baptized  through  a  fearful 
slip  of  the  tongue  at  a  critical  moment.  He 
was  meant  to  have  been  John. 

Miss  Clegg  gave  such  a  start  that  she 
dropped  her  fan  over  the  fence. 

"  Well,  Heaven  forgive  me!"  she  cried, — 
"'n'  me  't  never  thought  of  him  once,  'n' 
him  so  handy  right  on  the  other  side  of  the 
fence  !  Did  I  ever !  " 

"  He  ain't  thir —  "  said  Mrs.  Lathrop, 
picking  up  the  fan. 

"I  don't  care.  What's  twelve  years  or 
so  when  it 's  the  woman  's  'as  got  the  prop- 
erty ?  Well,  Mrs.  Lathrop,  I  certainly  am 
obliged  to  you  for  mentiomn'  him,  for  I  don't 
believe  he  ever  would  'a'  occurred  to  me  in 
kingdom  come.  'N'  here  I  've  been  worryin' 


THE  MARRYING  OF  SUSAN  CLEGG      23 

my  head  off  ever  since  supper-time  'n'  all  for 
suthin'  's  close  's  Jathrop  Lathrop.  But  I 
had  good  cause  to  worry,  'n'  now  't  it 's  over 
I  don't  mind  mentionin'  the  reason  'n'  tellin' 
you  frank  'n'  plain  't  I  'd  begun  on  my  things. 
I  cut  out  a  pink  nightgown  last  night,  a 
real  fussy  one,  'n'  I  felt  sick  all  over  't  the 
thought  't  perhaps  I  'd  wasted  all  that  cloth. 
There  was  n't  nothin'  foolish  about  cuttin' 
out  the  nightgown,  for  I  'd  made  up  my 
mind  't  if  it  looked  too  awful  fancy  on  't  I  'd 
just  put  it  away  for  the  oldest  girl  when  she 
gets  married,  but  o'  course  'f  I  can't  get  a 
nusband  stands  to  reason  there  '11  be  no 
oldest  girl,  'n'  all  that  ten  cent  gingham  't 
Shores  is  sellin'  off 't  five  'd  be  a  dead  waste 
o'  good  stuff." 

Mrs.  Lathrop  chewed  her  clover. 

"Do  you  suppose  there'll  be  any  trouble 
with  Jathrop  ?  Do  you  suppose  it  '11  matter 
any  to  him  which  side  o'  the  fence  he  lives 
on?" 

Mrs.  Lathrop  shook  her  head  slowly. 

"  I  sh'd  think  he  ought  to  be  only  too 
pleased  to  marry  me  'f  I  want  him  to,  all  the 
days  't  I  tended  him  when  he  was  a  baby! 
My,  but  he  was  a  cute  little  fellow  !  Every- 


24   THE   MARRYING   OF   SUSAN  CLEGG 

body  was  lookin'  for  him  to  grow  up  a  real 
credit  to  you  then.  Well,  's  far  's  that  goes, 
it's  a  ill  wind  't  blows  no  good,  'n'  no  one 
c'n  deny  't  he  's  been  easy  for  you  to  manage, 
'n'  what 's  sauce  f'r  the  goose  is  sauce  f'r  the 
gander,  so  I  sh'll  look  to  be  equally  lucky." 

Mrs.  Lathrop  looked  proud  and  pleased. 

"  Why  can't  you  ask  him  to-night  'n'  let 
me  know  the  first  thing  in  the  mornin'  ? 
That'll  save  me  havin'  to  come  'way  aroun' 
by  the  gate,  you  know." 

Mrs.  Lathrop  assented  to  the  obvious 
good  sense  of  this  proposition  with  one 
emphatic  nod  of  her  head. 

"  'N'  I  '11  come  out  jus'  's  quick  's  I  can 
in  the  mornin'  'n'  hear  what  he  said ;  I  '11 
come  's  soon  's  ever  I  can  get  father  'n' 
the  dishes  washed  up.  I  hope  to  Heaven 
father '11  sleep  more  this  night  'n  he  did 
last.  He  was  awful  restless  last  night.  He 
kept  callin'  f'r  things  till  finally  I  had  to 
take  a  pillow  and  go  down  on  the  dinin'- 
room  lounge  to  keep  from  bein'  woke  up 
any  more." 

"Do  you  think  he's  —  " 

"  No,  I  don't  think  he  's  worse ;  not  'nless 
wakin'  up  'n'  askin'  f'r  things  jus'  to  be 


THE  MARRYING  OF  SUSAN  CLEGG      25 

aggravatin'  is  worse.  If  it  is,  then  he  is 
too.  But,  lor,  there  ain't  no  manner  o'  use 
in  talkin'  o'  father !  A  watched  pot  never 
boils  !  Jathrop  's  more  to  the  point  right 
now." 

Upon  this  hint  Mrs.  Lathrop  de-fenced 
herself,  so  to  speak,  and  the  friendly  chat 
ended  for  that  time. 

The  morning  after,  Miss  Clegg  was  slow 
to  appear  at  the  summons  of  her  neighbor. 
When  she  did  approach  the  spot  where  the 
other  stood  waiting,  her  whole  face  and 
figure  bore  a  weary  and  fretful  air. 

"  Father  jus'  about  kept  me  up  this  whole 
blessed  night,"  she  began  as  soon  as  she  was 
within  easy  hearing.  "  I  d'n'  know  what  I 
want  to  get  married  f'r,  when  I  'm  bound  to 
be  man-free  in  twenty-five  years  'f  I  c'n  jus' 
make  out  to  live  that  long." 

Mrs.  Lathrop  chewed  and  listened. 

"  If  there  was  anythin'  in  the  house  't 
father  did  n't  ask  f'r  'n'  't  I  did  n't  get  him 
last  night,  it  must  'a'  been  the  cook-stove  in 
the  kitchen.  I  come  nigh  to  losin'  a  toe  in 
the  rat-trap  the  third  time  I  was  down  cellar, 
'n'  I  clum  that  ladder  to  the  garret  so  many 
times  't  I  do  believe  I  dusted  all  overhead 


26   THE   MARRYING   OF  SUSAN   CLEGG 

with  my  hair  afore  mornin'.  My  ears  is 
full  o'  cobwebs  too,  V  you  know  's  well  's 
I  do  't  I  never  was  one  to  fancy  cobwebs 
about  me.  They  say  't  every  cloud  has  a 
silver  linin',  but  I  can't  see  no  silver  linin' 
to  a  night  like  last  night.  When  the  roos- 
ter crowed  f'r  the  first  time  this  mornin',  I 
had  it  in  my  heart  to  march  right  out  there 
V  hack  off  his  head.  If  it  'd  'a'  been  Satur- 
day, I  'd  'a'  done  't  too,  'n'  relished  him 
good  at  Sunday  dinner  !  " 

Miss  Clegg  paused  and  compressed  her 
lips  firmly  for  a  few  seconds;  then  she  gave 
herself  a  little  shake  and  descended  to  the 
main  question  of  the  day. 

"  Well,  what  did  Jathrop  say  ?  " 

Mrs.  Lathrop  looked  very  uncomfortable 
indeed,  and  in  lieu  of  an  answer  swallowed 
her  clover. 

"  You  asked  him,  did  n't  you  ?  " 

"Yes,  I—" 

"  Well,  what  'd  he  say  ?  " 

"  He  ain't  very  - 

"  My  soul  'n'  body  !  What  reason  did 
he  give  ?" 

"He's  afraid  your  father's  livin'  on  a 
annu —  " 


THE  MARRYING  OF  SUSAN  CLEGG      27 

"  Well,  he  ain't."  Susan's  tone  was  more 
than  a  little  displeased.  "  Whatever  else 
father  may  'a'  done,  he  never  played  no 
annuity  tricks.  He 's  livin'  on  his  own 
property,  'n'  I  '11  take  it  very  kindly  o' 
you,  Mrs.  Lathrop,  to  make  that  piece  o' 
news  clear  to  your  son.  My  father's  got 
bank-stock,  'n'  he  owns  them  two  cottages 
across  the  bridge,  'n'  the  blacksmith-shop 
belongs  to  him  too.  There !  I  declare  I 
never  thought  o'  the  blacksmith,  —  his  wife 
died  last  winter." 

"Jathrop  asked  me  what  I  th — " 

"  Well,  what  'd  you  tell  him  ?  " 

"  I  said  *t  if  your  father  was  some 
older  —  " 

Miss  Clegg's  eyebrows  moved  under- 
standingly. 

"  How  long  is  it  since  you  've  seen 
father  ?  "  she  asked  without  waiting  for  the 
other  to  end  her  sentence. 

"  Not  since  your  mother  died,  I  guess  ;  I 
<vas  —  " 

"  I  wish  you  c'd  come  over  'n'  take  a 
look  at  him  now  'n'  tell  me  your  opinion. 
Why  can't  you  ?  " 

Mrs.  Lathrop  reflected. 


"  I  don't  see  why  I  can't.  I  '11  go  in  V 
take  off —  " 

"  All  right,  'n'  when  you  've  got  it  off, 
come  right  over  'n'  you  '11  find  me  in  the 
kitchen  waitin'  for  you." 

Mrs.  Lathrop  returned  to  her  own  house 
to  shed  her  apron  and  wash  her  hands,  and 
then  sallied  over  to  view  Mr.  Clegg.  The 
two  friends  mounted  the  stair  together,  and 
entered  the  old  man's  room. 

It  was  a  scrupulously  clean  and  bright 
and  orderly  room,  and  the  invalid  in  the 
big  white  bed  bore  evidence  to  the  care  and 
attention  so  dutifully  lavished  on  him.  He 
was  a  very  wizened  little  old  man,  and  his 
features  had  been  crossed  and  recrossed 
by  the  finger  of  Time  until  their  original 
characteristics  were  nearly  obliterated.  The 
expression  upon  his  face  resembled  nothing 
so  much  as  a  sketch  which  has  been  done 
over  so  many  times  that  its  first  design  is 
altogether  lost,  and  if  there  was  any  answer 
to  the  riddle,  it  was  not  the  mental  percep- 
tion of  Mrs.  Lathrop  that  was  about  to 
seize  upon  it. 

Instead,  that  kindly  visitor  stood  lost  in 
a  species  of  helpless  contemplation,  until  at 


THE  MARRYING  OF  SUSAN  CLEGG      29 

last  a  motion  of  Susan's,  directed  towards 
the  ordering  of  an  unsightly  fold  in  the 
wide  smoothness  of  the  counterpane,  led  to 
her  bending  herself  to  do  a  similar  kind- 
ness upon  her  side  of  the  bed.  The  action 
resulted  in  a  slight  change  in  her  expres- 
sion which  Susan's  watchfulness  at  once 
perceived. 

"Was  it  a  needle?"  she  asked  quickly. 
"  Sometimes  I  stick  'em  in  while  I  'm  sewin'. 
You  see,  his  havin'  been  paralyzed  so  many 
years  has  got  me  where  I  'm  awful  careless 
about  leavin'  needles  in  his  bed." 

"  No,"  said  Mrs.  Lathrop  ;  "  it  was  n't 
a " 

"  Come  on  downstairs  again,"  said  the 
hostess ;  "  we  c'n  talk  there." 

They  went  down  into  the  kitchen,  and 
there  Mrs.  Lathrop  seated  herself  and 
coughed  solemnly. 

"  What  is  it,  anyhow  ? "  the  younger 
woman  demanded. 

Mrs.  Lathrop  coughed  again. 

"  Susan,  did  I  feel  a  feather  —  " 

"Yes,"  said  Susan,  in  great  surprise ;  "  he 
likes  one." 

"  I  sh'd  think  it  was  too  hot  this  —  " 


30  THE   MARRYING   OF   SUSAN   CLEGG 

"  He  don't  never  complain  o'  the  heat, 
'n'  he  hates  the  chill  o'  rainy  days." 

Mrs.  Lathrop  coughed  again. 

Miss  Clegg's  interest  bordered  on  im- 
patience. 

"  Now,  Susan,  I  ain't  sayin'  as  it 's  noways 
true,  but  I  have  heard  as  there 's  them  's 
can't  die  on  —  " 

"  On  feathers  ?  "  cried  the  daughter. 

"  Yes ;  they  say  they  hold  the  life  right 

•     >  »       » 
in   n  — 

Miss  Clegg's  eyes  opened  widely. 

"  But  I  could  n't  take  it  away  from  him, 
anyhow,"  she  said,  with  a  species  of  deter- 
mined resignation  in  her  voice.  "  I  'd  have 
to  wait  'till  he  wanted  it  took." 

Mrs.  Lathrop  was  silent.  Then  she  rose 
to  go.  Susan  rose  too.  They  went  out 
the  kitchen  door  together,  and  down  the 
steps.  There  they  paused  to  part. 

"  Do  you  believe  't  it  'd  be  any  use  me 
thinkin'  o'Jathrop  any  more?"  the  maiden 
asked  the  matron. 

"  I  believe  I  'd  try  the  blacksmith  if  I 
was  you ;  he  looks  mighty  nice  Sundays." 

Miss  Clegg  sighed  heavily  and  turned  to 
re-enter  the  house. 


THE  MARRYING  OF  SUSAN  CLEGG      31 

Mrs.  Lathrop  went  "  round  by  the  gate  " 
and  became  again  an  inmate  of  her  own 
kitchen.  There  the  thought  occurred  to 
her  that  it  was  an  excellent  morning  to 
clean  the  high-shelf  over  the  sink.  For 
years  past  whenever  she  had  had  occasion 
to  put  anything  up  there,  showers  of  dust 
and  rolls  of  lint  had  come  tumbling  down 
upon  her  head.  Under  such  circumstances 
it  was  but  natural  that  a  determination  to 
some  day  clean  the  shelf  should  have  slowly 
but  surely  been  developed.  Accordingly 
she  climbed  up  on  the  edge  of  the  sink  and 
undertook  the  initiatory  proceedings.  The 
lowest  stratum  of  dirt  was  found  to  rest  upon 
a  newspaper  containing  an  account  of  one 
day  of  Guiteau's  trial.  Upon  the  discovery 
of  the  paper  Mrs.  Lathrop  suddenly  aban- 
doned her  original  plan,  got  down  from  the 
sink,  ensconced  herself  in  her  kitchen  rocker, 
and  plunged  into  bliss  forthwith. 

An  hour  passed  pleasantly  and  placidly 
by.  Bees  buzzed  outside  the  window,  the 
kettle  sizzled  sweetly  on  the  stove,  the  news- 
paper rustled  less  and  less,  Mrs.  Lathrop's 
head  sank  sideways,  and  the  calm  of  perfect 
peace  reigned  in  her  immediate  vicinity. 


32   THE   MARRYING   OF  SUSAN   CLEGG 

This  state  of  things  endured  not  long. 

Its  gentle  Paradise  was  suddenly  broken 
in  upon  and  rent  apart  by  a  succession  of 
the  most  piercing  shrieks  that  ever  origi- 
nated in  the  throat  of  a  human  being.  Mrs. 
Lathrop  came  to  herself  with  a  violent  start, 
sprang  to  her  feet,  ran  to  the  door,  and  then 
stood  still,  completely  dazed  and  at  first 
unable  to  discern  from  which  direction  the 
ear-splitting  screams  proceeded.  Then,  in 
a  second,  her  senses  returned  to  her,  and 
she  ran  as  fast  as  she  could  to  the  fence. 
As  she  approached  the  boundary,  she  saw 
Susan  standing  in  one  of  her  upstairs  win- 
dows and  yelling  at  the  top  of  her  voice. 
Mrs.  Lathrop  paused  for  no  conventionali- 
ties of  civilization.  She  hoisted  herself  over 
the  fence  in  a  fashion  worthy  a  man  or  a 
monkey,  ran  across  the  Clegg  yard,  entered 
the  kitchen  door,  stumbled  breathlessly  up 
the  dark  back  stairs,  and  gasped,  grabbing 
Susan  hard  by  the  elbow,  — 

"  What  is  it,  for  pity's  —  " 

Susan  was  all  colors  and  shaking  as  if 
with  the  ague. 

"You  never  told  me  's  it  'd  work  so 
quick,"  she  cried  out. 


THE   MARRYING   OF  SUSAN   CLEGG   J33 

"What  would  —  " 

"  The  feathers  !  " 

"  Whose  feathers  ?  " 

"  Father's  feathers." 

"  Lord  have  mercy,  Susan,  you  don't 
mean  —  " 

"  Yes,  I  do." 

"  He  ain't  never  —  " 

"  Yes,  he  is." 

Mrs.  Lathrop  stood  stricken. 

Susan  wiped  her  eyes  with  her  apron  and 
choked. 

After  a  while  the  older  woman  spoke 
feebly. 

"  What  did  hap—  " 

Miss  Clegg  cut  the  question  off  in  its 
prime. 

"  I  don't  know  as  I  c'n  ever  tell  you ; 
it 's  too  awful  even  to  think  of." 

"  But  you  —  " 

"  I  know,  V  I  'm  goin'  to.  But  I  tell 
you  once  for  all,  Mrs.  Lathrop,  't  this  '11  be 
a  lesson  to  me  forever  after  's  to  takin'  the 
say-so  o'  other  folks  unto  myself.  'N'  I 
did  n't  really  consider  't  I  was  doin'  so 
this  time,  f 'r  if  I  had,  Lord  knows  I  'd 
'a'  landed  three  beds  atop  o'  him  afore 
3 


34   THE   MARRYING   OF   SUSAN   CLEGG 

1  'd  V  ever  — "  She  stopped  and  shook 
convulsively. 

"  Go  on,"  said  Mrs.  Lathrop,  her  curios- 
ity getting  the  better  of  her  sympathy,  and 
her  impatience  ranking  both. 

Susan  ceased  sobbing,  and  essayed  ex- 
planation. 

"  You  see,  after  you  was  gone,  he  said  't 
he  was  pretty  hot  these  last  nights,  'n'  't 
that  was  maybe  what  kept  him  so  awfully 
awake.  I  asked  him  if — if — maybe  the 
feather-bed  'n'  —  well,  Mrs.  Lathrop,  to 
put  the  whole  in  a  nut-shell,  we  settled  to 
move  him,  'n'  I  moved  him.  I  know  I 
did  n't  hurt  him  one  bit,  for  I  'm  's  handy 
with  —  at  least,  I  was  's  handy  with  him  's 
I  am  with  a  broom.  'N'  I  laid  him  on  the 
lounge,  'n'  dumped  that  bed  out  into  the 
back  hall.  I  thought  I  'd  sun  it  'n'  put  it 
away  this  afternoon,  f'r  you  know  's  I  'm 
never  no  hand  to  leave  nothin'  lyin'  aroun'. 
Well,  I  come  back  'n'  got  out  some  fresh 
sheets,  'n'  jus'  's  I  was  — " 

The  speaker  halted,  and  there  was  a 
dramatic  pause. 

"Where  is — "  Mrs.  Lathrop  asked  at 
last. 


THE   MARRYING   OF  SUSAN   CLEGG   35 

"  Back  in  the  feathers.  My  heaven  alive  ! 
When  I  see  what  I  'd  done,  I  was  that  upset 
't  I  just  run  's  quick  's  ever  I  could,  'n'  got 
the  bed,  'n'  dumped  it  right  atop  of  him  !  " 

There  was  another  dramatic  silence,  finally 
broken  by  Mrs.  Lathrop's  saying  slowly 
and  gravely,  — 

"  Susan,  'f  I  was  you   I  would  n't  never 

» 
say  — 

"  I  ain't  goin*  to.  I  made  up  my  mind 
to  never  tell  a  livin'  soul  the  very  first  thing. 
To  think  o'  me  doin'  it !  To  think  o'  all 
these  years  't  I  've  tended  father  night  'n' 
day,  'n'  then  to  accidentally  go  'n'  do  a 
thing  like  that !  I  declare,  it  fairly  makes 
me  sick  all  over  !  " 

"  Well,  Susan,  you  know  what  a  good 
daughter  you've  —  " 

"  I  know,  'n'  I  've  been  thinkin*  of  it. 
But  somehow  nothin'  don't  seem  to  comfort 
me  none.  Perhaps  you  'd  better  make  me 
some  tea,  'n'  while  I  'm  drinkin'  it,  Jathrop 
c'n  go  down  town  'n'  —  " 

"  Yes,"  said   Mrs.  Lathrop,  "  'n'   I  '11  go 

•   i  .  >   >       » 
right   n  — 

"That's  right,"  said  the  bereaved,  "V 
hurry." 


36   THE   MARRYING   OF  SUSAN   CLEGG 

It  was  a  week  later  —  a  calm  and  lovely 
evening  —  and  the  two  friends  stood  by 
the  fence.  The  orphan  girl  was  talking, 
while  Mrs.  Lathrop  chewed  her  clover. 

"  It  don't  seem  like  only  a  week  !  —  seems 
more  like  a  month  or  even  a  year.  Well, 
they  say  sometimes,  folks  live  a  long  ways 
ahead  in  a  very  short  time,  'n'  I  must  say  't, 
as  far  's  my  observation  's  extended,  comin* 
into  property  always  leads  to  experience,  so 
I  could  n't  in  reason  complain  't  not  bein' 
no  exception.  This  's  been  the  liveliest 
week  o'  my  life,  'n'  I  *m  free  to  confess  't  I 
have  n't  cried  anywhere  near  's  much  's  I 
looked  to.  My  feelin's  have  been  pretty 
agreeable,  take  it  all  in  all,  'n'  I  'd  be  a  born 
fool  'f  I  did  n't  take  solid  comfort  sleepin' 
nights,  'n'  I  never  was  a  fool  —  never  was 
'n'  never  will  be.  The  havin'  somebody  to 
sleep  in  the  house  's  been  hard,  'n'  Mrs. 
Macy's  fallin'  through  the  cellar-flap  giv' 
me  a  bad  turn,  but  she  's  doin'  nicely,  'n'  the 
minister  makes  up  f'r  anythin'.  I  do  wish 
't  you  'd  seen  him  that  afternoon,  Mrs.  La- 
throp ;  he  did  look  so  most  awful  sheepish, 
'n'  his  clean  collar  give  him  dead  away  afore 
he  ever  opened  his  mouth.  He  set  out  by 


THE   MARRYING   OF  SUSAN   CLEGG   37 

sayin*  't  the  consolations  of  religion  was 
mine  Pr  the  askin',  but  I  did  n't  take  the 
hint,  V  so  he  had  to  jus'  come  out  flat  'n' 
say  't  he'd  been  thinkin'  it  over  'n'  he'd 
changed  his  mind.  I  held  my  head  good 
'n'  high  't  that,  I  c'n  assure  you,  'n'  it  was 
a  pretty  sorry  look  he  give  me  when  I 
said  't  I  'd  been  thinkin'  it  over  too,  'n' 
I  'd  changed  my  mind  too.  He  could  'a' 
talked  to  me  till  doomsday  about  his  bein' 
a  consolation,  I  'd  know  it  was  nothin'  't 
changed  him  but  me  comin'  into  them 
government  bonds.  No  man  alive  could 
help  wantin'  me  after  them  bonds  was 
found,  'n'  I  had  the  great  pleasure  o' 
learnin'  that  fact  out  o'  Lawyer  Weskin 
himself.  All  his  species  o'  fun-makin'  't 
nobody  but  hisself  ever  sees  any  fun  in,  jus' 
died  right  out  when  we  unlocked  father's 
old  desk  'n'  come  on  that  bundle  o'  papers. 
He  give  one  look  'n'  then  all  his  gay  spin- 
niness  oozed  right  out  o'  him,  'n'  he  told 
me  's  serious  's  a  judge  't  a  woman  's  rich"s 
I  be  needed  a  good  lawyer  to  look  out  f'r 
her  'n'  her  property  right  straight  along. 
Well,  I  was  's  quick  to  reply  's  he  was  to 
speak.  'N'  I  was  to  the  point  too.  I  jus' 


38   THE   MARRYING   OF  SUSAN   CLEGG 

up  'n'  said,  Yes,  I  thought  so  myself,  V 
jus'  's  soon  's  I  got  things  to  rights  I  was 
goin'  to  the  city  'n'  get  me  one." 

Miss  Clegg  paused  to  frown  reminis- 
cently ;  Mrs.  Lathrop's  eyes  never  quitted 
the  other's  face. 

"There  was  Mr.  Sperrit  too.  Come  with 
a  big  basket  o'  fresh  vegetables  't  he  said 
he  thought  'd  maybe  tempt  my  appetite.  I 
d'n'  know  's  I  ever  enjoyed  rappin'  no  one 
over  the  knuckles  more  'n  I  did  him.  I  jus' 
stopped  to  take  in  plenty  o'  breath  'n'  then  I 
let  myself  out,  'n'  I  says  to  him  flat  'n'  plain, 
I  says,  c  Thank  you  kindly,  but  I  guess  no 
woman  in  these  parts  's  better  able  to  tempt 
her  own  appetite  'n'  I  be  now,  'n'  you  '11  be 
doin'  me  the  only  kindness  't  it's  in  you  to 
do  me  now  if  you  '11  jus'  take  your  garden 
stuff  'n'  give  it  to  some  one  's  is  poor  'n' 
needin'.'  He  looked  so  crestfallen  't  I  made 
up  my  mind  't  it  was  then  or  never  to  settle 
my  whole  score  with  him,  so  I  up  'n'  looked 
him  right  in  the  eye  'n'  I  says  to  him,  I 
says,  *  Mr.  Sperrit,  you  did  n't  seem  to  jus' 
realize  what  it  meant  to  me  that  day  't  I 
took  that  horse  'n'  buggy  'n'  drove  'way  out 
to  your  farm  to  see  you ;  you  did  n't  seem 


THE   MARRYING   OF   SUSAN   CLEGG   39 

to  think  what  it  meant  to  me  to  take  that 
trip  :  but  I  c'n  tell  you  't  it  costs  suthin'  for  a 
woman  to  do  a  thing  like  that ;  it  cost  me 
a  good  deal  —  it  cost  me  fifty  cents.'  He 
went  away  then,  V  he  can  marry  Eliza 
Gringer  if  he  likes,  V  I  '11  wish  'em  both 
joy  V  consider  myself  the  luckiest  o'  the 
three." 

Mrs.  Lathrop  chewed  her  clover. 

"'N'  then  there's  Jathrop !  "  continued 
the  speaker,  suddenly  transfixing  her  friend 
with  a  piercing  glance,  —  "there's  even  Ja- 
throp !  under  my  feet  night  'n'  day.  I  de- 
clare to  you  't  upon  my  honor  I  ain't  turned 
around  four  times  out  o'  five  this  week  with- 
out almost  fallin'  over  Jathrop  wantin'  me 
to  give  him  a  chance  to  explain  his  feelin's, 
I  don't  wish  to  hurt  your  feelin's,  Mrs.  La- 
throp, 'n'  it 's  natural  't,  seein'  you  can't  help 
yourself,  you  look  upon  him  's  better  'n' 
nothin',  but  still  I  will  remark  't  Jathrop  's 
the  last  straw  on  top  o'  my  hump,  'n'  this 
mornin'  when  I  throwed  out  the  dish-water 
'n'  hit  him  by  accident  jus'  comin'  in,  my 
patience  clean  gin  out.  I  did  n't  feel  no 
manner  o'  sympathy  over  his  soapy  wetness, 


40   THE   MARRYING   OF  SUSAN   CLEGG 

V  I  spoke  my  mind  right  then  'n'  there. 
4  Jathrop  Lathrop,'  I  says  to  him,  all  forget- 
tin'  how  big  he  'd  got  'n'  only  rememberin' 
what  a  bother  he 's  always  been,  '  Jathrop 
Lathrop,  you  let  that  soakin'  be  a  lesson  to 
you  'n'  march  right  straight  home  this  in- 
stant, 'n'  'f  you  want  to  think  of  me,  think  't 
if  I  hear  any  more  about  your  feelin's  the 
feelin'  you  '11  have  best  cause  to  talk  about 
'11  be  the  feelin'  o'  gettin'  spanked.' ' 

Mrs.  Lathrop  sighed  slightly. 

Miss  Clegg  echoed  the  sigh. 

"  There  never  was  a  truer  sayin*  'n'  the 
one  't  things  goes  by  contraries,"  she  con- 
tinued presently.  "  Here  I  've  been  figgerin* 
on  bein'  so  happy  married,  'n'  instid  o'  that  I 
find  myself  missin'  father  every  few  minutes. 
There  was  lots  o'  good  about  father,  partic- 
ular when  he  was  asleep.  I  'd  got  so  used 
to  his  stayin'  where  I  put  him  't  I  don't  know 
's  I  c'd  ever  get  used  to  a  man  's  could  get 
about.  'F  I  wanted  to  talk,  father  was  al- 
ways there  to  listen,  'n'  'f  he  wanted  to  talk 
I  c'd  always  go  downstairs.  He  didn't  never 
have  but  one  button  to  keep  sewed  on  'n'  no 
stockings  to  darn  a  tall.  'N'  all  the  time 


THE   MARRYING   OF  SUSAN   CLEGG   41 

there  was  all  them  nice  gover'ment  bonds 
savin'  up  for  me  in  his  desk  !  No,  I  sha'n't 
consider  no  more  as  to  gettin'  married. 
While  it  looked  discouragin'  I  hung  on  'n' 
never  give  up  hope,  but  I  sh'd  be  showin' 
very  little  o'  my  natural  share  o'  brains  'f  I 
did  n't  know  's  plain  's  the  moon  above  't  'f 
I  get  to  be  eighty  'n'  the  fancy  takes  me  I 
c'n  easy  get  a  husband  any  day  with  those 
bonds.  While  I  could  n't  seem  to  lay  hands 
on  no  man  I  was  wild  to  have  one  —  now  't 
I  know  I  c'n  have  any  man  't  I  fancy,  I 
don't  want  no  man  a  tall.  It'll  always  be 
a  pleasure  to  look  back  on  my  love-makin', 
'n'  I  wouldn't  be  no  woman  'f  down  in  the 
bottom  of  my  heart  I  was  n't  some  pleased 
over  havin'  's  good  's  had  four  offers  inside 
o'  the  same  week.  But  I  might  o'  married, 
Mrs.  Lathrop,  'n'  Heaven  might  o'  seen  fit 
to  give  me  such  a  son  's  he  give  you,  'n'  'f  I 
had  n't  no  other  reason  for  remainin'  single 
that  alone  'd  be  s'fficient.  After  all,  the  Lord 
said  clt  is  not  good  for  man  to  be  alone,'  but 
He  left  a  woman  free  to  use  her  common 
sense  'n'  I  sh'll  use  mine  right  now.  I've 
folded  up  the  pink  nightgown,  'n'  I  'm 


42   THE   MARRYING   OF   SUSAN   CLEGG 

thinkin'  very  seriously  o'  givin'  it  to  Amelia 
Fitch,  'n'   I  '11  speak  out  frank  V  open  'n' 
tell  her  'n'  everybody  else  't  I  don't  envy  no 
woman  —  not  now  'n'  not  never." 
Mrs.  Lathrop  chewed  her  clover. 


II 

MISS    CLEGG'S    ADOPTED 

IT  was  an  evening  in  early  October,  —  one 
of  those  first  frosty  nights  when  a  bright 
wood  fire  is  so  agreeable  to  contemplate  and 
so  more  than  agreeable  to  sit  in  front  of. 
Susan  Clegg  sat  in  front  of  hers,  and  doubt- 
less thoroughly  appreciated  its  cheerful 
warmth,  but  it  cannot  be  said  that  she  took 
any  time  to  contemplate  it,  for  her  gaze  was 
altogether  riveted  upon  the  stocking  which 
she  was  knitting,  and  which  appeared  —  for 
the  time  being  —  to  absorb  completely  that 
persevering  energy  which  was  the  dominant 
note  of  her  character. 

But  still  the  beauty  and  brilliancy  of  the 
leaping  flames  were  not  altogether  lost  upon 
an  unseeing  world,  for  there  was  another 
present  beside  Susan,  and  that  other  was  full 
to  overflowing  with  the  power  of  silent 
admiration.  Her  little  black  beady  eyes 

43 


44  MISS   CLEGG'S   ADDICTED 

stared  at  the  dancing  lights  that  leapt  from 
each  burning  log  in  a  species  of  rapt  absorp- 
tion, and  it  was  only  semi-occasionally  that 
she  turned  them  back  upon  the  work  which 
lay  upon  her  lap.  Mrs.  Lathrop  (for  of 
course  it  was  Mrs.  Lathrop)  was  matching 
scraps  for  a  "  crazy  "  sofa-pillow,  and  there 
was  something  as  touchingly  characteristic  in 
the  calmness  and  deliberation  of  her  match- 
ing as  there  was  in  the  wild  whirl  which 
Susan's  stocking  received  whenever  that  lady 
felt  the  moment  had  come  to  alter  her 
needles.  For  Susan,  when  she  knit,  knit 
fast  and  furiously,  whereas  Mrs.  Lathrop's 
main  joy  in  relation  to  labor  Jay  in  the  sen- 
sation that  she  was  preparing  to  undertake 
it.  The  sofa-pillow  had  been  conceived  — 
some  eighteen  months  before  —  as  a  crazy- 
quilt,  but  all  of  us  who  have  entertained  such 
friends  unawares  know  that  the  size  of  their 
quilts  depended  wholly  upon  the  wealth  of 
our  scrap-bags,  and  in  the  case  of  Mrs.  La- 
throp's friends  their  silk  and  satin  resources 
had  soon  forced  the  reduction  of  her  quilt 
into  a  sofa-pillow,  and  indeed  the  poor  lady 
had  during  the  first  weeks  felt  a  direful 
dread  that  the  final  result  would  be  only  a 


MISS   CLEGG'S   ADOPTED  45 

pin-cushion.  She  had  begun  the  task  with 
the  idea  of  keeping  it  for  "  pick-up  "  work, 
and  during  the  eighteen  months  since  its 
beginning  she  had  picked  it  up  so  rarely 
that  after  a  year  and  a  half  of  "  matching  " 
it  was  not  yet  matched.  It  goes  without 
saying  that  Miss  Clegg  had  very  little  sym- 
pathy with  her  friend's  fancy-work  and  de- 
spised the  slowness  of  its  progress,  but  her 
contempt  had  no  effect  whatever  upon  Mrs. 
Lathrop,  whose  friendship  was  of  that  quality 
the  basis  of  which  knows  not  the  sensation 
of  being  shaken. 

So  the  older  woman  sat  before  the  fire, 
and  sometimes  stared  long  upon  its  glow, 
and  sometimes  thoughtfully  drew  two  bits 
of  silk  from  her  bag  and  disposed  them  side 
by  side  to  the  end  that  she  might  calmly  and 
dispassionately  judge  the  advisability  of  join- 
ing them  together  forever,  while  the  younger 
woman  knit  madly  away  without  an  instant's 
loss  or  a  second's  pause. 

Mrs.  Lathrop  was  thinking  very  seriously 
of  pinning  a  green  stripe  to  a  yellow  polka- 
dotted  weave  which  had  once  formed  part 
of  Mrs.  Macy's  mother's  christening-robe, 
when  Susan  opened  her  lips  and  addressed 


46  MISS   CLEGG'S   ADOPTED 

her.  The  attack  was  so  sudden  that  the 
proprietor  of  the  crazy-work  started  vio- 
lently and  dropped  the  piece  of  the  christen- 
ing-robe ;  but  the  slight  accident  had  no 
effect  upon  her  friend. 

"  It  does  beat  me,  Mrs.  Lathrop,"  she 
began,  "how  you  can  potter  over  that 
quilt  year  in  and  year  out.  I  sh'd  think 
you  'd  be  so  dead-sick  o'  the  sight  o' 
them  pieces  't  you'd  be  glad  to  dump  the 
whole  in  the  fire.  I  don't  say  but  the  idea 
is  a  nice  one,  an'  you  know  's  well  %as  I  do 
that  when  they  're  too  frayed  to  wear  every 
one 's  nothin'  but  glad  to  save  you  their 
bonnet-strings,  but  all  the  same  my  own 
feelin'  in  the  matter  is  't  a  thing  that  ain't 
come  to  sewin'  in  two  years  ain't  never  goin' 
to  come  to  bindin'  in  my  lifetime,  an'  nat- 
urally that  'd  leave  you  to  finish  your  quilt 
some  years  after  you  was  dead.  I  don't  see 
how  you  're  goin'  to  get  a  quilt  out  o'  them 
pieces  anyhow.  This  town  ain't  give  to 
choppin'  up  their  silk  in  a  way  that 's  likely 
to  leave  you  many  scraps,  'n'  I  know  's  far 
's  I  'm  concerned  't  if  I  had  any  good  silk  I 
sh'd  certainly  save  it  to  mend  with,  'n'  I  'm 
a  rich  woman  too." 


MISS   CLEGG'S   ADOPTED  47 

"  I  ain't  tryin'  for  a  quilt,"  said  Mrs. 
Lathrop  mildly,  "I'm  only — " 

"  Mrs.  Lathrop  "  —  Susan's  tone  was  em- 
phatically outraged  —  "  Mrs.  Lathrop,  do 
you  mean  to  say  that  after  all  this  givin' 
you  ain't  goin'  to  do  your  share?  'N'  me 
lettin'  you  have  the  inside  of  the  top  of 
father's  hat,  'n'  Mrs.  Fisher  savin'  you  all 
her  corners  jus'  on  your  simple  askin'.  You 
said  a  quilt,  'n'  we  give  for  a  quilt,  'n'  if 
you  've  changed  your  mind  I  must  say  I 
want  the  inside  o'  the  hat  again  to  polish 
my  parlor  lookin'-glass  with." 

"  I  ain't  got  enough  for  the  quilt,"  said 
Mrs.  Lathrop  ;  "  it's  a  sofa-pillow  I  'm  —  " 

"  Oh,"  said  Susan,  much  relieved,  "  well 
—  I  'm  glad  to  hear  it.  I  could  n't  hardly 
believe  it  of  you,  Mrs.  Lathrop,  'n'  yet  if 
you  can't  believe  what  a  person  says  of  them- 
selves who  can  you  believe  when  it  comes  to 
talkin'  about  anybody?  I  'm  glad  to  know 
the  truth,  though,  Mrs.  Lathrop,  for  I  was 
more  upset  'n  I  showed  at  the  notion  o' 
losin'  faith  in  you.  You  know  what  I  think 
of  you,  'n'  I  called  you  over  to-night  to  ask 
your  advice  about  suthin'  as  has  been  roamin' 
my  head  for  a  long  time,  'n'  you  can  mebbe 


48  MISS   CLEGG'S   ADOPTED 

understand  's  it  did  n't  over-please  me  to 
have  your  first  remark  one  as  I  could  n't  in 
reason  approve  of.  A  woman  as  '11  begin  a 
quilt  'n'  trade  hen's  eggs  'n'  all  but  go 
aroun'  town  on  her  bended  knees  to  get  the 
old  ties  of  other  women's  lawful  husbands, 
jus'  to  give  up  in  the  end  has  got  no  advisin' 
stuff  for  me  inside  o'  her.  I  would  n't  like 
to  hurt  your  feelin's,  Mrs.  Lathrop,  'n'  as 
long  as  you  say  it's  a  sofa-pillow  o'  course 
there 's  no  harm  done,  but  still  it  was  a 
shock  'n'  I  can't  deny  it." 

Mrs.  Lathrop  appeared  most  regretful, 
withdrew  her  gaze  from  the  fire  and  the 
yellow  polka-dots  and  directed  its  entire 
volume  at  Susan. 

The  latter  altered  her  needles  with  a 
fierce  fling,  and  then  continued : 

"However,  now  's  all  is  made  clear  I  will 
go  on  'n'  tell  you  what 's  on  my  mind.  I  'd 
be  a  fool  not  to  tell  you,  havin'  got  you 
over  here  just  for  the  purpose  o'  bein'  told, 
'n'  yet  I  Ve  sat  here  a  good  hour  —  'n'  you 
know  I  ain't  over-give  to  sittin',  Mrs.  La- 
throp—  tryin'  to  decide  whether  after  all  I 
would  tell  you  or  not.  You  see  this  subjeck 
is  n't  nowise  new  to  me,  but  it  '11  be  new  to 


MISS   CLEGG'S   ADOPTED  49 

you,  'n'  bein'  new  to  you  I  can't  see  how 
anythin'  's  goin'  to  be  got  out  o'  askin'  you 
f'r  advice.  It  ain't  likely  't  any  one  first  go- 
off c'n  think  of  things  't  I  ain't  thought  of 
already,  'n'  you  know  yourself,  Mrs.  La- 
throp,  how  little  you  ever  have  to  say  to  me 
compared  to  what  I  say  to  you.  Besides,  's 
far  's  my  observation  's  extended  no  one  don't 
ask  f'r  advice  'nless  they  Ve  pretty  well 
made  up  their  mind  not  to  take  it,  if  so  be  's 
it  suits  'em  better  untook,  'n'  when  I  make 
up  my  mind  I  'm  goin'  to  do  a  thing  any- 
how so  there  ain't  much  use  in  me  askin' 
you  'r  anybody  else  what  they  think  about  it. 
A  woman  's  rich  's  I  be  don't  need  to  take 
no  one  else's  say-so  nohow —  not  'nless  she 
feels  so  inclined,  'n'  the  older  I  get  the 
less  I  incline." 

Mrs.  Lathrop  sighed  slightly,  but  did  not 
alter  her  position  by  a  hair.  Susan  whirled 
her  stocking,  took  a  fresh  breath,  and  went 
on  : 

"It's  a  subjeck  't  I've  been  lookin' 
straight  in  the  face,  's  well  's  upside  down  'n' 
hind  end  to,  f'r  a  good  long  time.  I  'xpeck 
't  it  '11  mebbe  come  in  the  nature  of  a  surprise 
to  the  c'mmunity  in  general,  'n'  yet,  to  tell 

4 


•      50  MISS   CLEGG'S   ADOPTED 

you  the  truth,  Mrs.  Lathrop,  I  was  thinkin' 
o'  this  very  thing  away  back  las'  spring  when 
Mrs.  Shores  eloped.  I  was  even  thinkin' 
of  it  that  very  minute,  f'r  I  was  one  o'  them 
's  was  in  the  square  when  Johnny  come 
runnin'  from  the  station  with  the  telegram. 
Everybody  's  see  Johnny's  face  thought  's 
two  trains  had  smashed  on  his  a'count  some- 
where, 'n'  I  recolleck  Mr.  KimbalFs  sayin' 
's  he  could  n't  'a'  looked  more  miserable  'f 
he'd  been  the  man  's  had  run  away  with  her. 
It  was  too  bad  you  was  n't  there,  Mrs.  La- 
throp, —  Mrs.  Macy  always  says  't  she  '11 
regret  to  her  dyin'  day  's  she  thought  o' 
comin'  to  town  that  mornin'  to  get  the  right 
time  f'r  her  clock  'n'  then  decided  to  wait  'n' 
set  it  by  the  whistle.  Gran'ma  Mullins  was 
there  —  she  was  almost  in  front  o'  Mr.  Shores' 
store.  I  've  heard  her  say  a  hunderd  times 
't,  give  her  three  seconds  more,  'n'  she'd 
'a'  been  right  in  front ;  but  she  was  takin' 
her  time, 'n'  so  she  jus'  missed  seein' Johnny 
hand  in  the  telegram.  I  was  standin'  back 
to  the  band-stand,  tellin'  Mrs.  Allen  my 
receipt  for  cabbage  pickle,  so  I  never  felt  to 
blame  myself  none  f'r  not  gettin'  nearer 
quicker.  The  first  thing  I  recolleck  was  I 


MISS   CLEGG'S   ADOPTED  51 

says,  f'N'  then  boil  the  vinegar  again,'  V 
Mrs.  Allen  give  a  scream  'n'  run.  Then  I 
turned  'n'  see  every  one  runnin',  'n'  Mr. 
Shores  in  the  lead.  They  do  say  's  he  was 
so  crazy  't  first  't  he  seemed  to  think  he 
c'd  catch  the  Knoxville  Express  by  tearin' 
across  the  square.  But  he  give  out  afore  he 
reached  Judge  Fitch's,  'n'  Johnny  'n'  Hiram 
Mullins  had  to  carry  him  home.  Well,  it 
was  a  bad  business  at  first,  'n'  when  she  kid- 
napped the  baby  't  was  worse.  1  was  down 
in  the  square  the  day  't  Johnny  come  with 
that  telegram  too.  I  remember  Mrs.  Macy 
'n'  me  was  the  only  ones  there  'cause  it  was 
Monday.  I  was  n't  goin'  to  wash  'cause  I 
only  had  a  nightgown  'n'  two  aprons,  'n'  the 
currants  was  ripe  'n'  I  'd  gone  down  to  get 
my  sugar,  'n'  Johnny  come  kitin'  up  fr'm  the 
station,  'n'  Mrs.  Macy  'n'  me  did  n't  put  on 
no  airs  but  just  kited  right  after  him.  Mrs. 
Macy  always  says  she  learned  to  see  the  sense 
in  Bible  miracles  that  day,  f'r  she  had  n't  run 
in  years  then,  'n'  she's  walked  with  a  stick 
ever  since,  but  she  run  that  day,  'n'  Johnny 
bein'  tired  'n'  Mrs.  Macy  'n'  me  fresh  — 
she  was  a  little  fresher  'n  me  f'r  I  'd  been 
talkin'  —  we  all  three  come  in  on  Mr.  Shores 


52  MISS   CLEGG'S   ADOPTED 

together.  Seems  like  I  c'n  see  him  now. 
He  sort  of  shivered  all  over  V  says,  'Ah  — 
a  telegram  ! '  'n'  Johnny  says,  (  Jus'  come,' 
'n'  then  we  all  waited.  Well,  Mrs.  Lathrop, 
I  guess  I  've  told  you  before  how  he  jus' 
sort  o'  went  right  up  in  the  air !  —  it  said, 
'  We  have  took  the  child/  'n'  he  bounced 
all  over  like  a  rat  that  ain't  good  caught  'n' 
then  he  out  'n'  away  'n'  we  right  after  him. 
He  kept  hollerin',  'It's  a  lie — it's  a  lie,' 
but  when  he  got  home  he  found  out  't  Mrs. 
Shores  had  kep'  her  word  's  usual.  Mrs. 
Macy  put  cold  water  to  his  head  'n'  I  mixed 
mustard  plasters  'n'  put  'em  on  anywhere  't 
he  was  still  enough,  but  all  the  same  they  had 
to  lace  him  to  the  ironin'  board  that  night. 
I  hear  lots  o'  folks  says  's  he  's  never  really 
knowed  which  end  up  he  was  walkin'  since, 
but  I  guess  there 's  more  reasons  f'r  that  'n 
her  takin*  the  baby.  My  own  view  o'  the 
matter  is  't  he  misses  his  clerk  full  's  much 
's  he  misses  his  family,  f'r  he  's  got  to  tend 
both  sides  of  the  store  at  once  'n'  he  don't 
begin  to  be  as  spry  's  that  young  feller  was. 
He  can't  hop  back  'n'  forth  over  the  counter 
like  he  used  to  ;  he  's  got  to  go  way  back 
through  the  calicoes  every  time  or  else  climb 


MISS   CLEGG'S   ADOPTED  53 

up  in  the  window-seat  over  that  squirrel  't 
he  keeps  there  in  a  cage  advertisin'  fur-lined 
mitts  'n'  winter  nuts.  Mr.  Kimball  's  for- 
ever makin*  one  o'  them  famous  jokes  of  his 
over  him,  'n'  sayin'  't  he  never  looks  across 
the  square  without  he  sees  Shores  tryin*  to 
rise  above  his  troubles  'n'  his  squirrel  together, 
but  I  don't  see  nothin'  funny  in  any  of  it 
myself.  I  think  it's  no  more  'n'  what  he 
might  of  'xpected.  He  got  the  squirrel 
himself  'n'  his  wife  too,  'n'  she  never  did 
suit  him.  He  was  all  put  out  at  first  over 
her  takin'  it  so  to  heart  't  he  wore  a  wig,  'n' 
then  he  was  clean  disgusted  over  the  baby 
'cause  he  wanted  a  boy  't  he  could  name 
after  himself.  They  said  he  all  but  cried,  'n' 
she  cried  dreadful,  f  'r  she  did  n't  know  nothin' 
about  babies  'n'  thought  it  was  goin'  to  be 
bald  always,  jus'  like  him.  But  what  did  he 
marry  for  if  he  did  n't  want  trouble  ?  —  That 
was  what  I  said  to  the  minister's  wife.  She 
come  to  call  right  in  the  first  of  it,  'n'  I  must 
say  't  if  she  had  n't  come  mebbe  a  good 
many  things  might  o'  been  different,  for  my 
mind  was  about  made  up  then,  an'  I  was 
thinkin'  very  serious  o'  mebbe  sayin'  suthin' 
to  you  that  very  night.  But  she  put  me  at 


54  MISS   CLEGG'S   ADOPTED 

outs  with  the  whole  thing  —  not  as  I  won't 
admit  't  there  ain't  a  difference  between  one 
V  nine,  f'r  any  one  c'n  work  that  out  on  their 
fingers  fast  enough." 

Mrs.  Lathrop  assented  to  this  statement 
by  moving  her  head  in  a  slow  acquiescent 
rhythm  as  she  rocked. 

"  But  her  talk  was  certainly  awful  dis- 
couragin'.  She  was  tryin'  to  speak  o'  Mr. 
Shores,  but  she  kep'  trailin'  back  to  herself, 
'n'  when  she  said  't  she  'd  never  had  time  to 
crimp  her  hair  since  her  weddin'  day  she  jus' 
broke  right  down.  I  cheered  her  up  all  I 
could.  I  told  her  she  could  n't  with  a  clear 
conscience  blame  any  one  but  herself 'n'  she  'd 
ought  to  say  her  prayers  of  gratitude  't  she 
had  n't  got  eight  herself,  same  's  him.  She 
sort  o'  choked  'n'  said  she  could  n't  have 
eight  'cause  she  had  n't  been  married  but 
one  year.  ( Well,'  I  says,  (  I  don't  see  no 
great  sense  in  that ;  he  had  eight  the  day  he 
was  married  's  far  's  that  goes,  did  n't  he  ? ' 
She  jus'  rocked  back  'n'  forth  'n'  said  't  no 
one  in  the  whole  wide  world  had  any  notion 
how  many  eight  children  was  till  they  turned 
aroun'  from  the  altar  'n'  see  'em  strung  out 
in  the  pew  's  is  saved  for  the  family.  I  told 


MISS   CLEGG'S   ADOPTED  55 

her  't  as  far  's  my  observation  'd  'xtended 
quite  a  number  o'  things  looked  different 
comin'  down  from  the  altar,  'n'  it  was  in  my 
heart  to  tell  her  't  if  I  'd  let  any  man  get  so 
much  the  better  o'  me  's  to  marry  me,  my 
self-respeck  would  certainly  shut  my  mouth 
up  tight  afterwards.  As  long  's  a  woman  's 
single  she 's  top-dog  in  the  fight  'n'  can  say 
what  she  pleases,  but  after  she 's  married  a 
man  she'll  keep  still  'f  she's  wise,  'n'  the 
wiser  she  is  the  stiller  she  '11  keep,  for  there  's 
no  sense  in  ever  lettin'  folks  know  how  badly 
you  've  been  fooled.  —  But  I  did  n't  say  all 
that  to  the  minister's  wife,  for  she  did  n't 
look  like  she  had  strength  to  listen,  'n'  so  I 
made  her  some  tea  instead.  —  'N'  then  it 
come  out  't  after  all  what  she  come  for  was 
to  borrow  my  clo'es-wringer !  Well,  Mrs. 
Lathrop,  I  certainly  didn't  have  no  blame 
f'r  myself  at  feelin'  some  tempered  under 
them  circumstances, — me  so  sympathetic 
— 'n'  the  tea— 'n'  all." 

Mrs.  Lathrop  shook  her  head  in  calm 
and  appreciative  understanding. 

"  Did  you  lend  — "  she  asked. 

" — 'N'  there  are  folks  just  like  that  in 
this  world  too,"  Susan  continued,  "  'n'  it 


56  MISS   CLEGG'S   ADOPTED 

beats  me  what  the  Lord  makes  'em  so  for, 
for  they  '11  talk  'n'  talk  'n'  wander  all  over 
every  subjeck  in  Creation  to  come  'n'  never 
even  begin  to  get  around  to  the  point  till 
you  're  clean  gi'n  out  with  listenin'.  'F  the 
minister's  wife  had  n't  come  that  day  'n' 
hadn't  talked  as  she  did,  I  might  'a'  been 
left  less  wore  out  and,  as  a  consequence,  have 
told  you  that  night  what  I  ain't  never  told 
you  yet,  for  it  was  strong  in  my  mind  then 
'n'  it 's  strong  in  my  mind  now,  'n'  bein*  one 
o'  them  's  wastes  no  words,  I  '11  state  to  you 
at  once,  Mrs.  Lathrop,  't  before  Mrs. 
Shores  run  away — 'n'  after  she  run  away 
too,  Fr  that  matter — I  was  thinkin'  very 
seriously  o'  adoptin'  a  baby." 

"A — "  said  Mrs.  Lathrop,  opening  her 
eyes  somewhat. 

"  A  baby,"  repeated  Susan.  "  I  feel  you 
ought  to  be  the  first  one  to  know  it  because, 
's  much  's  I  'm  out,  you  '11  naturally  have 
the  care  of  it  the  most  of  the  time." 

Mrs.  Lathrop  clawed  feebly  among  her 
pieces  and  seemed  somewhat  bewildered  as 
she  clawed. 

"  Mrs.  Shores'  ba —  "  she  queried. 

Susan,  screamed. 


MISS  CLEGG'S   ADOPTED  57 

"  Mrs.  Lathrop  I  "  —  she  stopped  knitting 
so  that  she  might  concentrate  her  entire 
strength  into  the  extreme  astonishment  which 
she  desired  to  render  manifest  in  those  two 
words  —  "  Mrs.  Lathrop  !  —  Me  !  —  adopt 
Mrs.  Shores'  baby  !  Adopt  the  baby  of  a 
woman  as  'd  gone  off  'n'  left  it ! " 

Mrs.  Lathrop  looked  deeply  apologetic. 

"  I  did  n't  know  —  "  she  ventured. 

"  Well,  you  'd  ought  to  of,"  said  Susan, 
"  'n'  if  you  did  n't  I  'd  never  own  to  it.  Such 
a  idea  never  entered  my  head,  'n'  I  can't  con- 
ceive when  nor  how  it  entered  yours.  Only 
I  'm  free  to  confess  to  one  thing,  Mrs.  La- 
throp, 'n'  that  is  't  'f  /  was  give  to  havin' 
ideas  's  senseless  's  yours  often  are,  I  'd  cer- 
tainly keep  my  mouth  shut  'n'  let  people  's 
knows  more  do  the  talkin'." 

Mrs.  Lathrop  swallowed  the  rebuke  and 
remained  passively  overcome  by  the  after- 
clap  of  her  astonishment. 

Susan  began  to  knit  again. 

"I  wasn't  thinkin'  o'  Mrs.  Shores'  baby 
'n'  I  was  n't  thinkin'  o*  no  baby  in  particu- 
lar. I  never  said  I  was  thinkin'  of  any  baby 
-  I  said  I  was  thinkin'  of  a  baby.  I  sh'd 
think  you  could  'a'  seen  the  difference,  but 


58  MISS   CLEGG'S   ADOPTED 

even  if  you  can't  see  it  there  is  a  difference 
just  the  same.  My  sakes  alive  !  it 's  a  seri- 
ous enough  matter  decidin'  to  adopt  some 
one  for  good  'n'  all  without  hurryin'  the 
doin'  of  it  any.  If  you  was  's  rich  's  I  be, 
Mrs.  Lathrop,  you  'd  understand  that  better. 
'N'  if  you  was  's  rich  's  I  be,  you  might 
not  be  in  no  more  of  a  hurry  'n  I  am.  I 
ain't  in  a  hurry  a  tall.  I  ain't  in  a  hurry  'n' 
I  don't  mean  to  be  in  a  hurry.  I  'm  only 
jus'  a-gettin'  on  towards  makin'  up  my 
mind." 

Mrs.  Lathrop  slowly  and  meditatively 
drew  a  piece  of  sky-blue  farmer's  satin  from 
her  bag  and  looked  at  it  absent-mindedly. 
Susan  twirled  her  stocking  and  went  on. 

"  'S  long  's  I  've  begun  I  may  's  well 
make  a  clean  breast  of  the  whole  now.  O' 
course  you  don't  know  nothin',  Mrs.  La- 
throp, but,  to  put  the  whole  thing  in  a  shell, 
this  adoptin'  of  a  child  's  a  good  deal  to 
consider.  When  a  woman  's  married,  it 's 
the  Lord's  will  'n'  out  o'  the  Bible  'n'  to  be 
took  without  no  murmurin'  's  to  your  own 
feelin's  in  the  matter.  Every  one  's  sorry 
for  married  people,  no  matter  how  their 
children  turn  out,  because,  good  or  bad,  like 


MISS   CLEGG'S  ADOPTED  59 

enough  they  done  their  best,  'n'  if  they 
did  n't  it  was  always  the  other  one's  fault ; 
but  there  ain't  no  one  goin'  to  lay  them- 
selves out  to  try  'n'  smooth  my  child's 
thorns  into  a  bed  o'  roses  for  me.  Every 
one  's  jus'  goin'  to  up  'n'  blame  me  right 
'n'  left,  'n'  if  it  has  a  pug-nose  or  turns  out 
bad  I  can't  shoulder  none  of  it  onto  the  Lord, 
I  '11  jus'  have  the  whole  c'mmunity  sayin' 
I  Ve  got  myself  'n'  no  one  else  to  thank. 
Now,  when  you  know  f'r  sure  't  you  can't 
blame  nobody  else  but  jus'  yourself,  you  go 
pretty  slow,  'n'  for  that  very  reason  I  'm 
thinkin'  this  subjeck  well  over  afore  I  decide. 
There  's  a  good  many  questions  to  consider, 
—  my  mind  's  got  to  be  made  up  whether 
boy  or  girl  'n'  age  'n'  so  forth  afore  I  shall 
open  my  lips  to  a  livin'  soul." 

Mrs.  Lathrop  appeared  to  be  slowly  re- 
covering from  the  effects  of  her  surprise. 

"Would  you  take  a  small  —  "  she  asked, 
perhaps  with  some  mental  reference  to  the 
remark  that  dowered  her  with  the  occasional 
charge  of  the  future  adopted  Clegg. 

"  Well,  I  d'n'  know.  That 's  a  very  hard 
thing  that  comes  up  first  of  all  every  time 
't  I  begin  thinkin'.  When  most  folks  set 


60  MISS   CLEGG'S   ADOPTED 

out  to  adopt  a  baby,  the  main  idea  seems  to 
be  to  try  'n'  get  'em  so  young  't  they  can't 
never  say  for  sure's  you  ain't  their  mother." 

Mrs.  Lathrop  nodded  approval,  mute  but 
emphatic,  of  the  wisdom  of  her  friend's 
views. 

"  But  I  ain't  got  none  o'  that  foolish  sort 
o'  notions  in  me.  I  would  n't  be  its  mother, 
'n*  'f  there  was  n't  no  one  else  to  tell  it  so 
Mr.  Kimball  'd  rejoice  to  the  first  time  I 
sent  it  down  town  alone.  It's  nigh  to  im- 
possible to  keep  nothin*  in  the  town  with 
Mr.  Kimball.  A  man  f'rever  talkin'  like 
that  's  bound  to  tell  everythin'  sooner  or 
later,  'n'  I  never  was  one  to  set  any  great 
store  o'  faith  on  a  talker.  When  I  don't 
want  the  whole  town  to  know  't  I  'm  layin* 
in  rat-poison  I  buy  of  Shores,  'n'  when  I 
get  a  new  dress  I  buy  o'  Kimball.  I  don't 
want  my  rats  talked  about  'n'  I  don't  mind 
my  dress.  For  which  same  reason  I  sh'll 
make  no  try  't  foolin'  my  baby.  I  '11  be 
content  if  it  cooes.  I  remember  Mrs. 
Macy's  sayin'  once  't  a  baby  was  sweetest 
when  it  cooes,  'n'  I  don't  want  to  miss 
nothin',  'n'  we  ain't  never  kep'  doves  for  me 
to  be  dead-sick  o'  the  noise,  so  I  want  the 


MISS   CLEGG'S   ADOPTED  61 

cooin'  age.  I  think  it'll  be  pleasant  comin' 
home  days  to  hear  the  baby  cooin',  'n'  'f  it 
cooes  too  loud  when  I  'm  away  you  c'n  always 
come  over  'n'  see  if  it's  rolled  anywhere. 
I  c'n  see  that,  generally  speaking,  it's  a  wise 
thing  that  folks  jus'  have  to  take  'em  as 
they  come,  because  when  it's  all  for  you  to 
choose  you  want  so  much  't  like  's  not  I 
can't  be  suited  after  all.  It's  goin'  to  be 
pretty  hard  decidin',  'n'  when  I  've  done 
decidin'  it 's  goin'  to  be  pretty  hard  findin' 
a  baby  that's  all  't  I've  decided;  'n'  then, 
if  I  find  it,  —  then  comes  the  raisin'  of  it,  'n' 
I  espect  that  '11  be  suthin'  jus'  awful." 

"How  was  you  goin'  to  find  — "  Mrs. 
Lathrop  asked. 

"  Well,  I  've  got  to  go  to  town  to  look 
at  winter  coats,  'n'  I  thought  't  when  I  'd 
found  what  I  wanted  I  'd  jus'  glance  through 
two  or  three  orphan  asylums  afore  comin' 
home." 

Mrs.  Lathrop  pinned  the  purple  to  the 
yellow  and  shut  one  eye  so  as  to  judge  of 
the  combination  from  the  single  standpoint 
of  the  other.  She  seemed  to  be  gradually 
regaining  her  normal  state  of  abnormal 
calmness. 


62  MISS   CLEGG'S   ADOPTED 

"  I  thought  't  your  coat  was  pretty  good," 
she  said  mildly,  as  Susan  altered  her  needles. 
The  stocking  started  violently. 

"Pretty  good!  It's  most  new.  My 
heavens  alive,  Mrs.  Lathrop,  don't  you 
know  's  well  's  I  do  't  I  ain't  had  my  new 
coat  but  four  years  'n'  then  only  to  church  !" 

"  You  said  't  you  was  goin'  to  get  —  " 
Mrs.  Lathrop  remarked,  unpinning  the 
purple  as  she  spoke  and  replacing  it  in  the 
bag. 

"  Mrs.  Lathrop  !  'f  you  don't  beat  anythin' 
't  I  ever  saw  for  puttin'  words  't  I  never 
even  dreamed  of  into  other  folks's  mouths  ! 
'S  if  I  should  ever  think  o'  buyin'  a  new 
coat  'n'  the  price-tag  not  even  dirty  on  the 
inside  o'  mine  yet !  I  never  said  't  I  was 
goin'  to  buy  a  coat,  —  I  never  thought  o' 
goin'  to  buy  a  coat,  —  what  I  did  say  was 
't  I  was  goin'  to  look  at  coats,  an'  the  reason 
't  I  'm  goin'  to  look  at  coats  is  because  I  'm 
goin'  to  cut  over  the  sleeves  o'  mine.  I 
thought  all  last  winter  't  it  was  pretty  queer 
for  a  woman  's  rich  's  I  be  to  wear  old-fash- 
ioned sleeves  —  more  particularly  so  where 
I  c'n  easy  cut  a  new  sleeve  crossways  out  o' 
the  puffs  o'  the  old  ones.  'N'  that 's  why 


MISS   CLEGG'S   ADOPTED  63 

I  want  to  look  at  coats,  Mrs.  Lathrop,  for 
I  ain't  in  the  habit  o'  settin'  my  shears  in 
where  I  can't  see  my  way  out." 

Mrs.  Lathrop  fingered  a  piece  of  rusty 
black  silk  and  made  no  comment. 

"When  I  get  done  lookin'  at  coats,  lookin' 
't  orphans  '11  be  jus*  a  nice  change.  If  I  see 
any  't  I  think  might  suit  I  '11  take  their 
numbers  'n'  come  home  'n'  see  about  decidin', 
'n'  if  I  don't  see  any  't  I  like  I  '11  come 
home  jus'  the  same." 

The  clock  struck  nine.  Mrs.  Lathrop 
rose  and  gathered  up  her  bag  of  pieces. 

"  I  mus'  be  goin'  home,"  she  said. 

"  I  was  thinkin'  that  very  same  thing," 
said  Susan,  rising  also.  "  It 's  our  thinkin' 
so  much  the  same't  keeps  us  friends,  I  guess." 

Mrs.  Lathrop  sought  her  shawl  and 
departed. 


It  was  about  a  week  later  that  the  trip  to 
town  took  place.  The  day  was  chosen  to 
suit  the  opening  of  a  most  unprecedented 
Fire-Sale.  Miss  Clegg  thought  that  the  la- 
test styles  in  coat-sleeves  were  likely  to  bloom 
broadcast  on  so  auspicious  an  occasion,  and 


64  MISS   CLEGG'S   ADOPTED 

Mrs.  Lathrop  herself  was  sufficiently  infected 
by  the  advertising  in  the  papers  to  dare  to 
intrust  her  friend  with  the  whole  of  a  two- 
dollar  bill  to  be  judiciously  invested  if  bar- 
gains should  really  run  as  wildly  rife  as  was 
predicted. 

Susan  departed  very  early  and  did  not  get 
back  till  very  late  —  so  late  in  fact  that  her 
next-door  neighbor  had  the  time  to  become 
more  than  a  little  anxious  as  to  the  possibili- 
ties of  some  mischance  having  befallen  her 
two-dollar  bill. 

But  towards  eight  o'clock  signs  of  life 
next  door  appeared  to  the  anxious  watcher 
in  the  Lathrop  kitchen  window,  and  one 
minute  later  she  was  on  her  way  across.  She 
found  the  front  door,  which  was  commonly 
open,  to  be  uncommonly  shut,  and  was 
forced  to  rap  loudly  and  wait  lengthily  ere 
the  survivor  of  the  Fire-Sale  came  to  let 
her  in. 

Then  when  the  door  did  open  the  figure 
which  appeared  in  the  opening  was  such  as 
to  startle  even  the  phlegmatically  disposed 
chewer  of  clover. 

"  My  heavens  alive,  Susan,  whatever  is  the 
matter  with  —  " 


MISS   CLEGG'S   ADOPTED  65 

Susan  backed  faintly  into  the  hall  so  as  to 
allow  the  other  to  enter. 

"  I  'm  worn  to  a  frazzle  —  that 's  all !  "  she 
said  weakly  and  wearily. 

They  turned  into  the  parlor,  where  the 
lamp  was  burning,  and  Mrs.  Lathrop  gave  a 
little  frightened  scream  : 

"  Susan  !  why,  you  look  half —  " 

Miss  Clegg  collapsed  at  once  heavily  upon 
the  haircloth-covered  sofa. 

"  I  guess  you  'd  better  make  me  some 
tea,"  she  suggested,  and  shut  her  eyes. 

Mrs.  Lathrop  had  no  doubt  whatever  on 
the  subject.  Hurrying  out  to  the  kitchen, 
she  brewed  a  cup  of  the  strongest  possible 
tea  in  the  fewest  possible  moments,  and 
brought  it  in  to  the  traveller.  The  latter 

D 

drank  with   satisfaction,    then    leaned    back 
with  a  sigh. 

"  It  was  a  auction  !  "  she  said  in  tones 
that  gasped. 

Mrs.  Lathrop  could  restrain  her  anxiety 
no  longer. 

"  Did  you  get  anything  with  my  —  "  she 
asked. 

"  Yes ;  it 's  out  in  the  hall  with  my 
shawl." 

5 


66  MISS  CLEGG'S  ADOPTED 

«  What  did  —  " 

"  It 's  a  parrot,"  said  Susan. 

"  A  parrot !  "  cried  Mrs.  Lathrop,  betray- 
ing as  much  feeling  as  it  was  in  her  to  feel. 

"  Without  any  head,"  Susan  added 
wearily. 

"  Without  any  head  !  " 

Then  Miss  Clegg  straightened  up  in  her 
seat  and  opened  her  eyes. 

"  There  ain't  no  need  o'  bein'  so  sur- 
prised," she  said  in  that  peculiar  tone  with 
which  one  who  has  spent  another's  money 
always  defends  his  purchase,  —  "  it 's  a 
stuffed  parrot  without  any  head." 

"  A  stuffed  parrot  without  any  head  ! " 
Mrs.  Lathrop  repeated  limply,  and  her  tone 
was  numb  and  indescribable. 

"How  much  did  it — "  she  asked  after 
a  minute. 

"  I  bid  it  in  for  one  dollar  'n'  ninety-seven 
cents,  —  I  was  awful  scared  f'r  fear  it 
would  go  over  your  two  dollars,  an*  it  was  n't 
nothin'  that  I  'd  ever  want,  so  I  could  n't  'a' 
taken  it  off  your  hands  if  it  had  gone  over 
your  money." 

"  I  wonder  what  I  can  do  with  it,"  her 
neighbor  said  feebly. 


MISS   CLEGG'S  ADOPTED  67 

"  You  must  hang  it  in  the  window  so  high 
't  the  head  don't  show." 

"  I  thought  you  said  it  did  n't  have  no 
head." 

Miss  Clegg  quitted  the  sofa  abruptly  and 
came  over  to  her  own  chair  ;  the  tea  appeared 
to  be  beginning  to  take  effect. 

"  It  has  n't  got  no  head  !  If  it  had  a  head, 
where  would  be  the  sense  in  hangin'  it  high 
a  tall?  It 's  your  good  luck,  Mrs.  Lathrop, 
't  it  has  n't  got  no  head,  for  the  man  said  't 
if  it  had  a  head  it  would  'a'  brought  four  or 
five  dollars  easy." 

Mrs.  Lathrop  got  up  and  went  out  into 
the  hall  to  seek  her  parrot.  When  she 
brought  it  in  and  examined  it  by  the  light 
of  the  lamp,  her  expression  became  more 
than  dubious. 

"  What  did  you  get  for  your  —  "  she  asked 
at  last. 

"  I  did  n't  get  nothin'.  I  did  n't  see 
nothin'  't  I  wanted,  'n'  I  learned  long  ago  't 
an  auction  's  generally  a  good  place  f'r  buyin' 
things  't  you  don't  want  after  you  Ve  bought 
'em.  Now  take  that  parrot  o'  yours  !  —  I 
would  n't  have  him  'f  you  was  to  offer  him 
to  me  for  a  gift ;  not  to  speak  o'  his  not 


68  MISS    CLEGG'S   ADOPTED 

havin'  no  head,  he  looks  to  me  like  he  had 
moths  in  him,  —  you  look  at  him  by  day- 
light to-morrow  'n'  see  if  it  don't  strike  you 
so  too." 

Mrs.  Lathrop  was  silent  for  a  long  time. 
Finally  she  said  : 

"  Did  you  go  to  the  Orphan  Asylum  ?  " 

«  Well  —  no  —  I  did  n't.  I  would  'a' 
gone  only  I  got  on  the  wrong  car  'n'  ended 
in  a  cemetery  instead.  I  had  a  nice  time 
there,  though,  walkin'  roun'  'n'  readin'  ages, 
an'  jus'  as  I  was  goin'  out  I  met  a  monu- 
ment man  't  had  a  place  right  outside  the 
gate,  'n'  he  took  me  to  look  at  his  things,  'n' 
then  I  remembered  father  —  two  years  dead 
'n'  not  a  stone  on  him  yet !  " 

Mrs.  Lathrop  laid  the  parrot  aside  with  a 
heavy  sigh  and  concentrated  all  her  attention 
upon  her  friend's  recital. 

"  The  man  was  about  's  pleasant  a  man  's 
ever  I  met.  When  I  told  him  about  father, 
he  told  me  he  took  a  interest  in  every  word, 
whether  I  bought  a  monument  of  him  or 
not.  He  said  he  'd  show  me  all  he  had  'n' 
welcome  'n'  it  was  no  trouble  but  a  joy. 
Then  he  took  me  all  through  his  shop  'n'  the 
shed  behind,  'n'  really  I  never  had  a  nicer 


MISS   CLEGG'S  ADOPTED  69 

time.  I  see  a  lamb  lyin'  down  first,  'n'  I 
thought  't  that  would  be  nice  f'r  a  little,  but 
the  further  back  we  went  the  finer  they  got. 
The  man  wanted  me  to  take  a  eagle  grippin' 
a  pen  'n'  writin'  father's  name  on  a  book  't 
he  's  sittin'  on  to  hold  open  while  he  writes. 
I  told  him  'f  I  bought  any  such  monument 
I  cert'nly  would  want  the  name  somewhere 
else  than  up  where  no  one  but  the  eagle  could 
read  it.  He  said  't  I  could  have  the  name 
below  'n'  let  the  eagle  be  writin'  c  Repose  in 
Peace,'  but  I  told  him  't  father  died  of 
paralysis  after  bein'  in  bed  for  twenty  years 
'n'  that  his  idea  o'  Heaven  was  n't  reposin' 
in  peace,  —  he  always  looked  forward  to 
walkin'  about  'n'  bein'  pretty  lively  there. 
Then  the  man  said  't  maybe  suthin'  simple 
would  be  more  to  my  taste,  'n'  he  took  me  to 
where  there  was  a  pillow  with  a  wreath  of 
roses  on  it,  but  —  my  gracious,  I  'd  never  be 
so  mean  's  to  put  a  pillow  anywhere  near 
father  after  all  them  years  in  bed,  'n'  as  to 
the  roses  they  'd  be  jus'  's  bad  or  worse,  for 
you  know  yourself  how  they  give  him  hay- 
fever  so  's  we  had  to  dig  up  all  the  bushes 
years  ago. 

"  But  I  '11  tell  you,  Mrs.  Lathrop,  what 


70  MISS  CLEGG'S   ADOPTED 

I  did  see  that  nobody  on  the  wide  earth  c'd 
help  wishin'  was  on  top  o'  their  grave  the 
minute  they  laid  eyes  on  it.  It 's  a  lion  — 
a  weepin'  lion  —  kind  o'  tryin'  to  wipe  his 
eyes  with  one  paw.  I  tell  you  I  never  saw 
nothin'  one  quarter  so  handsome  over  no  one 
yet,  'n'  if  I  was  n't  thinkin'  o'  adoptin'  a 
child  I  'd  never  rest  until  I  'd  set  that  lion  on 
top  of  father.  But  o'  course,  as  it  is,  I  can't 
even  think  how  it  might  look  there  ;  the 
livin'  has  rights  over  the  dead,  V  my  child 
can't  go  without  the  necessaries  of  life  while 
my  father  gets  a  weepin'  lion  't  when  you 
come  right  square  down  to  it  he  ain't  got  no 
more  use  for  'n'  a  cat  has  for  two  tails.  No, 
I  'm  a  rich  woman,  but  all  incomes  has  their 
outside  fence.  'F  a  man  's  got  a  million  a 
year,  he  can't  spend  two  million,  'n'  I  can't 
start  in  child  raisin'  'n'  tombstone  father  all 
in  the  same  year.  Father  '11  have  to  wait, 
'n'  he  got  so  used  to  it  while  he  was  alive  't 
he  ought  not  to  mind  it  much  now  he 's 
dead.  But  I  give  the  man  my  address,  'n' 
he  give  me  one  o'  his  cards,  'n'  when  I  go  to 
the  Orphan  Asylum  I  may  go  back  'n'  see 
him,  an'  maybe  if  I  tell  him  about  the  baby 
he  '11  reduce  the  lion  some.  The  lion  is 


MISS   CLEGG'S   ADOPTED  71 

awful  high  —  strikes  me.  He  's  three  hun- 
derd  dollars,  but  the  man  says  that  's  because 
his  tail  's  out  o'  the  same  block.  I  asked 
him  if  he  could  n't  take  the  tail  off,  but  he 
said  't  that  would  hurt  his  reputation.  He 
said  'f  I  'd  go  up  the  ladder  to  his  second 
floor  V  look  down  on  the  lion  I  'd  never 
talk  about  sawin'  off  his  tail,  V  he  said  't 
anyhow  cuttin'  it  off  would  only  make  it  cost 
more  because  it  was  cut  on  in  the  first  place. 
I  saw  the  sense  o'  that,  V  I  remembered, 
too,  't  even  'f  folks  in  the  cemetery  never 
can  see  the  tail,  father  '11  have  to  look  at  it 
from  higher  up  'n  the  ladder  to  the  monu- 
ment man's  shed,  'n'  I  don't  want  him  to 
think  't  I  economized  on  the  tail  of  his 
tombstone.  I  tell  you  what,  Mrs.  Lathrop, 
I  cert'nly  do  want  that  lion,  but  I  can't  have 
it,  so  I  Ve  decided  not  to  think  of  it  again. 
The  man  c'd  see  I  wanted  it,  'n'  I  c'd  see  't 
he  really  wanted  me  to  have  it.  He  felt 
so  kind  o'  sorry  for  me  't  he  said  he  'd  do 
me  a  weepin'  fox  for  one  hunderd  'n'  fifty, 
if  I  wanted  it,  but  I  did  n't  want  no  fox. 
Father  did  n't  have  nothin'  like  a  fox  — 
his  nose  was  broad  'n'  kind  o'  flat.  He 
had  n't  nothin'  like  a  lion,  neither,  but  I  'd 


72  MISS   CLEGG'S   ADOPTED 

like  to  have  the  only  lion  in  the  cemetery 
ours." 

Mrs.  Lathrop  nodded  her  head  sympa- 
thetically. 

Miss  Clegg  sighed  and  looked  pensive  for 
a  moment,  but  it  was  soon  over. 

"'N'  I've  decided  about  my  child  too," 
she  continued  briskly,  —  "I  've  decided  to 
have  a  boy.  I  decided  goin'  in  on  the  train 
to-day.  I  'd  been  sorter  thinkin'  that  I  'd 
leave  it  to  chance,  but  ordinary  folks  can't  do 
no  more  'n'  that,  'n'  where  's  the  good  o'  me 
bein'  so  open  'n'  above-board  'f  I  dunno 
whether  it  '11  be  a  boy  or  girl,  after  all  ?  I 
might  's  well  's  married  the  minister,  'n' 
Lord  knows  Mrs.  Shores's  troubles  ought  to 
be  warnin'  enough  to  no  woman  in  this  com- 
munity not  to  marry  no  man,  f'r  one  while, 
at  any  rate.  If  Mrs.  Shores  had  n't  married 
Mr.  Shores,  she  c'd  easy  'a'  married  his  clerk 
when  she  fell  in  love  with  him.  No  woman 
that  's  goin'  to  fall  in  love  ever  ought  to 
begin  by  marryin'  another  man  first.  It 
mixes  everythin'  all  up.  But  Mrs.  Shores 
was  a  fool  or  she  never  would  'a'  married 
him  to  begin  with.  I  told  him  that  the  first 
time  't  I  see  him  after  she  was  gone.  I 


MISS   CLEGG'S  ADOPTED  73 

thought  't  if  it  was  any  comfort  to  him  to 
know  that  there  was  one  person  in  the  c'm- 
munity  't  looked  on  his  wife  as  a  fool  he  was 
welcome  to  the  knowin'.  So  I  told  him,  'n' 
I  used  those  very  self-same  words  too,  — 
V  I  cert'nly  did  ache  to  tell  him  that  he  was 
jus9  's  big  a  fool  himself  to  'a'  ever  married 
her,  but  I  did  n't  think  't  that  would  be  jus' 
polite. 

"  But  all  that  was  right  in  the  first  of  it  — 
before  she  took  the  baby.  I  'm  free  to  con- 
fess 't  I  think  he  c'd  'a'  stood  anythin'  'f 
she  had  n't  took  the  baby.  It  was  the  baby 
as  used  him  all  up.  'N'  that  seems  kind  o' 
queer  too,  for  seems  to  me,  'f  my  wife  run 
away,  I  'd  be  glad  to  make  a  clean  sweep 
o'  her  'n'  hers  'n'  begin  all  afresh ;  I  'd 
never  have  no  injunctions  'n'  detectives 
drawin'  wages  for  chasin'  no  wife  'n'  baby  't 
left  o'  their  own  accord.  But  that 's  jus' 
like  a  man,  'n'  I  must  say  't  I  'm  dead  glad 
't  no  man  ain't  goin'  to  have  no  right  to  in- 
terfere with  my  child.  I  c'n  take  it  'n'  go 
anywhere  't  I  please  'n'  never  be  afraid  o' 
any  subpenny  comin'  down  on  me.  'S  far  's 
I  'm  concerned,  I  only  wish  't  she  'd  send 
back  'n'  abduct  him  too,  'n'  then  the  com- 


74  MISS   CLEGG'S   ADOPTED 

munity  'd  have  some  peace  on  the  Shores 
subjeck.  There  ain't  nothin'  left  to  say,  'n' 
every  one  keeps  sayin'  it  over  'n'  over  from 
dawn  to  dark.  I  must  say,  Mrs.  Lathrop, 
't  when  I  c'nsider  how  much  folks  still  find 
to  say  o'  Mrs.  Shores  'n'  it  all,  I  'm  more  'n 
proud  that  I  ain't  never  been  one  to  say 
nothin'  a  tall" 

Mrs.  Lathrop  did  not  speak  for  some 
time.  Then  she  took  up  her  parrot  again 
and  looked  thoughtfully  at  its  feet. 

"  What  made  you  decide  on  a  b —  "  she 
asked  at  last. 

"  I  did  n't  decide.  I  c'u'd  n't  decide,  'n' 
so  I  shook  a  nickel  for  heads  'n'  tails." 

"  'N'  it  came  a  boy." 

"No,  it  came  a  girl, 'n'  the  minute  't  I  see 
't  it  was  a  girl  I  knew  't  I  'd  wanted  a  boy 
all  along,  so,  's  the  good  o'  me  bein'  free 
to  act  's  I  please  is  't  I  do  act  's  I  please,  I 
decided  then  'n'  there  on  a  boy." 

Mrs.  Lathrop  turned  the  parrot  over, 

"'F  you  was  so  set  on  a  boy,  why  did 
you  — " 

"  What  do  folks  ever  toss  up  for  ?  To 
decide.  Tossin'  up  always  shows  you  jus' 
how  much  you  did  n't  want  what  you  get. 


MISS  CLEGG'S   ADOPTED  75 

Only,  as  a  general  thing,  there  's  some  one 
else  who  does  want  it,  an'  they  grab  it  'n'  you 
go  empty-handed.  The  good  o'  me  tossin' 
is  I  c'n  always  take  either  side  o'  the  nickel 
after  I  've  tossed.  I  ain't  nobody's  fool  — 
'n'  I  never  was  —  'n'  I  never  will  be.  But  I 
guess  I  've  got  to  ask  you  to  go  home  now, 
Mrs.  Lathrop.  I  Ve  had  a  hard  day  'n'  I  'm 
'most  too  tired  to  pay  attention  to  what 
you  say  any  longer.  I  want  to  get  to  bed 
'n'  to  sleep,  'n'  then  to-morrow  maybe  I  '11 
feel  like  talkin'  myself." 


The  third  morning  after  Miss  Clegg's  trip 
to  town  she  astonished  her  neighbor  by  tap- 
ping on  the  latter's  kitchen  window  at  the 
early  hour  of  seven  in  the  morning.  Mrs. 
Lathrop  was  getting  breakfast,  and  her  sur- 
prise caused  her  to  jump  unduly. 

"  Well,  Susan !  "  she  said,  opening  the 
door,  "what  ever  is  the  — " 

"  Matter  !  Nothin'  ain't  the  matter,  only 
I  Ve  had  a  letter  from  the  monument  man. 
It  come  last  night,  'n'  the  minister  took  it 
out  o'  the  post-office  'n'  sent  it  over  by  little 
'Liza  Em'ly  when  she  come  with  the  milk 


76  MISS   CLEGG'S  ADOPTED 

this  mornin'.  I  dunno  whether  to  thank 
the  minister  for  bein'  so  kind  or  whether  to 
ask  him  to  mind  his  own  business.  It's 
got  f  Important'  on  the  corner,  'n'  sometimes 
I  don't  go  to  the  post-office  for  two  days  at 
a  time,  but  jus'  the  same  it  strikes  me  't  I 
ain't  altogether  in  favor  o'  the  minister's 
carryin'  my  mail  home  with  him  any  time  he 
feels  so  inclined.  If  I'd  'a'  married  him,  I 
never  'd  'a'  allowed  him  to  interfere  with  my 
affairs,  'n'  's  long  's  I  did  n't  marry  him  I 
don't  see  no  good  reason  for  his  doin*  so 
now." 

Susan  paused  and  looked  at  the  letter 
which  she  held  in  her  hand.  Mrs.  Lathrop 
slid  one  of  the  kitchen  chairs  up  behind 
her,  and  she  sat  down,  still  looking  at  the 
letter. 

"  It 's  from  the  monument  man,"  she  said 
again,  "  'n'  I  don't  know  what  ever  I  shall 
do  about  it,  I  'm  sure." 

Mrs.  Lathrop  was  all  attention. 

"  It's  about  the  lion.  He  says  't  he  's 
been  'n'  took  some  black  chalk  'n'  marked 
around  under  him  *  Sacred  to  the  memory 
of  Blank  Clegg,'  'n'  he  says  't  it  looks  so 
noble  't  he  's  had  an  offer  for  the  monument 


MISS   CLEGG'S  ADOPTED  77 


>„> 


n'  he  wants  me  to  come  in  'n'  see  it  afore 
he  sells  it  to  —  to  some  one  else." 

There  was  a  short  silence,  broken  at  last 
by  Mrs.  Lathrop. 

"  Your  father's  name  wa'n't  '  Blank,'  "  she 
said;  "it  was  '  Henry.' ' 

Susan  knit  her  brows. 

"  I  know,  'n'  that 's  one  thing  't  's  been 
troublin'  me.  It's  written  out  in  good 
plain  letters  — £  Blank  Clegg  '  —  'n'  I  've 
been  tryin'  'n'  tryin'  to  think  what  I  could 
'a'  said  to  V  made  him  suppose  't  it  could 
V  been  c  Blank.'  That  'd  be  the  last  name 
in  the  wide  world  for  anybody  to  name  any- 
body else,  I  sh'd  suppose,  'n'  I  can't  see 
for  the  life  o'  me  why  that  monument  man 
sh'd  'a'  hit  on  it  for  father.  I  'm  cert'nly 
mighty  glad  that  he  's  only  marked  it  on  in 
black  chalk  'n'  not  chopped  it  out  o'  the 
bottom  o'  the  lion.  O'  course  'f  he  'd 
chopped  it  out  I  'd  'a'  had  to  'a'  taken  it 
an'  it  'd  jus'  made  me  the  laughin'-stock  o' 
the  whole  community.  I  know  lots  o'  folks 
't  are  plenty  mean  enough  's  to  say  't  that 
lion  was  weepin'  because  I  did  n't  know  my 
own  father's  name." 

Mrs.  Lathrop  looked  sober. 


78  MISS   CLEGG'S  ADOPTED 

"  So  I  guess  1  Ve  got  to  go  to  town  by 
to-day's  ten  o'clock.  I  ain't  no  intention  o' 
takin'  the  lion,  but  I  shall  like  to  stand  off  a 
little  ways  'n'  look  at  the  part  o'  the  name 
't  's  spelt  right.  Later  maybe  I  '11  visit  a 
few  asylums  —  I  ain't  sure.  But  anyway  I 
thought  I  'd  jus'  run  over  'n'  let  you  know 
't  I  was  goin',  'n'  ask  you  if  there  's  anythin' 
't  I  can  get  f'r  you  while  I  'm  in  town." 

"  No,  there  is  n't,"  said  Mrs.  Lathrop 
with  great  firmness. 

Susan  rose  to  go. 

"  I  'm  thinkin'  o'  buyin'  the  Shores  baby 
outfit,"  she  said.  "  I  guess  Mr.  Shores '11  be 
glad  to  sell  it  cheap.  They  say  't  he  can't 
bear  to  be  reminded  o'  the  baby,  'n'  I  don't 
well  see  what  else  the  crib  'n'  the  baby  car- 
riage can  remind  him  of." 

"  I  wonder  if  the  sewing-machine  reminds 
him  o'  Mrs.  Shores,"  said  Mrs.  Lathrop. 
"  I  'd  be  glad  to  buy  it  if  it  did  'n'  'f  he  was 
wantin'  to  sell  it  cheap." 

"  I  dunno  why  it  sh'd  remind  him  o'  Mrs. 
Shores,"  said  Susan ;  "  she  never  sewed  on  it 
none.  She  never  did  nothin'  's  far  's  I  c'd 
make  out  except  to  sit  on  the  front  porch 
'n'  talk  to  his  clerk.  My,  but  I  sh'd 


MISS   CLEGG'S   ADOPTED  79 

think  he  'd  hate  the  sight  o'  that  front  porch. 
If  it  c'd  be  got  off,  I  'd  like  to  buy  that  of 
him  too.  My  front  porch  's  awful  old  'n' 
shaky  'n'  I  '11  need  a  good  porch  to  wheel 
baby  on.  He  c'd  take  my  porch  in  part 
payment.  It's  bein'  so  old  'n'  shaky  would  n't 
matter  to  him  I  don't  suppose,  for  I  '11  bet 
a  dollar  he  '11  never  let  no  other  wife  o'  his 
sit  out  on  no  porch  o'  his,  not  'ntil  after  he  's 
dead  'n'  buried  anyway  ;  'n'  as  for  sittin' 
on  a  porch  himself,  well,  all  is  I  know  't  if 
it  was  me  it  'd  scorch  my  rockers." 

"  What  time  do  you  think  't  you  '11  get 
back  ?  "  asked  Mrs.  Lathrop. 

"  I  ain't  sure.  'F  I  should  get  real  inter- 
ested huntin'  orphans,  I  might  stay  until  it 
was  too  dark  to  see  'em  good.  I  can't  tell 
nothin'  about  it,  though.  You  'd  better  watch 
for  the  light  in  the  kitchen,  'n'  when  you  see 
it  burnin'  I  wish  't  you'd  come  right  over." 

Mrs.  Lathrop  agreed  to  this  arrangement, 
and  Miss  Clegg  went  home  to  get  ready  for 
town. 


She  returned  about  five  o'clock,  and  the 
mere  general  aspect  of  her  approaching  figure 


80  MISS   CLEGG'S   ADOPTED 

betokened  some  doing  or  doings  so  well 
worthy  of  neighborly  interest  that  Mrs.  La- 
throp  left  her  bread  in  the  oven  and  flew  to 
satisfy  her  curiosity. 

She  found  her  friend  warming  her  feet  by 
the  kitchen  stove,  and  one  look  at  her  radi- 
ant countenance  sufficed. 

"  You  found  a  baby  !  " 

Susan  upraised  supremely  joyful  eyes. 

"  No,"  she  replied,  "  but  I  Ve  bought  the 
weepin'  lion  !  " 

Mrs.  Lathrop  sat  suddenly  down. 

"  You  never  saw  anythin'  so  grand  in  all 
your  life  !  He  rubbed  the  '  Blank  '  off  with 
a  wet  cloth  'n'  wrote  in  the  {  Henry  '  with 
me  standin'  right  there.  I  never  see  any- 
thin'  that  went  right  through  me  that  way 
before.  Puttin'  on  c  Henry  '  seemed  to  bring 
the  lion  right  into  the  family,  an'  — well,  you 
can  believe  me  or  not  jus'  as  you  please, 
Mrs.  Lathrop,  but  I  up  'n'  begin  to  cry 
right  then  'n'  there.  The  monument  man 
made  me  sit  down  on  a  uncut  block  'n'  lean 
my  back  up  against  a  No-Cross-no-Crown, 
'n'  while  I  sat  there  he  chalked  in  father's 
birth  'n'  death  'n'  '  Erected  by  his  devoted 
daughter  Susan,'  'n'  at  that  I  stood  right  up 


MISS   CLEGG'S   ADOPTED  81 

V  said  't  I  'd  take  it,  V  it  was  n't  no  hasty- 
decision,  neither,  f'r  after  I  'd  made  up  my 
mind  I  could  n't  see  no  good  reason  for 
continuin'  to  sit  there  V  draw  frost  out  o* 
granite  V  into  my  shoulder-blades  jus'  for 
the  looks  o'  the  thing." 

"  But  about  the  ba —  "  said  Mrs.  Lathrop. 

"  Oh,  the  baby  '11  have  to  go.  I  told  you 
all  along  't  it  had  to  be  one  or  t'  other  an'  in 
the  end  it  's  the  lion  as  has  come  out  on 
top.  I  guess  I  was  n't  cut  out  to  be  a 
mother  like  I  was  a  daughter.  I  know  't  I 
never  wanted  a  baby  for  myself  half  like 
I  've  wanted  that  lion  for  my  dead  'n'  gone 
father.  Do  you  know,  Mrs.  Lathrop,  I  do 
believe  't  I  had  a  persentiment  the  first  time 
I  ever  see  that  lion.  Suthin'  sort  o'  crep' 
right  up  my  back,  'n'  I  'm  jus'  sure  't  folks 
'11  come  from  miles  roun'  to  see  it.  I  guess 
it 's  the  Finger  o'  Fate.  When  you  come 
to  think  o'  it,  it  's  all  for  the  best  jus'  the 
way  't  it 's  come  out.  The  baby  'd  'a* 
grown  up  an'  gone  off  somewhere,  an'  the 
lion  '11  stay  right  where  you  put  him,  for 
he  's  so  heavy  that  the  monument  man  says 
we  '11  have  to  drive  piles  all  down  aroun' 
father.  Then,  too,  maybe  I  could  n't  'a' 

6 


82  MISS   CLEGG'S   ADOPTED 

managed  a  boy  an'  I  can  scour  that  lion  all 
I  want  to.  'N'  I  will  scour  him  too,  —  no- 
body need  n't  suppose  't  I  've  paid  three 
hunderd  dollars  f'r  anythin'  to  let  it  get 
mossy.  I  've  invited  the  monument  man 
'n'  his  wife  to  come  'n'  visit  me  while  he 's 
gettin'  the  lion  in  place,  'n'  he  says  he  's  so 
pleased  over  me  'n'  nobody  else  gettin'  it  *t 
he  'sgoin'  to  give  me  a  paper  sayin'  't  when  I 
die  he  '11  chop  my  date  in  f'r  nothin'.  I  tell 
you  what,  Mrs.  Lathrop,  I  certainly  am 
glad  't  I  Ve  got  the  sense  to  Lnow  when  I  'm 
well  off,  'n'  I  cert'nly  do  feel  that  in  this 
particular  case  I  'm  mighty  lucky.  So  all  's 
well 't  ends  well." 

Mrs.  Lathrop  nodded. 


Ill 


JATHROP  LATHROP  was  just  the 
style  and  build  of  young  man  to  be  easily 
persuaded  into  taking  a  kicking  cow  in  full 
payment  of  a  good  debt.  Jathrop  having 
taken  the  cow,  it  naturally  fell  to  the  lot  of 
his  mother  to  milk  her.  The  reader  can 
quickly  divine  what  event  formed  the  third 
of  these  easily  to  be  foreseen  developments 
of  the  most  eventful  day  in  the  life  of  the 
cow's  new  proprietor.  The  kicking  cow 
kicked  Jathrop  Lathrop's  mother,  not  out 
of  any  especial  antipathy  towards  that  most 
innocuous  lady,  but  just  because  it  was  of 
a  kicking  nature  and  Mrs.  Lathrop  was 
temptingly  kickable.  The  sad  part  of  the 
matter  was  that  Mrs.  Lathrop  was  not  only 
kickable  but  breakable  as  well.  It  followed 
that  at  twelve  o'clock  that  noon  Miss  Clegg, 
returning  from  a  hasty  trip  to  the  city,  was 
83 


84         JATHROP  LATHROFS   COW 

greeted  at  the  depot  by  the  sad  tidings,  and 
it  was  not  until  various  of  the  town  folk  had 
finished  their  versions  of  the  disaster  that 
she  was  at  last  allowed  to  hasten  to  the  bed- 
side of  her  dear  friend,  whom  she  found  not 
only  in  great  bodily  distress  but  also  already 
cast  in  plaster. 

Miss  Clegg's  attitude  as  she  stood  in  the 
doorway  was  one  of  blended  commiseration 
and  disgust. 

"  Well,  I  never  would  'a'  believed  it  o' 
Jathrop  !  "  she  burst  forth  at  last. 

"  'T  wa'n't  Jathrop,"  Mrs.  Lathrop  pro- 
tested feebly  ;  "  it  was  the  —  " 

"  I  know,  but  the  cow  never  come  of  her 
own  free  will,  'n'  it  strikes  me  't  Jathrop  's 
the  one  to  blame.  I  never  was  so  done  up 
in  my  life  's  I  was  when  I  hear  this  about 
you.  You  kin  believe  me  or  not  jus'  's  you 
please,  Mrs.  Lathrop,  but  I  was  so  nigh  to 
struck  dead  't  I  stopped  short  with  one  leg 
on  the  station  'n'  the  other  on  the  train.  It 
was  Johnny  's  dodged  out  o'  the  ticket- 
office  to  tell  me  the  minute  the  train 
stopped,  'n'  I  dV  know  but  I  'd  be  there 
yet  —  Pr  I  was  clean  struck  all  in  a  heap  — 
only  a  man  jus'  behind  jammed  me  with  a 


JATHROP  LATHROFS   COW         85 

case  o'  beer  't  he  was  bringin'  home.  To 
think  's  I  see  you  goin'  to  the  barn  jus'  's 
I  was  lookin'  f'r  a  place  to  hide  my  keys 
afore  leavin',  'n'  then  to  think  's  them  was 
your  last  legs  'n'  you  usin'  'em  's  innocent 
's  a  grasshopper  on  a  May  mornin'  !  —  I  tell 
you  I  was  so  used  up  I  thought  some  o' 
askin'  to  be  druv  up  here,  but  Johnny 
did  n't  have  no  time  to  give  pertickilers 
'cause  the  telegraph  begin  to  work  jus'  at  that 
very  minute  'n'  he  had  to  dodge  back  to  see 
what  they  wanted  to  tick  him  about,  so  I  see 
't  the  wisest  thing  was  to  walk  up  'n'  find 
out  Pr  myself.  Besides,  you  c'n  understand 
't  if  you  was  beyond  hope  I  'd  be  nothin* 
but  foolish  to  pay  a  quarter  to  get  to  you 
in  a  hurry,  'n'  I  never  was  one  to  be  foolish 
nor  yet  to  waste  quarters,  'n'  so  I  come 
along  through  town,  'n'  as  a  consequence  I 
guess  't  I  know  's  much  's  you  know  your- 
self now." 

Mrs.  Lathrop  looking  duly  inquisitive  for 
details  of  her  own  accident,  Miss  Clegg  ad- 
vanced forthwith  upon  a  seat  and  occupied 
it  before  beginning. 

"  I  see  Mrs.  Macy  first,  'n'  she  told  me 
all  as  to  how  it  happened.  She  says  you 


86         JATHROP  LATHROFS   COW 

turned  two  back  somersaults  'n'  just  missed 
squashin'  the  cat,  'n'  't  young  Dr.  Brown 
told  her  't  if  he  had  n't  been  so  busy  plantin' 
his  garden  to-day  he  certainly  would  'a'  felt 
't  it  'd  'a'  been  nothin'  but  right  to  diagnose 
you  all  over.  Mrs.  Macy  says  she  ain't 
none  too  over-pleased  't  the  way  he  spoke, 
for,  to  her  order  o'  thinkin',  you  had  a 
pretty  serious  kick  'n'  you  'd  ought  to  realize 
it.  She  wanted  me  to  ask  you  'f  he  had  you 
hang  to  the  head-board  while  he  give  your 
leg  a  good  hard  jerk,  'cause  she  says  't  that 's 
the  only  real  safe  way  to  make  all  the  bones 
come  back  into  place ;  she  says  'f  you  ain't 
shattered  you  're  bound  to  come  straight  per- 
vided  the  doctor  jerks  hard  enough.  She 
says  they  did  her  lame  leg  that  way  over 
thirty  years  ago,  'n'  she  says  't,  sittin' 
down  'n'  side  by  side,  she  'd  bet  anything 
't  the  minister  'n'  all  the  deacons  could  n't 
pick  out  one  from  t'  other.  She  says  all  her 
trouble  comes  when  she  walks.  Nights  'n' 
rockin'  she  'd  never  know  she  was  lame  her- 
self." 

Mrs.  Lathrop  looked  slightly  distressed. 

"  Gran'ma  Mullins  come  up  while  we  was 
talkin',  'n'  she  's  terrible  upset  over  you. 


JATHROP  LATHROPS   COW         87 

She  never  had  no  lameness,  she  says ;  her 
trouble  's  all  in  her  ribs,  —  them  ribs  't  go 
from  under  your  arms  down.  But  she  wants 
to  know  if  you  was  put  in  plaster,  V  she 
said  Pr  me  to  ask  right  off." 

"  Yes  ;  I  —  "  replied  Mrs.  Lathrop. 

"  Oh  !  "  Susan's  face  darkened.  "  I  de- 
clare, that's  too  bad.  'N'  young  Dr.  Brown 
's  gone  now  too.  I  see  him  'n'  Amelia  drivin' 
out  towards  the  Sperrits'  while  I  was  in  the 
square.  Well,  if  it 's  on,  it 's  on,  'n'  the  Lord 
be  with  you,  Mrs.  Lathrop,  f 'r  'f  Gran'ma 
Mullins  says  truth,  no  one  else  c'n  help  you 
now.  You  see,  she  told  Mrs.  Macy  'n'  me 
what  plaster  is.  It 's  eatin',  that 's  what  it  is. 
Plaster  '11  eat  anythin'  right  up,  hide,  hair, 
'n'  all.  She  says  don't  you  know  how, 
when  you  smell  a  dead  rat  in  the  wall,  you 
throw  some  plaster  in  on  him,  'n'  after  a 
while  you  don't  smell  no  more  rat  'cause 
there  ain't  no  more  rat  there  to  smell ;  the 
plaster  's  eat  him  all  up.  She  says  you  may 
laugh  'f  you  feel  so  inclined,  but  there  ain't 
no  such  big  difference  between  your  leg  'n' 
a  dead  rat  but  what  it  '11  pay  you  to  mark 
her  words.  She  says  'f  it  don't  do  no  more 
'n  eat  the  skin  off  it  '11  still  be  pretty  hard 


88 

for  you  to  lay  there  without  no  skin  'n' 
feel  the  plaster  goin'  in  more  'n'  more. 
She  says  't  we  all  wish  him  well,  'n'  yet  no 
one  in  their  right  mind  c'n  deny  as  young 
Dr.  Brown  is  n't  old  Dr.  Carter,  'n'  no 
amount  o'  well  wishin'  c'n  ever  make  him 
so.  She  says  'f  she  was  you  she  'd  never 
rest  till  old  Dr.  Carter  'd  looked  into  that 
leg,  f'r  a  leg  is  a  leg,  'n'  it  says  in  the 
Bible  't  if  you  lose  your  salt  what  '11  you 
salt  with." 

Mrs.  Lathrop's  distress  deepened  visibly. 

"  I  tell  you  I  was  more  'n  a  little  troubled 
over  her  words.  Gran'ma  Mullins  ain't  one 
to  make  up  nothin',  'n'  I  know  myself  't 
that  's  true  about  the  plaster.  I  Ve  eat  up 
rats  that  way  time  'n'  again,  —  mice  too, 
fr  that  matter.  It  'd  be  an  awful  thing  f'r 
you  to  lay  there  peaceful  'n'  happy  till  it 
come  time  fr  him  to  unwrap  your  leg  'n' 
then  when  he  unwrapped  have  him  find  no 
leg  in  the  centre.  Nothin'  't  he  could  say 
would  help  any — there  you  'd  be  one  leg  gone 
forever.  'F  it  was  your  foot,  it  'd  all  be  dif- 
ferent, f  r  you  could  hop  around  right  spry 
with  a  false  foot,  but  I  d'n'  know  what  good 
your  foot  '11  do  you  with  the  leg  in  between 


JATHROP  LATHROFS   COW         89 

gone.  I  never  hear  o'  no  real  foot  on  a 
false  leg,  'n'  'f  I  was  you,  I  certainly  would  n't 
want  to  lay  wonderin'  'f  I  still  had  two  legs 
f'r  six  weeks." 

"  Six  weeks  !  "  cried  Mrs.  Lathrop,  with  a 
start  that  collapsed  at  once  into  a  groan  ; 
"  must  I  lay  —  " 

"  Gran'ma  Mullins  says,"  pursued  Susan, 
"  't  the  reason  she  knows  so  much  about  it 
all  is  't  she  had  a  cousin  with  a  broken  leg 
once.  It  wa'n't  no  cow  's  kicked  him,  jus' 
he  was  give  to  meditatin',  'n'  while  meditatin' 
durin'  house-cleanin'  he  stepped  down  the 
wrong  side  o'  the  step-ladder.  She  says  the 
doctor  didn't  so  much  's  dream  o'  plasterin' 
him  up,  he  put  splints  on  him,  'n'  he  come 
out  fine,  but  she  says  he  was  suthin'  jus'  awful 
to  take  care  of.  They  thought  they  could  n't 
stand  it  the  first  weeks  he  was  so  terrible 
cross,  but  then  his  bones  begin  to  knit,  'n' 
she  says  she  hopes  she  may  fall  dead  then 
'n'  there  'f  she  ever  hear  anythin'  to  equal 
that  leg-knittin'.  She  said  they  was  livin'  so 
far  out  't  they  could  feel  to  leave  him  'n'  go 
to  church  Sunday,  'n'  she  says  when  they 
was  comin'  back  they  could  hear  him  knit- 
tin'  a  good  half-mile  away." 


90         JATHROP  LATHROFS   COW 

"Dear,  dear  — "  commented  Mrs.  La- 
throp,  giving  a  heave  of  unrest. 

"  Can  you  feel  your  leg  now  ?  "  Susan  in- 
quired. 

"Yes;  I  —  " 

"  Then  it 's  all  right  so  far,  but,  my ! 
you  mus'n't  begin  gettin'  restless  this  soon. 
You  ain't  been  kicked  six  hours  yet,  'n' 
you  Ve  got  to  lay  that  same  way  f'r  six 
weeks.  After  a  while  it'll  be  pretty  bad,  I 
expeck,  but  you  ain't  got  nothin'  to  complain 
of  to-day.  I  see  the  minister  just  after  I 
left  Mrs.  Macy,  'n'  he  said  you  must  say  to 
yourself,  c  Sufficient  unto  the  day  is  the  evil 
thereof  'n'  get  along  the  best  you  can.  I 
c'd  see  he  was  some  put  out  over  your 
gettin'  a  cow,  Pr  he  c'd  n't  but  understand 
't  with  a  cow  over  the  fence  I  was  n't  goin' 
to  be  takin'  milk  from  over  the  crick.  He 
said  't  your  bein'  kicked  was  a  judgment 
'n'  the  sins  o'  the  parents  should  be  visited 
on  the  children  even  unto  the  third  'n' 
fourth  generation.  I  did  n't  know  whose 
sins  he  was  meanin',  the  cow's  or  Jathrop's, 
but  I  did  n't  ask.  I  guess  we  'd  ought  to 
make  allowances  f'r  the  minister,  —  he  ain't 
seemed  to  ever  be  able  to  bear  up  under 


JATHROP  LATHROP'S  COW         91 

them  twins.  He  was  pushin'  'em  in  the 
carriage  to-day  'n'  drawin'  little  Jane  after 
him  in  a  express  wagon.  I  asked  him  how 
his  wife  was,  'n'  he  said  she  's  doin'  nicely, 
only  she  can't  decide  what  to  name  the  baby. 
He  walked  with  me  a  piece;  it  seemed  to  do 
him  good  to  speak  out  frank  'n'  open,  'n'  I 
guess  he  sees  more  'n'  more  what  a  mistake 
he's  made;  he  couldn't  but  see  it,  I  sh'd 
suppose,  f'r  his  wife  's  had  four  children 
in  three  years,  'n'  I  did  n't  even  adopt 
one.  It's  that  four-in-three-years  business 
't  seems  to  'a'  used  him  up  the  most.  He 
says  he  never  even  had  a  idea  't  it  could  be 
done.  He  says  his  first  wife  was  so  different, 
'n'  he  says  it 's  just  been  shock  after  shock, 
'n'  two  shocks  when  the  twins  come.  Little 
Jane  caught  her  dress  in  a  wheel  while  we 
was  talkin',  'n'  we  had  to  turn  her  'n'  the 
express-wagon  both  upside  down  't  once 
afore  we  could  unwind  it,  'n'  while  we  was 
doin'  that,  one  o'  the  twins  fell  out  o'  the 
carriage.  The  minister  says  he  don't  thank 
no  man  to  talk  race-suicide  when  he's  aroun' ; 
he  says  his  blood  runs  cold  to  think  what 
his  family  '11  be  at  his  silver  weddin'.  I 
tell  you,  Mrs.  Lathrop,  I  will  own  't  I  Ve 


92         JATHROP  LATHROFS   COW 

always  felt  some  sore  at  the  minister  on 
a'count  o'  his  not  marryin*  me,  but  'f  I  ever 
desired  any  species  o'  revenge  I  certainly  'd 
be  hard  to  please  'f  I  didn't  get  it  to-day 
when  I  see  him.  with  twins  ahead  V  little 
Jane  behind  'n'  nine  at  home." 

Mrs.  Lathrop  sighed. 

"That  reminds  me  o'  what  I  come  over 
to  ask  you,"  said  Susan.  "Have  you  had 
any  dinner?" 

"No;   I- 

"  Then  I  '11  fix  you  some  when  I  cook 
mine.  I  c'n  call  Jathrop  'n'  have  him  bring 
it  over  when  it 's  ready.  I  see  him  in  the 
yard  when  I  come  by ;  he  was  peekin*  in  at 
the  cow.  I  ain't  never  had  no  great  opinion 
o'  Jathrop,  but  I  guess  he  c'n  carry  a  tray. 
'N'  now  afore  I  leave  you,  Mrs.  Lathrop,  I 
will  say  jus'  once  more  's  my  advice  is  f'r  you 
to  keep  a  sharp  eye  on  your  leg,  'n'  if  it  feels 
anyway  like  you  can't  feel  nothin'  I  'd  have 
that  plaster  off  in  a  jiffy.  How's  it  put 
on?  Round  'n'  roun'?" 

<e  He  's  sent  for  the  windin',"  said  Mrs. 
Lathrop  weakly  ;  "  it  's  jus'  got  some  plaster 
'n'  a  long  piece  o'  tore  sheet.'11 

Susan  moved  towards  the  door. 


JATHROP  LATHROFS   COW         93 

fc  It  beats  me  what  ever  made  you  go  near 
the  hind  end  o'  that  cow  for,"  she  remarked, 
pausing  on  the  threshold.  "  Don't  you 
know  as  it  's  the  hind  end  's  always  does  the 
kickin'  ?  The  front  end  can't  do  nothin'  — 
'nless  it  gores.  Does  she  gore  ?  " 

"  Oh,  I  d'n'  know,"  wailed  poor  Mrs. 
Lathrop. 

"  I  'm  goin',"  said  Miss  Clegg,  turning 
her  back  as  she  spoke.  "  You  jus'  lay  still 
now  'n'  think  o'  pleasant  things.  Nothin' 
else  can't  happen  to  you  'nless  the  house 
catches  fire." 

Then  she  went  out  and  away. 


It  was  late  in  the  afternoon  that  Susan 
entered  next  door  on  her  second  visitation 
of  mercy. 

"  Did  you  like  your  dinner  ?  "  she  inquired, 
as  she  brought  a  rocker  to  where  it  would 
command  a  fine  view  of  the  bed  and  its 
occupant. 

"Dinner!      I  ain't  had  no  —  " 

Miss  Clegg  screamed. 

"  Ain't  had  no  dinner  !  Why,  I  give  it 
to  Jathrop  with  my  own  hands.  Everythin' 


94         JATHROP   LATHROFS   COW 

hot,  'n'  the  whole  tucked  up  nice  in  the  cloth 
't  I  put  over  the  bird-cage  nights.  I  made 
the  tea  awful  strong  so  's  to  keep  up  your 
strength,  'n'  there  was  a  scramble  o'  eggs,  'n' 
one  was  fresh,  I  know.  Whatever  c'n  he 
have  done  with  it,  do  you  suppose  ? " 

"  Maybe  he  ate  —  "  Mrs.  Lathrop  began. 

Her  friend  chopped  her  off  with  a  second 
scream. 

"  Ate  it !  —  Jathrop  Lathrop  !  —  Do  you 
mean  to  tell  me  't  I  Ve  been  stewin'  myself 
to  feed  Jathrop  Lathrop!  'N'  that  good 
egg  too.  'N'  all  my  tea.  I  declare,  but 
I  am  aggravated.  The  fire  's  out  now  'n' 
everythin'  's  put  away  or  I  'd  go  'n'  cook  you 
suthin'  else,  but  I  'd  never  trust  that  young 
man  to  carry  it  over." 

"  I  ain't  hun —  "  said  Mrs.  Lathrop. 

"  It  's  certainly  your  good  luck  'f  you 
ain't.  But  to  think  o'  him  havin'  the  face 
to  eat  up  your  dinner  !  But  he  's  got  the 
face  Pr  anythin'.  'F  it  was  n't  f  r  hurtin' 
your  feelin's,  Mrs.  Lathrop,  I  'd  jus'  up  'n' 
tell  you  't,  to  my  order  o'  thinkin', 
Jathrop  always  did  look  more  like  a  frog  'n 
he  did  like  his  own  father,  'n'  I  '11  take  my 
Bible  oath  't  I  Ve  told  Mrs.  Macy  that  a 


JATHROP  LATHROFS   COW         95 

hunderd  times.  She  says  't  he  ain't  active 
enough  to  remind  her  o'  no  frog,  but  she 
always  owns  up  't  his  eyes  'n'  mouth  is  like 
one.  'F  I  was  talkin'  to  any  one  but  you, 
I  'd  say,  spot  him  with  green  'n'  he  could 
make  you  a  nice  livin'  alongside  o'  the  dog- 
faced  boy  in  a  Dime  Museum,  —  'n'  never 
need  to  move.  As  a  family,  you  ain't  very 
lively  anyhow,  'n'  I  ain't  much  surprised  't 
the  cow  's  gettin'  out  o'  patience.  She  's 
been  trampin'  aroun'  'n'  mooin*  a  lot  this 
last  hour.  The  minister  was  walkin'  by  with 
six  o'  the  childern,  'n'  the  childern  come  'n' 
asked  'f  they  could  see  the  cow  't  kicked 
you.  I  did  n't  see  no  good  reason  why  not, 
so  we  boosted  'em  all  up  so  's  they  'd  have  a 
good  view  o'  her  through  the  little  window. 
The  minister  quoted  f  Wild  bulls  o'  Bashan ' 
'n'  f  Muzzle  not  the  ox  't  treadeth  out  the 
corn,'  'n'  I  felt  like  askin'  him  'f  he  did  n't 
know  a  cow  when  he  see  one.  She  looked 
cross  enough  for  any  Bible  talk,  though,  'n' 
Rachel  Rebecca  was  awful  scared  'n'  they  all 
begin  to  cry.  I  took  'em  into  my  kitchen 
'n'  give  'em  a  cooky  apiece,  'n'  that  smoothed 
'em  out.  The  minister  was  real  pleased ; 
he  quoted  c  Even  as  ye  did  it  unto  the  least 


96        JATHROP  LATHROFS   COW 

o'  these,  ye  did  it  unto  me,'  so  I  took  the 
hint  'n'  give  him  a  cooky  too.  They  was 
goin'  up  to  Mrs.  Brown's  to  tea.  I  must 
say  she  's  pretty  good  to  have  six  o'  'em  all 
to  once." 

Mrs.  Lathrop  twisted  wearily. 

"  C'n  you  feel  your  leg  ?  "  her  friend  asked 
anxiously. 

«  Yes,  I  c'n  feel  —  " 

"  Mrs.  Macy  was  up  this  afternoon.  She 
says  she  's  more  'n'  more  worried  over  you. 
She  says  it  is  n't  as  she  don't  wish  young  Dr. 
Brown  well,  'n'  she  's  intendin'  to  call  him  in 
sometime  herself  when  she  knows  jus'  what 's 
the  matter  with  her  'n'  jus'  what  she  'd  ought 
to  take  for  it,  but  she  says  't  in  your  circum- 
stances there  ain't  a  mite  o'  doubt  but  what 
you  'd  ought  to  have  old  Dr.  Carter  's  fast 
's  he  could  be  raked  over  here  from  Mead- 
ville.  She  says  legs  is  scarce  birds,  'n'  you 
can't  go  lavishin'  one  on  every  young  man  's 
is  anxious  to  build  up  a  practice  on  you. 
She  says  how  do  you  know  's  it  's  a  clean 
break  's  you  've  got  there  anyhow?  Maybe 
it  's  a  fracture.  A  fracture  's  when  the  bone 
splinters  all  to  pieces  'n'  fans  out  every  way 
inside  o'  your  leg.  O'  course  young  Dr. 


JATHROP  LATHROPS   COW         97 

Brown  ain't  got  beyond  clean  breaks  yet,  'n' 
if  you  're  splintered  in  place  o'  bein'  clean 
you  don't  want  him  to  learn  the  difference  at 
your  cost.  If  you  lose  your  leg,  Mrs. 
Lathrop,  it  certainly  will  be  a  awful  thing  for 
you.  A  woman  can't  ever  say  's  she  was  a 
brakeman  or  in  the  war,  'n'  them  's  the  only 
good  excuses  's  can  be  give.  Then,  too,  if 
you  have  a  wooden  leg  'n'  the  wind  catches 
you  at  it,  it  '11  take  you  in  a  way  's  '11  make 
you  look  more  like  a  scarecrow  'n  a 
Christian.  Mrs.  Macy  says  't  she  was 
speakin'  to  Mr.  Kimball  about  you,  'n'  he 
was  nigh  to  serious  Pr  once  in  his  life.  She 
says  he  says  't  they  take  the  hair  off  o' 
horse-hides  with  plaster  'n'  that  wooden  legs 
is  very  hard  to  get  comfortable.  I  s'pose 
the  long  'n'  short  of  it  would  be  't  I  'd  have 
to  come  over  every  mornin'  'n'  hook  it  on 
to  you,  —  'f  it  was  left  to  Jathrop  he  'd 
probably  have  you  half  o'  the  time  with  your 
toes  pointin'  back  'n'  your  heel  in  front. 
C'n  you  feel  it  now  ?  " 

"Yes;  I  —  " 

"  Then  it  's  still  there,  but,  Lord !  how 
that  cow  does  kick  'n'  pull  'n'  moo  !  Why 
don't  Jathrop  do  suthin'  to  her?  She  'd 

7 


98         JATHROP  LATHROFS   COW 

ought  to  be  tended  to.  When  you  come 
right  square  down  to  it,  she  ain't  no  more 
to  blame  Pr  kickin*  you  'n'  he  is  f'r  lookin' 
like  a  frog.  They  was  each  made  so.  But 
even  then  she  'd  ought  to  be  milked  jus' 
the  same,  'n'  Jathrop  'd  ought  to  be  settin' 
at  it." 

"I  don't  want  —  " 

"  It's  got  to  be  him  or  me  or  the  butcher, 
'n'  I  must  say  I  don't  see  no  good  'n'  suf- 
ficient reason  why  it  should  be  me.  I  did  n't 
have  Jathrop,  nor  yet  the  cow,  'n'  I  don't 
see  why  I  sh'd  lay  myself  open  to  bein' 
snapped  off  anywhere,  jus'  because  your  son 
's  half  a  fool  — the  head  half." 

Mrs.  Lathrop  groaned. 

"  Now  there  ain't  no  use  in  that"  said 
Susan  firmly;  "  lots  o'  things  might  be  worse 
'n  they  are.  She  might  'a'  broken  both 
your  legs,  or  she  may  break  both  his 
when  he  tries  to  milk  her  to-night.  You 
must  look  on  the  bright  side,  Mrs.  Lathrop, 
'n'  not  twist  aroun'  like  you  'd  been  in  bed 
four  weeks  'n'  only  had  two  more  ahead  o' 
you.  The  whole  six  is  ahead  now,  'n'  instid 
o'  wrigglin'  'n'  sighin',  you  'd  ought  to  think 
how  good  it  is  as  I  'm  here  to  take  care  o' 


JATHROP  LATHROFS   COW         99 

you.  I  must  say  't,  to  my  order  o'  thinkin', 
your  leg  is  goin'  to  be  pretty  nigh  's  hard 
on  me  's  on  you.  'F  I  can't  trust  Jathrop 
to  so  much  's  carry  a  tray  after  I  've  been 
to  all  the  bother  o'  cookin'  it,  it  stands  to 
reason  's  I  must  be  kitin'  with  'em  all  day 
long.  I  'm  very  friendly  with  you,  Mrs.  La- 
throp,  V  whether  single  or  two-legged  I  'd 
never  but  wish  you  well ;  still,  I  am  a.  rich 
woman,  'n'  bein*  a  rich  woman,  it  does  seem 
kind  o'  hard  for  me  to  have  to  slave  back  'n' 
forth  over  the  fence  for  six  weeks  ;  but,  such 
bein'  the  case,  it  strikes  me  't,  of  us  two, 
you  certainly  ain't  the  one  's  'd  ought  to  be 
doin'  the  groanin'." 

Mrs.  Lathrop  appeared  contrite  and 
dumb. 

"  I  guess  I  '11  go  'n'  get  supper  now,"  said 
her  visitor,  rising  ;  "when  it 's  got  I  Ml  bring 
you  over  some.  I  ain't  goin'  to  trust  Ja- 
throp with  nothin'  again,  I  know.  To 
think  o'  his  eatin'  your  dinner  !  I  must  say, 
Mrs.  Lathrop,  't  if  you  was  cut  out  to  be  a 
mother,  it  certainly  seems  a  pity  't  you  never 
got  beyond  Jathrop,  for  no  one  's  ever  see 
him  could  believe  it  of  you.  However,  I 
don't  suppose  's  any  one  in  their  senses 


could  blame  you  Pr  stoppin'  right  off  short 
when  you  see  what  you  'd  gone  'n'  done  the 
first  time." 

Mrs.  Lathrop  made  no  attempt  to  reply. 
Miss  Clegg  left  the  room,  and  returned  not 
until  she  came  with  the  supper. 

"  I  did  n't  see  Jathrop  nowhere,"  she  an- 
nounced as  she  entered,  "  but  the  cow  's 
goin'  on  jus'  awful." 

"Jathrop  's  gone  for  the  —  " 

"Well,  I  am  glad.  The  butcher  's  the 
only  one  's  'd  ought  to  go  near  her.  I  per- 
sume  I  c'd  V  milked  her,  'n'  'f  she  'd  been 
my  cow  I  w'd  'a'  milked  her,  but  bein'  's 
she  wa'n't  mine  I  did  n't  see  no  good  'n' 
sufficient  reason  why  I  sh'd  so  much  's  take 
a  interest  in  her.  I  will  own  't  I  did  sorter 
ache  to  see  her  kick  Jathrop  into  king- 
dom come,  but  the  chances  are  't  he  'd  'a' 
come  out  alive,  'n'  so  it  would  n't  'a'  paid 
in  the  end.  I  '11  be  glad  to  hear  her  stop 
mooin',  though.  I  was  sick  o'  the  noise 
afore  she  begun,  'n'  she  's  kep*  right  on  ever 
since." 

Mrs.  Lathrop  ate  a  little  and  drank  a 
little,  looking  blandly  non-committal  as  she 
did  so.  Miss  Clegg  rocked  vigorously. 


JATHROP  LATHROFS   COW       101 

"  I  can't  get  that  plaster  out  o'  my  head," 
she  continued  presently.  "  I  wonder  if  it 
won't  give  you  rheumatism  anyhow.  Deacon 
White  got  rheumatism  from  movin'  into  a 
house  where  the  plaster  was  damp,  'n'  it 
stands  to  reason  it  'd  be  worse  yet  if  it 's  tied 
right  tight  to  you.  I  must  say  't  I  agree 
with  Mrs.  Macy  ;  I  think  you  'd  ought  to 
have  old  Dr.  Carter.  O'  course  it'll  cost 
suthin'  to  have  him  over  from  Meadville, 
but  it'll  cost  you  a  sight  more  to  have  a 
wooden  leg  up  from  the  city.  There  ain't 
no  sense  in  tryin'  to  save  money  over  a  kick, 
Mrs.  Lathrop,  'n'  what's  the  good  o'  your 
economizin'  all  these  years  'f  you  can't  in- 
dulge yourself  a  little  when  you  want  to  ? 
That 's  what  Mr.  Shores  said  to  me  — jus' 
them  very  self-same  words  —  when  he  wanted 
to  sell  me  that  fancy  green  'n'  yellow  parasol 
's  he  had  up  f'r  Easter.  I  did  n't  want  no 
parasol,  though  ;  it  had  a  pointed-nose  dog 
f'r  a  handle,  'n'  I  did  n't  fancy  myself  goin' 
to  church  hangin'  on  to  a  dog's  nose,  even  'f 
it  was  silver-plated.  I  ain't  no  great  admirer 
o'  green  'n'  yellow,  neither,  'n'  so  I  told  him 
flat  'n'  plain  't  I  wa'n't  through  my  econo- 
mizin' years  yet.  He  sold  the  parasol  to 


102       JATHROP  LATHROFS   COW 

Mrs.  Jilkins,  V  she  let  it  down  on  her  thumb 
'n'  come  nigh  to  breakin'  her  thumb.  She 
says  she  won't  carry  no  parasol  's  she  can't 
shut  down  without  riskin'  her  thumb  'n' 
she  's  goin'  to  give  it  to  her  niece  over  to 
Meadville.  She  says  her  niece  is  awful 
womans-rightsy,  'n'  can  swing  dumb-bells 
'n'  look  over  backward  't  her  own  heels,  'n' 
that  parasol  '11  be  nothin'  but  child's  play  to 
her.  I  ain't  no  sympathy  with  such  views 
myself —  I  never  was  one  as  believed  over- 
much in  womans'  rights.  My  idea  is  to  let 
the  men  have  the  rights,  'n'  then  they're 
satisfied  to  let  you  do  's  you  please.  'S 
far  's  my  observa —  Lord  have  mercy 
on  us ! " 

The  cause  of  the  abrupt  termination  of 
Miss  Clegg's  speech  was  a  sudden  crashing 
back  of  the  house,  followed  by  a  rush  and 
a  swish  at  the  side.  The  friendly  visitor 
made  one  jump  for  the  window,  took  one 
look  out,  and  was  off  and  away.  The  door 
slammed  before  Mrs.  Lathrop  got  her  mouth 
open  to  ask  what  was  the  matter.  She 
called,  but  no  answer  came.  Then  she 
waited,  and  waited  some  more,  and  finally 
grew  weary  in  her  waiting  and  fell  asleep. 


JATHROP   LATHROFS   COW       103 

She  slept  long  and  drearnlessly.  It  was 
well  after  seven  when  the  noise  of  foot- 
steps awakened  her. 

It  was  Susan.  Having  left  the  tray  be- 
hind in  her  mad  flight  of  the  night  before, 
she  had  come  over  with  the  teapot  in  one 
hand  and  a  plate  of  toast  in  the  other.  But 
it  was  not  the  breakfast  which  attracted  Mrs. 
Lathrop's  attention,  it  was  the  expression  of 
her  neighbor's  face.  Tidings  of  vast  im- 
portance were  deeply  imprinted  there,  and 
when  Miss  Clegg  set  the  teapot  down  and 
said,  "  Well,  Mrs.  Lathrop ! "  there  was 
that  within  the  tone  of  her  voice  which 
seemed  to  cause  the  very  air  to  quiver  in 
anticipation. 

"Is  anything  the —  ' 

"  Matter  ?  "  Susan  put  down  the  toast 
and  drew  herself  up  to  her  full  height  as  she 
spoke.  "  Yes,  Mrs.  Lathrop,  a  good  deal  is 
the  matter.  You  ain't  seen  Jathrop,  have 
you  ? " 

"  No  ;  where  —  " 

"  He  's  gone  !  " 

"  Gone  ?  " 

"  Gone.  Mr.  Weskin  give  him  to  under- 
stand as  he  'd  better  go  somewhere  'n'  he 


104.       JATHROP  LATHROFS   COW 

got  on  a  train  V  did  it.  If  he  had  n't,  he 
might  'a'  been  lynched." 

"  Lynched  !  "  screamed  the  mother,  sitting 
suddenly  up.  A  direful  cracking  resounded 
under  the  bed-clothes  as  she  did  so,  but  in 
the  excitement  of  the  moment  its  possible 
evil  portent  went  unnoticed. 

"  Lynched,"  repeated  Susan ;  "  that 's  what 
I  said,  'n'  bein1  's  I  was  brought  up  to  speak 
the  truth  'n'  fear  no  man,  you  c'n  depend 
upon  its  bein'  so.  But  you  must  eat  your 
breakfast,  Mrs.  Lathrop,  —  you  must  n't 
go  without  eatin'  or  you  '11  lose  your  strength 
'n'  then  blood  poison  '11  set  in.  'N'  that 
reminds  me  't  Mr.  Weskin  asked  me  yester- 
day if  you  'd  made  your  will.  Have  you  ?  " 

"  No  ;  but  I  want  to  know  about  —  " 

"  He  says  you  'd  ought  to  right  off.  He 
says  there  's  no  tellin'  where  anythin'  '11  end 
'n'  it  's  wise  to  be  prepared  for  the  worst. 
He  said  he  knowed  a  man  as  walked  on  a 
tack  'n'  jus*  called  it  a  tack,  'n'  first  they  had 
to  cut  off  the  tack  'n'  then  the  toe  'n'  then 
the  foot,  'n'  they  kept  on  slicin'  him  higher 
'n'  higher  till  he  died  without  no  will  a  tall. 
I  said  you  was  n't  no  tack  but  a  cow,  but  he 
said  it  was  all  one,  'n'  I  guess  it  is  's  far  's 


JATHROP  LATHROFS  COW   105 

the  lawyers  go.  I  expeck  it  M  be  only  a 
poor  lawyer  's  could  n't  argue  a  tack  into  a 
cow  —  'n'  out  of  her  again,  too,  Pr  that 
matter  —  'n'  Mr.  Weskin  ain't  no  poor — " 

"  But  about  Ja—  " 

"  —  Lawyer.  He  's  's  fine  's  they  make. 
O'  course  a  good  deal  o'  the  time  no  one 
knows  what  he  means,  but  that  ain't  nothin' 
ag'in'  him,  Fr  I  think  with  a  lawyer  you 
ginerally  don't.  It 's  a  part  o'  their  business 
not  to  let  no  one  know  what  they  mean,  Pr 
'flaw  was  simple  no  one  'd  ever  get  fooled." 

"'N' Jath— " 

"  He  's  gone.  You  c'n  make  your  mind 
easy  about  him,  Pr  he  got  away  all  safe. 
Hiram  Mullins  chased  him  clear  to  the 
station  'n'  nigh  to  catched  him,  but  there  was 
a  train  jus'  movin'  out,  'n'  Jathrop  shinned 
up  the  little  fire-escape  on  the  back  o'  the 
calaboose  'n'  was  off.  'N'  now  't  he  is  gone, 
Mrs.  Lathrop,  I  'm  goin'  to  right  out  plain 
'n'  tell  you  to  your  face  's  it  's  a  good  thing 
Pr  you  's  he  is  gone,  'n'  you  want  to  thank 
Heaven  's  sent  him  to  you  't  that  train  was 
so  handy  to  take  him  away  ag'in." 

"But  what  —  "  asked  Mrs.  Lathrop 
feebly. 


106       JATHROP   LATHROFS   COW 

"  It  was  the  cow,"  said  Susan.  "  Don't 
you  remember  how  I  run  last  night  ?  I  hear 
a  noise,  'n'  my  first  thought  was  *s  it  was 
Jathrop  or  mebbe  the  butcher,  but  I  got  to 
the  window  jus'  in  time  to  see  a  tail  make 
the  turn  o'  the  gate,  'n'  the  seein'  the  tail 
showed  right  off 's  it  warn't  Jathrop  nor  yet 
the  butcher.  Seems  't  Jathrop,  not  seein'  no 
ring  to  tie  her  to,  tied  her  to  a  spoke  in  the 
hay-rack  'n'  in  her  mooin'  she  broke  it. 
Seems't  then  she  squose  out  into  the  chicken- 
coop  'n'  then  busted  right  through  the  wire 
nettin'  'n'  set  off.  She  run  like  wild  fire,  they 
say.  She  headed  right  f 'r  town  'n'  down  the 
main  street.  She  come  into  the  square 
lickety-split,  'n'  the  town  committee  was  in  the 
middle  of  it  examinin'  the  band-stand  where 
Judge  Fitch  says  't  it  shakes  when  he  has  to 
stamp  'n'  pound  in  his  speeches.  She  come 
on  the  committee  so  sudden  't  they  did  n't 
even  know  what  it  was.  She  knocked 
Deacon  White  over  on  his  back,  'n'  threw 
Mr.  Shores  so  hard  ag'in'  the  waterin'-trough 
't  all  his  suspender  tins  come  out  before  'n' 
behind.  Gran'ma  Mullins  was  comin'  across 
with  six  new  teacups  done  up  in  each  hand. 
Ed  was  comin'  along  after  her  with  the 


JATHROP  LATHROFS  COW   107 

saucers,  but  she  'd  told  Mr.  Kimball  right  out 
to  his  face  as  she  would  n't  trust  Ed  with 
nothin'  as  had  handles  'n'  so  she  'd  carry 
them  cups  home  herself.  The  cow  hit  her 
cornering,  'n'  them  cups  'n'  her  false  teeth 
went  all  over  the  square.  Some  o'  'em  hit 
Deacon  White  in  the  face  where  he  lay 
gaspin',  but  the  cow  never  stopped.  She 
jus'  flew.  Mr.  Fisher  was  hurryin'  along 
to  join  the  rest  o'  the  committee  't  the  band- 
stand, 'n'  he  met  her  next.  She  lowered 
her  head  'n'  jus'  gouged  Mr.  Fisher's  three- 
quarters  around  him  'n'  tore  right  on.  She 
took  the  crick  road,  'n'  Polly  Allen  'n'  Sam 
Duruy  was  out  walkin'  'n'  see  her  pass. 
They  say  greased  lightenin'  was  donkeys 
to  the  way  she  went.  The  minister  'n' 
the  six  childern  was  jus'  comin'  home  from 
Mrs.  Brown's,  'n'  the  five  childern  at  home 
was  all  come  runnin'  to  meet  them.  The 
cow  charged  right  into  the  middle  o'  the 
bunch,  'n'  the  minister  'n'  all  them  eleven 
childern  is  laid  out  f'r  one  spell. 

"  Well,  'n'  even  then  she  did  n't  stop. 
Seemed  like  ploughin'  through  the  minister's 
family  only  give  her  fresh  strength.  She 
kept  right  straight  on  down  the  crick  road, 


108       JATHROP   LATHROP'S   COW 

'n'  jus'  by  the  ditch  she  come  on  Mr.  'n' 
Mrs.  Jilkins.  They  was  comin'  up  to  town 
to  spend  the  night  with  the  Whites,  'n'  they 
had  the  green  'n'  yellow  parasol  all  done  up 
to  send  to  Mrs.  Jilkins'  niece  along  with 
'em.  The  cow  was  's  unexpected  to  them 
as  to  every  one  else,  'n'  she  hit  the  parasol 
right  square  in  the  middle.  It  broke,  'n'  the 
wires  all  bust  out  'n'  punched  Mr.  Jilkins 
full  o'  holes  afore  he  had  time  to  point  it  at 
his  wife.  She  got  her  share  anyhow,  though, 
f'r  that  dog's  nose  handle  caught  her  right 
aroun'  her  leg  'n'  throwed  her  head  fore- 
most into  the  ditch. 

"  'N'  the  cow  did  n't  stop  then  !  She 
rushed  right  along,  'n'  on  the  first  bridge 
was  Mrs.  Macy.  She  was  standin'  wonderin' 
what  was  to  pay  up  the  road,  'n'  then  she 
see  it  was  a  cow.  Well,  Mrs.  Lathrop,  you 
know  what  Mrs.  Macy  is  on  cows.  I  hear 
her  say  one  day  as  she  'd  rather  have  a 
mouse  run  up  her  skirts  any  day  'n  a  cow. 
She  told  me  't  she  often  go  'way  round  by 
Cherry  Pond  sooner  'n  be  alone  with  one  in 
the  road,  'n'  such  bein'  the  case,  you  can't 
suppose  but  what  she  was  mortal  scared. 
Her  story  is  's  she  only  had  time  to  see  its 


JATHROP  LATHROFS   COW       109 

horns  'n'  the  wildness  of  its  eyes  afore  she 
never  will  know  what  did  possess  her.  She 
never  see  a  cow  that  near  in  all  her  life  before, 
'n'  she  says  'f  that 's  the  way  they  look  face 
to,  she  ain't  surprised  't  folks  sit  a  little  back 
when  milkin'.  It  was  nigh  to  on  to  her,  'n' 
you  know  yourself  't  the  bridge  is  narrow 
'n'  Mrs.  Macy  ain't.  Well,  Mrs.  Lathrop, 
you  c'n  believe  me  or  not  jus'  's  you  please, 
'cause  it  '11  be  Mrs.  Macy  's  you  '11  be 
doubtin'  anyhow,  but  this  is  what  she  says 
happened.  The  bridge  is  here,  you  know," 
Susan  laid  off  the  plan  on  her  knee, "  'n'  the 
road  is  here.  The  cow  was  runnin'  like  mad 
along  here^  'n'  Mrs.  Macy  was  white  'n' 
tremblin'  so  't  the  whole  bridge  shook  under 
her,  right  atop  of  it.  She  says  to  her  dyin' 
day  she  '11  never  see  how  she  done  it,  but 
she  jus'  grabbed  her  skirts,  spread  'em  out 
wide  'n'  said  '  Shoo ! '  's  loud  's  she  could. 
Her  story  is  't  the  cow  stopped,  like  she 
was  struck  dumb  that  second ;  then  she 
reared  up  's  pretty  a  rear  's  Mrs.  Macy  '11 
ever  ask  to  see,  'n'  then  she  fell  sideways 
into  the  mill-race.  The  water  was  on  full 
'n'  she  went  right  down  'n'  into  the  mill- 
wheel,  'n'  some  of  her  caught  in  it  'n'  she 


110      JATHROP   LATHROFS   COW 

could  n't  budge.  It  squinched  her  right  up, 
'n'  she  kicked  some,  'n'  mooed  some,  'n'  bust 
the  wheel  some,  'n'  died. 

"  But  Mrs.  Macy  wa'n't  wastin'  no  time 
or  words  on  the  cow.  She  was  walkin'  's  fast 
's  she  could  along  to  where  the  nearest  noise 
was  comin'  from. 

"  First  she  found  Mr.  Jilkins  sittin'  on  a 
stump  pickin'  parasol  outo'  himself 'n'  swear- 
in'  in  away  's  Mrs.  Macy  hopes  to  be  spared 
hereafter.  While  she  was  jus'  bridge  side  o' 
him,  Mrs.  Jilkins  come  scramblin'  up  out  o' 
the  ditch  madder  'n  sixty-five  hornets.  Seems 
she  'd  got  most  to  the  top  twice,  'n'  it  was 
so  slippery  't  she'd  slid  clean  back  to  the 
bottom  again.  Mrs.  Macy  says  the  Lord 
forgive  her  all  her  sins  forever  'n'  ever,  'f 
she  ever  see  such  a  sight  afore.  She  tried 
to  wring  her  out  in  spots,  but  she  was  way 
beyond  wringin'.  Besides,  Mrs.  Macy  says 
she  ain't  been  a  widow  so  long  but  what  she 
see  't  a  glance  't  they  'd  be  better  'n'  happier 
without  no  third  party  by,  'n'  so  she  left  'em 
'n'  went  on  to  where  the  minister  'n'  his 
family  was  feebly  tryin*  to  put  themselves 
together  again.  Polly  Allen  'n'  Sam  was 
there  helpin'  'em,  'n'  Mrs.  Allen  was  up  on 


JATHROP  LATHROFS   COW       111 

the  porch  with  the  minister's  wife.  Seems  't 
was  her  first  sittin'  up, 'n'  they  'd  got  her  out 
in  a  rocker  to  see  him  come  home  jus'  in 
time  to  see  him  run  over.  She  took  on 
awful  'cause  she  thought  't  he  was  killed, 
sure,  'n'  then  when  she  found  't  he  was  n't, 
the  shock  done  her  up  completely.  They 
had  to  put  her  straight  back  in  bed,  'n'  then 
they  put  the  minister  'n  his  broken  nose  in 
with  her  'n'  went  to  work  on  the  rest  o* 
'em.  Sam  Duruy  got  young  Dr.  Brown 
there  's  quick  's  he  could,  'n'  young  Dr. 
Brown  took  off  his  coat  'n'  rolled  up  his 
sleeves  'n'  jus'  went  for  'em.  He  got  the 
bandagin'  's  was  ordered  for  your  leg,  'n' 
used  it  right  up  on  the  minister's  family. 
He  sent  for  all  Shores'  flaxseed  'n'  all 
Kimball's  cotton,  'n'  then  if  he  did  n't  pitch 
in!  I  was  there  by  that  time,  'n'  we  set 
Polly  to  fryin'  poultices,  'n'  Mrs.  Macy  'n' 
me  slapped  'em  on  hot.  Sam  was  sent  with 
the  horse  to  get  the  doctor's  darnin'-needles 
'n'  thread,  'n'  young  Dr.  Brown  told  him  to 
drive  by  the  station  'n'  tell  Johnny  to  tele- 
graph to  Meadville  f'r  old  Dr.  Carter  to 
come  over.'n'  help  him  's  fast  as  he  could. 
"  Well,  Mrs.  Lathrop,  I  wish  't  you  could 


'a'  been  there  to  see  us.  The  water  jus' 
streamed  off  Mrs.  Macy  'n'  me,  'n'  I  bet 
them  poultices  was  hot,  for  no  one  never 
asked  f'r  a  nother  o'  their  own  free  will. 
Young  Dr.  Brown  soon  had  to  take  off  his 
vest,  'n'  roll  up  his  sleeves  considerably  more 
high,  'n'  I  will  say  't  beavers  was  nothin'  to 
the  way  he  worked.  When  he  had  the  last 
one  sewed  off  'n'  was  ready  to  go,  he  looked 
like  there  was  nothin'  left  's  he  did  n't  know 
how  to  do.  He  brung  me  home  in  his 
buggy.  I  know  it  was  pretty  late,  'n'  I 
never  was  no  great  hand  to  approve  o'  buggy- 
ridin'  after  dark,  but  he's  married  'n'  I 
thought 's  no  real  harm  could  come  o'  it,  so  I 
up  'n'  in.  Mrs.  Macy  said  she  'd  stay  all  night 
'n'  sleep  with  'Liza  Em'ly  'n'  Rachel  Rebecca 
in  the  little  half-bed.  We  come  up  along 
through  town,  'n'  I  tell  you  I  never  see  the 
square  so  gay  any  election  night  's  it  was  last 
night.  Not  a  store  was  closed,  'n'  Mr.  Kim- 
ball  was  sellin'  soda-water  't  four  cents  a  glass, 
with  a  small  sheet  o'  court  plaster  throwed  in 
at  that.  Dr.  Brown  stopped  to  go  in  back  o' 
the  fountain  'n'  mix  suthin'  't  they  keep  there 
for  him,  'n'  it  was  then  's  I  hear  about  Jathrop. 
"  Seems  't  along  about  'n  hour  after  the 


JATHROP  LATHROPS   COW       113 

cow  'd  run  over  everybody,  Jathrop  come 
moonin'  back  from  where  the  butcher  lives 
out  Cherry  Pond  way.  Seems  't  the  sight 
o'  his  calmness  jus'  sort  o'  set  every  one  's 
was  n't  a  wreck  plum  crazy.  Seems  't  when 
he  asked  what  was  up  Deacon  White  shook 
his  fist  't  him  'n'  said  he  was  what  'd  ought 
to  be  up  —  strung  up,  'n'  Hiram  Mullins 
wanted  to  souse  him  in  the  waterin'-trough. 
Seems  't  Hiram  was  mad  'cause  he  paid  for 
them  teeth  o'  Gran'ma  Mullins,  'n'  the  tea- 
cups too.  Well,  it  was  pretty  lively,  'n'  the 
first  thing  any  one  knew  Mr.  Weskin  drawed 
Jathrop  off"  to  one  side  to  cross-examine  him 
a  little,  'n'  Hiram  see  him  start  to  run  fr  the 
station.  Hiram  did  n't  waste  no  words  findin' 
fault  't  Lawyer  Weskin's  lettin'  him  go,  but 
he  went  after  him  jus'  jumpin'.  He  did  n't 
catch  him,  though,  'n'  so  that 's  the  end  o' 
Jathrop." 

Miss  Clegg  paused,  and  drew  a  long,  re- 
freshing breath. 

"  I  guess  you  've  had  a  nice  breakfast," 
she  said  in  a  minute,  "  only  you  'd  ought  to 
eat  more." 

"I  didn't  feel  much — "  said  Mrs.  La- 
th rop. 


114   JATHROP  LATHROFS  COW 

"Well,  you'd  ought  to.  How's  your 
leg  ?  C'n  you  feel  it  this  mornin'  ?  " 

"Oh,  yes,  I  c'n  — " 

"  Then  it 's  all  right  so  far.  But  I  hear 
last  night  's  you  c'n  feel  a  leg  even  after  it  's 
been  cut  off.  Mrs.  Macy  says  she  heard  of 
a  man  's  suffers  awful  yet  in  a  leg  as  he  lost 
in  a  planin'-mill  over  thirty  years  ago." 

"  My  Lord  alive  !  "  cried  Mrs.    Lathrop. 

"  So  you  see  you  ain't  sure  whether  your 
leg 's  still  there  or  not.  However,  I  Ve  got 
to  go,  leg  or  no  kg.  I  told  Mrs.  Macy  I  'd 
be  at  the  minister's  at  half-past  eight  to  boil 
'em  all  fresh  'n'  I  ain't  got  more  'n  time 
to  make  it  easy.  I  '11  be  home  to  get  you 
some  dinner." 

"  I  wish  I  knew  where  Ja —  " 

Susan  stopped  in  the  act  of  bending  for 
the  tray. 

"  Mrs.  Lathrop  !  —  Mrs.  Lathrop  !  Do 
you  mean  to  say  's  you  don't  know  a  blessin' 
when  it  's  throwed  right  square  in  your  face 
like  yesterday  ?  Jathrop  's  gone,  'n'  he  can't 
never  come  back,  'n'  if  you  had  ten  legs  you 
'd  ought  to  yield  the  last  one  o'  'em  up  to 
Heaven  without  a  murmur  out  o'  sheer 
gratitude  over  his  bein'  took.  Now  you  lay 


JATHROP  LATHROFS  COW   115 

still  there  V  don't  even  think  such  foolish- 
ness, or  the  Lord  may  lose  his  patience  like 
the  cow  did  hers,  'n'  after  feelin'  'n'  seein' 
'n'  hearin'  what  a  cow  c'n  do,  I  should  n't 
feel  noways  inclined  to  rouse  the  Lord  'f  I 
was  you." 

So  saying,  Susan  took  up  her  tray  and  left 
the  room. 


The  morning  was  very  long  to  the  broken- 
legged  one,  who  found  herself  quite  unable 
to  sleep  under  such  circumstances.  Her 
mind  did  not  exactly  race  about  among  the 
startling  developments  of  the  past  few  hours, 
but  it  did  dwell  dubiously  upon  the  more 
unfortunate  phases  of  past,  present,  and 
(possible)  future  events. 

She  was  glad  beyond  words  when  she 
heard  Miss  Clegg's  step  on  the  kitchen  stoop 
about  noon,  and  two  minutes  later  Susan  was 
occupying  the  rocker,  and  the  repast  which 
she  had  brought  with  her  was  beginning  to 
occupy  her  friend. 

"  It  's  jus'  awful  's  you  can't  get  out,"  the 
visitor  said  sympathetically  ;  "  you  're  missin' 
things  's  you  '11  never  have  a  chance  to  see 


116       JATHROP  LATHROFS   COW 

again  —  not  'f  you  live  's  high  's  Methusy- 
lem.  The  whole  c'mmunity  is  in  the  square 
or  else  on  the  crick  road.  They  've  got  the 
minister  laid  out  on  the  sofa,  like  he  was  a 
president,  'n'  Polly  Allen  's  right  there  every 
minute  to  open  the  door  'n'  keep  the  line  a- 
movin' !  Every  one  wants  to  see  the  minister 
'n'  every  one  wants  to  see  the  cow  ;  so  some 
goes  for  the  minister  first  'n'  the  cow  later, 
'n'  others  looks  't  the  cow  first  'n'  takes  the 
minister  in  on  the  way  back.  They  all  stop 
one  way  or  the  other  to  look  down  at  Mrs. 
Jilkins'  clawin's  on  the  side  o'  the  ditch,  'n' 
they  say  the  way  she  dug  in  the  time  she 
finally  made  it  's  almost  beyond  belief.  The 
minister  says  it's  nothin'  but  a  joy  to  him 
to  welcome  his  friends.  He  lays  there  'n' 
quotes  *  All  thy  waves  'n'  billows  went  right 
over  me,'  'n'  smiles  under  his  cotton,  but 
Mr.  Kimball  says  'f  he  told  the  truth  he  'd 
say  *  Jathrop  Lathrop's  cow  's  went  right 
over  me  '  instid. 

"  I  must  say  's  the  minister  seems  to  be 
survivin'  better  'n  his  wife.  She  says  she 
thought  't  the  baby  was  the  last  straw,  'n' 
now  here  was  a  cow  ten  thousand  times 
worse.  She  says  bein'  resigned  is  all  right 


JATHROP  LATHROFS   COW       117 

'f  you  c'n  be  alone  'n'  sit  down  in  peace,  but 
she  'd  like  to  know  how  any  one  c'd  resign 
themselves  to  a  husband  'n'  twelve  childern 
all  freshly  stepped  on.  I  told  her  's  the  new 
baby  had  n't  been  touched,  but  she  seemed 
beyond  payin'  attention  to  trifles  like  tellin' 
the  truth. 

"Young  Dr.  Brown  's  awful  anxious  for 
some  fresh  cotton  'n'  old  Dr.  Carter  to  get 
here  from  Meadville.  He  says  he  wants  to 
dress  Henry  Ward  Beecher's  ear  'f  anybody 
c'n  ever  catch  Henry  Ward  Beecher.  'Liza 
Em'ly  's  goin'  around  huggin'  herself  'n' 
groanin'  to  beat  the  band,  but  young  Dr. 
Brown  says  he  can't  do  nothin'  for  her  be- 
cause there  ain't  no  way  to  get  in  behind  a 
rib  'n'  pry  it  out  to  place  again.  1  guess  the 
truth  o'  the  matter  is  't  he  's  jus'  plum  tired 
out  piecin'  'n'  mendin'.  It 's  been  a  big  job 
sewin'  up  after  Jathrop's  cow  tore  round  like 
that.  They  say  's  he  had  all  of  a  foot  to 
over-'n'-over  along  Mr.  Fisher,  'n'  Mr. 
Jilkins  is  jus'  tufted  like  a  sofa  where  he 
stopped  up  where  he  was  skewered.  Mrs. 
Jilkins  is  pretty  hot  yet  over  the  parasol's 
bein'  bust  'cause  she  'd  wrote  her  niece  's 
she  was  goin'  to  give  it  to  her  'n'  her  niece 


118       JATHROP   LATHROPS   COW 

's  bought  a  hat  with  yellow  buttercups  'n' 
green  leaves  jus'  to  match  it.  But  I  '11 
tell  you  who  's  in  a  sad  way,  —  it  's  poor 
Gran'ma  Mullins.  From  the  first  second 
's  they  got  her  right  end  up  again  she  begin 
to  ask  suthin',  'n'  on  a'count  o'  her  teeth 
bein'  gone  no  one  could  make  out  what  it 
was.  Hiram  did  n't  get  no  sleep  all  night 
with  her  sighin'  'n'  mumblin',  'n*  towards 
mornin'  he  made  out  's  she  was  wantin'  to 
know  'f  Mr.  Kimball  'd  replace  them  cups  's 
the  cow  smashed.  Hiram  went  right  after 
breakfast  'n'  asked,  'n'  Mr.  Kimball  said  not 
on  Hiram's  tin-type  he  would  n't.  He  said 
Gran'ma  Mullins  was  carryin'  'em  herself 
sooner 'n  trust  Ed,  'n'  he  wa'n't  to  blame  f'r 
such  wild  animals  's  might  naturally  fancy 
takin'  after  her.  They  tried  to  console  her 
by  lettin'  her  see  her  teeth  get  put  in  a 
mustard  box  to  go  to  the  city  to  be  mended, 
but  the  worst  of  it  is  's  two  of  the  teeth 
can't  be  found  in  the  square,  'n'  Deacon 
White  thinks  he  swallowed  'em  when  he  laid 
there  gaspin'  so  wide  open.  He  says  he 
never  knowed  such  queer  feelin's  's  he  had  las' 
night.  Mrs.  Fisher  was  there,  'n'  she  said 
'f  Deacon  White  was  bothered  's  to  how  to 


JATHROP   LATHROFS   COW       119 

act  with  them  teeth  he  only  needed  to  go  'n' 
consult  Mr.  Fisher  'cause  there  's  nothin'  in 
the  wide  world  's  Mr.  Fisher  ain't  sure  't 
he  knows  more  about  'n  any  one  else.  She 
says  Mr.  Fisher  ain't  a  bit  suited  't  the  way 
young  Dr.  Brown  brought  his  edges  together, 
'n'  she  says  he  says  'tjus'  as  soon  's  he  ain't 
so  stiff  'n'  sore  about  leanin'  over  he  's 
goin'  to  take  all  them  stitches  out  'n'  sew 
himself  up  the  way  't  he  'd  ought  to  be 
sewed." 

Mrs.  Lathrop  turned  a  little  in  bed. 
Again  the  cracking  noise  might  be  heard, 
but  neither  one  of  the  friends  had  mental 
leisure  to  notice  it. 

"  Mr.  Weskin  stopped  me  on  my  way 
home,"  Susan  continued,  "  'n'  asked  me 
what  steps  you  was  intendin*  to  take  in  re- 
gard to  the  lawsuits  for  damages — " 

"  Damages  !  "  cried  Mrs.  Lathrop  in  great 
fright. 

"  Yes,  your  cow's  damages." 

"  My  cow  !  I  did  n't  have  nothin'  to  do 
with  her  except  get  kicked  by —  " 

"  I  know,  but  Mr.  Weskin  explained  all 
that  to  me.  Jathrop  's  gone  nobody  knows 
where,  'n'  so  you  come  next.  'F  he 's 


120       JATHROP   LATHROFS   COW 

proved  dead  leavin'  property  it  'd  be  yours, 
'n'  if  he  leaves  damage-suits  you  inherit 
'em  jus'  the  same." 

"  My  heavens  !  " 

"Mr.  Weskin  says  that's  how  it  is,  'n' 
he  mus'  know.  I  Ve  always  had  a  great 
respeck  for  what  Mr.  Weskin  knows  ever 
since  he  went  into  court  'n'  proved  's  the 
mill  's  the  other  side  o'  the  crick  from 
where  it  is,  jus'  by  havin'  Hiram  Mullins 
'n'  Sam  Duruy  stand  up  'n'  swear  the  mill- 
race  run  'round  behind  it.  I  never  could 
see  how  he  done  it,  but  I  never  felt  to 
blame  myself  none  f'r  that,  'cause  it  takes 
another  lawyer  to  see  what  a  lawyer  's  doin' 
anyhow.  When  a  lawyer  says  anythin'  's 
so  to  me,  I  never  take  no  time  to  disbelieve 
him  'cause  'f  he  wa'n't  able  to  prove  the 
truth  o'  his  own  lyin'  he  'd  never  get  to 
be  in  the  law  a  tall.  On  the  other  hand, 
though,  I  don't  trust  him  none,  even  if  I 
ain't  a  mite  o'  doubt  as  to  what  he  says. 
Believin'  is  cheap,  you  c'n  believe  the  whole 
Bible  'n'  it  won't  cost  a  cent  'n'  is  suthin'  to 
your  credit ;  but  trustin'  live  folks  is  always 
expensive.  'F  Lawyer  Weskin  says  's  you 
c'n  be  sued,  you  're  pretty  safe  to  feel  it 's  so 


JATHROP  LATHROFS   COW       121 

• —  the  more  so  's  it  was  him  's  sent  Jathrop 
off  so  slick.  But  I  ain't  so  sure  't  I  'd  sit 
down  V  let  him  sue  me  'f  I  was  you.  He 
c'n  sue,  from  now  on,  but  it 's  for  you  to 
c'nsider  whether  he  gets  anythin'  but  fun 
out  o'  it  or  not.  'F  you  're  willin'  to  be 
sued,  it 's  ownin'  you  know  you  've  done 
suthin',  'n'  you  ain't  done  nothin'  —  it  was 
the  cow 's  did  it  to  you.  There  ain't  nothin' 
to  be  gained  f'r  even  the  wicked  by  ownin' 
up  to  bein'  wicked  in  court,  'n'  they  often 
get  off  by  ownin'  up  to  bein'  innocent.  You 
can't  never  lose  nothin'  by  swearin'  's  it  wa'n't 
you,  'n'  's  far  as  my  observation  's  extended, 
a  person  's  starts  out  by  tryin'  to  be  honest 
'n'  sayin',  c  Yes,  I  done  it, '  soon  finds  them- 
selves with  the  whole  neighborhood  laid  at 
their  door  'n'  never  no  thanks  for  it,  neither. 
"  Mr.  Weskin  says  't  Deacon  White 
says  't  some  one  's  got  to  pay  him  Pr  hap- 
penin'  to  swallow  Gran'ma  Mullins'  teeth 
when  he  wa'n't  thinkin'.  Well,  'f  he  's  got 
a  right  to  anythin',  pretty  nigh  all  the  c'm- 
munity  's  got  a  equal  right.  There  's  Mr. 
Fisher  with  a  slice  out  o'  his  side,  'n'  them 
nine  teacups  o'  Gran'ma  Mullins'.  There  's 
Mr.  Jilkins  goin'  to  set  a  price  for  every  par- 


122   JATHROP  LATHROFS  COW 

asol  punch  he  got,  V  Mrs.  Jilkins  goin'  to 
want  a  new  parasol. 

"  'N'  then  it  'd  be  jus'  like  young  Dr. 
Brown  to  perk  up  'n'  send  you  a  bill,  instid 
o'  bein'  everlastin'ly  grateful  for  all  the 
teachin'  he  owes  straight  to  you.  He 's  had 
a  chance  to  perform  'most  every  kind  o' 
operation  'n'  to  use  up  the  last  drop  o'  all 
his  old  liniments  jus'  as  a  result  o'  that  one 
cow.  Then  too  he 's  had  a  chance  to  call 
old  Dr.  Carter  over  in  consultation,  'n'  in 
the  ordinary  run  o'  things  he  could  n't  o' 
'xpected  to  have  nothin'  to  consult  about 
Pr  years  'n'  years.  He  's  a  made  young  man 
'n'  all  in  one  night,  jus'  owin'  to  you,  'n'  the 
last  time  he  whipped  his  horse  through  the 
square  to-day,  Mr.  Kimball  said  he  looked 
so  busy  't  he  supposed  they  'd  elect  him  our 
next  mayor. 

"  You  was  n't  responsible  f'r  the  cow's 
gettin',  'n'  Jathrop  was.  It 's  Jathrop  's  is  to 
blame,  'n' if  any  one 's  to  be  sued  it  'd  ought 
to  be  him,  'n'  he  ain't  got  no  property  but 
the  cow,  'n'  she  's  hung  up  dead  'n'  her  own 
damage,  so  it's  no  use  suin'  him  Pr  anythin'. 
Folks  's  ain't  got  nothin'  don't  never  have 
any  law  troubles,  'n'  Jathrop  is  gone  off  'n' 


JATHROP  LATHROPS  COW       123 

so  he  's  specially  handy  to  blame  for  every- 
thin*.  'S  far  's  my  observation  's  'xtended, 
it 's  always  folks  a  long  ways  off  's  it 's 
wisest  to  lay  all  the  faults  to,  'n'  'f  I  was 
you  —  " 

Mrs.  Lathrop's  eyes  suddenly  started  out 
of  her  head. 

"  I  can't  feel  my  leg ! "  she  cried. 

Susan  sprang  to  her  feet. 

"  It 's  the  plaster !  "  she  exclaimed ;  then, 
starting  towards  the  door,  "  I  '11  run  'n'  get 
the  axe  'n'  hack  you  right  out." 

"  No  —  no,"  screamed  Mrs.  Lathrop, "  not 
the  axe." 

"  Then  I  '11  bring  up  the  teakettle  'n' 
pour  boilin'  water  on  it  till  it  softens  'n' 
comes  off." 

"  No,  I  don't  want  —  " 

"Well,  Mrs.  Lathrop,"  —  Susan  looked 
her  disapproval,  —  "  seems  to  me  you  're  jus' 
a  little  fussy.  I  must  say  if  you  ain't  willin' 
to  have  it  broke  off  or  soaked  off,  I  can't 
well  see  how  it 's  goin'  to  be  got  off." 

Mrs.  Lathrop  bunched  herself  somewhat, 
and  a  grating  and  powdering  noise  resulted. 

"  I  drew  it  right  up  !  "  she  cried  joyfully. 

Susan's  expression  became  enigmatic. 


124       JATHROP  LATHROFS  COW 

Mrs.  Lathrop  manoeuvred  further. 

"  I  straightened  it  out !  "  she  announced 
further. 

Miss  Clegg  approached  the  bed. 

"  I  don't  believe  's  it  was  ever  broke," 
she  said  in  deep  disgust. 

"  Dr.  Brown  said  he  wa'n't  sure,"  the 
invalid  continued,  elongating  and  contract- 
ing herself,  caterpillar-like,'  "  he  said  's  he  'd 
wait  the  windin'  —  " 

"  Mrs.  Lathrop,"  said  Susan  suddenly, 
"  I  Ve  jus'  thought!  It's  this  afternoon  's 
the  butcher  'n'  the  man  's  mends  church 
spires  's  comin'  together  to  get  the  cow  out 
o*  the  mill-wheel.  The  whole  c'mmunity  's 
goin'  down  to  look  on,  'n'  I  can't  see  no 
good  'n'  s'fficient  reason  why  you  should  n't 
go  too.  I  '11  help  you  dress,  'n'  we  '11  scurry 
along  right  now.  'F  we  meet  Mr.  Weskin 
'n'  he  says  lawsuit  to  you,  you  jus'  up  'n' 
tell  him  's  you  're  goin'  to  sue  him  for 
throwin'  you  head  foremost  into  a  fever  on 
a'count  o'  not  knowin'  where  your  only  son 
's  been  gone  all  night,  'n'  'f  young  Dr. 
Brown  ever  has  the  face  to  so  much  's  hint 
at  a  bill,  you  jus'  out  'n'  ask  him  'f  he 
knows  a  whole  leg  when  he  sees  one,  'n' 


JATHROP  LATHROPS  COW       125 

if  he  don't  answer,  say  *t  you  've  got  two 
in  spite  o'  his  plaster.  There 's  always  a 
way  out  o'  anythin'  'f  a  person  only  don't 
try  to  think  it  out,  but  jus'  speaks  up  sharp 
'n'  decided.  Come  on  'n'  get  up  now,  'n' 
I  '11  help  you  hurry,  'n'  your  leg  won't  miss 
nothin'  after  all." 

Mrs.  Lathrop  got  out  of  bed  at  once. 


IV 

SUSAN    CLEGG'S    COUSIN 
MARION 

MRS.  LATHROP  was  of  a  placid 
disposition,  and  not  inclined  towards 
even  that  species  of  mental  activity  which  a 
more  than  usual  amount  of  astonishment 
demands.  Therefore  when  she  saw  Susan 
going  out  one  very  rainy  day  she  merely 
wondered  where  her  energetic  neighbor  was 
going,  and  when,  an  hour  later,  she  ob- 
served the  same  lady  returning,  she  contin- 
ued her  usual  trend  of  thought  by  the  mild- 
est possible  further  development  of  a  species 
of  curiosity  as  to  where  she  had  been. 

Miss  Clegg  perceived  the  interested  gaze 
directed  towards  her  out  of  the  kitchen  win- 
dow and  decided  to  go  in  next  door  for  a 
little  visit.  To  that  end  she  passed  her 
own  gate,  entered  Mrs.  Lathrop's,  pro- 
ceeded up  the  front  walk,  stacked  her  drip- 
126 


SUSAN   CLEGG'S   COUSIN   MARION     127 

ping  umbrella  against  one  of  the  piazza 
posts,  carefully  disposed  her  rubbers  beside 
the  umbrella,  and  then  entered  the  house. 

She  found  Mrs.  Lathrop  seated  in  the 
kitchen. 

"Why,"  said  that  lady,  "I  thought  you 
was  gone  on  up  to  see  —  " 

"  No,"  said  the  visitor,  "  I  was  to  see  her 
last  week  and  I  sha'n'tgo  again  for  one  while. 
Mrs.  Brown  'n'  me  has  been  friends  'n'  good 
friends  for  too  many  years  to  break  off  sud- 
den, but  still  I  never  'xpected  's  she'd  be  one 
to  try  a  new  receipt  on  me  'n'  never  give  me 
my  choice 's  to  whether  I  'd  risk  it  or  not  until 
a  good  fifteen  minutes  after  I  'd  swallowed 
the  last  bite.  I  can't  feel  anythin'  but  bitter 
still  when  I  think  of  yesterday  'n'  last  night. 
I  was  sittin'  there  's  innocent  's  a  mule  eatin' 
thistles,  'n'  all  of  a  sudden  I  felt  to  say,  f  Mrs. 
Brown,  did  you  put  bakin'  powder  or  yeast 
in  that  cake  ? '  It  was  then  's  she  told  me 
't  she'd  up  'n'  made  it  with  suthin'  's  a 
peddler  throwed  in  at  the  door.  c  Where  's 
the  label  ? '  I  says,  puttin'  my  hand  to 
where  I  felt  the  most  need  o'  knowin'  what 
in  creation  to  come  I  had  got  in  me.  Well, 
Mrs.  Lathrop,  'f  she  hadn't  burned  up  the 


128    SUSAN   CLEGG'S  COUSIN   MARION 

label ;  so  there  was  nothin*  Pr  me  to  do  but 
go  home  V  come  nigh  to  dyin'  of  I  did  n't 
know  what.  I  've  got  a  book, f  The  Handy 
Family  Friend,'  's  tells  what  you  'd  ought 
to  take  after  you  've  took  anythin',  'n'  I 
read  it  'way  through  to  see  'f  there  was  any 
rule  Pr  when  you  don't  know  what  you  've 
took,  but  there  wa'n't  no  directions,  'n' 
so  I  jus'  calmly  spent  the  night  hoppin' 
about  like  mad,  'n'  I  'm  free  to  confess  't 
there'll  be  a  coolness  in  my  feelin's  to- 
wards Mrs.  Brown  henceforth.  I  ain't  said 
nothin'  direct  to  her  herself,  but  I  spoke  my 
full  mind  to  Mrs.  Macy,  'n'  Mrs.  Macy  give 
me  to  understand  's  she  should  let  Mrs. 
Brown  know  my  sufferin's,  'n'  I  mentioned 
to  Mr.  Kimball  's  I  felt  some  hurt  over  bein' 
pierced  to  the  core  with  cake  's  nobody 
knowed  what  had  raised  it,  'n',  although  he 
laughed  'n'  said  mebbe  Cain  raised  it,  still 
I  feel  he  's  safe  to  tell  every  one  in  town. 
I  want  's  every  one  sh'd  know  it.  I  consider 
't  when  a  woman  goes  to  see  another  woman 
she  's  unsuspectin'  o'  any  new  species  o'  cake- 
raisin',  'n'  'f  there  is  any  new  species  in  the 
wind  my  view  o'  the  matter  is  's  it  'd  ought 
to  be  tried  on  somebody  else  'n'  not  on  me." 


SUSAN   CLEGG'S   COUSIN   MARION     129 

Miss  Clegg  stopped  and  shook  her  head 
hard. 

"  Where  have  you  — "  began  Mrs. 
Lathrop. 

"Oh,  that  reminds  me,"  said  the  caller 
with  a  sudden  start.  She  paused  a  second,  as 
if  to  gather  force  for  the  proper  delivery  of 
her  next  speech  ;  a  wondrous  glow  of  uncon- 
scious but  exalted  triumph  rose  to  her  visage. 
"  I  went,"  she  announced,  her  voice  high- 
keyed  with  confidence  as  to  what  was  about 
to  fall  upon  the  totally  unprepared  placidity 
of  the  unsuspecting  Mrs.  Lathrop,  —  "I 
went  to  post  a  letter  to  Cousin  Marion  ! " 

Mrs.  Lathrop's  jaw  dropped.  A  sudden 
and  complete  paralysis  of  all  her  faculties 
seemed  to  be  the  immediate  effect  of  her 
friend's  astounding  communication. 

For  a  full  half-minute  there  was  silence  in 
the  kitchen  while  Susan  rocked  and  enjoyed 
the  sight  of  the  havoc  wrought  by  her  speech. 

But  at  last  Mrs.  Lathrop  gathered  some 
fragments  out  of  the  wreck  of  her  sensibili- 
ties and  said  feebly, — 

"  Why,  Susan,  I  never  hear  as  you  had 
one  single  —  " 

"  Nor  me,  neither,"  said  the  caller,  —  and 

9 


130    SUSAN   CLEGG'S   COUSIN  MARION 

then  the  sluice-gates  opened,  and  the  stream 
swept  through  and  madly  on  again,  —  "nor 
me,  neither,  Mrs.  Lathrop.  I  never  even 
dreamed  o'  any  such  goin's  on,  V  I  c'n  as- 
sure you  's  the  shock  's  come  's  heavy  on 
me  's  on  you.  I  went*up  garret  this  mornin' 
's  innocent  's  a  babe  whose  mother  's  yet 
unborn,  'n'  there  I  found  her." 

"In  the  garret ! "  cried  Mrs.  Lathrop. 

Miss  Clegg  drew  a  long  breath. 

"In  a  trunk.  'N'  jus'  's  unexpected  's 
the  comin'  o'  Judgment  Day.  Mrs.  La- 
throp, you  c'n  believe  me  or  not  jus'  's  you 
please,  but  I  give  you  my  Gospel  word  of 
honor  as  when  I  turned  down  the  flap  o' 
a  trunk  'n'  see  that  old  mousey  letter  stuck 
in  it  cornerways,  I  no  more  thought  o'  find- 
in'  a  cousin  than  I  did  o'  findin'  a  moth,  'n' 
you  know  how  scarce  moths  is  with  me ;  I 
ain't  so  much  's  seen  one  'xcept  on  your 
side  o'  the  house  in  twenty  years,  I  do  be- 
lieve. 'N'  I  could  n't  in  conscience  say  's  I 
was  pleased  when  I  did  see  the  letter,  f'r  I 
thought  's  like  's  not  it  was  a  bill,  'n'  any- 
how I  wa'n't  inclined  to  be  over-pleased  at 
anythin'  this  mornin'  —  I  persume  you  saw 
how  the  minister  come  in  on  me  ?  " 


SUSAN  CLEGG'S  COUSIN   MARION     131 

"  Yes,"  said  Mrs.  Lathrop,  "  I  see  him. 
What  —  " 

"  Wanted  to  name  the  baby  after  me,  'n' 
I  call  it  a  pretty  time  to  come  namin'  a  baby 
when  a  woman  has  got  one  leg  on  a  ladder 
'n'  her  head  tied  up  for  bats.  I  thought  he 
was  the  tin-peddler  from  Meadville,  'n'  I  run 
f'r  my  rag-bag,  'n'  then  there  it  was  only 
the  minister  after  all !  Well,  I  was  n't 
pleased  a  /#//,  'n'  I  did  n't  ask  him  in,  neither. 
I  stood  fair  'n'  square  in  the  doorway,  'n'  'f 
he  was  'xpectin'  to  see  me  look  happy  over 
havin,'  a  compliment  paid  me,  't  was  one 
more  time  's  he  did  n't  get  what  he  'xpected. 
That  was  what  he  called  it,  — c  payin'  me  a 
compliment,'  —  'n'  I  mus'  say  's  it  struck 
me  's  pretty  high-flown  language  f'r  jus' 
simply  wantin'  to  name  a  thirteenth  baby 
after  the  richest  woman  in  the  c'mmunity. 
Seems  to  me  thirteen  was  a  good  many  to 
wait  afore  thinkin'  o'  me  anyhow,  'n'  I  ain't 
noways  sure  's  I  want  a  thirteenth  baby 
named  after  me  anyway.  I  never  was  fool- 
ish like  some  folks,  'n'  you  know  that  's  well 
's  I  do,  Mrs.  Lathrop,  but  still  you  know, 
too,  's  it's  never  nothin'  but  safe  to  keep 
away  fr'm  the  under  side  o'  ladders  'n'  the 


132    SUSAN   CLEGG'S   COUSIN   MARION 

number  thirteen.  I  've  heard  Gran'ma 
Mullins  tell  a  dozen  times  's  how  'f  she  'd 
never  'a'  gone  picnickin'  on  twice  thirteen  — 
that's  twenty-six  —  o'  July  she'd  never  'a' 
met  her  husband,  'n'  might  o'  married  Dea- 
con White.  They  was  both  after  her,  'n' 
she  picked  out  the  wrong  one,  'n'  first  he 
went  to  the  war  'n'  then  he  went  to  the 
dogs,  'n'  now  there  she  is  in  a  four-room 
cottage  'n'  Deacon  White's  wife  orderin'  a 
patent  ice-box  out  o'  a  catalogue  'n'  him 
never  sayin'  a  word.  She  c'd  'a'  took  a  world 
o'  comfort  with  his  daughter,  'n'  I  don't  be- 
lieve she  takes  none  to  speak  o'  with  Hiram, 
'n'  anyway  I  was  clean  put  out  with  the  min- 
ister afore  I  even  see  him,  f 'r  I  can't  abide 
that  way  he  'n'  his  wife  's  both  got  o'  talkin' 
'n'  talkin'  'n'  never  gettin'  aroun'  to  sayin' 
what  they  set  out  to.  I  like  folks  's  is  right 
quick  'n'  sharp,  'n'  these  roamin',  meanderin' 
kind  o'  everlastin'  talkers  ain't  my  idea  a 
tall.  'N'  I  'm  free  to  confess  's  I  did  get 
some  tempered  to-day  standin'  there  listenin' 
to  what  did  n't  interest  me  no  more  'n  a 
pussy-willow,  'n'  me  wild  to  be  rootin'  up 
garret  all  the  time. 

"  O'  course  he  had  to  tell  me  all  about 


SUSAN   CLEGG'S   COUSIN   MARION     133 

the  baby,  'n'  how  Felicia  Hemans  is  jus' 
come  to  the  silly  readin'  age  'n'  's  wild  to 
name  it  Brunhilde.  Seems  's  Felicia  Hemans 
is  out  for  Brunhilde  'n'  the  minister 's  out 
f'r  me.  I  never  hear  o'  no  Brunhilde,  'n'  I 
up  'n'  told  the  minister  so  to  his  face. 
*  Who  is  she  anyhow  ? '  I  says,  flat  'n'  plain, 
for  Lord  knows  'f  he'd  found  a  rich  relation 
I  wanted  my  old  flannels  for  cleanin'  cloths 
hereafter.  But  he  'xplained  's  Felicia  Hemans 
got  Brunhilde  out  o'  a  book  —  the  Nibble 
suthin'  'r  other.  c  Oh,  well,'  I  says,  t  if  you 
c'n  be  suited  with  namin'  your  family  after 
rats  'n'  mice  I  guess  you  c'n  leave  me  out,' 
I  says,  'n'  I  kind  o'  backed  off  so  's  to  try 
'n'  set  him  a-goin',  but  he  stood  still,  'n'  o' 
course  no  true  Christian  c'n  shut  her  door  in 
her  minister's  face  —  even  'f  she  is  stark 
crazy  to  get  to  cleanin'  her  garret.  *  Why 
don't  you  name  her  Minnie  after  yourself? ' 
I  says  (Minister,  you  know),  but  I  c'd 
see  't  he  did  n't  take  to  that  a  tall.  '  Oh, 
well,'  I  says  then,  feelin'  't  I  must  get  rid  o' 
him  somehow,  '  name  her  after  me  'f  you 
want  to  'n'  I'll  give  her  — '  'n'  I  was  jus' 
goin'  to  say  '  my  blessin','  'n'  such  a  look 
come  over  his  face  'n'  —  well,  Mrs.  Lathrop, 


134    SUSAN   CLEGG'S   COUSIN  MARION 

maybe  I  'm  too  tender-hearted  f 'r  my  own 
good,  but  I  jus'  had  the  feelin'  't  I  c'd  's 
easy  pull  the  legs  off  o'  a  live  fly  's  to  dis- 
app'int  that  face,  'n'  so  I  says  c  a  dollar '  right 
off  quick  before  I  really  thought.  'N'  what 
do  you  think?  —  what  do  you  think?  'F 
you  '11  believe  me  he  did  n't  look  overly 
pleased,  'n'  at  that  I  did  warm  up  a  little. 
You  don't  'xpect  much  of  a  minister,  'n'  I 
think  as  a  general  rule  't  we  're  pretty  patient 
with  ours,  but  you  do  'xpect  gratitude,  'n'  a 
dollar's  a  dollar,  'n'  considerin'  the  garret 
into  the  bargain,  I  felt  my  temper  comin' 
pretty  high,  'n'  I  jus'  out  with  what  I  'd 
been  thinkin'  all  along  'n'  I  spoke  the  truth 
flat  'n'  plain  right  to  his  face.  '  I  d'n'  know,' 
I  says,  *  why  I  sh'd  be  'xpected  to  give  your 
baby  more  'n  a  dollar.  She  ain't  my  baby, 
'n'  you  know  's  well  's  I  do  where  the  blame 
f 'r  that  lies,'  'n'  then  I  banged  the  door  in 
his  face.  Maybe  it  was  n't  jus'  the  proper 
thing  to  do,  but  'f  ever  a  woman  had  no 
need  for  a  minister  it  was  me  this  mornin'." 

Susan  paused,  and  Mrs.  Lathrop  seized  the 
chance  to  interpose  a  question. 

"  'N'  about  your  cousin  —  " 

But  Miss  Clegg  was  already  started  again. 


SUSAN   CLEGG'S   COUSIN   MARION     135 

"  I  do  get  so  aggravated  when  I  think 
about  the  minister,"  she  went  on.  "  I  was  say- 
in'  to  Mrs.  Macy  yesterday  's  it  does  seem  's 
'f  I  have  harder  work  keepin'  on  smilin'  terms 
with  my  own  minister  'n'  even  a  Job  might 
in  reason  look  for.  I  would  n't  be  no  woman 
'f  I  had  n't  shown  some  feelin'  over  the  way 
't  he  went  about  town  tellin'  right  'n'  left 
how  nice  them  stockin's  o'  mine  fit  him  after 
they  shrunk  too  small  Pr  me,  'n'  yet  I  ain't 
a  mite  o'  doubt  but  what,  a'cordin'  to  the 
Bible,  I  'd  ought  to  'a'  forgive  him  'n'  turned 
the  other  cheek  into  the  bargain.  Mrs. 
Craig  says  's  Mr.  Kimball  ain't  mincin' 
matters  none,  but  is  jus'  statin'  all  over  's 
it 's  all  on  a'count  o'  my  havin'  bought  the 
wool  o'  Shores ;  she  says  't  he  says  't  if  I  'd 
bought  it  o'  him  I  'd  be  wearin'  all  four  pair 
this  very  day.  She  says  's  Mrs.  Fisher  says 
's  he  told  her  't,  seein'  things  is  's  they  is,  he 's 
lookin'  to  see  them  stockin's  keep  right  on 
shrinkin'  down  through  the  minister's  family 
until  they  end  up  's  socks  on  the  thirteenth 
baby.  A  joke  's  a  joke,  'n'  I  c'n  see  the  p'int 
o'  a  good  joke  's  quick  's  any  one,  but  I  mus' 
say  I  fail  to  see  any  fun  in  such  a  remark. 
'S  far  's  my  observation  's  'xtended,  there 


136    SUSAN   CLEGG'S   COUSIN   MARION 

ain't  nothin'  ladylike  in  the  minister's 
wearin*  my  stockin's,  nor  yet  in  Mr.  Kim- 
ball's  entertainin'  the  whole  c'mmunity  with 
'em.  A'cordin'  to  my  manner  o'  thinkin',  a 
woman  as  '11  give  away  four  pair  o'  brand- 
new  hand-knit  stockin's  for  no  better  reason 
'n  't  the  heels  shrunk  down  under  her  in- 
step, is  doin'  a  deed  o'  Christian  charity 
instead  o'  layin'  herself  open  to  all  manner 
o'  fun-makin'.  'N'  I  ain't  the  only  one  's 
views  the  thing  so  serious,  either,  for  Mr. 
Shores  feels  jus'  's  bad  's  I  do  about  it.  He 
come  runnin'  to  catch  me  the  other  day,  'n' 
asked  me  'f  I  had  n't  mebbe  used  cold  water 
for  the  first  washin'.  I  did  n't  feel  to  thank 
him  none  f 'r  his  interest  afore  he  opened  his 
mouth,  but  I  c'n  assure  you,  Mrs.  Lathrop, 
't  after  he'd  spoke  I  jus'  stood  there  plum- 
petrified  'n'  stock-starin*  f'r  's  much  's  a 
minute  afore  I  c'd  get  voice  to  ask  who  give 
him  the  authority  to  teach  me  how  to  wash 
my  own  stockin's.  'N'  then,  when  I  did 
speak,  I  made  no  bones  's  to  sayin'  jus' 
what  I  thought.  I  never  was  one  to  give 
my  opinion  o'  anythin'  or  anybody  aroun' 
free,  but  I  certainly  did  feel  to  be  open  at 
Mr.  Shores.  I  told  him  's  shrunk  stockin's 


SUSAN   CLEGG'S   COUSIN   MARION     137 

to  my  order  o'  thinkin'  was  a  species  o'  spilt 
milk  's  knowed  no  turnin',  'n'  I  further  told 
him  't  I  'd  take  it 's  a  great  kindness  'f  he  'n' 
the  rest  o'  the  town  would  shut  their  mouths 
right  up  tight  on  my  stockin's.  I  says  to 
him,  I  says,  c  Mr.  Shores,  when  your  wife 
eloped  I  was  one  o'  the  few  —  the  very  few 
—  's  blamed  her,  'n'  I  beg  'n'  pray  't  the 
quality  o'  your  wool  won't  force  me  to  change 
my  mind.  Your  clerk  't  she  eloped  with,' 
I  says,  *  once  give  me  a  nickel  three  cent 
piece  in  place  of  a  dime,'  I  says,  '  'n'  up  to 
the  first  washin'  o'  them  stockin's  1  never  so 
much  's  breathed  a  suspicion  of  your  mebbe 
dividin'  that  seven  cents  with  him.  But 
I  ain't  so  sure  now,'  I  says,  f  'n'  I  ain't 
prepared  to  say  what  I  '11  think  from  now 
on,'  'n'  then  I  walked  off,  leavin*  him 
good  'n'  meek,  I  c'n  assure  you ;  'n'  the 
come-out  o'  that  little  game  is  as  my  trade, 
which  ranged  fr'm  ten  to  fifty  cents  a  week 
'n'  always  cash,  is  lost  to  him  forever 
hereafter." 

Mrs.  Lathrop  was  fairly  choking  with 
impatience. 

"'N'  your  cousin  — "  she  interjected 
quickly,  as  Susan  halted  for  a  slight  rest. 


138    SUSAN   CLEGG'S  COUSIN   MARION 

"Yes,"  said  that  lady,  with  a  certain  chill- 
ing air  of  having  up  to  now  suffered  from 
inexcusable  neglect  on  the  part  of  her  friend, 
"  I  was  thinkin'  's  it  was  about  time  't  you 
begin  to  show  some  interest  in  what  I  come 
over  to  tell  you  —  'n'  me  here  for  the  best 
part  o'  a  good  half-hour  already.  Well,  'n' 
my  cousin  !  She  come  out  o'  a  letter,  Mrs. 
Lathrop,  a  old  torn  letter  's  you  or  any  other 
ordinary  person  would  probably  'a'  throwed 
away  without  even  readin'.  But  I  was  never 
one  to  do  things  slipshod,  'n'  I  read  every 
scrap  's  I  've  got  time  to  piece  together,  so  it 
was  nothin*  but  natural  's  I  sh'd  quit  work 
's  soon  's  I  see  Cousin  Marion's  letter  'n' 
sit  right  down  to  read  it.  'N'  it 's  good  as  I 
did  too,  for  'f  I  'd  been  careless  'n'  burned 
my  rubbish  unread,  Cousin  Marion  'd  cer- 
tainly 'a'  burnt  with  the  other  scraps,  'n'  as 
a  consequence  I  'd  'a'  missed  about  the  hap- 
piest minutes  's  I  've  knowed  since  father 
died.  You  c'n  believe  me  or  not,  jus'  's  you 
please,  Mrs.  Lathrop,  but  I  cried  over  that 
letter ;  'n'  if  some  was  the  dust  in  my  nose, 
the  rest  was  real  affection,  for,  Lord  knows, 
when  you  're  scratchin'  out  mice  'n'  cobwebs 
you  ain't  lookin'  to  find  a  relation  none. 


SUSAN  CLEGG'S   COUSIN   MARION     139 

But  anyhow,  there  she  was,  'n'  if  she  ain't 
died  in  the  mean  time  —  Pr  the  letter  was 
wrote  over  fifty  years  ago  —  I  may  know 
suthin'  o'  family  life  yet.  It  was  the  beauti- 
fullest  letter  't  I  ever  read.  You  c'd  n't  im- 
agine nothin'  more  beautiful.  I  'm  afraid  's 
mebbe  mother  'n'  me  misjudged  father,  owin' 
to  the  everlastin'  up  'n'  down  stairs,  'n' 
mother  used  to  say  right  out 't  it  was  a  neck 
to  neck  tie  's  to  which  he  stuck  closest  to, 
his  bed  or  his  money.  But  he  was  n't  always 
like  that,  'n'  this  letter  proves  it,  for  Heaven 
knows  what  he  must  'a'  give  Cousin  Marion 
to  'a'  ever  brought  her  to  write  him  such 
words  's  them.  Not  to  deceive  you,  Mrs. 
Lathrop,  the  letter  was  that  grateful  that  I 
was  more  'n  a  little  bothered  over  it.  It 
isn't  very  likely  's  you  sh'd  be  able  to 
understan'  my  feelin's  to  their  full,  'n'  yet 
you  c'n  mebbe  guess  's  it  ain't  altogether  a 
agreeable  thing  to  suddenly  find  out  't  your 
own  native  flesh  'n'  blood  father  's  got  dis- 
tant relations  callin'  down  daily  blessin's 
on  him  Pr  his  overwhelmin'  generosity. 
That's  what  she  said  in  the  letter,  'n'  I 
can't  deny  's  the  words  sent  a  cold  chill 
runnin'  down  my  back-bone  's  I  read  'em. 


140    SUSAN  CLEGG'S   COUSIN   MARION 

"  The  whole  letter  was  writ  in  the  same 
style,  V  it  did  n't  take  long  f 'r  me  to  see 
right  straight  through  it,  V  hatch  more  'n 
a  suspicion  't  the  reason  't  I  never  hear  o' 
Cousin  Marion  afore  was  'cause  she  was  head 
over  heels  in  love  with  father.  It  was  real 
touchin'  too  to  think  how  near  her  letter 
came  to  bein'  one  o'  mother's,  'n*  in  the  end 
I  jus'  sneezed  till  I  cried,  for,  to  my  shame 
be  it  said,  Mrs.  Lathrop,  't  the  dust  was  's 
thick  in  my  garret  this  day  's  it  is  in  your 
parlor  the  year  aroun'." 

Susan  paused  to  shake  her  head  and  use 
her  pocket-handkerchief  over  her  souvenirs 
in  general.  Mrs.  Lathrop  sat  dumb  and 
attentive. 

"  Marion  Prim  was  her  name,"  the  nar- 
rator continued  presently,  "  'n'  she  writ  it 
from  Knoxville  fifty-one  years  ago  come  last 
October.  Did  you  ever  hear  of  her  ?  " 

Mrs.  Lathrop  screwed  her  face  up  thought- 
fully, but  was  forced  to  screw  it  into  a  nega- 
tion after  all. 

"  Seems  funny  't  father  never  spoke  o' 
her  after  mother  was  so  far  past  bein'  jealous 
's  to  be  buried.  He  c'd  'a'  said  anythin' 
about  anybody  them  years,  'n'  'f  I  had  time 


SUSAN  CLEGG'S   COUSIN  MARION     141 

to  listen  I  'd  'a'  been  bound  to  hear,  but  to 
my  certain  knowledge  he  never  said  one 
word  o'  family  'xcept  to  remark  over  'n' 
over  's  he  thanked  the  Lord  Almighty  's  he 
had  n't  got  none,  which  words  I  naturally 
took  's  signifyin'  's  he  was  speakin'  the 
truth.  Still  a  man  is  a  man,  'n'  this  letter 
proves  's  you  can't  even  be  sure  o'  one  's 
has  been  in  bed  under  your  own  eye  Pr 
twenty  years,  f'r  it  not  only  shows  's  he  did 
have  a  relation,  but  it  shows  suthin'  else  too  ; 
it  shows  me,  's  has  had  four  men  all  tryin' 
to  marry  me  inside  o'  the  same  week,  't 
suthin'  pretty  close  to  love-makin'  'd  passed 
between  her  's  wrote  this  letter  'n'  him  's 
kept  it  carefully  hid  away  till  long  after  he 
was  dead.  There  's  a  shakiness  about  the 
writin'  'n'  a  down-hilledness  about  the  lines 
's  lets  me  right  into  the  secret  o'  their  hearts, 
'n'  I  'm  willin'  to  venture  a  guess  't  Cousin 
Marion  c'd  get  money  out  o'  father  with  less 
pain  'n  mother  could,  under  which  circum- 
stances I  don't  blame  mother  for  closin' 
down  on  the  subjeck. 

"  The  more  I  consider  that  letter  up  'n' 
down  'n'  hind  end  to,  Mrs.  Lathrop,  the 
plainer  I  see  's  Cousin  Marion  must  'a'  been 


142     SUSAN   CLEGG'S   COUSIN   MARION 

a  sore  'n'  abidin'  thorn  inside  o'  father  'n' 
mother.  Perhaps  it  was  that  as  give  him 
the  paralysis !  The  doctor  said  's  it  was 
suthin'  obscure,  'n'  'f  suthin'  's  ain't  found 
out  till  years  after  you  're  dead  ain't  obscure 
I  don't  know  what  is.  Anyway  I  've  took 
my  stand  'n'  it  was  the  only  sensible  one  to 
take.  This  's  the  first  chance  I  've  ever  had 
in  all  my  life  to  get  a  nice  change  without 
payin'  board,  'n'  so  I  jus'  sat  right  down  'n' 
wrote  to  Cousin  Marion  't  'f  it  was  conven- 
ient to  her  I  'd  come  to  Knoxville  'n'  spend 
next  Sunday.  She  's  bound  to  be  pleased  't 
bein'  remembered  after  fifty  years,  'n'  I  Ve 
got  father's  nose,  'n'  that  '11  help  some,  o' 
course.  She  can't  be  worse  'n  dead,  'n'  'f 
she  's  dead  'n'  don't  answer  I  sha'n't  never 
give  the  subjeck  another  thought,  Pr  I 
naturally  ain't  got  very  fond  o'  her  jus' 
from  findin'  her  musty  old  letter  stuck  in 
behind  the  flap  of  a  trunk  's  I  've  been  achin' 
to  hack  to  pieces  these  last  twenty  years.  I 
never  went  up  in  my  garret  without  I  skinned 
myself  somewhere  on  that  trunk,  'n'  you 
know  how  often  I  go  up  garret,  Mrs. 
Lathrop,  so  it  goes  without  sayin'  's  I  've 
been  considerably  skinned  first  'n'  last.  But 


'f  she  sh'd  be  alive  'n'  I  sh'd  get  to  go  there, 
the  Lord  knows  I  certainly  shall  rejoice  to 
have  some  o'  my  own  to  talk  to,  Fr  blood  is 
thicker  'n  water,  'n'  although  I  don't  want 
to  hurt  your  feelin's,  Mrs.  Lathrop,  still 
you  can't  in  conscience  deny  's  you  ain't 
no  conversationalist.  Nobody  is  that  I 
know  hereabouts,  neither.  The  minister 
talks  some,  but  I  'm  always  thinkin'  how 
much  more  I  want  to  tell  him  things  'n  I 
ever  want  to  hear  what  he  has  to  say,  so  I 
can't  in  truth  feel  's  his  talkin'  gives  me 
much  pleasure.  Mrs.  Macy  's  great  on 
gaspin',  but  she  don't  as  a  general  thing  get 
very  far,  'n'  so  the  long  'n'  short  o'  the 
whole  thing  is  't  if  Cousin  Marion  ain't  a 
change  Pr  the  better  she  can't  noways  be  a 
change  Pr  the  worst,  'n'  so  I  Ve  made  up 
my  mind  to  sail  right  in  'n'  risk  her. 

"  I  've  thought  's  it  '11  be  a  nice  idea  to 
take  her  father's  cane  for  a  present;  it'll 
surely  come  very  handy  to  her,  —  'f  she  's 
alive  a  tally  —  'n'  since  Mr.  Kimball  over- 
persuaded  me  into  buyin'  one  o'  them 
patent  carpet-beaters,  it  ain't  no  manner 
o'  service  to  me.  Not  's  I  ain't  sure  't 
I  don't  really  prefer  the  cane  to  the 


144    SUSAN  CLEGG'S   COUSIN   MARION 

patent,  but  I  Ve  paid  for  the  new  thing 
V  I  ain't  goin*  to  go  to  work  to  make  my- 
self feel  's  I  Ve  wasted  my  money.  The 
carpet-beater  ain't  up  to  Mr.  Kimball's  talk 
by  long  odds,  'n'  so  far  from  turnin'  into  a 
egg-beater  in  the  wink  of  your  eye  like  he 
promised,  you  Ve  got  to  grip  it  fast  between 
your  knees  'n'  get  your  back  ag'in  a  flour-bin 
to  turn  it  into  anythin'  a  tall.  'N'  then 
when  it  does  turn,  so  far  from  bein'  a  joy  it 
lets  up  so  quick  't  you  find  yourself  most 
anywhere.  Mrs.  Craig  was  gettin'  her  brace 
ag'in  the  hen-house,  'n'  when  it  let  up  she 
sat  down  so  sudden  't  she  smashed  the  hen- 
house 'n'  a  whole  settin'  o'  duck-eggs  not  to 
speak  of  the  hen  between.  Mrs.  Macy  says 
't  seein'  's  she  has  more  eggs  'n  carpets,  she 
jus'  beats  her  carpets  with  the  egg  end  'n' 
don't  fuss  to  change  ever.  Mrs.  Fisher 
says  what  puts  her  out  is  't  the  ring  's  you 
slide  up  to  close  the  whisks  for  killin'  flies 
won't  stay  up,  'n  the  flies  don't  get  killed 
but  jus'  get  hit  so  they  buzz  without  stoppin' 
from  then  on.  Mrs.  Jilkins  says  right  out 
's  she  considers  the  whole  thing  a  swindle,  'n' 
'f  Mr.  Kimball  was  n't  rentin'  his  store  o' 
her  brother  she  sh'd  tell  him  so  to  his  face. 


SUSAN   CLEGG'S   COUSIN   MARION     145 

She  says  the  three-inch  measure  on  the 
handle  's  too  short  to  be  o'  any  real  service 
on  a  farm,  'n'  her  opinion  is  't  Mr.  Kimball 
keeps  his  sample  dipped  in  kerosene  or  he 
never  could  snap  it  in  'n'  out  so  quick. 
Anyhow  it  all  comes  in  the  end  to  the  fact 
't,  havin'  bought  it,  I  '11  work  it  'f  I  die  Pr 
it,  'n'  so  Cousin  Marion  c'n  have  the  cane, 
'n'  may  she  be  everlastin'ly  happy  usin'  it. 
I  did  n't  get  my  trunk  down  'cause  I  '11  have 
Friday  to  pack  anyhow,  'n'  any  one  c'n  slide 
a  trunk  down  a  ladder  any  time,  but  nobody 
can't  never  slide  nothin'  up  nowhere.  Be- 
sides, I  sh'd  look  like  a  fool  puttm'  back  a 
trunk  't  I  'd  hauled  out  to  visit  a  cousin  who 
like  enough  died  afore  I  was  born,  'n'  I  ain't 
no  fool,  —  never  was  'n'  never  will  be." 

There  was  a  short  stop  for  a  fresh  supply 
of  breath. 

"  I  wonder  'f —  "  began  Mrs.  Lathrop. 

"  The  difficulty  o'  all  things  in  this  world," 
Miss  Clegg  went  on  promptly,  "  is  't.  if  you 
have  any  brains  a  tall  you  're  bound  to  have 
so  much  work  for  'em.  Now,  this  findin' 
o'  Cousin  Marion  no  doubt  looks  simple 
enough  to  you  'n'  the  world  in  general,  'n' 
yet  the  more  I  turn  her  up  'n'  down  'n' 


146    SUSAN   CLEGG'S   COUSIN  MARION 

inside  out  the  more  new  lights  I  get.  When 
you  come  to  consider  't  I  only  found  the 
letter  this  mornin',  V  that  it  ain't  supper- 
time  yet,  you  c'n  easy  see  's  my  day  's  been 
more  'n  full  o'  brain-work.  Comin'  up  the 
street  this  afternoon,  the  question  o'  the 
possibility  o'  Cousin  Marion's  bein'  poor 
come  into  my  mind.  I  c'n  speak  out  freely 
to  you,  Mrs.  Lathrop,  'n'  so  I  will  remark 
't  I  c'n  guarantee  's  father  never  give  her 
nothin'  o'  late  years,  'n'  'f  she  's  poor  it 
don't  take  no  eagle  eye  to  know  jus'  what '11 
happen  when  she  gets  my  letter.  'F  the 
letter  had  n't  been  posted  'n'  the  sack  gone 
to  the  train  afore  I  thought  o'  this  view  o' 
the  matter,  I  'm  free  to  confess  's  I  never 
would  'a'  posted  it  a  tall.  For  there  's  no 
use  denyin',  Mrs.  Lathrop,  't,  'f  my  visit  to 
Cousin  Marion  sh'd  lead  to  her  askin'  to 
borrow  's  much  's  a  quarter,  I  sh'll  bitterly 
regret  ever  havin'  clawed  her  out  from  back 
o'  that  trunk-flap.  There  ain't  no  possible 
good 's  c'n  ever  come  o'  lendin'  money  to 
them  's  ain't  able  to  pay  it  back,  'n'  I  learned 
that  lesson  to  my  bitter  cost  once  'n'  for  all 
time  when  I  had  that  little  business  with 
Sam  Duruy.  That  took  all  the  likin'  to 


SUSAN  CLEGG\S   COUSIN  MARION    147 

lend  out  o'  me,  'n'  Heaven  help  me  'f  I 
ever  forget  it.  I  thought  I  was  so  safe, 
Mrs.  Lathrop,  —  I  looked  in  all  four  o'  his 
hoofs,  'n'  swished  my  handkerchief  in  each 
o'  his  eyes,  'n'  he  was  certainly  lively,  so  I 
planked  down  my  little  five  dollars  'n'  Sam 
was  to  keep  on  drivin'  the  horse.  Well, 
you  know 's  well  's  I  do  what  happened,  'n' 
the  skin  brought  seventy-five  cents.  Sam 
sued  the  railroad,  'n'  the  railroad  asked  why 
he  did  n't  read  the  c  Look  out  for  the  Loco- 
motive.' I  told  him  to  go  into  court  'n' 
swear  's  he  could  n't  read,  but  he  said  Judge 
Fitch  used  to  be  his  school-teacher  'n' 
knowed  's  he  could.  'N'  then  I  offered  to 
go  to  court  myself  'n'  swear  on  the  Bible 
's  the  whole  town  looked  on  him  's  more  'n 
half  a  idiot,  'n'  Mr.  Duruy  jus'  sat  right 
flat  down  on  the  whole  thing.  So  they 
did  n't  even  pay  his  lawyer,  'n'  it  goes  with- 
out sayin'  't  o'  course  he  could  n't  pay  me ; 
'n'  then,  do  you  know,  Mrs.  Lathrop,  'f 
he  did  n't  have  the  impudence  this  very 
Afternoon  to  stop  me  down  in  the  square  'n' 
ask  me  'f  I  would  n't  lend  him  ten  cents  on 
a  rooster !  I  was  pretty  nigh  to  put  out  over 
that,  I  c'n  assure  you.  I  mus'  'a'  stared  at 


148    SUSAN  CLEGG'S   COUSIN  MARION 

him  f 'r  's  much  's  ten  seconds  afore  I  sensed 
't  he  was  really  fool  enough  to  think  't 
mebbe  I  was  fool  enough  too.  'N'  then  I 
let  out  at  him.  'Not  while  I  have  the 
breath  o'  life  in  my  body,'  I  says,  —  V  it 
shook  's  I  said  it,  — '  not  'f  I  know  my 
own  mind.  What  's  to  guarantee  me/  I 
says,  *  's  your  rooster  won't  take  it  into  his 
head  to  go  a-promenadin'  on  the  railway 
track?'  I  says.  He  begin  to  tell  's  how, 
even  dead,  the  rooster  was  worth  more  'n 
ten  cents.  *  I  d'n'  know  about  that,'  I  says, 
*  it  don't  strike  me  's  noways  likely  't  when 
he  suddenly  observes  the  engine  'most  on 
top  o'  him,  he  's  goin'  to  take  the  time  'n' 
trouble  to  lay  his  head  square  'n'  even  across 
the  rail,  'n'  you  know  's  well  's  I  do  't  no 
rooster  killed  cornerways  ain't  never  goin' 
to  bring  no  nickel  apiece  for  his  corners. 
No,  Mister  Sam  Duruy,'  I  says,  f  your 
lively  horse  's  taught  me  a  lesson,'  I  says, 
'  'n'  hereafter  I  don't  lend  no  money  on  so 
much  's  a  egg  without  I  see  a  good  curb-bit 
bought  'n'  put  in  its  mouth  first,'  I  says ; 
'n'  then  I  walked  off,  'n'  the  end  o'  it  all  is 
't  if  Cousin  Marion  's  poor  I  certainly  ain't 
very  wild  to  have  her  find  out  's  I  'm  rich. 


SUSAN   CLEGG'S  COUSIN   MARION     149 

"  But  then,  I  ain't  very  anxious  to  have 
her  rich  either,  I  must  say,  for  it  don't  take 
no  blind  man  to  figger  out  't  if  she  's  rich 
the  money  'd  ought  to  'a'  been  mine.  'N' 
that 's  a  awful  feelin',  Mrs.  Lathrop,  —  the 
feelin'  's  other  folks  's  rich  on  money  's  'd 
ought  to  'a'  been  yours.  I  ain't  sure  's  I 
want  to  know  Cousin  Marion  'f  such  's  the 
facts  o'  her  case,  'n'  's  between  her  bein'  poor 
'n'  wantin'  money  o'  me,  'n'  her  bein'  rich 
on  money  right  out  o'  my  pocket,  I  feel 
like  I  mebbe  clum  that  ladder  this  mornin' 
in  a  evil  hour  f 'r  my  future  peace  o'  mind. 

"  'N'  then,  too,  'f  she's  rich  I  certainly 
can't  go  to  see  her  without  I  buy  me  a  new 
bonnet.  'F  she  's  rich,  o'  course  I  want  her 
to  see  right  off  's  I  'm  rich  too,  'n'  bein'  's 
we  're  old  friends  'n'  alone  here  together,  I 
c'n  truthfully  state  's  she  could  n't  in  reason 
mistrust  no  such  thing  from  my  bonnet. 
It's  a  good  bonnet,  'n'  it's  been  a  good  bon- 
net year  in  'n'  year  out  'n'  in  rain  'n'  shine 
turn  an'  turn  about,  but  I  never  was  give 
to  deceivin'  myself  no  more  nor  a  outsider, 
'n'  so  I  will  frankly  say  't  it's  long  past  its 
first  shininess.  Miss  White  's  freshened  it 
up  two  times  for  me,  'n'  I  always  have  new 


150    SUSAN   CLEGG'S   COUSIN   MARION 

ribbons  to  tie  it  every  other  Easter,  but  still, 
in  the  box  or  out  o'  the  box,  its  day  is  past 
for  lookin'  brand-new,  'n'  I  don't  deny  the 
truth  's  a  more  foolish  woman  might  feel 
some  inclined  to  do.  So,  such  bein'  the 
case,  Cousin  Marion  'n'  a  new  bonnet  comes 
to  one  'n'  the  same  thing,  'n'  I  can't  say  's 
bonnet-buyin'  's  a  way  o*  spendin'  money  's 
is  over- agreeable  to  me.  However,  'f  it  is 
to  be  it  is  to  be,  'n'  I  sha'n't  cry  over  nothin'. 
I  '11  buy  the  bonnet,  'n'  I  guess  'f  she  talks 
to  me  about  her  money  I  c'n  come  out  right 
quick  'n'  sharp  'n'  talk  about  mine.  'N' 
I  guess  I  c'n  talk  her  down  —  I  '11  try  good 
'n'  hard,  I  know  that.  'N'  'f  she  sh'd 
put  me  beyond  all  patience,  I  '11  jus'  make 
no  bones  about  it,  but  get  right  up  'n' 
smash  her  flat  with  her  own  letter  o'  fifty 
years  ago.  I  don't  believe  nobody  c'd  put 
on  airs  in  the  face  o'  their  own  name  signed 
to  bein'  saved  from  want  by  the  kind, 
graspin'  hand  o'  my  dead  'n'  gone  father." 

Susan  ceased  speaking,  and  rose  suddenly 
to  her  feet. 

"  I  must  go,"  she  said ;  "  it 's  time  I  was 
seein'  about  supper,  'n'  it's  been  a  hard  day 
first  'n'  last.  It's  been  'xcitin',  'n'  I  cleaned 


SUSAN   CLEGG'S   COUSIN   MARION     151 

the  garret  too,  'n'  then  my  mind  's  all  upset 
's  to  travelling  'n'  I  've  got  to  consider  a 
lot  afore  I  c'n  decide  's  to  any  thin'.  'N'  I 
only  feel  plum  sure  o'  one  thing,  'n'  that 
is  's  I  don't  want  to  buy  no  new  bonnet. 
Bonnets  is  a  awful  waste  o'  money,  'n' 
I  Ve  got  nothin'  inside  o'  me  's  cries  out 
to  extravagance.  But  speakin'  o'  waste 
reminds  me  over  again  's  I  don't  want  to 
throw  no  more  time  away  on  you,  so,  's  I  'm 
always  frank  'n'  open,  I  '11  jus'  say  so  'n' 
go  now." 


The  letter  which  Susan  Clegg  had  mailed 
to  her  cousin  "  Marion  Prim,  Knoxville, " 
did  actually  reach  the  hands  of  the  person 
for  whom  it  was  intended,  and  the  evening 
of  the  second  day  after  brought  an  answer 
which  the  two  friends  studied  together  in  a 
mutual  intellectual  darkness. 

"  Says  she  's  lived  for  fifty  years  on  the 
motto,  '  S'fficient  unto  the  day  's  the  evil 
thereof,'  'n'  now  my  letter's  come,"  —  it 
was  thus  that  Susan  voiced  her  understand- 
ing of  the  matter,  —  "says  I  c'n  come  'f  I 
want  to,  'n'  mebbe  it'll  be  some  consola- 


tion  !  I  don't  call  that  by  no  means  cor- 
dial, but  I  'm  bound  to  consider  't  'f  Cousin 
Marion's  any  kin  to  father  she  couldn't 
naturally  be  very  open-hearted,  'n'  I  must 
overlook  her  with  a  good  grace  'n'  a  clear 
conscience.  I  '11  go  because  I  've  made  up 
my  mind  to  go,  but  I  won't  take  no  trunk 
nor  yet  buy  no  new  bonnet." 

Mrs.  Lathrop  offering  no  counter  advice, 
Miss  Clegg  returned  to  the  shelter  of  her 
own  roof,  and  to  judge  by  the  banging  and 
squeaking  that  ensued,  burglars  were  barred 
out  from  even  daring  to  dream  of  a  possible 
raid  during  the  absence  which  was  to  be 
upon  the  following  day.  About  nine  o'clock 
peace  fell  over  all  and  lasted  until  the  dawn 
of  the  eventful  Saturday. 

When  Susan  was  all  ready  to  start  for  the 
station,  she  called  her  friend  to  the  fence  and 
shook  hands  with  her  so  warmly  that  the 
tears  overflowed  the  awe  in  the  other's 
eyes. 

"  Good-bye,  Mrs.  Lathrop,"  she  said 
with  a  solemnity  that  had  nothing  to  relieve 
its  sombreness  and  much  to  deepen  the  im- 
pressiveness  of  the  moment.  "  Good-bye  ! 
I  'm  goin'  now,  'n'  I  sh'll  be  back  this  even- 


SUSAN   CLEGG'S   COUSIN   MARION     153 

in  ',  'n'  so  help  me  God  while  I  'm  gone, 
for  I  have  a  goose-flesh  kind  o'  a  sensation 
't  I  'm  goin'  to  get  a  surprise." 

Mrs.  Lathrop  clung  to  her  in  a  heart- 
wrung  silence.  Both  the  friends  were  deeply 
affected,  feeling  that  this  journey  was  a  some- 
thing quite  apart  from  Susan's  ordinary 
every-day  little  expeditions  to  the  city. 
Finally  Miss  Clegg  withdrew  her  hand, 
straightened  out  the  resultant  wrinkles  in  her 
mitt,  and  stalked  away.  Mrs.  Lathrop  sighed 
sadly,  returned  to  her  own  rocker,  and  en- 
tered upon  the  course  of  a  long  day  of 
patient  waiting. 

It  was  about  three  in  the  afternoon  that, 
to  her  great  surprise,  she  saw  Miss  Clegg 
returning.  There  was  something  altogether 
new  and  strange  in  the  gait  of  the  latter 
while  she  was  at  a  distance,  and  as  she  drew 
nearer  Mrs.  Lathrop's  eyes  and  mouth 
opened  together.  The  nearer  that  Susan 
drew  the  more  provocative  of  astonishment 
was  her  general  appearance.  To  sum  up 
the  whole  state  of  the  case  in  as  few  words 
as  possible,  I  will  say  that  she  seemed  to 
have  barely  survived  some  hitherto  totally 
unknown  species  of  catastrophe.  Mrs.  La- 


154     SUSAN  CLEGG'S   COUSIN   MARION 

throp,  much  overcome,  ran  to  the  door  and 
cried,  — 

"  Come  over  !      I  Ve  got  the  kettle  —  " 

"  I  was  comin'  anyhow,"  Susan  called 
feebly  back,  and  wearily  dragging  herself 
through  the  gate,  along  the  walk,  and  up  the 
steps,  sank  down  finally  in  one  of  the  kitchen 
chairs. 

Mrs.  Lathrop  hastened  to  fortify  her  with 
hot  tea  and  gingerbread.  She  ate  and  drank 
in  silence  for  some  time,  only  volunteering, 
as  she  took  the  third  cup, — 

"  I  ain't  had  nothin'  since  I  left  home." 

"Didn't  you  find  your — "'  Mrs.  La- 
throp began  eagerly. 

"  Cousin  ? "  said  the  traveller,  in  a  tone 
that  suggested  revelations  as  yet  unrevealed, 
— "  oh,  yes,  Mrs.  Lathrop,  I  found  my 
cousin." 

Mrs.  Lathrop  felt  herself  to  be  silenced, 
and  spoke  no  more.  Miss  Clegg  drank  all 
the  tea  and  ate  all  the  gingerbread.  Then, 
when  there  was  nothing  else  left  to  do,  she 
declared  herself  satisfied,  and  fixing  her  gaze 
mercilessly  upon  the  quaking  listener,  dis- 
charged her  first  shot. 

"  I  wish  I  'd  never  gone  !  " 


SUSAN   CLEGG'S   COUSIN  MARION     155 

This  statement  was  made  with  a  vigor  that 
supported  its  truth  in  full.  Mrs.  Lathrop 
quivered  slightly,  and  waited  breathlessly  to 
hear  more. 

"  I  wish  I  'd  never  gone,  V  for  the  future, 
Mrs.  Lathrop,  I  '11  thank  you  to  never  so 
much  's  breathe  a  relation  anywhere  near 
me,  for  I  've  had  enough  family  to-day  to 
last  me  from  here  to  Gabriel  'n'  his  trumpet, 
'n'  'f  I  ever  forget  this  hour  may  I  die  in 
that  one." 

Mrs.  Lathrop  gasped. 

Susan  coughed  and  gripped  her  hands 
tightly  together. 

"  Mrs.  Lathrop,  the  Bible  says  's  we  may 
never  know  what  a  day  '11  bring  forth,  'n'  'f 
I  'd  'a'  known  that  this  day  was  gettin'  ready 
to  hatch  such  a  Cousin  Marion  's  I  found, 
I  certainly  would  'a'  spent  it  some  other 
way.  When  I  think  o'  the  cheerful  lovin' 
spirit  's  I  pinned  my  wave  on  in,  'n'  then 
reflect  on  what  I  pinned  it  on  to,  I  can't  but 
feel  't  if  I  ain't  a  fool  I  'd  ought  to  be  one, 
'n'  I  can't  say  nothin'  stronger  for  the  way  I 
feel.  They  say  's  the  Devil  's  the  father  o' 
lies,  but  it's  a  slander.  The  Devil  is  a 
floatin'  angel  by  the  side  o'  that  letter  's  I 


156    SUSAN   CLEGG'S   COUSIN   MARION   ' 

found.  It  was  a  lie,  Mrs.  Lathrop,  a  lie  from 
first  to  last,  'n'  it  makes  my  blood  run  cold 
to  think  o'  all  the  years  that  I  lived  right 
underneath  it  'n'  never  's  much  's  dreamed 
o'  the  iniquity  up  in  that  old  trunk  over  my 
head." 

Mrs.  Lathrop  gasped  again. 

"  Mrs.  Lathrop,  I  never  had  it  in  me  to 
conceal  nothin'  from  you.  We  Ve  been 
good  friends  'n'  true  through  thick  'n'  thin, 
through  my  father  'n'  your  son  'n'  every 
other  species  o'  Heaven-sent  infliction,  f'r 
years  'n'  years  'n'  years.  'N'  now  I  ain't 
goin'  to  shut  you  out  o'  the  inside  truth  o' 
this  awful  day.  You  see  me  set  off  this 
mornin'  bright  'n'  beamin',  'n'  you  see  me 
come  home  this  night  burnin'  'n'  bitter,  'n' 
it 's  nothin'  but  right 's  you  sh'd  be  fully  took 
in  to  the  betwixt  'n'  between.  It'll  mebbe 
be  a  lesson  to  you  some  day  if  anythin'  sh'd 
come  up  's  led  you  to  look  to  be  extra  happy 
all  of  a  sudden,  'n'  you  '11  remember  this 
hour  'n'  jus'  firmly  go  back  into  the  house 
'n'  shut  the  door  'n'  say,  'Life's  a  delu- 
sion 'n'  a  snare,  like  Susan  Clegg's  Cousin 
Marion.'  It's  better  for  you  to  learn  the 
lesson  's  all  is  vanity  now,  than  to  wait  'n' 


SUSAN   CLEGG'S   COUSIN   MARION     157 

have  it  fall  on  your  head  like  a  unexpected 
pickle-jar,  the  way  's  this  day  's  fell  on 
mine." 

Mrs.  Lathrop's  eyes  grew  big. 

"  Mrs.  Lathrop,  in  the  first  place  I  started 
out  all  wrong.  Knoxville  ain't  on  this  line 
a  tall.  It 's  on  the  A.  V  B.,  V  only  the 
junction  is  on  this  line.  Mrs.  Lathrop,  don't 
you  never  trust  yourself  to  no  junction  in 
this  world  o'  sin  'n*  sorrow,  whatever  else 
you  may  in  your  folly  see  fit  to  commit. 
My  experience  c'n  jus'  's  well  be  a  warnin' 
to  you  too,  f'r  I  was  put  off"  three  miles 
from  where  there  ain't  no  omnibus,  'n'  I  had 
to  leg  it  over  a  road  's  is  laid  out  three  hills 
to  the  mile.  I  ain't  one  's  is  give  to  idle 
words,  but  I  will  remark  't  by  the  time  I  'd 
clum  the  fourth  hill  I  had  n't  no  kind  o* 
family  feelin's  left  alive  within  me,  'n'  when 
I  did  finally  get  to  Knoxville  I  was  so  nigh 
to  puffed  out  't  I  c'd  hardly  find  breath  to 
ask  where  Cousin  Marion  did  live.  It  was 
a  boy  skippin'  rope  's  I  asked,  'n'  he  never 
quit  skippin'  for  one  second  out  o'  polite- 
ness. Seems  he  was  doin'  a  thousand  steady 
on  a  bet,  'n'  I  'm  free  to  confess  's  I  felt 
pretty  foolish  askin'  questions  'n'  his  rope 


158    SUSAN   CLEGG'S   COUSIN   MARION 

like  to  catch  on  my  nose  every  other  word. 
I  finally  made  out,  though,  's  Cousin  Marion 
lived  out  the  other  end  o'  town,  V  so  I 
walked  on  till  I  come  to  the  road.  Mrs. 
Lathrop,  it  was  another  road  o'  hills,  'n'  I 
must  say  's  the  sight  made  my  blood  run 
cold  for  the  third  time  in  one  day.  F'r  a 
minute  I  thought  seriously  o'  jus'  takin'  a 
train  away  ag'in  'n'  lettin'  Cousin  Marion 
fiddle  alone  f'r  another  fifty  years,  f'r  I 
give  you  my  word  o'  honor,  Mrs.  Lathrop, 
's  I  was  'most  dead,  'n'  Lord  only  knows 
what  made  me  keep  on,  f'r  what  came  after 
was  enough  to  shake  my  faith  in  the  Lord 
forever  'f  I  really  believed  's  any  one  but 
Cousin  Marion  had  one  word  to  say  in  the 
matter.  But  I  was  raised  to  finish  up  all 
things  's  is  begun,  'n'  I  snapped  my  teeth 
tight  together  'n'  set  out  over  them  extra 
hills  with  all  the  resignation  's  I  c'd  scrape 
up  f'r  the  need  o'  the  moment.  I  was  hot 
inside  'n'  hot  outside,  but  I  'd  made  up  my 
mind  to  see  the  thing  through  'n'  so  I 
pegged  right  along. 

"  Well,  Mrs.  Lathrop,  'f  I  was  on  the 
witness  stand  with  Bibles  above  'n'  below,  I 
c'd  n't  but  swear  's  it  was  two  miles  'f  it  Was 


SUSAN  CLEGG'S  COUSIN   MARION     159 

a  cent.  'N'  even  then  they  was  a  long  two 
miles.  I  was  on  my  very  last  legs  when  I 
got  there,  'n'  nothin'  't  I  see  revived  me 
none.  Mrs.  Lathrop,  the  awfullest  old 
tumble-down  house  's  ever  you  see  —  pigs 
in  the  yard,  'n'  *  Prim '  on  the  gate-post ! 
'N'  me  standin'  pantin'  for  breath,  'n'  related 
to  'em  all !  " 

Mrs.  Lathrop's  eyes  grew  bigger  and 
bigger. 

"  There  was  a  old  man  a-sittin'  on  a  chair 
on  the  porch  in  one  boot  'n'  one  slipper  'n' 
a  cane.  He  looked  't  me  's  if  it  'd  be 
nothin'  but  a  joy  to  him  to  eat  me  up  alive 
'n'  jus'  relish  to  gnaw  the  bones  afterwards. 
You  c'n  maybe  realize,  Mrs.  Lathrop,  's  I 
was  n't  no  ways  happy  's  I  walked  a  little 
piece  up  towards  him  'n'  said  's  I  'd  like  to 
see  my  cousin,  Marion  Prim.  He  give  such 
a  nod  's  seemed  's  if  his  head  'd  fly  off,  'n' 
I  took  it  's  she  was  somewhere  near  'n' 
a-comin'.  So,  's  I  was  all  used  up,  I  jus' 
started  to  sink  right  down  on  the  steps  to 
wait  for  her. 

"Oh,  my  soul  'n'  body,  that  minute!  — 
The  awful  shock  !  —  Oh,  Mrs.  Lathrop  ! 
you  never  in  all  your  life  dreamed  such  a 


160     SUSAN   CLEGG'S   COUSIN   MARION 

yell  's  he  give  !  I  like  to  V  went  deaf!  I 
jumped  worse  'n  'f  I  'd  been  shot  stone-dead. 
Wild  whoopin'  Indians  was  sleepin'  babes 
beside  him.  *  Not  on  my  steps  ! '  he  shrieked, 
poundin'  with  his  cane  'n'  shakin'  with  his 
fist,  — 'not  on  my  steps,'  he  howled  louder 
'n  all  below,  — f  not  while  I  'm  alive  !  —  not 
while  I  c'n  prevent !  —  not  while  I  c'n  help 
it !  —  no  Clegg  sits  afore  me,  not  now  'n'  not 
never! '  You  c'n  imagine,  Mrs.  Lathrop,  's 
I  did  n't  get  very  far  to  sat  down  under  them 
circumstances.  I  trembled  all  over,  'n'  I 
backed  off  quite  a  little  ways  'n'  looked  at 
him.  He  kept  chokin'  'n'  gaspin'  'n'  purple 
'n'  swallowin',  'n'  after  a  while  I  got  up  cour- 
age to  ask  him  where  Cousin  Marion  was. 
'N'  then  —  oh,  Mrs.  Lathrop  !  —  'n'  then  — 
well,  honest,  I  thought 's  he  was  goin*  to  bust! 
—  'n'  then,  f  I  'm  Cousin  Marion  !  '  he  yelled 
right  in  my  face,  — '  I  'm  Cousin  Marion, 
Susan  Clegg  !  '  'n'  at  that,  Mrs.  Lathrop, 
I  went  so  faint  in  my  knees  'n'  so  rumbly  in 
my  ears  't  you  c'd  'a'  clubbed  me  with  a 
straw  'n'  gagged  me  with  a  wisp  o'  hay  that 
minute.  I  jus'  stood  starin',  'n'  you  c'n  be- 
lieve me  or  not  just 's  you  please,  but  I  never 
was  so  nigh  to  fallen  over  backwards  in  all 


SUSAN   CLEGG'S   COUSIN  MARION     161 

my  life  before.  I  c'd  feel  cold  drops  like 
water  on  a  duck's  back,  'n'  my  senses  was 
that  mixed  't  'f  you  'd  told  me  's  my  heels 
was  in  my  hair  I  would  n't  'a'  doubted  you. 
I  d'n'  know  's  I  ever  was  scared  in  all  my  life 
afore,  but  when  he  screamed  them  awful 
words,  my  very  insides  got  clammy.  I 
c'd  n't  say  a  livin'  word,  I  c'd  n't  make  a 
livin'  move ;  I  c'd  only  stand  'n'  shake  'n' 
listen,  'n'  him  keepin'  on  yellin'  'n'  poundin' 
like  mad. 

" '  Susan  Clegg,'  he  screamed,  '  Susan 
Clegg,'  —  'n'  he  kep'  poundin'  harder  'n' 
harder  'n'  gettin'  redder  'n'  redder  every 
minute,  — c  Susan  Clegg,  I'm  glad  you've 
come;  I've  wanted  you  to  come;  I've 
wanted  you  to  come  f 'r  a  long  time.  I  did  n't 
know  who  it  'd  be,  but  I  've  been  wantin' 
somebody  to  come  'n'  been  waitin'  Pr  'em  to 
come  f'r  fifty  years  'n'  more  too.  I  've  been 
holdin  in  f'r  fifty  years  !  I  Ve  been  thinkin* 
what  I  wanted  to  say  f'r  fifty  years  !  Now 
I  c'n  say  it !  Now  I  c'n  be  happy  sayin'  it ! 
I  wish  it  was  your  father's  ears  a-shiverin' 
there  afore  me,  but  yours  '11  do.' 

"  My  heavens  alive,  Mrs.  Lathrop,  you  'd 
ought  to  'a'  seen  him !  He  went  from  red 


162    SUSAN  CLEGG'S   COUSIN   MARION 

to  purple  'n'  from  purple  to  mos'  black,  'n' 
his  eyes  stood  right  out,  'n'  he  shook  his  cane 
right  in  my  face  'n'  screamed  loud  enough  to 
set  the  dead  jumpin'. 

"  f  Susan  Clegg,  your  father  was  a  shark  ! 
Susan  Clegg,  your  father  was  a  skinflint  ! 
Susan  Clegg,  your  father  was  a  miser  !  Susan 
Clegg,  your  father  was  a  thief!  '  'n'  all  this 
with  me  where  I  c'd  n't  but  hear,  Mrs. 
Lathrop,  'n'  he  must  'a'  known  it  too. 
*  Susan  Clegg,  I  was  a  young  man  in  diffi- 
culties,' he  says,  *  'n'  I  wanted  a  hunderd 
dollars  bad,'  he  says,  '  'n'  'f  I  'd  had  it  I  c'd 
'a'  bought  into  a  nice  business  'n'  married  a 
nice  girl  with  a  nice  property  'n'  made  this 
place  blossom  like  a  wilderness  'n'  seen  the 
fig-trees  o'  my  fig-trees  sittin'  in  my  shade. 
'N'  I  went  to  your  father,  'n'  I  told  him  all 
the  inmost  recesses  o'  my  heart  o'  hearts,'  he 
says,  f  'n'  'xplained  to  him  how  'n'  why  'n' 
wherefore  the  business  c'd  n't  but  pay,  'n* 
then  took  him  to  see  the  girl  'n'  p'inted  out  all 
her  good  p'ints,  'n'  then  asked  him  to  lend 
me  the  hunderd  dollars,  'n'  hired  a  livery 
horse  'n'  drove  him  home  to  think  about  it. 
'N'  what  followed  after,  Susan  Clegg,'  —  oh, 
Mrs.  Lathrop,  I  never  see  the  like  o'  the 


SUSAN  CLEGG'S   COUSIN   MARION     163 

way  he  suddenly  swelled  'n'  blued  right  then  ! 
— c  'n'  what  come  next?  I  waited  the  wait 
o'  the  innocent  'n'  trustin'  for  one  long  'n' 
unremittin'  week,  'n'  then,  when  I  was  nigh 
to  mad  with  sittin'  on  red-hot  needles  by  day 
'n'  by  night  without  let  or  hindrance,  what 
did  he  answer?  —  what  did  he  answer  to  him 
's  laid  in  the  hollow  o*  his  hand,  confidin' 
fully  'n'  freely  in  his  seein'  what  a  good  in- 
vestment it  'd  be  ?  What  did  he  answer, 
Susan  Clegg  ?  He  answered  's  he  c'd  n't  do 
it,  'n'  's  it  was  n't  no  possible  use  whatever  to 
ask  him  again  !  Susan  Clegg,  I  smashed  a 
winder,'  he  says,  '  right  then  'n'  there,'  he 
says,  '  'n'  I  writ  a  letter  'n'  it  must  'a' 
been  that  letter  's  you  found,  Pr  I  never  writ 
him  no  other  afore  or  after.  'N'  then  I 
went  West  to  make  my  fortune  'n'  I  did  n't 
make  no  fortune,  but  I  got  my  hands  on  a 
hunderd  dollars  'n'  I  come  home  lickety-split 
to  buy  that  business  'n'  marry  that  girl.  I 
went  first  to  see  about  the  business  's  it  was 
right  'n'  natural  't  I  sh'd,  'n'  what  did  I  find, 
Susan  Clegg,  what  did  I  find  ?  '  Mrs. 
Lathrop,  I  never  see  the  like  in  all  my  days, 
born  or  unborn.  I  thought  he  'd  yell  my 
head  off.  c  I  found  your  father  'd  bought 


164     SUSAN  CLEGG'S   COUSIN   MARION 

the  business,  my  business,  'n'  I  was  left  out 
in  the  freezin',  icy  cold  !  Susan  Clegg,  I 
smashed  a  table,'  he  says,  *  'n '  two  chairs,' 
he  says,  *  'n'  I  went  to  see  the  girl  'n'  ask 
her  to  wait  a  little  longer,  —  'n',  Fire  'n' 
Brimstone  'n'  Saltpetre,  'f  your  father  had  n't 
gone  'n'  married  the  girl,  —  my  girl  ! 

" ( 'N'  there  was  all  below  to  pay,'  he  says, 
'  'n'  I  vowed  bloody  murder,'  he  says,  *  'n' 
they  had  me  up  'n'  bound  me  over  to  keep 
the  peace,  'n'  then  they  moved  away.  'N' 
I  sat  down  to  wait  fr  my  vengeance,'  he 
says,  f  'n'  I  've  waited  fifty  years,'  he  says. 
'  I  've  spent  fifty  years  grindin'  my  teeth  'n' 
whettin'  the  edge  o'  my  fury,  'n'  now  — ' 

"  Mrs.  Lathrop,  I  did  n't  wait  to  hear  no 
more.  I  did  n't  feel  like  I  had  strength  to. 
I  run.  'N',  heavens,  how  I  run  !  1  lit 
out  like  I  was  paid  for  it,  'n'  I  bet  I  clum 
every  last  one  o*  them  hills  's  fast  on  the 
up  's  the  down.  When  I  got  to  the  station 
there  was  a  train  jus'  pullin'  out  f 'r  I  did  n't 
know  where,  'n'  I  hopped  aboard  like  I  was 
shot.  It  took  me  to  Meadville,  'n'  I  had 
to  pay  the  'xtra  fare  'n'  wait  two  hours  to 
get  another  back  here,  'n'  I  ain't  really  half 
through  shakin'  yet." 


SUSAN  CLEGG'S   COUSIN   MARION     165 

Susan  stopped,  took  out  her  handker- 
chief and  carefully  passed  it  over  her  brow 
as  one  who  strives  to  brush  away  torment- 
ing visions. 

Mrs.  Lathrop  sat  mute  and  motionless, 
completely  overwhelmed  by  the  recital  of 
her  friend's  tragic  story. 

After  a  few  minutes  Miss  Clegg  put  her 
handkerchief  back  in  her  pocket  and  turned 
a  sad  and  solemn,  yet  tender  look  upon  her 
companion. 

"  Lord  knows  I  'm  done  with  relations 
from  this  day  on,"  she  said  slowly  but 
with  great  distinctness.  "  I  feel  like  here- 
after I  '11  be  content  with  jus'  you,  Mrs. 
Lathrop,  'n'  I  can't  say  nothin'  stronger  f 'r 
what  I  've  jus'  lived  through." 

Mrs.  Lathrop's  eyes  filled  with  gratitude 
at  this  compliment. 

But  she  said  nothing. 


THE    MINISTER'S   VACATION 

MRS.  LATHROP  had  been  unable 
to  attend  the  usual  Friday  afternoon 
Sewing  Society  on  account  of  her  pickling. 
She  had  completely  forgotten  what  day  of 
the  week  it  was  until  she  had  picked  all 
of  a  dozen  cucumbers  and  it  was  then  too 
late  to  stay  the  tide  of  events.  The  pick- 
ling had  to  go  forward,  and  one  of  the  best 
listeners  in  the  Sewing  Society  was  forced 
to  remain  away  in  consequence. 

"I  guess  you'll  have  to  go  a — "  she 
called  across  the  open  space  between  their 
kitchen  doors  when  she  saw  Susan  putting 
on  her  black  mitts  in  the  window  about  two 
o'clock,  —  the  hour  at  which  they  usually 
sallied  forth  in  company. 

"Alone,"  Susan  called  back —  "well,  I 
should  say  't  I  am  goin'  alone.  'F  you 
c'u'd  see  yourself  this  minute,  Mrs.  La- 

166 


THE   MINISTER'S   VACATION      167 

throp,  you  'd  easy  understand  't  even  'f  you 
wanted  to  go  no  one  in  their  senses  'd  be 
able  to  go  with  you  f'r  fear  o'  bein'  took 
for  a  lunatic." 

Mrs.  Lathrop  glanced  dubiously  down 
over  herself. 

"I  spilt  —  "  she  began  apologetically. 

"  I  c'n  see  it  from  here,"  said  Susan,  "  'n' 
's  long  's  we  're  on  the  subjeck  I  want  to 
remark  right  now  't,  with  the  wind  settin' 
the  way  it  's  blowin'  to-day,  I  don't  want 
you  to  burn  nothin'  while  I  'm  gone.  'F 
you  '11  excuse  my  bein'  so  open  with  you, 
Mrs.  Lathrop,  I  '11  say  't  a  woman  in  your 
circumstances  ought  not  to  waste  nothin'  by 
burnin'  it  anyhow,  'n'  'f  she  does  do  any- 
thin'  so  foolish  no  woman  in  my  circum- 
stances 'd  ought  to  have  her  house  all 
smelled  up." 

"I  ain't  goin'  —  "  began  the  neighbor. 

"  That  reminds  me  't  I  am,"  rejoined 
she  of  the  black  mitts ;  and  so  saying,  she 
quitted  the  window  and  was  presently  seen 
departing  down  her  front  walk,  —  a  pleasing 
object  in  a  bonnet  of  the  jetted  era  and  a 
shawl  of  no  date  whatever. 

Mrs.  Lathrop  divided  her  afternoon  be- 


168      THE   MINISTER'S  VACATION 

tween  active  service  over  the  vinegar  kettle 
and  long  rests  of  delicious  unconsciousness 
in  the  kitchen  rocker.  Her  temperament 
was  not  one  which  wore  itself  out  in  vain 
regrets  over  what  might  have  been,  and 
then  too  she  knew  that  Susan  was  at  the 
meeting  and  from  Susan  she  would  learn  all 
that  might  there  transpire.  About  half-past 
five  she  began  to  glance  out  of  the  window 
which  looked  furthest  down  the  street,  and 
some  ten  minutes  later  her  watching  was 
rewarded  by  the  sight  of  Miss  Clegg  and 
another  lady  approaching  slowly.  An  ani- 
mated conversation  appeared  to  be  in  prog- 
ress between  the  two,  and  at  the  gate  of 
Mrs.  Lathrop's  dearest  friend  they  made  a 
long  halt  while  the  latter  appeared  to  be 
laying  down  some  form  of  law  with  un- 
common vigor  and  pointing  its  points  off 
with  her  knitting,  which  she  waved  about  in 
a  manner  unwontedly  reckless. 

Mrs.  Lathrop  —  having  not  only  spilt 
more  during  the  afternoon,  but  also  been 
twice  the  victim  of  what  is  technically  known 
as  "  boiling  over  "  —  felt  quite  unable  to 
make  a  third  at  the  gate  party,  and  so  was 
forced  to  masticate  her  impatience  and  hover 


THE   MINISTER'S   VACATION      169 

in  the  window  until  Susan  turned  at  last  and 
came  up  her  walk. 

"Can  you  come  —  "  then  called  the  eager 
waiter. 

"  Not  till  after  I  get  my  supper,"  the 
other  replied. 

Mrs.  Lathrop  sighed,  and  forced  herself 
to  further  patience.  It  was  all  of  seven 
when  Miss  Clegg  finally  came  over. 

"  I  '11  sit  on  the  steps,"  she  announced. 
"  Bern'  's  we  're  such  friends,  Mrs.  Lathrop, 
I  may  's  well  say  right  here  V  now  't  I 
would  n't  sit  down  in  your  kitchen  this 
night  for  no  money.  I  'd  carry  the  spots 
till  I  died  most  likely  'n'  have  no  one  but 
myself  to  blame  Pr  it.  You  may  not  thank 
me  Pr  sayin'  it  to  your  face,  but  it  is  n't  in 
me  to  deceive  so  much  's  a  water-bug,  'n'  'f 
I  live  to  be  a  hunderd  I  c'd  never  forget 
seein'  you  make  a  chocolate  cake  once.  I 
c'd  make  a  chocolate  cake  'n'  a  king  might 
eat  off  o'  my  cuffs  'n'  collar  when  I  was 
through,  but  what  surprised  me  about  your 
chocolate  cake,  Mrs.  Lathrop,  was  't  you 
did  n't  get  into  the  oven  with  it  in  the  end, 
for  I  '11  take  my  Bible  oath  's  you  had  's 
much  on  you  's  on  any  pan." 


170      THE   MINISTER'S   VACATION 

"We  c'n  sit  on  the  — "  said  Mrs.  La- 
throp  pleasantly. 

"  I  'm  sittin'  there  already,"  said  the  caller, 
"  'n'  whenever  you  get  ready  to  listen  I  Ml 
tell  you  about  this  afternoon,  for  it  was  the 
most  interestin'  meetin'  't  we  Ve  had  since 
Mrs.  Jewett's  leg  come  off  to  her  chair  'n' 
she  run  the  crochet-hook  so  far  in  —  you 
recollec'  ?  —  'n'  the  doctors  did  n't  know 
which  way  to  pull  it  out.  Young  Dr. 
Brown  was  for  pushin'  it  on  through  'cause 
the  hook  would  catch  'f  he  drawed  it  out  on 
the  crochet  principle,  'n'  old  Dr.  Carter  said 
it  would  n't  do  to  put  it  through  'cause  it 
was  a  fancy  Chinese  thing  't  old  Captain 
Jewett's  father  brought  from  China  'n'  there 
was  a  man's  head  on  the  other  end  with  his 
mustache  makin'  two  crochet-hooks,  one 
each  side." 

"  What  did  —  "  said  Mrs.  Lathrop. 

"Don't  you  remember?  —  Mrs.  Jewett 
come  to  'n'  told  'em  't  the  middle  was  for 
needles  'n'  't  all  they  had  to  do  was  to 
unscrew  it  'n'  take  it  out  opposite  ways,  'n' 
then  she  fainted,  'n'  then  they  did,  'n'  no 
one  thought  of  there  bein'  needles  in  it,  'n' 
they  fell  out  'n'  she  had  shootin'  pains  from 


THE   MINISTER'S  VACATION      171 

Ravin'  'em  in  her  for  ever  so  long.  Mrs. 
Macy  was  sayin'  only  the  other  day  't  to 
her  order  o'  thinkin'  Mrs.  Jewett  died  o' 
the  darnin'-needles.  She  says  she  was  for- 
ever grabbin'  herself  somewhere  with  a 
sudden  yell,  'n'  no  matter  what  the  doctors 
said  it  was  jus'  them  needles,  'n'  no  sensible 
person  's  saw  her  actions  could  doubt  it. 
Mrs.  Macy  says  it  was  a  awful  lesson  to  her 
against  keepin'  loose  needles  in  screw  things, 
— she  says  't  her  son  sent  her  a  egg  from 
the  World's  Fair  with  every  kind  of  needle 
in  it,  but  she  was  n't  takin'  no  chances,  'n' 
she  took  them  needles  right  out  'n'  put 
buttons  in  instead." 

"  I  remember  she  died,"  said  Mrs.  La- 
throp  thoughtfully,  "but  I — " 

"  It  don't  matter,"  said  Susan.  "  My, 
but  it 's  hot !  It 's  been  awful  hot  this  week, 
'n'  this  afternoon  it  was  all  but  bilin'  down 
there  in  that  little  parlor  o'  Mrs.  Craig's. 
I  was  f'r  sittin'  on  the  porch,  but  Gran' ma 
Mullins  rocked  off  a  porch  once  'n'  she 
was  f'r  sittin'  where  she  could  n't  rock  off 
nothin'.  I  said  she  could  sit  on  the  grass, 
but  she  was  fussy  about  that  too  —  said  a 
poison-spider  bit  her  foot  once  'n'  she  had 


172      THE   MINISTER'S   VACATION 

it  come  on  reg'lar  every  year  Pr  seven  years 
after.  I  come  nigh  to  feelin'  put  out,  but 
Mrs.  Sperrit  spoke  up  just  then  'n'  asked  'f 
we'd  any  of  us  noticed  how  terrible  worn 
the  minister's  wife  was  lookin'  'n'  did  n't  we 
think  't  he'd  ought  to  have  a  vacation  ?  It 
was  that  't  made  the  meetin'  so  interestin', 
f  r  in  all  the  years  't  we've  had  the  minister 
no  one  ever  thought  o'  givin'  him  a  vaca- 
tion afore,  'n'  when  you  think  how  long 
we  Ve  had  him  'n'  how  steady  we  've  gone 
to  church  as  a  consequence,  I  must  say  't  I 
think  't  it's  more  'n  surprisin'  't  we  didn't 
give  him  a  vacation  long  ago.  I  must  say, 
though,  't  my  first  idea  was  't  it  was  a  curi- 
ous thing  to  give  the  minister  a  vacation  so 
as  to  rest  his  wife,  although  I  d'n'  know  's 
we  could  do  anythin'  kinder  for  her  'n  to 
get  rid  of  him  Pr  a  spell.  Then  too,  to  my 
order  o'  thinkin',  our  minister  ain't  really 
ever  in  need  o'  no  rest,  and  'f  he  needs 
a  change  my  say  would  be  f  Set  him  to 
work.'  I  said  all  that  to  'em  all  down  there, 
'n'  Mrs.  Sperrit  went  on  then  'n'  said  't  her 
idea  was  Pr  'em  both  to  go,  so  's  we  could 
all  sort  o'  take  a  breathin'  space  together. 
I  agreed  with  her  about  the  breathin,'  Pr  I 


THE   MINISTER'S   VACATION      173 

don't  believe  no  other  minister  'n  ours  ever 
had  thirteen  children  born  in  the  same  house, 
'n'  I  'm  free  to  remark  't  if  a  new  minister 
did  n't  always  sit  so  solid  for  new  wall-paper 
'n'  the  cistern  cleaned  out,  I  'm  pretty  sure  't 
the  last  half-dozen  childern  'n'  his  second 
wife  would  certainly  have  found  themselves 
bein'  born  elsewhere.  'N  ',  such  bein'  the 
case,  I  don't  blame  no  man  f  r  wantin'  a 
little  free  time,  'n'  so  I  joined  in,  'n'  Mrs. 
Allen  moved  't  we  all  unbutton  our  collars 
'n'  discuss  the  matter,  'n'  Gran'ma  Mullins 
took  off  her  cap  'n'  we  begun  right  then  'n' 
there.  Mrs.  Brown  said  't  if  they  was  a-goin' 
now  was  a  very  good  time  'cause  the  baby 
was  a  year  old,  'n'  I  said  't  I  c'd  agree  with 
her  there  'cause  if  we  waited  till  next  sum- 
mer the  baby  might  be  only  a  month  old  or 
maybe  only  a  week  old  —  f'r  I  must  say  't 
so  far  's  my  observation  's  extended  there 
never  is  no  countin'  on  how  old  a  minister's 
baby  's  goin'  be  't  any  given  time.  Gran'ma 
Mullins  interrupted  me  'n'  said  't  if  we  'd 
excuse  her  she  'd  go  below  her  collar  'n' 
unbutton  her  top  button  'cause  her  cousin 
bought  it  ready-made  'n'  all  she  could  tell 
the  clerk  was  't  she  was  seventy-three  years 


174      THE   MINISTERS   VACATION 

old  V  so  perhaps  it  was  only  natural  't  it 
should  bind  a  little  in  the  neck.  'N'  so  she 
did,  'n'  then  she  moved  her  head  around  till 
she  was  sure  she  was  all  free  'n'  then  she 
said,  C'N'  now  as  to  them  childern?'  It  was 
kind  of  a  shock,  for  no  one  had  thought 
about  the  childern  'n'  Mrs.  Craig  said  pretty 
feeble-like  't  it  would  n't  be  no  rest  to  send 
the  minister's  wife  off  with  thirteen  childern, 
'n'  I  spoke  up  pretty  sharp  'n'  asked  what 
kind  of  a  rest  the  town  'd  get  if  them  thir- 
teen childern  was  left  behind.  I  c'd  see  't 
I  'd  hit  the  nail  on  the  head  then,  jus'  by  the 
way  't  they  all  waited  to  get  a  drink  afore 
going  any  further." 

Miss  Clegg  stopped  and  drew  a  deep 
breath. 

Mrs.  Lathrop  looked  anxious,  not  to  say 
fearful. 

"  It  was  Mrs.  Sperritas  begun  again,"  the 
narrator  continued  presently.  "  Mrs.  Sperrit 
said  why  not  divide  the  children  up  among 
us  all  'n'  each  take  one,  'n'  she  looked  to  be 
talkin'  sense  till  they  started  dividin',  'n'  then 
it  turned  out  't  naturally  every  one  wanted 
the  big  easy  ones  'n'  no  one  wanted 
Augustus.  I  was  dreadful  uneasy  myself 


THE   MINISTER'S   VACATION       175 

for  fear  't  I  'd  be  'xpected  to  take  Brunhilde 
Susan  on  account  o'  her  hind  half  bein' 
named  for  me,  but  I  did  n't  have  to  worry 
long,  for  Mrs.  Allen  said  't  she  'd  take  Brun- 
hilde Susan  'cause  Polly  's  tended  Brunhilde 
Susan  so  much  't  she  knows  just  what  Brun- 
hilde Susan  '11  stand  'n'  Brunhilde  Susan 
knows  just  what  Polly  '11  stand.  So  Brun- 
hilde Susan  was  fixed,  but  every  one  else  was 
all  upset  'n'  undecided,  'n'  it  was  plain  't 
nothin'  would  n't  work,  so  Mrs.  Macy  up  'n' 
proposed  't  they  put  all  but  the  baby  in  a 
sugar-bowl  'n'  shake  'em  up  'n'  draw. 

"  Well,  we  did,  'n'  it  was  'xcitin',  I  c'n  tell 
you,  'n'  I  wish  you  'd  been  there  to  see  their 
faces.  Mrs.  Macy  drew  first,  seein'  't  it  was 
her  plan,  'n'  she  was  awful  put  out  over  get- 
tin'  Henry  Ward  Beecher.  Seems  she  was 
countin'  on  using  her  trundle-bed,  'n'  she 
said  right  flat  out  't  she  must  use  her  trundle- 
bed,  'n'  so  she  jus'  up  'n'  put  Henry 
Ward  Beecher  right  straight  back  in  the 
sugar-bowl.  Mrs.  Sweet  drew  next,  'n'  'f 
she  did  n't  get  Henry  Ward  Beecher  too, 
'n'  she  was  madder  yet  'cause  she  was  in- 
tendin'  to  have  her  child  sleep  with  Emma, 
'n'  she  said  't  her  child  had  jus'  got  to  sleep 


176      THE   MINISTER'S   VACATION 

with  Emma,  so  she  up  V  stuffed  Henry 
Ward  Beecher  back  into  the  sugar-bowl  too. 
Then  Mrs.  Brown  wanted  to  draw,  'n'  so 
they  put  on  the  cover 'n'  shook  'em  up  hard, 
'n'  I  could  n't  but  be  a  little  took  with  how 
anxious  they  was  to  draw  when  there  was 
only  twelve  childern  'n'  sixteen  women,  so  't 
stood  to  reason  't  there  was  four  as  could  n't 
get  no  child  to  save  their  necks.  I  did  n't 
try  to  draw  none  myself —  I  hauled  out  a  lot 
of  stitches  'n'  sat  back 'n'  said  when  they  was 
all  through  1  'd  come  'n'  draw  for  you  and 
me  too,  'n'  then  I  watched  'em  all  hurryin' 
Mrs.  Brown,  'n'  'f  she  did  n't  get  Henry 
Ward  Beecher  same  's  all  the  rest !  But 
she  was  perfectly  satisfied,  —  she  said  't  she 
was  lonesome  now  young  Dr.  Brown  's  gone 
'n'  married  and  't  Henry  Ward  Beecher  c'd 
have  his  room.  So  Henry  Ward  Beecher 
was  out  o'  the  sugar-bowl  at  last,  'n'  I 
must  say  't  it  was  a  great  relief  to  see  him 
settled." 

"  Who  drew  —  "  said  Mrs.  Lathrop. 

"  Mrs.  Sweet  drew  next.  'N'  she  drew 
Augustus,  'n'  when  she  see  't  she  'd  got 
Augustus  she  did  n't  mince  matters  none,  — 
she  jus'  said  she  'd  never  have  no  Augustus 


in  her  house,  not  now  'n'  not  never,  'n'  she 
put  him  right  back,  'n'  some  one  said  't  it 
was  n't  fair.  But  they  shook  the  bowl  up 
good,  'n'  Gran'ma  Mullins  'd  been  tryin'  so 
hard  to  get  a  chance  at  it  't  they  let  her  come 
next,  'n'  she  drew,  'n'  —  my  Lord  !  —  she  let 
off  a  scream  like  she  'd  draw'd  a  snake  'n'  it 
seemed  't  it  was  Bobby  she  'd  got,  'n'  she 
said,  fair  or  not,  she  could  n't  abide  no  small 
boy  since  she  god-mothered  Sam  Duruy,  'n' 
so  we  must  excuse  her  puttin'  Bobby  back 
into  the  sugar-bowl,  and  so  back  into  the 
sugar-bowl  Bobby  got  put.  Then  every  one 
begin  sayin'  't  it  was  n't  fair,  'n'  Mrs.  Sperrit 
stood  up  'n'  said  she  knowed  a  good  way. 
We  'd  put  sixteen  numbers  in  the  sugar-bowl 
'n'  all  draw  numbers  'n'  then  choose  from 
the  childern  in  accordance  with  our  numbers, 
No.  i  gettin'  first  pick  'n'  No.  2  second 
'n'  so  on.  So  we  did  it,  'n'  I  drew  with  a 
pretty  heavy  heart,  I  c'n  assure  you,  Mrs. 
Lathrop,  for  Lord  knows  what  I  'd  'a'  done 
if—" 

"  I  c'd  'a'  taken  —  "  interposed  the  friend. 

"  Yes,  'n'  you  'd  'a'  had  to  too,"  rejoined 
the  other.  "  I  thought  o'  that  as  I  was  feelin' 
'round,  prayin'  Heaven  to  guide  me ;  'n'  it 


178      THE   MINISTER'S   VACATION 

did  too,  for  I  got  14,  V  after  that  the  rest  o' 
the  meetin'  was  nothin'  but  sheer  circus  for 
me.  That  was  what  you  missed,  Mrs. 
Lathrop,  f'r  I  don't  believe  there  ever  was 
or  ever  will  be  such  a  Sewin'  Society  again. 
Every  one  quit  sewin'  in  the  first  place,  V 
Mrs.  Duruy,  who 'd  got  No.  i,  reflected  some 
'n'  then  said  she  'd  take  Felicia  Hemans 
'cause  Felicia  c'd  help  her  with  her  sewin'. 
Mrs.  Sweet  was  No.  2,  'n'  she  took  Rachel 
Rebecca  to  sleep  with  Emma.  Then  come 
Gran'ma  Mullins,  'n'  she  studied  a  long 
while  'n'  then  at  last  she  decided  on  little 
Jane  'cause  little  Jane  sucks  her  thumb  'n' 
that 's  the  sign  of  a  good  child.  Then  Mrs. 
Sperrit  came  next,  'n'  she  said  she  'd  take 
Bobby  'cause  he  could  n't  do  no  mischief 
out  on  the  farm.  Gran'ma  Mullins  shook 
her  head  'n'  said  them  laughs  best  as  laughs 
last,  but  Mrs.  Sperrit  stuck  to  Bobby  'n' 
did  n't  pay  no  attention  to  Gran'ma  Mullins. 
Well  —  then  Mrs.  Brown  took  Henry 
Ward  Beecher,  'n'  Mrs.  Kimball  took  Billy 
'cause  he's  in  the  store  anyhow,  'n'  Mrs. 
Maxwell  took  'Liza  Em'ly  to  rip,  'n'  Mrs. 
Fisher  took  John  Bunyan  for  weeds.  'N' 
then  Mrs.  Macy  just  pounced  on  the  last 


THE   MINISTER'S   VACATION       179 

girl  for  her  trundle-bed,  'n'  Mrs.  Jilkins  was 
pretty  mad  at  there  bein'  no  more  girls  after 
the  last  one  'n'  she  give  a  sort  o'  flounce  'n' 
said  c  Josephus,'  'n'  Miss  White  give  a  sort 
o'  groan  'n'  said  f  Fox '  in  a  voice  like  death. 
'N'  then  come  the  time  !  —  Mrs.  Davison 
was  No.  12,  'n'  every  one  knew  it,  'n'  every 
one  'd  been  lookin'  at  her  from  time  to  time 
'n'  she  had  n't  been  lookin'  at  no  one,  only 
jus'  at  her  number,  'n'  when  the  time  come 
f'r  her  to  say  who  she  'd  got  (for  naturally 
she  did  n't  have  no  choice)  she  did  n't  say 
nothin'  at  all,  only  just  begun  to  pick  up  all 
her  work  things  'n'  stuff 'em  in  that  little 
black  bead  bag  o'  hers,  'n'  there  was  a 
meanin'  way  about  her  stuffin'  't  said  more 
'n  was  necessary.  —  But  o'  course  some  one 
had  to  speak,  so  Mrs.  Sweet  begun  to  smile 
'n'  say, c  'N'  Mrs.  Davison  gets  Augustus  !  ' 
'n'  at  that  Mrs.  Davison  come  up  out  o' 
her  chair  like  it  was  a  live  coal,  'n'  shook  all 
over  'n'  glared  right  in  front  of  her,  'n'  said, 
4  Ladies,  this  may  appear  as  a  joke  to  you,  but 
it 's  far  from  seemin'  funny  to  the  one  as 
gets  Augustus.  I  decline  Augustus  right 
square  'n'  sharp  'n'  flat  'n'  now,  'n'  if  I  ever 
hear  another  word  on  the  subjeck  I  shall 


180      THE   MINISTER'S   VACATION 

cease  to  ever  again  play  the  organ  in  church 
on  Sunday ! ' 

Miss  Clegg  paused  dramatically. 

Mrs.  Lathrop  opened  her  mouth  in  awe 
at  the  climax. 

"  Well,  you  c'd  'a'  heard  the  dust  settle 
for  a  minute  or  two  !  No  one  could  n't 
think  o'  nothin'  to  say,  f'r  the  only  thing  to 
say  was  suthin'  't  no  one  in  their  senses 
would  think  o'  sayin',  but  o'  course  some 
one  had  to  say  it,  'n'  Mrs.  Craig  got  up  at 
last  'n'  with  the  tears  standin'  in  her  eyes 
'n'  a  kind  o'  sad  look  all  around  her  nice 
tidy  house,  she  sort  o'  sighed  out,  *  We  must 
have  the  organ  Sundays,  'n'  I  '11  take  Augus- 
tus.' There  was  a  air  o'  bein'  sorry  for  her 
all  over,  but  every  one  was  so  glad  it  was  her 
'n*  not  them  't  they  couldn't  help  bein'  more 
relieved  'n  anythin'  else,  'n'  then  we  all 
remembered  't  we  was  hot,  'n'  hungry  too, 
so  we  made  short  work  o'  app'intin'  Mrs. 
Allen  to  go  'n'  tell  the  minister  how  every- 
thin*  was  arranged  for  his  vacation,  'n'  't  it 
'd  be  a  favor  to  us  all  if  he  could  get  away 
pretty  prompt  to-morrow  so  's  we  could  be 
all  settled  down  for  Sunday.  Mrs.  Sperrit 
says  she  '11  take  the  bird  right  along  with 


THE   MINISTER'S  VACATION       181 

Bobby,  V  Mrs.  Allen  says  't  if  they  have 
Brunhilde  Susan  they  can  just  as  well  fuss 
with  the  cow  too,  so  's  far  as  I  c'n  see  there  '11 
be  no  church  Sunday,  'n'  I  certainly  am  grate- 
ful, for  all  the  time  't  I  was  in  chuich  last 
Sunday  I  was  wishin'  't  I  was  in  the  crick 
instid,  'n'  I  don't  consider  such  thoughts 
upliftin'." 

Mrs.  Lathrop  slapped  at  a  mosquito. 

"  They  say  it 's  better  to  be  born  lucky 
'n  rich,"  said  Susan,  getting  up  to  go,  "  'n' 
what  you  said  jus'  now,  Mrs.  Lathrop, 
proves  't  it 's  true  in  your  case.  For  if  I 
had  been  obliged  to  take  Brunhilde  Susan  or 
any  other  of 'em,  it  'd  surely 'a'  been  a  awful 
care  to  you  just  now,  what  with  your  picklin' 
'n'  your  not  bein'  no  great  hand  at  childern 
anyhow." 

Mrs.  Lathrop  assented  with  two  slow 
nods. 

"  Mrs.  Brown  'n'  me  walked  home  to- 
gether," said  Susan,  as  she  slowly  turned  her 
steps  in  the  direction  of  her  own  house. 
"  Mrs.  Brown  thinks  she's  got  the  flower  o' 
the  flock  in  gettin'  Henry  Ward  Beecher. 
She  says  he  's  so  big  he  '11  be  no  care  a  tall, 
except  to  fill  his  pitcher  once  in  a  while." 


182      THE   MINISTER'S   VACATION 

"It's  Mrs.  Craig  as  has — "  said   Mrs. 
Lathrop. 

"  Yes,  I  sh'd  say  so,"  assented  Susan. 
And  then  they  spoke  no  more. 


The  minister,  on  the  receipt  of  his  parish- 
ioners' ultimatum,  tarried  not  upon  the  order 
of  his  going,  but  went  almost  at  once. 
Indeed  he  and  his  wife  packed  with  such 
alacrity  that  at  ten  o'clock  upon  the  following 
day  (which  was  Saturday)  they  were  both 
gone,  and  the  thirteen  children,  the  bird,  and 
the  cow  had  all  been  distributed  according  to 
the  Sewing  Society's  programme. 

The  day  was  intensely  hot,  and  in  spite 
of  the  deep  interest  which  both  felt  in  the 
wide-spread  situation,  neither  Susan  nor  Mrs. 
Lathrop  heard  any  news  from  the  thirteen 
seats  of  war  until  late  in  the  afternoon.  At 
that  hour  Mrs.  Macy  called  on  Miss  Clegg, 
and  after  the  call  the  latter  walked  "  as  far  as 
the  square  "  with  her  friend.  Mrs.  Lathrop 
saw  them  go  out  together  from  her  kitchen 
window,  and  when  Susan  failed  to  return, 
she  possessed  her  soul  with  all  the  unlimited 
resignation  which  was  her  strong  point. 


THE   MINISTER'S  VACATION      183 

Susan  did  not  return  until  seven  o'clock. 

"  I  ain't  comin'  over,"  she  called  from  the 
back  stoop,  before  Mrs.  Lathrop  could  get 
to  the  fence ;  "  there  ain't  nothin'  particular 
to  tell  'n'  under  them  circumstances  I  ain't 
one  to  bother  to  tell  it.  Every  one  't  I 
see  was  out  runnin'  about  'n'  recountin'  how 
much  better  they 're  doin'  than  might  'a' 
been  expected.  Mrs.  Craig  's  awful  pleased 
over  Augustus,  says  it  was  all  clean  slander 
the  talk  about  him,  for  he 's  's  good  's 
gold,  jus'  lays  on  his  back  on  the  floor  'n' 
says,  *  Wash  zhat  ?  Is  zhat  a  fly  ?  Zhi  a  fly  ? 
Zhu  a  fly  ?  '  or  (  Wash  zhat  ?  Zhat  dinner  ? 
Zhi  dinner?  Zhu  dinner?'  'n'  all  you  have 
to  say  is  t  Yes  —  No  —  No  —  No  '  pretty 
prompt.  She  says  she  don't  consider  him 
no  care  a  tall  'n'  she 's  glad  to  have  the 
chance  to  say  so  right  out.  —  Mrs.  Fisher 
was  into  the  store  while  Mrs.  Craig  was 
talkin',  'n'  she  says  she  's  'mused  to  death 
over  John  Bunyan.  Seems  she  was  never 
in  favor  o'  Mr.  Fisher's  havin'  a  garden,  'n' 
now  John  Bunyan  's  gone  'n'  pulled  up  all 
the  beets  'n'  five  rows  of  little  radishes.  She 
was  buyin'  him  a  ball  an'  laughin'  to  tears 
over  how  mad  Mr.  Fisher  was.  She  says 


184      THE   MINISTER'S   VACATION 

he  took  John  Bunyan  by  the  shoulders  'n* 
shook  him  hard  'n'  asked  him  'f  he  did  n't 
know  a  radish  'n'  a  beet  when  he  saw  one, 
'n'  John  Bunyan  spoke  right  up  'n'  said, 
s  Course  he  knowed  a  radish  'n'  a  beet  when 
he  saw  'em,  but  how  was  any  one  to  see  a 
radish  or  a  beet  till  after  he  pulled  it  up 
first? '  Oh  my  !  but  Mrs.  Fisher  says  Mr. 
Fisher  was  hot  about  it,  'n'  it  was  all  of  a 
half  hour  afore  he  got  over  his  mad  enough 
to  be  ready  to  teach  John  Bunyan  anythin' 
else,  'n'  then  he  wanted  to  show  him  the 
first  principles  of  graftin',  'n'  so  she  put  a 
big  plate  of  apples  where  they  was  handy 
for  the  boy  to  reach,  'n'  come  down  town 
herself." 

Mrs.  Lathrop  had  approached  the  fence 
step  by  step,  and  now  leaned  in  a  confidence- 
inspiring  attitude  against  its  firm  support. 
The  sight  seemed  to  affect  Miss  Clegg  with- 
out her  being  conscious  of  the  fact,  and  she 
abandoned  her  first  position  on  the  doorstep 
and  advanced  also. 

"  After  all,  we  might  's  well  be  comfortable 
while  we  visit,"  she  commented  simply, 
when  they  found  themselves  adjusted  as  of 
old,  "  'n'  come  to  think  it  over  I  really  did 


THE   MINISTER'S   VACATION      185 

hear  quite  a  piece  o'  news  in  town.  Mrs. 
Duruy  says  she 's  set  Felicia  Hemans  to 
makin'  Sam  some  shirts  'n'  Sam  is  runnin' 
the  sewin'-machine  for  'em.  Now  o'  course 
'f  it  comes  to  such  doin's  the  first  day  any  one 
can  figger  on  a  week  ahead,  'n'  I  had  a  good 
mind  to  say  's  much  to  Mrs.  Duruy,  but 
then  I  thought  if  I  had  it  in  me  to  do  any 
warnin'  I  'd  best  warn  Felicia,  'n'  as  far  's  my 
experience  goes  a  woman  afore  she  marries 
a  man  always  admires  him  full  's  much  or 
maybe  even  more  'n'  his  own  mother  can, 
so  it 's  breath  wasted  to  try  'n'  tell  either  of 
'em  a  plain  truth  about  him.  Now  you 
know,  Mrs.  Lathrop,  's  I  was  never  one  to 
waste  my  breath,  so  when  Mrs.  Duruy  said 
's  she  was  thinkin*  o'  goin'  over  to  Mead- 
ville  to  visit  her  cousin,  now  's  she  had 
somebody  to  keep  her  house  for  her,  I  jus' 
remarked  as  I  hoped  she  'd  get  her  house 
back  when  she  come  back  'n'  let  it  go  at 
that.  Mrs.  Allen  was  in  after  mail,  'n'  she 
said  Brunhilde  Susan  was  in  bed,  'n'  the  cow 
was  all  milked  for  the  night,  'n'  her  mind 
was  easy  over  'em  both;  'n'  Gran'ma  Mullins 
was  to  the  drug-store  after  some  quinine  to 
put  on  little  Jane's  thumb.  She  says  this 


186      THE   MINISTER'S   VACATION 

week  as  she  has  little  Jane  she  '11  jus'  cure 
her  o'  thumb-suckin'  once  an'  f'r  all  time 
by  keepin'  it  dipped  in  quinine. 

"  I  did  n't  see  none  o'  the  others,  but  I 
did  n't  hear  o'  their  bein'  in  difficulties,  so  I 
come  home.  Mrs.  Macy  says  Roxana  sits 
'n*  weeps  straight  along,  but  she  says  she 
did  n't  have  no  choice  as  to  her  drawin',  for 
between  her  bein'  No.  9  'n'  only  havin*  a 
trundle-bed  Roxana  was  just  forced  right 
down  her  throat,  so  she  ain't  botherin'  over 
her  a  tall.  She  come  out  to  make  calls  this 
afternoon,  'n'  she  says  she  sh'll  see  to  her 
own  marketin'  same  's  ever,  'n'  Roxana  c'n 
weep  or  not  weep  to  suit  herself." 

"  I  'm  glad  you  —  "  said  Mrs.  Lathrop 
thoughtfully. 

"  I  am  too,"  said  Susan  quickly,  "  I  'm 
glad  'n'  I  sh'll  always  stay  glad.  I  just  had 
that  one  time  o'  carin'  for  children,  'n'  the 
Lord  dealt  me  a  lion  instid  of  a  baby,  'n' 
I  'm  free  to  confess  't  I  've  never  seen  no 
occasion  to  say  other  than  Thy  Will  be 
Done.  The  sparrows  do  build  awful  in  the 
notches  of  that  lion,  'n'  the  nest  in  his 
mouth  aggravates  me  so  I  d'n'  know  what  to 
do  some  days,  but  still  when  all  's  said  'n' 


THE  MINISTER'S  VACATION      187 

done  a  sparrow's  nest  in  the  mouth  of  your 
father's  tombstone  ain't  any  such  trial  as 
gettin'  a  child  to  bed  nights  'n'  keepin'  its 
hands  clean  would  be.  'N'  if  I  had  adopted 
a  child,  Mrs.  Lathrop,  I  sh'd  cert'nly  'a' 
kept  it  clean,  f'r,  if  you  '11  excuse  me  re- 
in arkin'  it  right  in  your  face,  I  was  raised  to 
wash  'n'  dust  'n'  be  neat.  That 's  why  that 
nest  in  my  lion's  mouth  with  the  straws 
stickin'  every  way  do  try  me  so.  Mr.  Kim- 
ball  's  forever  askin'  me  if  the  lion  's  raisin' 
a  beard  against  the  winter,  'n'  the  other  day 
he  said  he  was  give  to  understand  't  it  was 
tippin'  a  little,  'n'  I  was  recommended  to 
brace  him  up  by  givin'  him  raw  eggs  for  his 
breakfast.  Well,  maybe  all  Mr.  Kimball 
says  is  very  witty,  but  it 's  a  poor  kind  o' 
wit,  I  think.  He  makes  good  enough  jokes 
about  the  rest  of  the  c'mmunity,  but  I  may 
tell  you  in  confidence,  Mrs.  Lathrop,  't  I 
ain't  never  heard  one  joke  't  he 's  told  on 
me  't  I  considered  even  half-way  amusin'." 

Mrs.  Lathrop  shook  her  head  sadly. 

Then  they  went  in. 

The  Sunday  which  followed  this  particu- 
lar Saturday  was  of  a  heat  truly  tropical. 
All  the  blinds  of  the  Clegg  and  Lathrop 


188      THE   MINISTER'S   VACATION 

houses  stayed  tightly  closed  all  day,  and  it 
is  only  fair  to  surmise  that  those  who  re- 
mained behind  them  were  not  sorry  that  the 
minister's  absence  allowed  them  to  do  so  with 
a  clear  conscience. 

But  about  half-past  seven  in  the  evening 
Susan's  shutters  began  to  bang  open  with  a 
succession  of  blast-like  reports,  and  shortly 
after  she  emerged  from  her  kitchen  door  and 
started  downtown.  Mrs.  Lathrop,  who  was 
of  course  cognizant  of  every  movement  on 
her  neighbor's  part,  saw  her  go  and  made 
haste  to  be  ready  against  her  home-coming. 
To  that  end  she  set  her  front  door  hospita- 
bly open,  drew  two  rockers  out  upon  the 
porch,  laid  a  palm-leaf  fan  in  one,  and  de- 
posited herself  in  the  other. 

It  was  nearly  an  hour  before  Miss  Clegg 
returned  from  town.  She  appeared  very 
warm,  but  pleased  with  herself  for  having 
gone.  As  she  sank  down  in  the  chair  and 
began  to  agitate  the  fan,  Mrs.  Lathrop's  eyes 
fairly  gleamed  with  anticipation. 

"  I  s'pose —  "  she  began. 

"  Well,  no,"  said  Susan,  "  seems  they 
ain't,  after  all.  The  air  down  town  is  more 
like  a  revival  than  anythin'  else,  everybody 


THE   MINISTER'S  VACATION      189 

's  up  tellin'  their  experience  an'  callin'  out 
on  Heaven  to  save  'em.  'N'  the  worst  of  all 
is  Mrs.  Brown!  —  she  never  knew  't  Henry 
Ward  Beecher  walks  in  his  sleep !  No 
more  did  I  nor  nobody  else,  'n'  I  must  say 
't  I  do  think  't  the  minister  'd  ought  to  'a' 
told  some  of  us  so  's  we  could  'a'  been  a 
little  prepared,  for  there 's  many  a  night  's 
I  've  left  clothes  out  on  the  line  's  I'd  never 
risked  'f  I  'd  been  aware  o'  the  possibility  o' 
Henry  Ward  Beecher  bein'  broad-cast.  Mrs. 
Brown  says,  though,  's  it  ain't  his  walkin'  in 
his  sleep  as  is  troublin'  her,  it 's  his  eatin'  in 
his  walkin'.  Mrs.  Lathrop,  you  never  hear 
the  like  o'  what  she  told  me  !  It 's  beyond 
all  belief!  He  eat  the  Sunday  layer-cake 
'n'  the  Sunday-dinner  pie  'n'  the  whole  week's 
tin  o'  doughnuts,  'n'  then  went  back  to  bed 
'n'  never  turned  a  hair.  Why,  she  says 
she  never  did — in  all  her  life.  She  says  when 
she  see  the  jelly  streaks  on  the  bed  an'  felt 
his  sticky  door-knob,  she  was  all  used  up,  for 
Babes  in  the  Woods  was  criminal  beside  the 
way  he  looked  to  be  sleepin'.  'N'  he  don't 
remember  nothin'  a  tall  to-day,  not  one 
livin'  doughnut  does  that  boy  recolleck,  'n' 
she  says  'f  she  did  n't  know  it  to  be  so  on 


190      THE   MINISTER'S   VACATION 

a'count  o'  the  empty  tin  she  'd  doubt  her- 
self an'  believe  him  by  choice,  he  looks  so 
truthful.  But  empty  tins  is  empty  tins,  V 
no  one  can  deny  that  fact. 

"  I  see  Mrs.  Craig  too.  Mrs.  Craig  's 
some  altered  as  to  her  yesterday's  view  in 
regard  to  Augustus.  That  cat  't  she  makes 
so  much  over  's  gone,  'n'  she  's  most  crazy 
as  a  consequence.  It 's  him  as  she  warms 
her  feet  on  winters,  'n'  when  I  asked  her 
how  under  the  sun  she  come  to  feel  the 
need  o'  it  to-day  she  did  n't  even  smile. 
She  says  she  asked  Augustus  right  off  's 
quick  's  she  missed  it,  'n'  all  he  said  was, 
c  Wash  zhat  ?  Zhat  a  cat?  Zhi  a  cat  ?  Zhu 
a  cat  ? '  'n'  she  see  't  there  was  n't  no  informa- 
tion to  be  got  out  o'  him.  She  says,  though, 
that  if  you  bar  the  cat  he  's  pretty  good,  only 
he's  so  tiresome.  He  follows  her  all  over, 
sayin',  *  Wash  zhat?  Zhat  a  hair-pin?  Zhi 
a  hair-pin  ?  Zhu  a  hair-pin  ? '  She  says  it 
ain't  nothin'  to  really  complain  of,  but  it 's 
gettin'  a  little  wearin','n'  she  was  lookin'  more 
worried  'n  her  talk  bore  out,  but  Miss 
White  come  up  'n'  begun  about  Fox,  'n' 
that  kind  o'  ended  Augustus.  Miss  White 
says  'f  the  minister  wanted  to  name  a  child 


THE   MINISTER'S   VACATION      191 

after  Fox's  Martyrs  he  was  welcome,  but  she 
'n'  her  family  never  bargained  on  bein'  the 
martyrs.  She  says  't  Fox  takes  fits  o'  yellin' 
'n'  when  he  begins  he  don't  never  stop. 
Her  mother  's  deaf,  'n'  said  to  let  the  child 
yell  it  out  'n'  teach  him  a  lesson,  but  Deacon 
White  has  got  his  ears  same  as  ever,  'n'  he 
could  n't  stand  the  noise,  'n'  so  he  hired  Fox 
to  stop  by  promisin'  him  a  trumpet  's  soon 
as  the  store  is  open  to-morrow  mornin'. 
Miss  White  says  her  mother  said  buyin' 
trumpets  was  a  poor  kind  o'  discipline,  'n' 
Mrs.  Fisher  come  along  just  then  'n'  said 
her  notion  o'  discipline  was  rewardin'  the 
good  instead  o'  the  bad,  'n'  't  she  was  goin' 
to  give  John  Bunyan  a  dish  o'  cookies  to 
keep  in  his  washstand  drawer,  'cause  he 
went  out  in  the  garden  this  mornin'  while 
Mr.  Fisher  was  down  for  the  mail,  'n'  he 
tried  his  last  night's  lesson  in  graftin'  on 
things  in  general  there,  'n'  he  grafted  corn 
'n'  potatoes  'n'  asparagus  all  back  'n'  forth 
'n'  killed  'em  all.  She  says  Mr.  Fisher  was 
awful  mad  'n'  wanted  to  shake  John  Bunyan, 
but  she  jus'  up  'n'  told  Mr.  Fisher  't  she  'd 
been  tellin'  him  't  there  was  a  mighty  big 
difference  between  theory  'n'  practice  Pr 


192      THE   MINISTER'S   VACATION 

these  many  years,  'n'  't  now  John  Bunyan 
was  sent  by  the  hand  o'  Providence  to  show 
him  jus'  what  she  meant. 

"  I  see  Mrs.  Macy  too,  'n'  she 's  happy 
for  the  whole  town.  Seems  Roxana  was  so 
lonesome  for  the  other  dozen  't  she  jus'  sat 
'n'  rolled  down  tears  steady,  'n'  this  after- 
noon when  Mrs.  Sperrit  drove  in  to  see  her 
sister  she  jus'  took  Roxana  home  with  her. 
She  says  Roxana  '11  be  happy  with  Bobby  on 
the  farm,  'n'  it 's  easy  to  be  seen  as  Mrs. 
Maxwell  is  envyin'  Mrs.  Macy,  for  she  says 
't  it's  as  plain  's  the  nose  on  the  outside  o' 
your  face  't  'Liza  Em'ly  's  nothin'  to  rip." 

Miss  Clegg  ceased  speech  to  rock  and  fan 
for  a  minute  or  two. 

"  Did  you  see  —  "  asked  Mrs.  Lathrop. 

"  I  see  every  one  almost,"  replied  the 
other.  "  I  see  Polly  Allen  wheelin'  Brun- 
hilde  Susan  around  the  square.  Polly  said  't 
the  heat  was  hard  on  the  cow  'n'  hard  on 
Brunhilde  Susan.  She  says  the  cow  's  got  to 
have  suthin'  on  'n'  Brunhilde  Susan 's  got 
to  have  everythin'  off  or  they  ain't  neither 
of  them  peaceable  to  live  with  long.  I  ain't 
so  happy  over  Brunhilde  Susan  's  I  would 
be  if  she  had  more  sense.  She  was  cryin' 


THE   MINISTER'S   VACATION       193 

'  Moo  —  moo'  at  every  dog  she  see,  'n'  I  give 
her  a  nickel  to  keep  her  quiet,  'n'  then  she 
up  'n'  lost  it.  We  hunted  an'  hunted  'n' 
did  everythin'  in  kingdom  come  to  find  it  — 
for  I  naturally  did  n't  feel  to  come  away  with- 
out it —  'n'  finally  Polly  said  's  she  must  'a* 
swallowed  it,  'n'  she  asked  her,  'n'  she  said 
*  Yes,'  'n'  I  was  more  'n  disgusted.  It  was 
a  full  minute  before  I  could  remember  to 
thank  my  stars  as  it  wasn't  a  half-dollar — • 
's  it  might  easy  'a'  been,  for  bein'  the  name- 
sake of  a  child  kind  o'  obliges  you  to  be 
nice  to  'em.  Brunhilde  Susan  can't  never 
expect  to  get  nothin'  out  o'  her  front  half, 
for  I  was  give  to  understand  't  the  Brun- 
hilde 's  Felicia  Hemans  was  so  book-took 
with  is  long  dead,  c  Dragged  at  horses'  tails,' 
she  had  the  face  to  tell  me  —  the  joint  god- 
mother ! —  *'N'  who  by?'  I  couldn't  in 
decency  but  ask.  — c  By  the  horses,'  says 
Felicia  Hemans,  a-gigglin'  fit  to  beat  the 
band.  Well,  Mrs.  Lathrop,  I  'm  pretty 
patient  with  the  young  in  general,  but  I  must 
say  's  I  can't  but  feel  't  when  them  shirts  o' 
Sam  Duruy's  is  done  'n'  their  consequences 
is  added  up,  it 's  a  even  thing  which  draws 
the  least,  —  him  or  Felicia.  Mrs.  Macy  told 


194      THE   MINISTER'S   VACATION 

me  't  Mrs.  Duruy  has  her  things  all  washed 
'n'  ironed  to  go  to  Meadville  to-morrow,  V 
I  reckon  't  a  woman  's  is  as  blind  's  that  '11 
be  jus'  's  happy  in  Meadville  as  anywhere 
else." 

Susan  paused  and  rose  from  her  seat. 

"  Are  you  a  —  "  said  Mrs.  Lathrop. 

"  Looks  like  it,  don't  it  ?  "  replied  Miss 
Clegg.  "  'S  a  matter  o'  fact,  Mrs.  Lathrop, 
I  'm  that  hot  'n'  tired  'd  it  'd  take  a  long 
sight  more  'n  you  to  keep  me  any  longer, 
so  I  '11  say  good-bye  'n'  go." 


On  Monday  the  thermometer  bounded 
higher  than  ever.  It  was  wash-day  too, 
which  rendered  one  half  of  the  community 
infinitely  hotter  yet.  As  the  burden  of  the 
minister's  vacation  fell  upon  the  same  half 
that  the  washing  did,  one  might  have  looked 
for  very  little  friendly  exchanging  of  personal 
trials  on  the  evening  that  followed  such  a 
trying  day.  Susan  felt  such  to  be  the  case 
and  concluded  not  to  try  and  go  down  town. 
Mrs.  Lathrop  took  two  or  three  wilted 
clovers,  and  sat  on  her  steps  and  chewed  sub- 
missively after  tea,  —  too  much  overcome 


THE  MINISTER'S   VACATION      195 

even  to  waft  a  questioning  glance  across  the 
interim  of  parched  grass  which  stretched 
between  her  kitchen  stoop  and  that  of  her 
friend ;  but  the  latter  saw  her  sitting  there 
and  felt  a  keen,  remorseful  stab. 

"  I  guess  I  '11  go  down  in  the  square  Pr 
jus'  five  minutes,"  she  called  to  the  dejected 
figure,  and  forthwith  sallied  out  to  the 

o         J 

conflict. 

The  five  minutes  stretched  to  an  hour,  and 
Mrs.  Lathrop  was  frankly  asleep  when  her 
vigil  was  terminated  by  her  neighbor's  return. 
The  latter  came  up  and  sat  down  on  the 
steps,  heaving  a  mighty  sigh  as  she  did  so. 

"  Well,  I  see  Mrs.  Brown,"  she  began  in 
a  tone  of  reminiscent  sympathy,  <{  'n'  I  can 
tell  you  't  Mrs.  Brown  is  in  a  situation  not 
to  be  lightly  sneezed  over." 

"  What  did  —  "  remarked  Mrs.  Lathrop, 
rubbing  her  eyes. 

"  What  did  Henry  Ward  Beecher  do  ? 
Well,  he  jus'  up  'n'  did  the  same  's  the 
night  afore.  Ate  the  Sons  o'  Veterans'  pud- 
ding 's  Mrs.  Brown  had  all  ready  for  the 
Lodge  meetin',  'n'  all  the  baked  beans  's  was 
for  to-day's  luncheon  too.  She  says  she 
never  dreamed  as  no  human  bein'  could  hold 


196      THE   MINISTER'S   VACATION 

what  that  boy  can.  She  says  young  Dr. 
Brown  says  't  he  wants  to  come  'n'  observe 
him  to-night  'f  he  don't  have  to  go  over  to 
Meadville  to  get  two  of  his  saws  sharpened. 
Mrs.  Brown  says  he  says  he's  goin'  to  write 
a  paper  for  the  Investigatin'  Society,  but  I 
don't  see  how  that  's  goin'  to  help  the  Sons 
o'  Veterans  none.  Doctors'  observations 
'n'  investigations  's  all  right  's  far  's  they  go, 
but  I  don'  fancy  as  they  can  be  made  to  take 
the  place  o'  no  eat  up  puddin'  inside  o'  no 
son  of  a  veteran.  'N'  anyhow,  Henry 
Ward  Beecher  or  no  Henry  Ward  Beecher, 
Mrs.  Craig  's  jus'  about  frantic  over  her  cat. 
She  says  there  's  cat's  hair  everywhere  'n'  the 
cat  ain't  nowhere.  She  was  doin'  out  her 
churnin'  'n'  she  found  some  hairs  in  the  but- 
ter. I  asked  her  'f  maybe  Augustus  had  n't 
fed  the  cat  to  the  cow,  'n'  she  says  they 
thought  o'  that,  but  her  husband  says  't  ain't 
possible,  for  there  ain't  room  for  a  cat  to  turn 
over  in  the  place  where  a  cow  turns  everything 
over  afore  she  swallows  it.  Mrs.  Craig  says, 
besides,  't  she  asked  Augustus,  but  he  jus' 
said,  '  Wash  zhat  ?  —  Zhat  a  cow  ?  —  Zhi  a 
cow  ?  —  Zhu  a  cow  ?  '  'n'  she  see  plain  'n'  for- 
ever where  he  got  the  name  o'  bein'  so  bad, 


THE   MINISTER'S  VACATION      197 

for  she  was  dyin'  to  switch  him  V  could  n't 
in  honor  say  as  she  had  any  real  reason  to. 
But  all  the  same  she  says  she  's  as  sure  as 
Fate  't  him  V  no  one  else  's  at  the  bottom 
o'  her  cat —  only  how  in  all  creation  are  you 
to  get  it  out  o'  him  ?  She  says  there  was 
hairs  in  the  washtub  V  hairs  in  the  bluein', 
'n'  when  she  gathered  the  sweet  peas  afore 
supper  she  see  a  hair  on  a  sweet-pea  pod. 
While  we  was  talkin'  suthin'  tickled  her  'n' 
she  found  a  hair  in  her  collar. 

"  Gran'ma  Mullins  came  along  up  from 
the  crick  while  we  was  talkin',  'n'  she  had  her 
tale  o'  woe  same  's  the  rest.  Seems  little 
Jane  's  quit  her  thumb,  owin'  to  the  quinine, 
'n'  took  to  bitin'  holes  'n'  chewin'  'n'  suckin' 
everythin'  that  she  can  lay  hands  on.  She  's 
chewed  her  pillow-slip  'n'  bit  her  sheet  'n' 
sucked  right  down  to  the  brass  on  a  number 
o'  Gran'ma  Mullins'  solid  silver  things. 
They  Ve  tried  scoldin'  'n'  slappin',  but  she 
jus'  keeps  her  mouth  on  the  rampage,  'n' 
they  can't  get  her  to  go  back  to  her  thumb 
f'r  love  nor  money.  Mrs.  Brown  said  she  'd 
be  glad  to  trade  Henry  Ward  Beecher  for 
little  Jane,  'n'  I  strongly  advised  her  to  do 
it,  f'r  to  my  mind  a  chewin'  child  's  more  to 


198      THE   MINISTER'S   VACATION 

be  counted  on  than  a  eatin'  sleep-walker,  but 
we  was  evidently  all  o'  the  same  way  o' 
thinkin,  f'r  Gran'ma  Mullins  shook  her 
head  'n'  would  n't  change. 

"  I  see  Felicia  Hemans  down  buyin' 
suthin'  with  Sam  along  with  a  basket  to 
carry  it  home  in.  I  asked  'f  Mrs.  Duruy 
was  gone,  'n'  they  said  yes,  'n'  Sam  grinned 
V  Felicia  giggled,  same  's  usual.  I  c'n  see 
't  the  Aliens  is  all  put  out  't  Sam's  bein' 
around  with  any  one  but  Polly,  'n'  Mrs. 
Allen  asked  me  'f  I  really  thought  Mrs. 
Duruy  'd  ought  to  'a'  gone  off  like  that.  I 
said  I  thought  it  was  a  awful  risk  for 
Felicia  Hemans  'cause  o'  course  she  might 
marry  Sam  in  consequence.  Mrs.  Allen 
did  n't  like  it,  'n'  she  bounced  Brunhilde 
Susan's  carriage-springs  so  hard  't  she  made 
Brunhilde  Susan  wake  up.  Mr.  Kimball 
was  out  in  front  o'  his  store,  'n'  he  hollered 
across  to  me  't  he  was  giv'  to  understand 
as  Brunhilde  Susan  was  learnin'  to  hang 
onto  money  already.  Every  one  laughed, 
'n'  I  declare  't  for  the  life  o'  me  I  don't  see 
how  no  one  c'n  make  a  joke  over  a  baby's 
swallowin'  a  lent  nickel." 

"Who — "  queried  Mrs.  Lathrop. 


THE   MINISTER'S   VACATION      199 

"  Well,  Mrs.  Fisher  was  one  of  'em.    She 
did  sort  of  explain  it  away  afterwards,  though. 
She  said  she  was  so  happy  she  laughed  at 
any  nothin'  at  all.     Seems   Mr.  Fisher  set 
John    Bunyan   to  cuttin'   the   grass,  V  the 
boy  went  'n'  sheared  right  over  the  bed  o' 
petunias.       Seems    them    petunias   was    the 
apple  o'  Mr.  Fisher's  eye  'n'  he  wanted  a 
dish  of  'em  with  every  meal.      Mrs.  Fisher 
says    't  to    her    mind    a  woman    has   work 
enough  gettin'  the  meals  without  havin'  to 
get   petunias   too,  'n'    she   was   nothin'   but 
glad  to  see  what  a  clean  shave  John  Bunyan 
made  o'   the  whole   thing.     She  was  down 
town  buyin'  him  some  marbles.     She  went 
into  Shores  after  'em,  an'  she  'n'  Miss  White 
come    out    together.     I    know  suthin'    had 
happened  the  minute   I   see   Miss  White's 
face,   f'r  angels    chantin'  glory  was  nothin' 
to  it.     Do  you  know,  Mrs.  Lathrop,  that 
Fox  never  lived  up  to  the  trumpet  bargain 
one  hour,  but  jus'  yelled  'n'  blew  alternate, 
till    the    Deacon  was    nigh   to  deaf  'n'   old 
Mrs.  White    begun    to   hear,   'n'  they   was 
all  'most    fit  for  the  Insane  Asylum  when 
Mrs.  Sperrit  come  in   to   leave  a  skirt  for 
new    braid,    'n'   she  jus'   up   'n'  took    Fox 


200      THE   MINISTER'S   VACATION 

home  with  her.  She  says  't  he  can  make 
all  the  noise  he  wants  to  out  on  the  farm, 
'n'  the  Whites  is  all  but  in  Paradise  as  a 
result." 

"I  sh'd  think  — "  suggested  Mrs.  La- 
throp. 

"Well,  I  d'n'  know,"  said  Susan;  "you 
may  think  so,  but  you  did  n't  look  like  it 
when  I  come.  You  looked  to  be  asleep, 
Mrs.  Lathrop,  'n'  bein'  's  to-day  's  been  a 
hot  Monday  'n'  to-morrow  '11  likely  be  a 
hot  Tuesday,  I  feel  some  inclined  that  way 
myself.  So  good-night." 


Susan's  prophecy  as  to  what  the  next  day 
would  be  came  true.  It  was  a  scorching 
Tuesday,  and  nothing  but  the  feast  of  gossip 
which  "  the  square "  held  upon  this  partic- 
ular week  could  ever  have  drawn  a  crowd 
there  on  so  sultry  a  night. 

"  But  every  one  was  out,"  she  told  Mrs. 
Lathrop,  as  they  met  by  the  fence  along 
towards  nine  o'clock,  "  'n'  oh  my  !  you  'd 
ought  to  'a'  been  there.  Mrs.  Craig  's 
found  her  cat,  'n'  that  takes  the  lead,  for 
she  come  back  of  her  own  accord  from  a 


THE   MINISTER'S   VACATION      201 

place  where  no  one  'd  ever  'a'  expected  her 
to  come  back  from." 

"Where    did  — "    asked    Mrs.    Lathrop 
eagerly. 

"  Come  up   in   the  well-bucket,"  replied 

Miss  Clegg  promptly,  —  "she  come  up  in 

the  well-bucket  this   afternoon   all   but   her 

tail,  'n'  they  think  Augustus  must  'a'  strained 

that  throwin'  her  in  by  it  'n'  so  it  soaked  off 

extra  easy.     Mrs.   Craig  went  for  him  the 

minute  she  see  the  cat,  but,  lor',  you  can't 

get  nothin'  out  o'  Augustus  ;   he  jus'   said, 

*  Wash  zhat  ?  —  Zhat  a  cat  ?  —  Zhi  a  cat  ?  — 

Zhu  a  cat  ? '  'n'  Mrs.  Craig  was  too  mad  f 'r 

words.     She  says  't  they  've  been  noticin'  a 

curious  taste  in  the  water,  but  not  bein'  in 

the    habit   o'   drinkin'    the   house    cat,   they 

never    thought    of    its    bein'     him.     She's 

troubled   over   findin'   the    cat   'n'    troubled 

some   more   over   not  findin'   the  tail.     She 

says  Mr.  Craig  says  't  he  would  n't  consider 

for  one  second  cleanin'  out  a  well  for  a  trifle 

like  a  cat's  tail,  'n'  yet,  for  her  part,  she  ain't 

noways   inclined  to  keep  on  livin'   on  cat's 

hairs   indefinitely.     She    says  't    Mr.    Craig 

says  't  she  can  easy  fish  the  tail   up  with  the 

well-bucket,   but  fishin'    for  suthin'   's    you 


202      THE    MINISTER'S   VACATION 

can't  see  ain't  so  funny  as  a  woman's  hus- 
band 's  apt  to  make  out.  'S  far  's  my  ob- 
servation 's  'xtended,  a  man  always  gives  his 
wife  to  understand  that  what  'd  be  a  bother 
or  mebbe  impossible  for  him  to  do  '11  be  jus' 
a  pleasant  afternoon  for  her.  I  took  it  on 
myself  to  tell  her  that  very  same  thing.  *  Let 
him  fish  that  tail  himself  for  a  day  or  two,'  I 
says ;  f  about  the  six  hundred  an'  fortieth 
time  't  he  winds  up  that  bucket  'n'  finds 
himself  still  short  o'  that  tail  I  '11  venture 
my  guess  't  he  won't  find  the  joke  's  fine 
's  he  did  at  first.'  But  she  was  too  used 
up  to  know  when  she  was  havin'  good 
common-sense  talked  to  her;  she  jus'  kep' 
wipin'  her  eyes,  'n'  then  Mrs.  Sperrit  drove 
up  'n'  the  whole  rigmarole  had  to  be  gone 
over  again  for  her.  I  mus'  say  that  she 
behaved  kind  of  un-neighborly,  Pr  she 
laughed  fit  to  kill  herself,  'n'  Mrs.  Craig 
was  nigh  to  put  out  over  such  doin's,  —  'n' 
the  cat  not  dead  a  week  yet ;  but  when  Mrs. 
Sperrit  got  through  laughin'  she  made  up 
Pr  it  all,  for  she  said  if  Mrs.  Craig  was 
willin'  she  'd  take  Augustus  home  with  her. 
Mrs.  Craig  could  n't  believe  she  was  in 
earnest  at  first,  'n'  then  she  wept  again 


THE   MINISTER'S   VACATION      203 

with  sheer  joy.  'N'  what  do  you  think  't 
Mrs.  Sperrit  did  ?  —  Took  Augustus  straight 
across  to  Mr.  Shores  V  bought  a  dog-collar 
'n'  a  chain  for  him  V  buckled  it  on  right 
then  and  there.  'I'll  engage  he  don't 
throw  no  cats  down  no  wells  out  on  the 
farm,'  she  says,  'n'  then  off  she  drove  with 
the  youngster  sittin'  up  beside  her  prim  's 
a  poodle." 

"Did  you  hear  — "  asked  Mrs.  Lathrop, 
chewing  pleasantly. 

"  I  see  Mrs.  Brown,"  Susan  continued 
calmly,  —  "she  was  down  in  the  square. 
Seems  't  young  Dr.  Brown  did  n't  get  to 
observe  Henry  Ward  Beecher  like  he  ex- 
pected. He  'n'  Amelia  went  over  to 
Meadville,  'n'  mebbe  they  '11  go  on  to  the 
city  from  there,  f  r  his  practice  is  spreadin' 
so  't  he 's  got  to  buy  a  bigger  borin'-ma- 
chine,  'n'  he  wants  a  lot  more  bastin*  thread 
an'  needles.  But  Henry  Ward  Beecher 
was  up  'n'  doin'  as  usual  last  night.  He 
skum  two  pans  o'  milk  'n'  did  n't  put 
the  covers  back,  so  a  June  bug  got  in. 
Mrs.  Brown  says  Mrs.  Craig  's  welcome  to 
drink  her  cat  if  she  favors  the  idea,  but  she 
ain't  drinkin'  no  June  bugs  herself,  so  she 


204      THE  MINISTER'S   VACATION 

had  to  give  the  complete  pan  to  the  pigs. 
'N'  he  eat  more  too  ! —  he  eat  a  jar  o'  water- 
melon pickles  'n'  all  the  calves-foot  jelly  't 
was  all  ready  f'r  old  Mrs.  Grace.  It's  a 
serious  matter  about  the  jelly,  for  Mrs. 
Grace  's  most  dead  'n'  all  the  calves  in  town 
is  alive,  'n'  so  where  any  more  jelly  's  to  be 
got  in  time  the  Lord  only  knows.  Mrs. 
Brown  thinks  some  one  'd  ought  to  write  to 
the  minister ;  she  says  it  ain't  possible  's 
he  's  always  eat  like  this  nights  'n'  she  wants 
to  know  how  to  put  a  stop  to  it.  Mrs. 
Allen  thinks  't  some  one  'd  ought  to  write 
to  the  minister  too.  She  says  't  Sam  'n' 
Felicia  was  down  on  the  bridge  last  night 
a-holdin'  hands.  She  says  Polly  saw  'em. 

"  'N'  Gran'ma  Mullins  is  another  as 
thinks  't  some  one  'd  ought  to  write  to  the 
minister.  She  was  down  town  a-buyin'  some 
honey  to  put  on  little  Jane's  thumb.  She  's 
all  but  stark  mad.  She  says  mice  'n'  moths 
is  goin'  to  be  mere  jokes  to  her  hereafter. 
She  says  'f  the  minister  don't  come  back 
soon  little  Jane  '11  have  her  sucked  out  o' 
bed  'n'  board.  She  says  little  Jane  's  like 
him  in  the  history  't  where  he  chewed  the 
grass  never  grew  again.  There  seems  to  be 


THE   MINISTER'S  VACATION      205 

considerable  anxiety  's  to  when  the  minister 
'11  get  back.  Nobody  thought  to  ask  him 
where  he  was  goin',  'n'  as  a  consequence  no- 
body knows  where  he 's  gone.  Nobody 
thought  to  ask  him  when  he  was  comin' 
back,  'n'  's  a  consequence  no  one  knows 
when  he's  thinkin'  o'  comin'  back.  Mr. 
Kimball  says  't  his  view  o'  the  matter  is  as 
the  minister  was  tired  o'  havin'  thirteen 
children  'n'  is  gone  off  somewhere  else  to 
begin  all  over.  Fun  or  not,  the  idea  's  sort 
of  upset  every  one.  They  went  down  to  see 
where  he  bought  his  ticket  for,  but  Johnny 
says  he  only  took  it  to  the  junction,  'n'  my 
own  experience  is  't  a  junction  may  lead  to 
'most  anythin'.  Mrs.  Macy  says  's  there  's 
only  one  way  to  be  sure  whether  he  's  gone 
for  good  or  not,  'n'  that  is  to  go  up  to  the 
house  'n'  see  whether  he  took  his  ear-muffs 
along,  for  it  stands  to  reason  't  any  man 
who  'd  pack  his  ear-muffs  a  week  like  this 
ain't  intendin'  to  ever  return.  Every  one  see 
the  sense  o'  that,  'n'  so  Mrs.  Macy  's  ap- 
p'inted  herself  to  go  'n'  look  the  house  over 
to-morrow  mornin'.  I  must  say  't  'f  she 
don't  find  them  ear-muffs  the  c'mmunity  '11 
be  pretty  blue  to-morrow  night.  No  one 


206      THE   MINISTER'S   VACATION 

knew  how  fond  they  was  of  the  minister 
until  they  begin  to  find  out  what  them  thir- 
teen childern  come  to  when  you  add  'em  all 
up  separately.  I  d'n'  know  's  I  ever  was  so 
glad  of  anythin'  in  my  life  's  I  am  that  I 
drew  No.  14  out  o'  Mrs.  Craig's  sugar-bowl. 
Fate  's  a  strange  thing  when  you  look  it 
under  'n'  over  'n'  hind  end  to,  Mrs.  La- 
throp,  —  there  was  me  drawin'  No.  14  'n' 
Mrs.  Craig  herself  gettin'  Augustus,  'n'  all 
on  account  of  a  sugar-bowl,  'n'  that  sugar- 
bowl  hers  'n'  not  mine." 

Mrs.  Lathrop  applied  her  clover,  but  said 
nothing. 

"  Well,  I  d'n'  know  as  there's  any  good 
to  be  gained  out  o'  our  standin'  here  chat- 
tin'  any  longer.  We  'd  better  be  gettin'  to 
bed  'n'  thankin'  our  merciful  Father  't  we 
hav'n't  got  none  o'  the  minister's  children, 
'n'  that 's  a  prayer  's  not  many  c'n  put  up 
this  night." 

Mrs.  Lathrop  threw  her  clover  away  and 
returned  to  her  own  domicile. 


On  Wednesday,  between  the  intense  heat 
and    the  equally  intense   excitement  engen- 


THE   MINISTER'S   VACATION      207 

dered  by  Mr.  Kimball's  suggestion,  the 
town  was  rife  with  a  hive-like  tumult.  Miss 
Clegg  went  down  to  return  Mrs.  Macy's 
call  soon  after  dinner,  and  when  she  got  back 
it  was  all  of  six.  Mrs.  Lathrop  was  so  anx- 
ious to  hear  the  latest  news  from  the  seat  of 
war  that  she  had  prepared  a  company  tea  by 
the  dining-room  window  and  hailed  Susan 
directly  she  was  near  enough  to  hail. 

"  I  want  you  to  come  to  —  "  she  cried. 

"  Well,  I  believe  I  will,"  her  friend  an- 
swered cordially.  "  I  believe  I  'd  really  enjoy 
to  pervided  you  ain't  got  nothin'  with  dried 
currants  in  it.  They  say  the  heathen  Chinese 
eat  flies  for  currants,  but  I  never  was  no 
heathen  Chinese." 

"I  ain't  got  — "  Mrs.  Lathrop  assured 
her. 

"  Then  I  '11  come  's  soon  's  I  c'n  get  my 
bonnet  off,"  Susan  answered,  and  proceeded 
to  unlock  her  own  domain  and  enter  into 
the  sacred  precincts  thereof. 

Ten  minutes  later  the  friends  sat  on  op- 
posite sides  of  Mrs.  Lathrop's  hospitality. 

"  I  s'pose  't  a  good  deal — "  began  the  older 
woman,  as  she  poured  out  the  tea. 

"  More  'n  any  other  day,"  said  the  younger; 


208      THE   MINISTER'S   VACATION 

"  it  almost  seems  's  'f  more  's  happened  than 
I  c'n  remember  to  tell  over  again.  I  see 
Mrs.  Macy,  'n'  it  was  lucky  't  1  went  to  see 
her,  f 'r  she  was  the  one  's  knowed  everythin' 
this  day,  f 'r  sure.  The  first  thing  she  told 
me  was  't  the  minister  's  got  his  ear-muffs 
right  along  with  him.  She  says  the  ear- 
muffs  is  the  only  thing  't  she  did  n't  find,  f'r 
she's  willin'  to  swear  's  she  opened  more  'n 
a  hunderd  bundles.  She  said  she  was  clean 
wore  out  towards  the  last,  'n'  discouraged 
too,  'n'  she  thought  she  'd  go  over  to  Mrs. 
Duruy's  'n'  ask  Felicia  Hemans  if  she 
know'd  anythin' ;  so  she  did,  'n'  when  she 
got  there  the  house  was  all  shut  up,  'n'  a 
piece  o'  paper  stuck  in  the  front  door  be- 
tween the  knob  'n'  the  wall,  simply  statin'  't 
Felicia  Hemans  'n'  Sam  was  gone  to  Mead- 
ville  to  get  married.  All  it  said  was  *  Me 
'n'  Sam  were  married  in  Meadville  afore  you 
can  get  this.  Your  everlasting  daughter.' 
She  see  't  it  was  meant  for  a  little  surprise 
for  Mr.  Duruy  when  he  come  home  'xpect- 
in*  to  get  his  dinner,  'n'  she  thought  she'd 
ought  to  give  it  to  him  right  off;  so  she 
went  back  'n'  got  her  stick  'n'  jus'  went  to 
town  's  quick  's  ever  she  could  'n'  walked 


THE   MINISTER'S   VACATION      209 

straight  in  on  him  with  it.  He  took  on 
awful  'n'  stamped  around  an'  shook  his  fist 
right  in  her  face,  an'  swore  at  her  till  she  was 
frightened  'most  to  death,  'n'  then  it  turned 
out  't  he'd  thought  as  it  was  her  's  had  mar- 
ried Sam  on  a'count  o'  there  bein'  no '  Felicia' 
signed  to  the  letter.  The  other  shock  when 
he  come  to  understand  brought  on  a  ap- 
plepleckticfit,'n',seein"s  young  Dr.  Brown  's 
away,  they  had  to  send  'way  to  Meadville 
f'r  old  Dr.  Carter,  'n'  Mrs.  Macy  had  to  stay 
'n'  take  care  of  him,  with  him  light-headed 
half  the  time  'n'  the  other  half  all  out  o'  his 
mind  'n'  sure  she  was  married  to  Sam. 
She  said  't  it  didn't  take  much  o'  such  doin's 
to  get  her  so  aggravated  't  she  jus'  told  him 
flat  'n'  plain  's  she  was  sixty-seven  years  old 
and  that  meant  's  she  knowed  sixty-seven 
years  too  much  to  marry  his  son.  She 
said  he  begin  to  rave  'n'  choke  all  fresh  't 
that,  'n'  her  patience  come  clean  to  a  end 
right  then  'n'  there,  'n'  she  picked  up  the 
water-pitcher  'n'  told  him  'f  he  dared  to 
have  another  fit  she  'd  half  drown  him.  She 
said  he  got  reasonable  pretty  quick  when 
he  see  she  was  in  earnest,  'n'  she  had  him 
sittin'  up  by  the  window  afore  Dr.  Carter 
14 


210      THE   MINISTER'S   VACATION 

got  there.  Mrs.  Duruy  'n'  Sam  'n'  Felicia 
Hemans  all  drove  over  with  the  doctor,  'n' 
Dr.  Carter  had  telegraphed  young  Dr.  Brown 
to  come  'n'  observe  Mr.  Duruy's  fit  with 
him,  so  Dr.  Brown  'n'  Amelia  's  home  too, 
'n'  all  down  around  the  crick  is  real  gay. 
O'  course  Mrs.  Macy  'd  done  with  the  fit 
afore  they  got  there,  but  young  Dr.  Brown 
wants  Dr.  Carter  to  stay  over  night  'n' 
observe  Henry  Ward  Beecher,  'n'  Dr.  Carter 
says  't  he  thinks  he  will.  He  says  he  ain't 
got  no  real  important  case  on  hand  jus'  now, 
only  he  says  it's  a  ill  wind  's  blows  no  man 
good  'n'  he's  lookin'  for  this  heat  to  lay 
some  one  out  afore  long. 

"  Gran'ma  Mullins  come  up  to  Mrs. 
Macy's  while  I  was  there,  'n'  she  's  pretty 
mad.  Seems  she  hurried  to  Mr.  Duruy's 
jus'  's  soon  's  she  heard  of  the  doctors  there, 
'n'  wanted  'em  to  come  over  to  her  house 
'n'  observe  little  Jane's  thumb,  'n'  Dr. 
Carter  jus'  flatly  up  and  said  little  Jane's 
thumb  was  beneath  the  kingdom  o'  medicine. 
She  was  awful  put  out  about  it,  'n'  she  vows 
'n'  declares  's  she  '11  die  afore  she  ever  asks 
another  doctor  to  do  anythin'  f'r  her.  I 
guess  that  's  true  enough  too,  f'r  'f  the 


THE   MINISTER'S   VACATION      211 

minister  really  is  gone  nothin'  ain't  never 
goin'  to  cure  her  o'  little  Jane.  Mrs.  Macy 
give  her  some  tea,  but  she  was  too  used  up 
to  drink  it.  She  says  little  Jane  's  gettin' 
worse  V  worse.  She  bit  a  piece  out  of  a 
gold-band  cup  last  night,  'n'  she  gnawed  all 
the  jet  cherries  off  o'  Gran'ma  Mullins'  best 
bonnet  while  Gran'ma  Mullins  was  to  Mrs. 
Duruy's." 

Miss  Clegg  paused  to  eat  and  drink 
somewhat.  Mrs.  Lathrop,  who  had  finished 
her  own  eating  and  drinking,  sat  breathless. 

"  I  see  Mrs.  Fisher  on  my  way  home. 
She  's  happy  as  ever.  She  says  nothin' 
must  do  last  night  but  Mr.  Fisher  must 
build  a  flyin'-machine  with  John  Bunyan  to 
hold  the  nails  when  he  hammered.  Mrs. 
Fisher  says  she  quit  holdin'  nails  afore  she  'd 
been  married  a  year  'n'  Mr.  Fisher  's  jus' 
wild  now  't  he  's  got  a  new  hand  to  hold  his 
nails  f'r  him.  She  says  they  were  tinkerin' 
on  the  thing  all  last  evenin'  'n'  a  good  part 
o'  this  mornin'  'n'  two  mattresses  to  beat 
'n'  a  chair  to  mend  's  never  counted  for 
anythin'.  Well  —  seems  't  towards  noon 
Mr.  Fisher  got  to  where  he  could  go  down 
town  to  get  the  top  part  pumped  up,  'n' 


212      THE   MINISTER'S   VACATION 

while  he  was  down  town  what  did  John 
Bunyan  do  but  up  'n'  put  wheels  on  the 
bottom  part?  My  !  but  Mrs.  Fisher  says  't 
Mr.  Fisher  was  mad  when  he  got  back  'n' 
see  them  wheels.  He  tied  the  pumped  up 
part  to  the  hammer  't  was  layin'  on  the  gar- 
den bench,  'n'  then  he  shook  John  Bunyan 
hard  'n'  asked  him  what  in  thunder  he 
meant  by  puttin'  wheels  on  a  flyin'-machine, 
'n'  John  Bunyan  jus'  up  'n'  asked  him  to 
his  face  how  under  the  sun  he  was  'xpectin' 
to  make  the  thing  go  'f  it  did  n't  have  no 
wheels  on  it.  Mrs.  Fisher  says  she  was  in 
behind  the  kitchen  blinds  'n'  she  was  fit  to 
kill  herself  laughin'  to  see  how  mad  Mr. 
Fisher  got,  —  he  got  so  mad  't  he  backed  up 
'n'  fell  over  the  garden  bench  'n'  busted  the 
pumped  up  part  o'  the  flyin'-machine  all 
hollow.  Mrs.  Fisher  says  it  finished  her 
to  see  a  flyin'-machine  with  the  top  part  all 
holes  'n'  the  bottom  part  all  wheels.  She 
says  she  's  give  John  Bunyan  her  father's 
cuff-button  'n'  told  him  'f  he  keeps  on  's 
well  's  he  's  begun  't  she  '11  give  him  a  button 
Pr  the  other  cuff  the  day  he  's  twenty-one. 

"  Mrs.    Brown    was     down    town    buyin' 
eggs.     She  says  them  Leghorns  o'  hers  can't 


THE   MINISTER'S   VACATION      213 

begin  to  keep  up  with  Henry  Ward  Beecher. 
She  says,  besides,  't  she  has  n't  no  scraps  to 
feed  'em  since  he  's  come,  'n'  so  the  knife 
cuts  two  ways.  She  's  mighty  glad  that  the 
observin'  's  goin'  to  begin  to-night,  f'r  she 
says  she  's  prayin'  Heaven  for  relief  but  she 
ain't  got  much  faith  left.  Mr.  Kimball  was 
feelin'  mighty  funny,  'n'  he  hollered  to  her 't 
she  wa'n't  the  first  to  have  her  faith  shook 
by  Henry  Ward  Beecher,  but  we  was  all 
too  considerate  for  her  feelin's  to  laugh.  I 
would  n't  laugh  at  a  joke  o'  Mr.  Kimball's 
anyhow." 

"  I  wish — "  said  Mrs.  Lathrop  mildly. 

"  It 's  a  curious  thing,"  continued  Susan, 
—  "it's  a  mighty  curious  thing  how  many 
folks  is  give  to  likin'  to  hear  themselves  talk. 
Mr.  Kimball 's  a  sad  example  o'  that  kind  o' 
man.  I  'd  sometimes  enjoy  to  stop  'n'  ex- 
change a  few  friendly  words  with  him,  but, 
lor '  !  I  'd  never  get  a  chance.  The  minister 
is  about  all  I  c'n  stand  in  the  talkin'  line  — 
'n'  you,  o'  course,  Mrs.  Lathrop." 


The  evening  after,   as    Susan  was    snap- 
ping  out    her    dish-towels,   she   spied    her 


THE   MINISTER'S   VACATION 

neighbor  meandering  back  and  forth  among 
the  clover  blossoms.  Later  she  observed 
her  standing  —  ruminative  and  ruminating, 
so  to  speak  —  at  the  fence.  There  was 
always  a  potent  suggestion  in  Mrs.  Lathrop's 
pose,  as  she  leaned  and  waited,  which  vastly 
accelerated  Miss  Clegg's  after-dinner  move- 
ments. In  this  case  less  than  two  minutes 
intervened  between  the  waiting  of  Mrs. 
Lathrop  and  the  answering  of  her  younger 
friend. 

"  Was  you  to  -  "  the  older  woman  asked, 
as  her  eyes  were  brightened  by  the  approach 
of  her  medium  of  communication  with  the 
world  at  large. 

"  Oh,  yes,"  replied  that  lady,  "  I  was  to 
town,  'n'  the  whole  town  's  light-headed  'n' 
runnin'  hither  'n'  yon  like  they  was  ants 
bein'  stepped  on.  The  town  's  gone  plum 
crazy  over  the  minister  bein'  gone  alto- 
gether. I  do  believe  the  only  happy  woman 
in  it  last  night  was  Gran'ma  Mullins,  'n' 
'f  you  want  to  see  happiness,  Mrs.  Lathrop, 
you  'd  ought  to  see  Gran'ma  Mullins  this 
day.  Seems  't  Mrs.  Sperrit  was  drivin'  in 
early  last  evenin'  'n'  she  stopped  at  Gran'ma 
Mullins  to  get  one  o'  the  crick  stones  out  o' 


THE   MINISTER'S   VACATION      215 

her  horse's  shoe,  'n'  Gran'ma  Mullins  was 
weepin'  on  the  piazza  while  little  Jane  chewed 
up  her  spectacle-case,  'n'  after  she  got  the 
stone  out  Mrs.  Sperrit  jus'  up  'n'  took  little 
Jane  home  with  her.  She  said  't  little  Jane 
could  chew  all  she  liked  out  on  the  farm,  'n' 
Gran'ma  Mullins  said  't  she  all  but  fell  on 
her  knees  at  her  feet.  She  was  down  town 
this  afternoon  buyin'  two  dozen  o'  cotton 
an'  one  dozen  o'  glue,  'n'  she  says  't  she  sh'll 
spend  the  rest  o'  her  allotted  time  in  peace 
'n'  mendin'. 

"  But  Gran'ma  Mullins'  joy  is  more  'n 
balanced  by  Mrs.  Brown,  for  Mrs.  Brown  is 
clean  discouraged.  I  see  her  sittin'  on  a 
barrel  in  the  grocery  store,  'n'  it  was  a 
molasses  barrel  'n'  some  'd  run  out,  but  she 
had  n't  no  heart  to  care.  She  says  't  Henry 
Ward  Beecher  never  budged  last  night,  'n' 
so  far  from  that  bein'  a  relief,  it  led  to  worse 
'n  ever,  for  old  Dr.  Carter  'n'  young  Dr. 
Brown  got  so  hungry  observin'  't  they  went 
downstairs,  'n'  young  Dr.  Brown  knowed 
where  everything  was,  'n'  as  a  result  they  eat 
up  stuff  't  Henry  Ward  Beecher  never  'd 
even  dreamed  existed.  They  opened  jars  o' 
fancy  pickles  'n'  a  jug  o'  rare  old  rum  'n' 


216      THE   MINISTER'S   VACATION 

played  Ned  in  general.  'N'  afterwards  they 
went  to  bed  in  the  guest-room  where  Mrs. 
Brown  never  lets  any  one  sleep,  'n'  they  got 
right  in  on  topo'  her  Hottentot  pillow-shams 
'n'  old  Dr.  Carter  tore  a  sham  with  his  tooth- 
pick. 'N',  added  to  all  that,  Amelia  's  furious 
'cause  she  read  in  a  book  't  teaches  how  to 
stay  married  't  a  husband's  first  night  out  is 
the  first  rift  in  the  lute,  'n'  she  was  down  town 
buyin'  a  dictionary  so  's  to  be  sure  what  a 
lute  is  afore  she  accuses  young  Dr.  Brown. 
'N'  there  's  a  man  over  in  Meadville  down 
with  a  sun-stroke,  'n'  they  want  Dr.  Carter 
to  hurry,  'n'  they  can't  seem  to  make  him 
realize  nothin'.  He  jus'  sits  there  in  Mrs. 
Brown's  parlor  'n'  shakes  his  head  'n'  smiles 
'n'  says,  *  Oh,  that  rum,  that  rum  ! '  over  'n' 
over.  'N'  Mrs.  Brown  says  't  if  it  was  n't 
plain  from  the  expression  of  his  face  as  he 
means  it  as  a  compliment  she  certainly  would 
be  real  mad,  for  he  must  'a'  downed  two 
quarts.  It's  all  jus'  awful,  'n'  I  would  'a' 
waited  'n'  walked  home  with  her,  only  Mrs. 
Allen  come  along  'n'  I  wanted  to  go  with  her 
instead.  Mrs.  Allen  needs  some'sympathy 
too,  for  Polly  's  all  broke  up  over  Sam  'n' 
Felicia  Hemans.  Mrs.  Allen  don't  hesitate 


THE   MINISTER'S   VACATION      217 

to  say  right  out 't  to  her  order  o'  thinkin'  Sam 
'd  'a'  showed  more  sense  'f  he  'd  married 
Mrs.  Macy  'cause  Mrs.  Macy  has  got  a  little 
property  'n'  it  looks  doubtful  at  present  if 
Felicia  's  got  so  much  as  a  father.  Mrs. 
Allen  says  they  was  all  so  used  up  't  when 
Mrs.  Sperrit  was  in  to-day  she  jus'  traded 
Brunhilde  Susan  against  the  makin'  o'  Mr. 
Sperrit's  summer  shirts,  'n'  then  went  right 
'n'  bought  the  cloth  'n'  took  the  baby. 
Mrs.  Allen  says  's  Mrs.  Sperrit  says  't 
Brunhilde  Susan  c'n  learn  if  dogs  moo  out 
on  the  farm,  'n'  f'r  her  part  she  'd  rather  be 
responsible  f'r  any  man's  baby  'n  for  one 
husband's  collar-bands.  So  Brunhilde  Susan 
's  settled,  'n'  Mrs.  Allen  's  awful  sorry  't 
she  did  n't  send  the  cow  along  with  her  too, 
for  she  says  't  it 's  harder  'n  you  'd  think 
to  keep  a  cow  content  nights  in  a  chicken- 
house.  But  she  did  n't  think  in  time,  so 
she  lost  the  chance,  'n'  as  a  result  she  was 
down  town  buyin'  thread  with  the  minister's 
cow  on  her  shoulders." 

Miss  Clegg  paused  for  breath.  Mrs. 
Lathrop  chewed  passively. 

"  I  must  say,  though,  't  it  's  generally 
admitted  't  we  Ve  seen  the  last  o'  the  min- 


218      THE   MINISTER'S   VACATION 

ister.  To  think  how  he  looked  the  mornin' 
he  left,  —  in  his  wilted  collar  'n'  that  coat 
't  Deacon  White  was  married  in,  —  'n'  all 
the  time  his  ear-muffs  hid  away  somewhere 
about  him  !  I  wouldn't  'a'  believed  it — not 
on  your  honor,  Mrs.  Lathrop.  Hind-sight 
's  always  better  'n  fore-sight,  'n'  we  c'n  all 
see  now  't  we  did  a  mighty  foolish  thing 
givin'  him  such  a  easy  chance  to  get  out  of 
it.  I  can't  see,  though,  how  he  's  ever  goin' 
to  get  another  place  without  sendin'  to  us 
f  r  a  good  character,  'n'  I  'm  free  to  confess 
't  I  don't  believe  't  the  father  of  Augustus 
'11  ever  get  any  praise  from  the  Craigs, 
nor  yet  will  the  father  o'  little  Jane  from 
Gran'ma  Mullins.  The  Craigs  is  awful 
mournful  to  think  't  they  ain't  got  no 
kittens  from  their  cat,  but  owin'  to  the  fact 
't  he  was  n't  no  kitten  kind  o'  cat  he  nat- 
urally never  had  none.  Mr.  Kimball  says 
mebbe  the  hairs  from  his  tail  '11  turn  into 
suthin'  in  the  well  like  the  hairs  in  horse's 
tails  do  in  waterin'-troughs.  But  'f  horse's 
hairs  make  snakes,  I  sh'd  naturally  suppose 
't  cat's  hairs  would  make  mud-turtles,  'n' 
it  ain't  no  mud-turtle  't  Mrs.  Craig  wants. 
She  wants  suthin'  to  warm  her  feet  on 


THE   MINISTER'S  VACATION      219 

winters,  'n'  she  told  me  with  tears  in  her 
eyes  't  he  never  scratched  when  he  was 
rocked  on,  'n'  she  used  to  rock  on  him  so 
often  't  by  spring  he  was  all  wore  off  in 
spots  'n'  most  wore  through  in  some  places. 
"  Mrs.  Jilkins  was  up  from  Cherry  Pond 
to-day  Pr  the  first  time  since  she  took  Jo- 
sephus  home  with  her  las'  Saturday  mornin'. 
She  was  awful  surprised  to  hear  all  the 
bother  't  all  the  rest  have  been  havin'. 
She  says  't  she  ain't  had  no  bother  a  tall. 
She  says  't  she  whipped  Josephus  nine  times 
the  day  't  she  took  him  home  with  her,  'n' 
since  then  she's  taught  him  to  read  'n'  write 
'n'  sew  patchwork  'n'  beat  up  batter.  She 
says  'f  she'd  'a'  had  Henry  Ward  Beecher  he 
would  n't  'a'  roamed  but  once,  nor  would 
little  Jane  'a'  give  but  one  suck,  nor  Fox 
but  one  yell,  nor  would  Augustus  'a'  throwed 
but  one  cat  down  her  well.  Mrs.  Craig  was 
standin'  right  there,  'n'  she  spoke  up  pretty 
sharp  at  that  'n'  said  't  he  had  n't  throwed 
but  one  cat  in  her  well  'n'  she  wanted  that 
distinctly  understood.  Mrs.  Jilkins  jus' 
laughed,  but  then  some  one  up  'n'  told  her 
about  the  minister  bein'  gone  f'r  good,  'n' 
she  very  quickly  changed  her  tune. 


220      THE   MINISTER'S   VACATION 

"That  blow  's  goin'  to  fall  heaviest  on 
Mrs.  Sperrit,  though,  for  she  's  got  the  five 
littlest  ones  's  well  's  Bobby,  V  I  miss  my 
guess  'f  she  don't  have  another  to-morrow, 
for  Mrs.  Brown  says  't  she  's  goin'  to  send 
Henry  Ward  Beecher  out  there  of  an  errand 
jus'  so  's  to  see  if  he  '11  sleep  after  a  ten-mile 
walk,  'n'. every  one  knows  't  she's  jus'  doin' 
it  in  the  hope  't  Mrs.  Sperrit  '11  keep  him." 

"Let's  go  out  — "  Mrs.  Lathrop  sug- 
gested. 

"It'll  be  cooler  outside,"  Susan  acqui- 
esced; so  they  quitted  the  table  and  went 
out  on  the  porch. 

"  Mrs.  Brown  ain't  a  bit  reconciled  about 
her  rare  old  rum,"  she  went  on  when  they 
were  seated ;  "  she  's  bad  enough  used  up 
over  the  preserves,  but  the  rum  she  can't 
seem  to  get  reconciled  to.  She  says  't  a 
saltspoonful  was  a  sure  cure  f'r  anythin', 
'n'  Dr.  Carter  was  perfectly  sound  in  mind 
'n*  body  'n'  got  away  with  two  quarts." 

There  was  a  silence  broken  only  by  a 
frog's  far  croak. 

"  I  ain't  a  doubt  but  this  is  the  worst 
hot  spell  the  c'mmunity  's  ever  had  to  deal 
with,"  the  younger  woman  remarked  after  a 


THE   MINISTER'S   VACATION 

while,  "  V  the  result  is  't  I  'd  never  recom- 
mend no  other  town  to  choose  such  a  time 
to  give  their  minister  a  fair  field  'n'  no  favor. 
I  c'n  only  say  one  thing,  Mrs.  Lathrop,  'n' 
that  is  't  I  Ve  begun  to  feel  't  I  've  mis- 
judged the  minister.  I  never  would  'a'  give 
him  credit  for  anythin'  like  this.  'N'  while 
I  think  he  'd  ought  not  to  'a'  done  it;  still  I 
must  say  't  I  can't  but  admire  —  if  he  had  it 
in  him  to  try  —  how  well  he 's  carried  it  off. 
"'N'  to  think  't,  after  all,  it  was  our  idea 
's  give  him  the  chance !" 


That  Friday  afternoon — just  one  week 
from  the  forever  to  be  remembered  meeting 
of  the  Sewing  Society — Mrs.  Lathrop,  sleep- 
ing the  sleep  of  the  stout  and  elderly  in  her 
kitchen  rocker,  was  suddenly  aroused  to  a 
swaying  sense  of  the  world  about  her  by 
the  sound  of  her  name,  the  same  being 
pronounced  in  her  neighbor's  voice,  the  key 
of  that  voice  being  pitched  uncommonly 
high. 

"  Mrs.  Lathrop  !  —  Mrs.  Lathrop  !  — 
oh-h-h,  Mrs.  Lathrop!" 

Mrs.  Lathrop  got  to  the  window  as  fast 


222      THE   MINISTER'S   VACATION 

as  her  somewhat  benumbed  members  would 
allow. 

Susan  was  standing  on  her  own  side  of  the 
fence,  her  eyes  glowing  with  excitement. 

"  The  minister  's  come  back  !  " 

Mrs.  Lathrop  simply  fell  out  of  the  door 
and  down  the  back  steps.  As  she  hastened 
towards  ±he  fence,  her  usual  custom  led  her 
to  hastily  snatch  a  handful  of  her  favorite 
blend,  and  then  — 

"  When  —  "  she  gasped. 

"This  afternoon,  right  after  lunch.  You 
never  hear  the  like  in  all  your  life  !  Where 
do  you  suppose  he  was  all  this  week  ?  Just 
nowhere  at  all  !  Out  on  the  farm !  Yes, 
Mrs.  Lathrop,"  as  that  worthy  clung  to  the 
fence  for  support  in  her  overwhelming  as- 
tonishment,— "yes,  Mrs.  Lathrop,  he  V  his 
wife  were  out  there  on  the  farm  all  the  time. 
Seems  't  that  night  when  Mrs.  Allen  come 
in  'n'  told  'em  't  they  'd  got  to  go  on  a  va- 
cation so  early  the  nex'  mornin',  they  was 
all  upset.  They  did  n't  have  no  money 
nor  no  clothes  nor  no  place  to  go  to,  'n' 
the  minister's  wife  begun  to  cry  jus'  's  soon 
's  Mrs.  Allen  was  gone.  Seems  she  was 
settin'  there  cryin'  when  Mrs.  Sperrit  drove 


THE   MINISTER'S   VACATION      223 

in,  in  the  cool  o'  the  evenin',  to  pay  her  pew- 
rent  in  pigs-feet,  'n'  what  did  Mrs.  Sperrit 
do  but  jus'  up  'n'  ask  'em  both  to  come  out 
to  the  farm.  Told  'em  they  wouldn't  have 
no  board  to  pay  out  on  the  farm  'n'  't  they 
could  stay  's  long  's  they  liked.  It  seemed 
like  it  was  all  they  could  do,  so  they  ar- 
ranged it  'n'  it  all  worked  fine.  Seems  they 
took  the  train  to  the  junction,  'n'  Mr.  Sperrit 
met  'em  there  'n'  drove  'em  straight  across 
country  home,  'n'  they  Ve  been  there  ever 
since,  'n'  maybe  they  'd  been  there  yet,  only 
Mrs.  Sperrit  is  like  a  lot  o'  other  people  in 
this  world,  —  she  's  forever  goin'  to  extremes, 
'n'  she  could  n't  be  content  with  jus'  the 
minister  'n'  his  wife  'n'  Bobby,  so  she  had 
to  keep  bringin'  home  more  'n'  more  o'  the 
childern,  until  they  was  so  thick  out  there  't 
to-day,  when  Henry  Ward  Beecher  arrived, 
the  minister  went  to  Mr.  Sperrit  'n'  asked 
him  if  he  thought  anybody  'd  mind  'f  he  'n' 
his  wife  come  in  town  'n'  finished  their  va- 
cation in  their  own  house.  I  guess  mebbe 
the  Sperrits  was  some  wore  out  themselves, 
f'r  they  jus'  told  him  't  no  one  could  possibly 
object,  'n'  then  they  had  the  carryall  'n' 
drove  'em  both  in  town  right  after  dinner. 


224      THE   MINISTER'S   VACATION 

"  I  was  down  in  the  square  buyin'  fly- 
paper, V  I  heard  the  commotion  V  run 
out,  'n'  — well,  Mrs.  Lathrop,  you  c'n  believe 
me  or  not  jus'  's  you  please  —  but  it  was  a 
sight  to  draw  tears  to  any  one's  eyes.  Folks 
waved  anythin'  't  they  could  grab,  'n'  all  the 
boys  yelled  'n'  cheered.  The  minister  was 
real  touched  —  he  quoted, c  'N'  there  went  up 
a  great  multitude'  —  but  he  never  got  no 
further,  f'r  Deacon  White  jumped  up  in  the 
band-stand  'n'  proposed  '  No  church  Sun- 
day, but  a  donation  party  Saturday  night. 
Who  bids?'  'n'  every  one  shrieked,  *  Aye  — 
Aye.'" 

Mrs.  Lathrop's  eyes  kindled  slowly  but 
surely. 

"  I  wish  —  "  she  said,  biting  firmly  into  a 
large  red  one. 

"  It 's  too  late  now,"  said  Susan,  not  un- 
kindly, "it's  all  over  now — all  'xcept  the 
donation  party,  'n'  I  don't  see  how  you  c'n 
do  much  there  'nless  I  bring  over  the  butter 
'n'  mix  it  for  you.  But  you  must  n't  inter- 
rupt me,  Mrs.  Lathrop,  f'r  if  you  do  I  never 
shall  get  through. 

"  So  the  donation  party  was  decided,  'n' 
Mrs.  Brown's  good  cookin'  heart  come  out 


THE   MINISTER'S   VACATION      225 

strong  V  she  pledged  three  pies  right  then 
n'  .there.  I  put  myself  down  f'r  a  pan  o' 
biscuit,  'n'  Mr.  Kimball  said  he  believed  's 
the  Aliens  would  outdo  every  one  'n'  give 
a  whole  cow,  without  no  urgin'  neither. 
Mrs.  Allen  laughed  a  little,  'n'  then  Mrs. 
Macy  come  up  so  out  o'  breath  't  it  was  all 
o'  five  minutes  afore  she  could  get  out  a 
word.  Seemed  when  she  did  speak,  't  she 
wasn't  tryin'  to  give  nothin'  —  she  only 
wanted  to  know  about  the  minister's  ear- 
muffs,  'n'  it  appears  't  he  never  took  'em 
a  tall.  Seems  't  Brunhilde  Susan  cut  teeth 
on  'em  till  they  was  only  fit  to  be  used  f'r 
kettle-holders." 

Susan  paused  for  a  second.  Mrs.  Lathrop 
chewed  and  waited.  In  a  minute  the  narra- 
tive flowed  on. 

"  When  every  one  else  was  through,  Mrs. 
Sperrit  said  't  if  she  could  take  'Liza  Em'ly 
home  with  her  to  help  look  after  the  little 
ones  she  'd  be  willin'  to  keep  'em  a  fortnight 
more  'n'  let  the  minister  —  'n'  his  wife  —  have 
a  real  good  rest  in  their  own  house.  Mrs. 
Maxwell  spoke  right  up  'n'  said  she  c'd  have 
'Liza  Em'ly  'n'  welcome,  'n'  Mrs.  Sweet 
said  she  c'd  have  Rachel  Rebecca  too.  But 


226      THE   MINISTERS  VACATION 

Mrs.  Fisher  crowded  round  in  front  'n'  said 
she  nor  no  one  couldn't  have  John  Bunyan 
not  now  'n'  not  never,  f'r  he  'd  weeded  'n' 
mowed  'n'  grafted  'n'  busted  his  way  right 
into  her  heart  'n'  she  was  intendin'  to  keep 
him  right  along  'f  the  minister  'd  give  his 
consent. 

"  She  said  't  Mr.  Fisher  felt  jus'  's  she 
did  too,  'cause  he  'd  never  been  so  happy  's 
he's  been  since  he's  had  John  Bunyan  to 
teach  the  fancy  principles  o'  plain  things  to. 
Mr.  Fisher  come  up  jus'  's  she  got  through, 
'n'  he  said  whatever  she  'd  said  he  'd  stand  to, 
for  although  John  Bunyan  was  nothin'  but  a 
darn  fool  now,  he  had  the  makin'  of  a  man  in 
him, 'n'  he — Mr.  Fisher  —  was  jus'  the  one 
to  bring  him  out. 

"The  crowd  was  gettin'  so  big  't  folks 
began  to  climb  up  on  things  to  see  over,  'n' 
the  horse  was  some  restless,  so  Mr.  Kimball 
got  up  on  the  edge  o'  the  waterin'-trough  an' 
said,  'Three  cheers  for  the  minister,  'n'  may 
he  never  know  how  glad  the  town  is  to  see 
him  back,'  'n'  then  every  one  cheered,  'n'  Mr. 
Kimball  begin  to  shake,  'n'  jus'  's  the  min- 
ister drove  off  he  missed  his  hold  'n'  fell 
into  the  waterin'-trough,  'n'  I  did  n't  feel  no 


THE   MINISTER'S   VACATION      227 

kind  o'  interest  in  lookin'  on  at  his  fishin* 
out,  so  I  come  away." 

"  I  hope  —  "  began  Mrs.  Lathrop. 

"  I  do  too,"  rejoined  her  friend,  "  but 
there  ain't  no  danger.  It  was  the  edge  bein' 
so  slippery  't  let  him  fall  in,  'n'  I  don't  wish 
to  seem  revengeful,  but  I  mus'  say,  Mrs. 
Lathrop,  that  if  anythin'  could  'a*  made  a 
nice  end  to  the  minister's  vacation,  it  was  the 
seein'  Mr.  Kimball  get  soaked,  f'r  he  ain't 
had  no  kind  o'  sufferin'  with  it  all  'n'  has 
just  everlastingly  enjoyed  kitin'  around  the 
outside  'n'  seein'  other  folks  in  trouble.  'N' 
I  Ve  no  sympathy  with  such  a  nature  when 
it  does  fall  into  a  waterin'-trough,  'n'  so  I 
come  home." 

Miss  Clegg  ceased  speaking. 

Mrs.  Lathrop  chewed  her  clover. 


VI 
MRS.  LATHROP'S  LOVE  AFFAIR 

PART   FIRST 
THE   DEACON'S   DILEMMA 

MISS  CLEGG  was  getting  her  own  fav- 
orite tea.  This  always  consisted  of 
itself,  toast,  and  a  slice  of  bacon  ;  and  she 
apparently  took  as  much  pleasure  in  the 
preparation  of  the  meal  as  if  it  were  not  the 
ten  thousandth  of  its  kind  which  she  had 
cooked  and  eaten.  As  she  hustled  and 
bustled  here  and  there,  her  manner  seemed 
even  more  sprightly  than  usual ;  and  it  was 
only  occasionally,  when  her  glance  fell  upon 
the  light  shining  across  from  her  friend's 
kitchen  window  opposite,  that  her  cheer- 
fulness knew  any  diminution.  But  there 
seemed  to  be  some  sad  influence  in  the 
effect  of  the  rays  of  Mrs.  Lathrop's  lamp 
on  this  particular  night ;  and  even  if  its 
effect  on  Susan  was  merely  transitory,  it 
was  not  the  less  marked  each  time  that  it 
occurred. 


THE   DEACON'S   DILEMMA        229 

Once,  just  as  she  was  carrying  the  teapot 
from  the  stove  to  the  table,  she  voiced  her 
thoughts  aloud. 

"  I  shall  have  to  tell  her  to-night,  so  I 
may 's  well  make  up  my  mind  to  it,"  she 
said  firmly ;  and  then,  after  drawing  up  a 
chair  by  making  a  hook  out  of  one  of  her 
feet,  she  sat  down  and  sought  strength  for  the 
ordeal  in  a  more  than  ordinarily  hearty  supper. 

It  was  a  bleak,  cold  night  in  early  No- 
vember, and  the  wind  whistled  drearily 
outside.  There  was  a  chill  atmosphere 
everywhere,  and  a  hint  of  coming  winter. 

"  I  shall  wear  my  cap  an'  my  cardigan 
jacket  to  go  over  there,"  the  neighborly 
disposed  Susan  reflected  as  she  carefully 
drank  the  last  of  the  tea.  "  Dear,  dear  ! 
but  it 's  goin'  to  be  a  terrible  shock  to  her, 
poor  thing ! " 

Then  she  arose  and  carefully  and  scru- 
pulously put  the  kitchen  back  into  its  cus- 
tomary order.  Having  removed  the  last 
trace  of  any  one's  ever  having  cooked  or 
eaten  there,  she  lighted  a  candle  and  sought 
her  wraps  in  the  icy  upper  regions  of  the 
house.  As  she  passed  the  parlor  door  she 
shivered  involuntarily. 


230        THE   DEACON'S   DILEMMA 

"  I  expect  he  was  cold,"  she  murmured ; 
"  I  know  I  was.  But  I  could  n't  see  my 
way  to  sittin'  in  the  kitchen  with  a 
caller.  I  never  was  one  to  do  nothin' 
improper,  an'  I  was  n't  goin'  to  begin  at 
my  age." 

Then  she  went  upstairs  and  got  out  the 
cap  and  jacket.  It  was  a  man's  cap,  with 
ear-tabs,  and  not  at  all  in  keeping  with 
the  fair  Susan's  features ;  but  she  gave  no 
heed  to  such  matters  and  tied  it  on  with 
two  firm  jerks. 

"  I  jus'  do  hope,"  she  ejaculated  as  she 
struggled  into  the  cardigan,  "  't  she  won't 
faint.  It  '11  surely  come  very  sudden  on 
her,  too,  an'  all  my  talk  's  to  the  advantage 
o'  stayin'  unmarried,  an'  the  times  an'  times 
I  've  said  as  we  was  always  goin'  to  stay  jus' 
so  —  " 

The  termination  of  the  jacket-buttoning 
terminated  the  soliloquy  also.  Miss  Clegg 
went  downstairs  and  warmed  her  hands  at 
the  kitchen  stove,  preparatory  to  locking 
up.  Ten  minutes  later  she  was  tapping  at 
Mrs.  Lathrop's  door. 

"  I  must  n't  tell  her  too  quick,"  she  re- 
minded herself  as  she  waited  to  be  let  in  ; 


THE   DEACON'S   DILEMMA        231 

"  I  must  lead  up  to  it  like  they  do  after  a 
railroad  smash.  Mrs.  Lathrop  ain't  what 
you  call  over-nervous ;  still,  she  has  got 
feelin's,  an'  in  a  time  like  this  they  ought  to 
be  a  little  steered  out  for.  If  she  saw  him 
comin'  in  or  goin'  out,  that'll  help  some." 

Mrs.  Lathrop  not  answering  to  the  tap, 
the  caller  knocked  again,  and  then  tried  to 
open  the  door  from  without,  but  found  it 
to  be  bolted  inside. 

"  I  s'pose  she 's  asleep,  with  her  feet  in 
the  oven,"  Susan  said  in  a  spirit  of  rebellion 
and  disapproval  mixed,  and  then  she  battered 
madly  for  entrance. 

Mrs.  Lathrop  was  asleep,  and  did  have 
her  feet  in  the  oven.  She  was  particularly 
fond  of  finishing  up  her  daily  desultori- 
ness  in  that  manner.  It  took  time  slightly 
to  disturb  her  slumber,  more  time  yet 
to  awaken  her  fully,  and  still  again  more 
time  to  get  her  to  the  door  and  open  it. 

"Well,  Susan!"  she  said  in  a  tone  of 
cordial  surprise  when  she  saw  who  it  was ; 
"  the  idea  of —  " 

"  He  wanted  as  I  should  see  you  to-night, 
rain  or  shine,"  said  the  friend,  advancing 
into  the  middle  of  the  kitchen. 


232        THE   DEACON'S   DILEMMA 

"  Who  wanted  ?  " 

"  The  deacon.  Did  n't  you  see  him  this 
afternoon  ? " 

Mrs.  Lathrop  furtively  rubbed  her  eyes. 

"  Oh,  yes,  yes —  I  — "  she  began. 

"  Well,  he  wanted  as  I  should  come  right 
over  an'  tell  you  to-night.  An'  I  told  him 
't  I  would." 

"Tell  me  wh— " 

"  I  shall  break  it  to  you  as  easy  as  I 
can,  Mrs.  Lathrop;  but  there's  no  denyin' 
as  it'll  come  very  sharp  on  you  at  the 
end." 

Mrs.  Lathrop  ceased  to  rub  her  eyes,  and 
a  vague  apprehension  opened  them  effec- 
tually instead. 

"  I  presume,  if  you  saw  him  at  all,  you 
saw  how  long  he  stayed  ? " 

"Yes,  I  —  " 

"  All  of  two  hours,  an'  his  talk  was  as 
dumfounderin'  on  me  as  it  will  be  on  you. 
I  'd  never  thought  o'  any  such  doin's  in  this 
direction.  I  always  looked  on  as  a  complete 
outsider,  did  n't  you  ?  " 

"I  don't  un— " 

Susan  had  shed  her  jacket  and  cap  while 
talking ;  she  now  took  a  chair  and  surveyed 


THE   DEACON'S   DILEMMA        233 

her  friend  with  the  air  of  one  who  has  pain 
to  inflict  and  yet  is  firm. 

Mrs.  Lathrop  looked  frankly  troubled. 

"  Well,  Mrs.  Lathrop,  you  'd  ought  to 
know  me  well  enough,  after  all  these  years, 
to  know  as  I  shall  make  this  as  easy  as  I  can 
for  you.  Perhaps  the  best  way  '11  be  to  go 
'way  back  to  the  beginnin'  an'  speak  o' 
when  Mrs.  White  died.  It'll  be  a  proper 
leadin*  up,  for  if  she  had  n't  died,  he  'd 
never  'a'  come  to  see  me  this  afternoon,  an' 
1  'd  never  'a'  come  to  see  you  to-night. 
Howsumsever,  she  did  die ;  an',  bein'  dead, 
I  will  say  for  her  husband  as  you  don't  find 
chick  or  child  in  town  to  deny  as  a  nicer, 
tidier,  more  biddable  little  man  never  lived ; 
'n'  's  far  as  my  personal  feelin's  go,  I  should 
think  't  any  woman  might  consider  it  nothin* 
but  a  joy  to  get  a  man  's  is  always  so  long  on 
the  door-mat  'n'  so  busy  with  his  tie  's  the 
deacon  is.  He  got  some  wore  out  toward 
the  last  o'  her  illness,  for  she  was  give' 
up  in  September  'n'  died  in  July ;  but 
even  then  I  've  heard  Mrs.  Allen  say 's  it 
was  jus'  pretty  to  see  him  putterin'  aroun' 
busy  's  a  bee,  tryin'  to  keep  dusted  up  for  the 
funeral  any  minute."  Susan  paused  to  sigh. 


234        THE   DEACON'S   DILEMMA 

"  Seems  like  she  did  n't  die  but  yester- 
day," she  said  reminiscently  ;  "  don't  seem 
like  it  can  possibly  be  over  a  year.  I  never 
can  but  remember  them  last  days :  they 
stand  out  afore  me  like  a  needle  in  a  camel's 
eye.  Nobody  could  n't  say  's  everythin' 
was  n't  done  ;  they  had  two  doctors  'n'  a  bill 
't  the  drug-store,  but  the  end  come  at  last. 
She  begin  to  sink  'n'  sink,  'n'  young  Dr. 
Brown  said  that  way  o'  sinkin'  away  was 
always,  to  his  mind,  one  o'  the  most  unfor- 
tunate features  o'  dyin'.  He  said  he  knowed 
lots  o'  people 's  'd  be  alive  'n'  well  now  if 
they  could  just  o'  been  kept  from  that 
sinkin'  away.  Old  Dr.  Carter  told  Mrs. 
Jilkins  his  theory  was  't  while  the  pulse 
beats  there  's  life ;  but  even  he  had  to  admit 
's  Mrs.  White  was  about  beat  out.  'N'  it 
was  so,  too;  for  she  died  while  they  was 
talkin',  'n'  the  deacon  just  beginnin'  on 
cleanin'  the  pantry  shelves.  He  had  to  put 
all  the  dishes  back  on  top  o'  the  old  papers  ; 
'n'  any  one  could  see  how  hard  it  was  for 
him,  for  he  'd  counted  on  havin'  everythin' 
spick  'n'  span  at  the  end. 

"Well,  that  was  a  busy  time!     It's  too 
bad  you   have  to  miss  so  much,   Mrs.  La- 


THE   DEACON'S   DILEMMA        235 

throp  ;  now,  that  day  at  Mrs.  White's  would 
'a'  done  you  a  world  o'  good.  There  was 
a  great  deal  o'  company,  'n'  the  newspaper 
man  led  off,  comin'  to  know  what  she  died 
of.  He  explained  he  had  to  know  right 
away,  'cause  if  she  did  n't  die  o'  nothin'  in 
particular,  they  needed  the  extra  line  for 
stars  to  show  up  a  cod-liver  oil  advertise- 
ment. I  said  the  deacon  was  the  one  to 
ask,  'n'  we  hunted  high  'n'  low  for  him 
until  Mrs.  Jilkins  remembered  's  he  'd  took 
them  keys  Mrs.  White  always  had  under 
her  pillow  'n'  gone  up  attic  to  see  what 
trunks  they  fitted.  Mrs.  Macy  had  to 
holler  him  down ;  'n'  my !  but  he  was 
snappy.  He  said,  { Ask  Dr.  Brown,'  'n' 
then  he  dumb  straight  back  up  his  ladder; 
'n'  Dr.  Brown  said  's  she  died  o'  the  com- 
plete seclusion  of  her  aspirational  'n'  bron- 
choid  tubes.  I  could  see  't  the  newspaper 
man  did  n't  know  how  to  spell  it,  'n'  he 
told  young  Dr.  Brown  any  such  doin's  'd 
squeeze  the  cod-liver  oil  over  into  next 
week,  which  could  n't  be  considered  for  a 
minute.  'N'  then  he  went  on  to  say  't  if 
folks  want  to  die  o'  more  'n  one  line,  they  Ve 
got  to  do  it  Tuesday  night,  or  at  the  very 


236         THE   DEACON'S   DILEMMA 

latest  Wednesday  afore  ten  o'clock,  if  it's 
to  be  got  in  right. 

"  Well,  next  come  the  funeral ;  V  I  will 
say  right  here  'n'  now  't  the  way  's  the 
widows  closed  in  around  Deacon  White 
was  enough  to  send  any  man  up  a  ladder. 
There  was  Mrs.  Macy  's  was  actually  ready 
'n'  waitin'  to  lay  Mrs.  White  out  afore  she 
was  dead.  'N'  Mrs.  Macy  is  n't  one  's  any 
one  'd  rashly  set  about  malcin'  love  to,  I 
should  n't  suppose.  I  've  always  understood  's 
there  's  a  while 't  they  sit  on  laps ;  'n'  the 
lap  ain't  built 's  could  take  pleasure  in  holdin' 
Mrs.  Macy.  But  she  was  on  hand,  all 
the  same,  'n'  's  beamin'  's  if  she  stood  a 
show. 

"  'N'  then  there  was  Gran'ma  Mullins ! 
I  was  perfectly  dumb  did  up  at  the  doin's 
o'  Gran'ma  Mullins.  I  'd  always  looked 
on  her  's  a  very  deservin*  mother  to  Hiram, 
'n'  one 's  any  one  c'd  trust 's  to  dough- 
nuts for  sociables  ;  but  when  she  come  to 
Mrs.  White's  funeral  with  her  hair  frizzed, 
I  give  up.  Gran'ma  Mullins — at  her  age 
—  at  the  funeral  of  a  widower's  dead  wife  — 
'n'  her  hair  frizzed!  Well,  Mrs.  Lathrop, 
if  I  was  on  my  way  to  my  own  hangin'  I 


THE   DEACON'S   DILEMMA        237 

sh'd  still  say  't  to  my  order  o'  thinkin'  it 
was  n't  proper  mournin'. 

"  Not  's  there  was  n't  others  up  to  the 
same  doin's.  The  first  night  Mrs.  Allen 
sent  Polly  over  with  one  dish  o'  ice-cream 
'n'  one  slice  o'  cake  for  the  deacon's  supper, 
—  'n'  me  there  's  plain  's  day  sittin'  up  al- 
ternate with  Mr.  Jilkins.  'N'  Mrs.  Allen 
did  n't  make  no  bones  about  it,  neither  ;  she 
said  frank  'n'  open  't  her  disapp'intment 
over  Sam  Duruy  'd  aged  Polly  right  up  to 
where  only  a  elderly  man  'd  be  anywise  fit 
Pr  her,  'n'  she  said  she  was  teachin'  her 
*  Silver  threads  among  the  gold'  'n'  how  to 
read  aloud  't  the  tip-top  o'  your  voice.  I 
did  n't  discourage  her  none.  I  told  her  't 
there  was  n't  many  like  the  deacon,  'n'  that 
come  true  right  off;  fer  we  heard  a  awful 
crash,  'n'  it  was  then  't  he  fell  through  the 
ceilin'  into  Phoebe's  room  'n'  a  pretty  job 
we  had  sweepin'  up  his  dust. 

"The  minister  come  in  while  we  was 
sweepin'.  He  certainly  does  come  to  call 
always  at  very  uncomfortable  times ;  but 
I  suppose  everybody  's  got  to  have  a 
cross,  'n'  ours  's  him.  Anyway,  he  wanted 
to  know  about  if  it  'd  be  agreeable  to  the 


238        THE   DEACON'S   DILEMMA 

family  to  have  Mrs.  White  discoursed  on 
's  a  faithful  handmaid,  'cause  he  did  n't 
want  to  have  to  alter  her  after  he  'd  got 
her  all  copied.  He  said  there  was  the  choice 
o'  a  bondwoman  o'  the  Lord  'n'  a  light  in 
Israel,  too.  We  had  to  go  'n'  holler  the 
deacon  a  long  time,  'n'  finally  we  found 
him  out  settin'  a  hen.  I  did  n't  think  's 
he  'd  ought  to  'a'  set  a  hen  the  day  o'  his 
wife's  funeral  —  I  did  n't  think  much  o' 
settin'  hens  any  time;  it's  set  'n'  set,  'n' 
then  half  the  time  all  you  get  is  a  weasel. 

"  Well,  he  come  in  at  last,  'n'  he  would  n't 
hear  o'  havin'  his  wife  called  a  handmaid, 
'cause,  he  said,  it  was  him 's  had  always 
done  all  the  work.  The  minister  said  it 
was  astonishin'  what  'Liza  Em'ly  could  get 
through  in  a  mornin',  'n'  then  he  coughed ; 
'n'  Mrs.  Macy  said  't  'Liza  Em'ly  was  very 
helpful  for  a  child  o'  her  age,  'n'  then  she 
coughed ;  'n'  then  the  deacon  went  back  to 
his  hen,  'n'  the  minister  sighed  'n'  went, 
too." 

Mrs.  Lathrop  herself  sighed  as  Susan 
paused. 

"  I  remember  —  "  she  said  slowly. 

"  It   was    a    nice    funeral,    though,"    her 


THE   DEACON'S   DILEMMA        239 

friend  continued ;  "  I  never  see  a  nicer  one, 
even  if  Mrs.  White  was  n't  able  to  look 
after  nothin'  herself.  Mr.  Kimball  got 
down  to  business  like  it'd  always  been  his 
business,  'n'  the  way  he  hustled  things 
through  was  a  lesson  to  them  's  takes  a 
whole  afternoon  to  one  member  of  a  family. 
He  took  all  the  table-leaves  'n'  laid  'em 
from  chair  to  chair,  so  's  everybody  had  a 
seat ;  'n'  then,  's  folks  come  in,  he  had  Billy 
hand  'em  each  a  fan  with  his  advertisement 
on  one  side  'n'  two  rows  o'  readin'  on  the 
other,  so  's  no  one  got  dull  waitin'. 

"  'N'  then  I  never  shall  forget  what  a 
neat  job  he  done  with  the  dove.  You 
know  's  well  's  I  do  't  it  's  hard  on  the 
dove,  'n'  always  has  been  hard  on  the 
dove,  to  go  to  every  funeral  'n'  be  the  win- 
dow advertisement  between  deaths.  I  've 
told  you  before  how  it  was  freely  remarked 
in  the  square,  after  Mrs.  Dill's  burial,  as 
the  way  the  dove  looked  there  was  suthin' 
borderin'  on  scandalous.  He'd  hovered 
with  a  motto  till  his  wings  was  's  dirty 
inside  's  outside,  'n'  they  'd  tipped  his 
head  back  to  look  up  resurrected  or  front 
to  look  down  dejected  till  at  Mrs.  Dill's 


240        THE   DEACON'S   DILEMMA 

all  he  was  fit  for  was  to  sit  on  the  foot 
of  her  'n'  mourn,  with  the  hat-pins  's  held 
him  steady  stickin'  out  in  all  directions. 
Some  folks  as  was  really  very  sorry  about 
Mrs.  Dill  'most  died  when  they  see  the 
dove,  'n'  Mr.  Kimball  (he  had  n't  bought 
the  business  then)  remarked  openly  's  his 
view  was  as  he  'd  better  go  to  two  or  three 
baptisms  afore  he  tried  another  funeral. 
Such  bein'  the  case,  it  was  no  more  'n 
natural  's  we  sh'd  all  feel  a  little  worried 
thinkin'  o'  Mrs.  White's  bein'  next  to 
stand  the  dove ;  'n'  Mrs.  Sperrit  said 
frank  an'  open  't  to  her  order  o'  thinkin' 
the  deacon  'd  ought  to  jus'  forbid  it.  We 
all  saw  the  sense  in  her  view ;  but  even 
if  we  did,  you  know  's  well  's  I  do  it 
'd  be  a  pretty  delicate  matter  in  this  c'm- 
munity  to  be  the  first  to  deliberately  skip 
the  dove." 

"  I  think  he 's  pret — "  said  Mrs. 
Lathrop,  musingly. 

"I  won't  say  't  I  don't  think  so,  too," 
said  Susan ;  "  but  I  never  was  one  to  turn 
a  blind  eye  to  the  dirt  on  the  outside  o' 
nothin',  —  's  you  know  to  your  cost,  Mrs. 
Lathrop,  —  'n'  such  bein'  the  case,  I  cer- 


THE   DEACON'S   DILEMMA        241 

tainly  did  feel  to  regret  's  the  dove  'd  had 
such  long  wear  V  tear  afore  it  come  Mrs. 
White's  turn  to  be  sat  on.  I  was  fond  o' 
Mrs.  White;  we  hadn't  spoke  in  years, 
owin'  to  her  bein'  too  deaf  to  hear,  but 
what  I  see  of  her  from  the  street  was 
always  pleasant,  V  I  did  n't  like  to  think 
's  maybe  anythin'  'd  be  left  out  o'  the  last 
of  her.  So  we  let  it  all  go,  'n'  we  certainly 
had  our  reward  for  so  doin'  when  we  see 
the  result;  for  Mr.  Kimball  did  a  fine  job 
then  'n'  there,  'n'  when  he  was  dry-cleaned 
inside  'n'  out,  'n'  his  beak  'n'  feet  painted, 
'n'  new  beads  for  eyes  —  well,  all  I  can  say 
is  't  I  wish  you  'd  been  there  to  see  him, 
that  's  all.  He  took  his  wings  completely 
off,  so  's  to  give  him  the  air  o'  bein'  folded 
up ;  'n'  then  he  stuck  a  gilt  arrow  in  his 
heart  'n'  laid  him  cornerways  on  the  dea- 
con's cross  o'  tiger-lilies.  'N'  he  didn't 
stop  't  that,  neither;  he  took  his  wings  'n' 
sewed  'em  to  each  side  of  a  red  heart  left 
over  from  a  euchre-party,  'n'  laid  the  whole 
on  Mr.  Jilkins's  piller  o'  pansies,  so  the 
deacon  could  n't  in  conscience  feel  't  any- 
thin*  's  he  'd  paid  for  was  wasted.  I  've 
said  all  along,  'n'  I  '11  say  ag'in  here  'n' 

16 


242     •  THE   DEACON'S   DILEMMA 

now,  't  it  was  all  one  o'  the  prettiest  things 
I  ever  see ;  'n'  I  was  n't  the  only  one  's  felt 
that  way,  for  I  've  heard  lots  o'  folks  say 
since  's  they  '11  want  the  dove  just  so  for 
themselves." 

Mrs.  Lathrop  turned  a  little  uneasily ; 
Susan  did  not  appear  to  notice  the  indica- 
tion of  a  possible  impatience. 

"  It  was  all  a  great  success,"  she  went 
on  calmly.  "  The  minister's  discourse  was 
very  fine  ;  only  when  he  prayed  for  conso- 
lation we  all  knowed  he  meant  'Liza  Em'ly. 
All  but  the  deacon,  that  is.  I  guess  the 
deacon  was  thinkin'  more  o'  Gran'ma  Mul- 
lins  'n  any  one  else  't  first;  Mrs.  Jilkins 
told  me  he  asked  how  old  she  was,  comin' 
back  in  the  carriage." 

"  I  allers  thought  —  "  said  Mrs.  Lathrop. 

"  So  did  a  good  many  people.  I  don't 
know  's  that  was  surprising  either ;  for  it 's 
a  well-known  fact  's  they  was  fond  o'  each 
other  forty  or  fifty  years  back.  She  's  got 
a  daguerre'type  o'  him  's  is  so  old  't  you 
can't  be  very  sure  whether  it 's  him,  after 
all.  She  says  she  ain't  positive  herself, 
'cause  she  had  one  o'  her  cousin  's  shot 
himself  by  accident  on  his  way  to  the  war, 


THE   DEACON'S   DILEMMA        243 

'n'  the  wreath  o'  flowers  stamped  on  the 
red  velvet  inside  was  just  the  same  in  both 
cases.  You  have  to  go  by  the  light  'n'  tip 
him  a  good  while  to  say  for  sure  whether 
he  's  got  a  collar  on  or  not,  'n'  you  could  n't 
swear  to  his  havin*  on  anythin'  else  if  you 
was  to  turn  him  round  'n'  round  till  dooms- 
day. She  had  that  picture  in  a  box  with 
her  first  hair  'n'  Hiram's  first  tooth  'n'  a  nut 
't  she  said  the  deacon  did  a  hole  in  with 
his  knife  when  they  was  children  together 
one  day.  She  showed  'em  all  to  me  one 
time  when  I  was  there ;  I  did  n't  think 
much  o'  the  nut,  I  must  say.  But  I  will  say 
as  it  seemed  to  make  her  happy,  so  I  jus' 
remarked  't  it  was  suprisin'  how  foolish  we 
got  's  we  got  old,  'n'  let  it  go  't  that.  It 
was  a  while  after  's  he  took  her  to  Mead- 
ville  to  the  circus ;  it 's  a  well-known  fact  's 
she  was  fool  enough  to  look  upon  bein' 
took  to  a  circus  's  next  thing  to  bein'  asked 
out  'n'  out.  She  come  up  to  tell  me  all 
about  it  afterward." 

"'N'  yet  —  "  said  Mrs.  Lathrop. 

"  It  just  shows  the  vanity  o'  feelin'  sure 
o'  mortal  man,"  continued  Susan.  "  She 
was  sure,  'n'  Mrs.  Allen  was  sure,  'n'  the 


244        THE   DEACON'S   DILEMMA 

minister  had  faith ;  'n'  then  there  was  Mrs. 
Macy,  too.  There  was  a  while  when  it 
looked  to  me  's  if  swoopin'  down  'n'  then 
pinnin'  flat  c'd  catch  any  thin',  't  Mrs. 
Macy  'd  have  the  deacon,  she  was  so  ever- 
lastingly on  hand.  Why,  I  never  walked 
by  his  house  but  I  met  her,  'n'  that  was 
far  too  often  to  ever  by  any  chance  be 
called  a'  accident.  But  she  was  too  open  ; 
my  own  experience  is  't  bein'  frank  'n'  free 
is  time  throwed  away  on  men.  If  anythin' 
serious  is  to  be  done  with  a  man,  it 's  got 
to  be  done  from  behind  a  woodpile.  I 
had  some  little  dealin's  with  men  in  the 
marryin'  line  once,  'n'  I  found  'em  very 
shy ;  tamin*  gophers  is  sleepin'  in  the  sun 
beside  grabbin'  a  man  's  dead  against  bein' 
grabbed.  I  don't  say  's  it  can't  be  done, 
but  I  will  say  't  it's  hard  in  the  first  'n' 
harder  in  the  last,  when  you  've  got  him  'n' 
he  's  got  you,  like  the  minister 's  got  his  wife." 

"But  Mrs.  Macy  ain't-  protested 
Mrs.  Lathrop. 

"  No ;  'n'  it 's  her  own  fault,  too.  He 
told  me  this  afternoon  's  the  way  she  smiled 
on  him  right  in  the  first  days  made  the 
marrow  run  up  'n'  down  his  back.  He 


said  he  c'd  V  stood  lots  o'  things,  but  no 
human  bein'  but  gets  mad  bein'  forever 
smiled  at.  Then  she  knit  him  things.  He 
says  she  knit  him  a  pair  o'  snap-on  slippers 
's  Heaven  '11  surely  forgive  him  if  he  ever 
see  the  like  of.  He  said  they  stuck  out  's 
far  behind  's  in  front,  'n'  all  in  the  world  't 
he  c'd  do  was  to  sit  perfectly  still  in  the 
middle  of  'em  'n'  content  himself  with 
viewin'  'em  's  slippers.  But  he  says  the 
worst  was,  she  cooked  him  things ;  he  says 
he  won't  say  what  he  's  paid  young  Dr. 
Brown  for  advice  regardin'  things  's  she  's 
cooked  him,  not  to  speak  o'  that  time  he 
cut  himself  so  bad  pryin'  at  one  o'  her 
undercrusts.  'N',  just  between  you  'n'  me, 
Mrs.  Lathrop,  he  says  it's  a  secret 's  he  will 
carry  to  his  grave  unsealed  as  she  give  him 
a  crock  o'  gherkins  on  his  birthday,  with  a 
pair  o'  buttonhole  scissors  at  the  bottom. 

"  He  said  he  jus'  felt  he  'd  enjoy  to  have 
the  revenge  o'  stayin'  single.  But  he  said 
it  did  n't  take  him  long  to  see  's  stayin' 
single  is  a  privilege  's  no  woman  's  goin' 
to  allow  to  a  man  whose  wife  's  dead.  He 
says  the  way  he 's  been  chased  's  all  but 
killin'.  He  says  there  's  Mrs.  Allen  firm' 


246        THE   DEACON'S   DILEMMA 

Polly  at  him  when  he  goes  over  there  for 
his  dinner,  'n'  the  minister  tellin'  him  every 
Sunday  'n'  prayer-meetin'  how  'Liza  Em'ly 
is  shootin'  up.  He  says  Gran'ma  Mullins 
is  forever  referrin'  to  his  youth,  'n'  Mrs. 
Macy  is  forever  smilin'.  He  says  he  could 
easy  keep  his  house  alone,  —  he  says  he 
understands  a  house  from  moth-balls  to 
quicklime,  —  but  they  won't  let  him.  He 
says  he  's  not  only  town  property,  but  he  's 
town  talk  's  well.  He  says  Mrs.  Craig 
stopped  him  in  the  square  'n'  asked  him 
point-blank  if  he  'd  remembered  to  put  on 
his  flannels  day  before  yesterday. 

"  I  tell  you,  Mrs.  Lathrop,  it 's  plain  't 
that  man  has  suffered.  If  you  'd  'a'  seen 
him,  your  heart  would  'a'  softened  like 
mine  did.  'N'  him  such  a  neat  little  bald- 
headed  man  without  any  wishin'  o'  anybody 
anythin'  !  I  give  him  a  lot  o'  sympathy. 
I  told  him  't  I  'd  knowed  what  it  was  to 
have  a  lot  o'  folks  seem  bound  to  marry 
you  in  the  teeth  o'  your  own  will.  I  told 
him  the  whole  community  was  witness  to 
how  I  was  set  upon  after  father's  death 
'n'  well-nigh  drove  mad.  He  said  he  wished 
he  had  my  grit  'n'  maybe  he'd  make  a  try 


THE   DEACON'S   DILEMMA        247 

to  fight  like  I  did,  but  he  said  he  was  beat 
out.  He  said  if  he  is  n't  up  'n'  the  smoke 
pourin'  out  o'  his  chimney  at  six  sharp,  all 
the  single  women  in  town  is  lined  up  in 
front  to  know  what 's  happened.  He  says 
if  he  was  married,  it  goes  without  sayin'  's 
they  'd  both  be  allowed  to  sleep  in  peace. 
He  says  if  he  lights  a  candle  at  night,  he 
hears  of  it  next  day.  He  said  if  he  gets  a 
letter  in  a  strange  hand,  it 's  all  over  town 
's  some  strange  woman  's  made  his  acquaint- 
ance. He  says  the  whole  world  feels  free 
to  dust  his  hat  or  w'isk  his  coat  if  he  stops 
to  chat  a  minute.  He  says,  such  bein'  the 
case,  he 's  made  up  his  mind  't  he 's  got  to 
get  married.  He  says  he  's  considered  very 
carefully.  He  says  he  knows  jus'  the  kind 
o*  woman.  He  says  he  's  been  fretted,  'n' 
he  don't  never  want  to  be  fretted  no  more." 

Miss  Clegg  paused,  as  if  the  crisis  had 
arrived.  She  surveyed  her  friend  with  a 
meaning  eye,  and  Mrs.  Lathrop  rather 
shrunk  together  and  endeavored  to  look 
courageous. 

"  Up  to  now 's  been  all  preparin'  your 
mind.  Do  you  feel  prepared?  Are  you 
ready  ? " 


248        THE   DEACON'S   DILEMMA 

"  Yes,  I  —  "  gasped  the  victim. 

"  Left  to  myself,  I  sh'd  'a'  waited  till 
mornin',  but  he  wanted  you  to  know  to- 
night. He  knows  I  'm  your  dearest  friend. 
He  said  if  I  did  n't  tell  you  right  off,  it 
might  get  to  you  some  other  way  'n'  be  a' 
awful  blow.  He  said  he  had  to  go  to 
Meadville  to-morrow,  so  he  might  mention 
it  down-town  to-night,  'n'  'most  any  one 
might  let  it  drop  in  on  you.  I  see  the 
p'int  o'  his  reasonin',  'n'  so  — 

"  Susan,"  said  the  friend,  her  feelings 
completely  overflowing  all  bounds  —  "  oh, 
Susan,  are  you  really  a-goin'  to  marry  - 

Susan's  expression  altered  triumphantly. 

"  Why,  Mrs.  Lathrop,"  she  said,  with 
keen  enjoyment,  "it  ain't  me 's  he  wants 
to  marry  ;  it 's  you  !  " 


VI 

PART   SECOND 
THE   AUTOMOBILE 

MRS.  LATHROP  collapsed  backward 
and  downward,  her  eyes  closed,  her 
mouth  opened,  her  hands  fell  at  her  sides, 
her  feet  flew  out  in  front  of  her.  Never 
in  the  history  of  the  world  were  the 
words  "  This  is  so  sudden !  "  more  vividly 
illustrated. 

Susan  sat  bolt  upright  opposite  and  sur- 
veyed her  friend's  emotion  with  an  expres- 
sion of  calm  and  interested  neutrality. 

After  a  while  Mrs.  Lathrop's  eyes  be- 
gan to  open  and  her  mouth  to  close ;  she 
gathered  her  hands  into  her  lap,  and  her 
feet  under  her  skirt,  saying  weakly : 

"Well,  I  never  hear  nothin'  to  beat  —  " 

"  I  ain't  surprised  't  your  takin'  it  to  heart 
like  that,"  said  the  imparter  of  news.  "  I 
may  tell  you  in  confidence  't  I  was  nigh  to 
laid  out  myself  in  the  first  hearin'  of  it.  I 
looked  upon  it  jus'  as  you  did,  an'  jus'  as 
249 


250  THE   AUTOMOBILE 

anybody  in  their  common  senses  naturally 
would.  It  was  n't  no  more  'n  was  to  be 
expected  that  me,  bein'  neat  like  himself  an' 
unmarried,  too,  sh'd  'a'  struck  him  's  just 
about  what  he  was  lookin'  for.  I  'm 
younger  'n  Gran'ma  Mullins  'n'  Mrs.  Macy, 
an'  older  'n'  'Liza  Em'ly  an'  Polly  Ann. 
I  Ve  got  property,  'n'  nobody  can't  say  's  I 
have  n't  always  done  my  duty  by  whatever 
crossed  my  path,  even  if  it  was  nothin'  but 
snow  in  the  winter.  All  the  time  't  he  was 
talkin'  I  was  thinkin',  'n'  I  tell  you,  Mrs. 
Lathrop,  it 's  pretty  hard  work  to  smile  'n' 
look  interested  in  a  man's  meanderin's  while 
you  're  tryin'  to  figure  on  how  you  can  will 
your  money  safe  away  from  him.  I  was  n't 
calc'latin'  on  havin'  Deacon  White  get  any 
of  my  money,  I  c'n  tell  you,  an'  I  meant  to 
have  that  understood  right  in  the  beginnin'. 
Maybe  he  would  n't  'a'  liked  it ;  but  if  he 
had  n't  'a'  liked  it,  he  c'd  'a'  give  me  right 
square  up.  Lord  knows,  I  never  was  after 
him  with  no  net;  I  don't  set  about  gettin' 
what  I  want  that  way.  'N'  I  never  for  one 
minute  have  thought  o'  wantin'  the  deacon. 
I  'm  used  to  lookin'  everythin'  square  in  the 
face,  'n'  no  one  as  has  got  eyes  could  look 


THE   AUTOMOBILE  251 

the  deacon  in  the  face  'n'  want  him.  'N'  the 
more  they  turned  him  round  'n'  round,  the 
less  they  'd  want  him.  It  ain't  in  reason  's 
the  friend  could  be  found  to  deny  't  he  's  as 
bow-legged  as  they  make  'em.  An'  then 
there  's  his  ears  !  A  woman  could,  maybe, 
overlook  the  bow-legs  if  she  held  the  news- 
paper high  enough ;  but  I  don't  believe 's 
any  one  in  kingdom  come  could  overlook 
them  ears.  Mr.  Kimball  says  Belgian  hares 
an'  Deacon  White  's  both  designed  to  be 
catched  by  their  ears.  I  looked  at  him  to- 
day 'n'  figured  on  maybe  tryin'  to  tame  'em 
in  a  little  with  a  tape  nightcap ;  but  then  I 
says  to  myself,  I  says :  *  No ;  if  he  's  to  be 
my  husband,  I  '11  probably  have  so  much  to 
overlook  that  them  ears  '11  soon  be  mice  to 
the  mountain  o'  the  rest,'  an'  so  I  give  up 
the  idea.  I  had  bother  enough  with  tryin' 
to  see  where  I  'd  put  him,  fer  I  certainly 
would  n't  consider  movin'  down  to  his  house 
fer  a  minute,  'n'  it  was  a  question  's  to  a  stove 
in  father's  room  or  givin'  him  double  win- 
dows for  a  weddin'  present. 

"'N'  then,  all  of  a  sudden,  he  come  out 
with  wantin'  you  ! 

"Well,     Mrs.    Lathrop,    I   jumped  —  I 


252  THE   AUTOMOBILE 

really  did.  Him  so  tidy  'n'  goin'  out  on 
the  porch  half  a  dozen  times  a  day  to  brush 
up  the  seeds  under  the  bird-cage  —  'n' 
wantin'  you!  I  could  n't  believe  my  ears  at 
first,  'n'  he  talked  quite  a  while,  'n '  I  did  n't 
hear  a  word  he  said.  'N  '  then,  when  I  did 
find  my  tongue,  I  jus'  sat  right  down  'n'  did 
my  duty  by  him.  Mrs.  Lathrop,  you 
know  's  well 's  I  do  how  fond  I  am  o'  you ; 
but  you  know,  too,  's  well  's  I  do  't  no 
woman  's  calls  herself  a  Christian  c'd  sit 
silent  an'  let  a  man  keep  on  supposin*  't  he 
c'd  be  happy  with  you.  I  talked  kind,  but 
I  took  no  fish-bones  out  o'  the  truth.  I 
give  him  jus'  my  own  observation,  'n'  no 
more.  I  told  him  't  it  was  n't  in  me  to  try 
to  fool  even  a  deacon ;  an'  so  when  I  said 
frank  and  free 't  even  your  very  cats  soon 
give  up  washin'  their  faces,  he  c'd  depend 
upon  its  bein'  so.  I  says  to  him,  I  says : 
(  Deacon  White,  there  's  lots  o'  worse  things 
'n  bein'  unmarried,  'n'  if  you  marry  Mrs. 
Lathrop  you  '11  learn  every  last  one  of  'em. 
Your  first  wife  was  deaf,'  I  says,  * 'n'  Mrs. 
Lathrop  c'n  hear.  She  's  a  very  good  hearer, 
too,'  I  says  (for  you  know  's  I  'd  never  be 
one  to  run  you  down,  Mrs.  Lathrop) ;  '  but 


THE   AUTOMOBILE  253 

anythin'  's  is  more  of  a'  effort  than  listenin' 
never  gets  done  in  her  house.  You  're  tidy 
in  your  ways,  Deacon  White/  I  says;  '  any 
one  as  's  ever  passed  when  you  was  hangin' 
out  your  dish-towels  'd  swear  to  that ;  an' 
such  bein'  the  case,  how  c'd  you  ever  be 
happy  with  them  's  spreads  their  wash  on 
the  currant-bushes  or  lets  it  blow  to  the 
dogs  ? '  Maybe  I  was  a  little  hard  on  him, 
but  I  felt  's  it  was  then  or  never,  'n'  I  tried 
my  best  to  save  him.  It  ain't  in  nature  for 
them  's  goes  unhooked  to  ever  realize  what 
their  unhookedness  is  to  them  's  hooks,  an' 
so  it  'd  be  hopeless  to  try  to  let  you  see  why 
my  sympathies  was  so  with  the  deacon ;  but, 
to  make  a  long  tale  short,  he  jus'  hung  on 
like  grim  death,  'n'  in  the  end  I  had  to  give 
up.  He  said  I  was  your  friend,  an'  he 
wanted  's  I  sh'd  explain  everythin'  to  you ; 
an'  to-morrow,  when  he  gets  back  from 
Meadville,  he  '11  come  up  an'  get  his  answer. 
He  did  n't  ask  'f  I  thought  you  'd  have  him, 
'cause  o*  course  he  knowed  you  'd  have 
him  's  well  's  I  did.  He  said  's  he  sh'd 
mention  it  about  town  to  keep  any  women 
from  takin'  the  same  train  with  him.  He 
says  he  has  n't  been  anywhere  by  himself 


254  THE    AUTOMOBILE 

for  ever  so  long.  He  says  jus'  as  soon  's 
he  's  married  he  's  goin'  off  for  a  good  long 
trip,  all  alone." 

Susan  ceased  speaking  for  a  little;  Mrs. 
Lathrop  looked  dazed  and  dubious. 

"  It  's  so  unex — "  she  said  slowly. 

"  The  beginnin'  o'  gettin'  married  always 
is,"  said  her  friend  ;  "  but  it  's  all  there  is 
about  it  's  is  even  unexpected.  It 's  all  cut 
an'  dried  from  there  on.  Once  you  take 
a  man,  nothin'  's  ever  sudden  no  more. 
Folks  expects  all  sorts  o'  pleasant  surprises ; 
everybody  seems  to  get  married  for  better, 
an*  then  get  along  for  worse.  They  begin 
by  imaginin'  a  lot  'n'  then  lookin'  for  the 
thing  to  be  'way  beyond  the  imaginin' ;  it 
ain't  long  afore  they  see  't  their  imaginin' 
was  'way  beyond  the  thing,  'n'  after  that 
they  soon  have  it  all  on  top  o'  them  to  carry 
till  they  die." 

"  I  never  was  no  great  hand  at  marryin'," 
said  Mrs.  Lathrop,  faintly.  *c  I  was  pro- 
pelled into  it  the  first — " 

"Well,  nobody  ain't  propellin'  you  this 
time,"  said  Miss  Clegg.  "  I  'm  hangin' 
back  on  your  skirts,  with  my  heels  stuck  in 
's  fa.r  's  they  '11  go."  She  rose  as  she  spoke. 


THE   AUTOMOBILE  255 

"  I  don't  know  what  I  shall  — "  began 
the  older  woman,  looking  up  at  the 
younger. 

"  You  Ve  got  all  to-morrow  to  decide. 
He  won't  be  back  till  five  o'clock,  I 
should  n't  worry,  'f  I  was  you.  O'  course, 
it 's  your  last  love  affair,  probably,  'n'  you 
want  to  get 's  much  's  you  can  out  of  it ; 
but  I  don't  see  no  call  to  fret  any.  He 
ain't  frettin'.  He  's  jus*  in  a  hurry  to 
get  married,  'n'  get  rid  o'  Gran'ma  Mullins 
'n'  Mrs.  Macy  an'  Polly  Ann  an'  'Liza 
Em'ly,  'n'  get  started  on  that  nice  long  trip 
he  's  goin'  on  alone." 

"I  shall  think  — "  murmured  Mrs. 
Lathrop. 

Susan  was  decking  herself  for  going 
home. 

"  I  won't  be  over  in  the  mornin',"  she 
said  as  she  tied  on  her  cap ;  "  I  Ve  got 
errands  down-town ;  but  I  '11  come  over 
after  dinner." 

"  Good-by,"  said  Mrs.  Lathrop. 

"  Good-by,"  said  her  friend. 

It  was  somewhat  warmer  the  next  morn- 
ing. Mrs.  Lathrop  began  the  day  on  a  cup 


256  THE   AUTOMOBILE 

of  extra-strong  coffee,  and  continued  it  in  an 
unusual  mood  of  clearing  up.  Her  kitchen 
was  really  very  close  to  exemplary  when  two 
o'clock  arrived,  and  she  took  up  her  knitting 
to  wait  for  the  promised  visitation. 

It  matured  about  half-past  the  hour. 
The  visitor  brought  her  knitting,  too. 

"Well,  Mrs.  Lathrop,"  she  said  pleas- 
antly on  entering,  "  if  it  was  n't  for  the  auto- 
mobile, you  'n'  the  deacon  'd  surely  be  the 
talk  'o  the  town  this  day." 

"  Whose  aut— ?" 

"  Nobody's  ;  jus'  two  men's.  One  steers 
in  goggles,  'n'  the  other  jumps  in  'n'  out 
'n'  settles  for  the  damages.  I  see  it  first  on 
my  way  down-town  this  morning;  only,  as 
a  matter  of  fact,  I  did  n't  see  it,  'n'  it  was 
nigh  to  tootin'  right  over  me,  only  I  jumped 
in  the  nick  o'  time,  'n'  it  went  over  my  over- 
shoe an'  split  the  heel  open.  I  c'n  assure 
you  I  was  glad  I  was  wearin'  father's  over- 
shoes, as  c'n  come  off  so  easy,  when  I  saw 
the  split  heel ;  an'  them  men  was  as  polite  's 
could  be,  churned  backward  right  off,  'n' 
settled  with  me  for  a  quarter.  I  can  easy 
sew  up  the  heel  myself,  so  I  went  on  down- 
town feelin'  pretty  good.  There  ain't  many 


THE   AUTOMOBILE  257 

things  about  me  't  I  can  sew  up  as  I 
would  n't  split  for  a  quarter  any  day.  The 
automobile  went  on  ahead,  'n'  by  the  time 
I  got  to  the  square  it  had  had  time  to  run 
down  the  minister. 

"He  was  crossin'  from  Mr.  Kimball's  to 
Mr.  Dill's  an'  stopped  short  for  fear  it  'd 
run  over  him.  Not  knowin'  the  minister's 
make-up,  they  'd  calc'lated  on  his  goin'  on 
when  he  see  a'  automobile  comin' ;  an'  so  it 
was  all  over  him  in  a  jiffy.  I  don'  know 
what  his  wife  '11  ever  say,  f 'r  his  hat  is  com- 
pletely bu'st.  However,  they  settled  with 
him  —  hat,  feelin's,  an'  all  —  for  ten  dollars, 
an'  he  went  on  over  to  Mr.  Dill's.  I  said 
't  if  I  was  his  wife  I  'd  anchor  him  in 
the  middle  o'  the  square  'n'  let  automobiles 
run  up  'n'  down  him  all  day  long  at  that 
price.  I  said  it  to  Mrs.  Craig  ;  she  come 
up  to  ask  me  'f  it  was  really  true  about  you 
an'  the  deacon.  She  says  no  one  can  believe 
it  o'  the  deacon.  She  says  Mr.  Jilkins 
was  in  town  last  night,  'n'  he  was  very  mad 
when  he  heard  of  it.  He  thinks  it's  a  re- 
flection. He  says  folks  '11  say  it  looks  like 
his  sister  was  n't  wife  enough  for  one  man. 
I  told  her  nobody  could  n't  say  nothin' 
17 


258  THE   AUTOMOBILE 

about  it  't  I  would  n't  agree  to,  considerin' 
your  age  an'  his  ears.  I  told  her  't  it 
did  n't  seem  to  me  's  marryin'  was  anyways 
necessary  to  the  business  o'  the  world.  If 
mother  'd  never  married,  neither  she  nor 
me'd  ever  of  had  all  them  years  o'  work 
with  father.  She  says  this  about  you  'n' 
the  deacon  was  stirrin'  up  the  town  a  lot. 
She  says  there  's  a  good  deal  o'  bitter  feelin'. 
Seems  Mrs.  Allen  never  charged  him 
nothin'  fer  his  meals  on  account  o'  Polly, 
an'  Gran'ma  Mullins  made  him  a  whole  set 
o'  shirts  fer  nothin'  on  account  o'  the  nut 
'n'  the  daguerre'type,  'n'  Mrs.  Macy  did 
up  all  his  currants  fer  nothin'  on  account  o' 
herself.  She  says  Mr.  Kimball  says  he 
wonders  what  the  deacon  's  a-expectin'  to 
get  out  o'  you. 

"  We  went  across  to  look  at  the  auto- 
mobile together.  It  was  standin'  still  in 
front  o'  the  drug-store,  'n'  the  men  was  in 
buyin'  cigarettes  an'  gettin'  their  bottles 
filled.  I  guess  half  the  community  was 
standin'  round  lookin'  at  it  an'  discussin'  it. 
It 's  a  brand-new  one,  for  the  price-tag 
's  still  hangin*  on  the  back.  Billy  said  it 
was  a  bargain,  but  it  struck  me  's  pretty 


"It's  a  brand-new  one,  fer  the  price-tag's  still  hangin'  on 
the  back."      See  page  258. 


THE   AUTOMOBILE  259 

high.  They  had  a  wheel  's  'd  come  off 
hung  on  behind,  'n'  nobody  could  n't  see 
where  it 'd  come  off  of.  Mr.  Fisher  got 
down  an'  crawled  in  underneath,  an'  while 
he  was  under  there  the  men  come  out. 
They  asked  what  Mr.  Fisher  was  tryin*  to 
do,  an'  when  Billy  told  'em,  they  laughed. 

"  They  said  that  wheel  was  in  case  o'  acci- 
dents. John  Bunyan  spoke  right  up  an' 
said,  c  Why,  does  the  accidents  ever  happen 
to  the  automobile  ?  '  'N'  the  men  laughed 
some  more.  Then  they  got  in  'n'  started 
to  start,  'n'  it  would  n'  start.  It  snuffed  'n' 
chuffed  to  beat  the  band,  but  it  would  n't 
budge  for  love  nor  money  nor  the  man  in 
goggles.  He  jerked  'n'  twisted,  'n'  then 
all  of  a  sudden  it  run  backward,  'n'  went 
over  Mr.  Dill's  dog  's  was  asleep  in  the 
way,  'n'  into  the  lamp-post,  'n'  bu'st 
the  post  off  short.  Well,  you  never  see  the 
beat !  They  wanted  to  settle  the  dog  for 
the  same  's  the  minister,  but  Mr.  Dill 
would  n't  hear  to  it  for  a  minute,  'cause  he 
said  his  dog  was  worth  suthin'.  Judge 
Fitch  come  up  'n'  said  the  town  'd  want 
three  dollars  for  the  lamp-post,  'n'  they 
paid  that,  'n'  then  they  tried  to  arbitrate  the 


2GO  THE   AUTOMOBILE 

dog;  V  in  the  end  Mr.  Dill  took  eleven 
dollars  an'  fifteen  cents,  'cause  his  collar 's 
still  good.  Then  they  got  into  the  auto- 
mobile again  an'  twisted  the  crank  the  other 
way,  an'  it  kited  across  the  square  an'  right 
over  Gran'ma  Mullins.  She  was  on  her 
way  to  ask  if  it  was  true  about  you  'n'  the 
deacon,  an'  it  was  plain  's  she  wa'n't  in 
no  disposition  to  enjoy  bein'  run  over  by 
nothin'.  I  never  see  her  so  nigh  to  bein' 
real  put  out ;  'n'  even  after  they  'd  settled 
with  her  for  five  dollars,  she  still  did  n't  look 
a  bit  pleased  or  happy.  Mrs.  Craig  'n'  me 
went  with  her  into  Mr.  Shores'  'n'  helped 
her  straighten  her  bonnet  'n'  take  a  drink  o' 
water,  'n'  then  she  said  she  s'posed  it  was 
true  about  you  an'  the  deacon,  'n',  't  so 
help  her  Heaven,  she  never  would  'a* 
believed  's  either  o'  you  had  so  little  sense. 
She  said  to  tell  you  't  all  she  's  got  to  say  is 
't  if  he  deceives  you  like  he  's  deceived  her, 
you  '11  know  how  it  feels  to  have  him 
deceive  you  's  well  's  she  knows  how  it 
feels  to  of  had  him  deceive  her.  She  says 
she's  goin'  to  take  a  hammer  an'  smash 
that  nut  'n'  that  daguerre'type  into  a  thou- 
sand smithereens  this  very  afternoon." 


THE   AUTOMOBILE  261 

"I'm  sorry  's  — "  said  Mrs.  Lathrop, 
regretfully. 

"  While  we  was  sittin'  there  talkin',  in 
come  Mrs.  Macy,  with  her  cat  over  her 
arm,  to  ask  if  there  was  enough  of  it  left  to 
make  a  muff.  Seems  't  when  the  automo- 
bile headed  out  o'  town  they  come  on  the 
cat  crossin'  the  road,  'n'  afore  she  knew 's 
there  was  a  death  in  the  family  they  was 
tryin'  to  settle  the  cat  at  a  dollar.  Said 
she  never  see  the  beat  o'  the  way  the  cat 
was  ironed  flat ;  she  jus'  stood  'n'  stared, 
'n'  then  they  offered  her  two  dollars.  She 
took  the  two  dollars  an'  come  to  town,  'n' 
'f  there  ain't  enough  for  a  muff,  she  '11  have 
a  cap  with  the  tail  over  her  ear.  She  wanted 
to  know  if  it  was  true  about  you  'n'  the 
deacon,  an'  she  tried  to  swing  the  cat  around 
's  if  she  did  n't  care,  but  it  was  easy  seen 
she  did.  She  said  she  would  n't  have  the 
deacon  for  a  gift,  'n'  I  told  her  's  there  was 
others  havin'  to  admit  the  same  thing.  I 
says  to  her,  I  says :  '  There's  a  good  many 
in  this  town  's  won't  have  the  deacon,  but  it 
ain't  for  lack  o'  tryin'  to  get  him,  Lord 
knows."  Jus'  then  we  see  the  man  with  the 
cap  's  does  the  settlin'  fer  damages  tearin'  by 


262  THE   AUTOMOBILE 

the  window  afoot.  We  run  to  the  door  an' 
see  him  grab  Mr.  Sweet's  bicycle  'n'  ride 
away  on  it ;  'n'  it  did  n't  take  no  great 
brains  to  guess  's  suthin'  fresh  had  happened 
under  the  automobile.  A  little  while  after 
the  man  with  goggles  an'  Mr.  Jilkins  come 
walkin'  into  the  square,  a-leadin'  Mr.  Jil- 
kins's  horse.  The  horse  was  pretty  well 
splintered  up,  'n'  the  harness  was  hangin' 
all  out  o'  tune ;  the  man  with  goggles 
looked  to  be  upset,  'n'  Mr.  Jilkins  looked 
like  he  'd  been  upset  'n'  was  awful  mad  over 
it.  Every  one  went  to  know  what  it  was  ; 
an'  I  will  say,  Mrs.  Lathrop,  's  I  never  hear 
such  a  story  o'  unforeseen  miseries  pilin'  up. 
Seems  't  when  Mr.  Jilkins  went  home  las' 
night  'n'  told  his  wife  about  you  'n'  the 
deacon,  they  decided  to  come  to  town  right 
off  to-day  'n'  try  to  argue  common  sense 
into  him.  Mr.  Jilkins  said  't  he  was  n't 
afraid  o'  the  property  goin'  out  o'  the 
family,  'cause  you  'n'  the  deacon  could  n't 
naturally  expect  nothin'  but  grandchildren 
at  your  age ;  but  he  said  they  jus'  did  n't 
want  him  married,  'n'  they  was  goin'  to  see 
't  he  did  n't  get  drug  into  it.  So  they  took 
the  horse  'n'  the  colt  an'  the  democrat  'n' 


THE   AUTOMOBILE  263 

started  up  to  town  this  mornin',  V  jus' 
beyond  the  bridge  they  met  the  automobile 
warmin'  up  from  Mrs.  Macy  V  her  cat. 
Mr.  Jilkins  says  his  horse  ain't  afraid  o' 
nothin'  on  earth  only  threshin'-machines, 
men  asleep,  V  bicycles ;  but  it  never  'd 
seen  a'  automobile  afore,  'n'  it  jumped  right 
into  it.  Well,  him  in  goggles  'n'  his  friend 
in  damages  jumped  right  out,  'n'  the  auto- 
mobile run  into  the  fence  an'  run  over  the 
colt,  'n'  spilled  Mr.  and  Mrs.  Jilkins  'n' 
the  horse  all  out.  The  horse  fell  down  'n' 
Mrs.  Jilkins  could  n't  get  up,  'n'  the  man 
in  the  cap  wanted  to  settle  for  five  hundred 
dollars  right  on  the  spot.  Then  they  went 
to  work  an'  got  the  tool-box,  'n'  got  the 
horse  up,  'n'  he  seemed  to  be  all  right,  only 
pretty  badly  marred ;  an'  they  backed  the 
automobile  out  o'  the  fence  an'  give  Mrs. 
Jilkins  a  drink  out  o'  their  bottle,  'n'  tucked 
her  up  warm  in  the  seat,  an'  then  set  to, 
work  on  the  democrat.  They  was  gettin' 
everythin'  all  straightened  out  neat  's  a  pin 
when,  all  of  a  sudden,  Mrs.  Jilkins  give  a 
yell,  an'  they  looked  up  to  see  the  automo- 
bile kitin'  off  up  the  hill,  'n'  her  screamin' 
an'  wavin'  her  hands ;  'n'  the  next  thing 


264  THE   AUTOMOBILE 

they  see,  she  went  over  the  top  o'  the  hill 

>  >  »    •  i  .  » 

n   out  o   sight. 

Miss  Clegg  stopped;  Mrs.  Lathrop  drew 
in  her  breath. 

"  Well,  Mrs.  Lathrop,  seems  to  me  I 
never  hear  nothin'  to  equal  that  in  all  my 
born  days.  Mrs.  Jilkins  off  in  a'  automo- 
bile alone!  'N'  the  man  in  the  cap  see  it 
jus'  's  I  did,  for  he  wanted  to  settle  for  a 
thousand,  spot  cash,  then  'n'  there.  But 
Mr.  Jilkins  would  n't  settle ;  there 's  no 
denyin'  Mr.  Jilkins  saw  what  a  good 
thing  he  'd  got  when  his  wife  went  off 
in  that  automobile ;  so  then  the  man  in 
the  cap  hustled  in  town,  got  a  bicycle, 
'n'  scurried  after  her  's  fast  's  he  could 
paddle." 

"  Did  they  find  —  ?  "  inquired  Mrs.  La- 
throp. 

"  Not  when  I  come  home  they  had  n't. 
/The  man  in  goggles  had  took  Mr.  Jilkins 
to  the  hotel  for  dinner,  'n'  Mr.  Jilkins  was 
tickled  to  death,  for  he  never  eat  in  a  hotel 
in  his  life  before.  If  he  goes  off,  he  always 
gets  back,  or  else  takes  a  lunch." 

"  Are  you  goin'  ?  "     Mrs.  Lathrop  asked. 

"  Yes  ;  I  'm  goin'  down-town  again.     I  'm 


THE   AUTOMOBILE  265 

goin'  right  now.  I  want  to  know  the  end 
's  Mrs.  Jilkins  made.  'N'  there's  lots  o' 
people  's  ain't  had  no  chance  yet  to  ask  me 
if  it 's  true  about  you  'n'  the  deacon." 

"When's  he  a-com — ?  "  Mrs.  Lathrop 
asked. 

"  On  the  five-o'clock ;  'n'  he  said  's  he 
sh'd  come  straight  up  here  to  settle  it  all. 
I  s'pose  you  've  turned  the  subjeck  round 
an'  round  'n'  upside  down  till  you've 
come  out  jus'  where  I  said  you  would  at 
first." 

"I  guess  I'll  take  — " 

"I  would  'f  I  was  you.  Mr.  Kimball 
says  Deacon  White 's  as  good  help 's  any 
woman  can  hope  to  get  hold  o'  in  a  place 
this  size,  an'  I  guess  he  's  hit  that  nail  square 
on  top.  I  don't  see  but  what,  when  all  's 
said  an'  done,  you  can  really  take  a  deal  o' 
comfort  havin'  him  so  handy.  He  likes  to 
keep  things  clean,  'n'  you  '11  never  let  him 
get  a  chance  to  go  to  Satan  emptyhanded. 
'N'  we  can  always  send  him  to  bed  when 
we  want  to  talk,  'cause  bein'  's  he  '11  be  your 
husband,  we  won't  never  have  to  fuss  with 
considerin*  his  feelin's  any." 

"I-    "  said   Mrs.  Lathrop,  thoughtfully. 


266  THE   AUTOMOBILE 

"  O'  course  there  would  n't  be  nothin' 
very  romantic  in  marryin'  the  deacon  ;  'n' 
yet,  when  you  come  right  square  down  to 
it,  I  don't  see  no  good  'n'  sufficient  reasons 
for  long  hair  bein'  romantic  an'  big  ears  not. 
Anyway,  I  sh'd  consider  't  a  man  's  can 
clean  a  sink,  'n'  will  clean  a  sink,  was  a 
sight  safer  to  marry  'n  one  's  whose  big  hit 
was  standin'  up  the  ends  o'  his  mustache. 
'N'  besides,  you  can  have  the  man  with 
the  sink,  'n'  the  man  with  the  mustache 
would  n't  even  turn  round  to  look  at  you 
the  first  time." 

"  I  —  "  said  Mrs.  Lathrop. 

"  Romance  is  a  nice  thing  in  its  place. 
I  Ve  had  my  own  romances  —  four  on  'em, 
—  'n'  not  many  women  can  say  that  'n' 
still  be  unmarried,  I  guess.  I  've  lived  'n' 
I  've  loved,  as  the  books  say ;  'n'  I  've  sur- 
vived, as  I  say  myself;  'n'  you  can  believe 
me  or  not,  jus'  as  you  please,  Mrs.  Lathrop, 
but  I  ain't  got  no  feelin'  toward  you  this  night 
but  pity.  I  would  n't  be  you  if  I  could  - 
not  now  'n'  not  never.  I  'd  really  liefer  be 
the  deacon,  'n'  Heaven  knows  't  he's  got 
little  enough  to  look  forward  to  hereafter." 

"I-    "  expostulated  Mrs.  Lathrop. 


THE   AUTOMOBILE  267 

"Well,  Mrs.  Lathrop,  if  you  keep  me 
here  much  longer,  I  sha'n't  get  down-town 
this  afternoon ;  V  when  you  think  how 
near  Mrs.  Jilkins  's  comin'  to  bein'  related 
to  you,  it  certainly  will  look  very  strange 
to  the  community." 

As  she  spoke,  Miss  Clegg  rapidly  pre- 
pared herself  for  the  street,  and  with  the  last 
words  she  went  toward  the  door. 

"  If  the  deacon  gets  here  afore  I  come 
back,"  she  said,  pausing  with  her  hand  on 
the  knob,  "  you  'd  better  say  's  what  he  told 
me  yesterday  in  confidence  'n'  what  I  told 
him  in  consequence  is  still  a  secret ;  it  '11  be 
pleasanter  for  you  both  so." 

"I  —  "  said  Mrs.  Lathrop. 

"  Good-by,"  said  Susan. 

Mrs.  Lathrop  slept  some  that  afternoon 
and  rocked  more.  She  experienced  no  very 
marked  flutterings  in  the  region  of  her 
heart ;  indeed,  she  was  astonished  herself  at 
the  calmness  of  her  sensations. 

The  deacon  had  not  come  when  Susan 
returned.  Susan  looked  somewhat  puzzled. 

"  Anybody  been  here  since  me  ? "  she 
inquired,  not  facing  her  friend,  but  examin- 
ing the  stovepipe  with  interest. 


268  THE   AUTOMOBILE 

"No;  no  —  " 

"  Mrs.  Jilkins  is  all  safe,"  she  said  next. 

"I'm  so  —  " 

"  That  automobile  run  'way  past  Cherry 
Pond,  'n'  their  hired  man  see  her  ridin'  by 
'n'  made  after  her  on  a  mule.  The  gasolene 
give  out  before  the  mule  did,  so  he  hauled 
her  home,  'n'  the  man  in  the  cap  come  'n' 
took  the  automobile  back  to  town." 

"So  it 'sail  —  " 

"  They  all  landed  over  at  the  drug-store 
'n'  got  in  'n'  started  out  fresh.  Mr.  Jil- 
kins settled  for  the  five  hundred,  'n'  they 
went  off  feelin'  real  friendly.  They  run  out 
across  the  square,  an'  then  — "  Susan  hesi- 
tated. "  You  got  a  shock  yesterday,"  she 
said,  still  not  looking  at  her  friend,  but 
speaking  sympathetically,  "  'n'  it  seems  too 
bad  to  give  you  another  to-day  ;  but  you  '11 
have  to  know  —  " 

"Heaven  pro — "  cried  Mrs.  Lathrop. 

"  They  run  over  the  deacon  comin'  out 
o'  the  station.  They  did  n't  see  him,  an' 
he  did  n't  see  them.  He  ain't  dead." 

Mrs.  Lathrop  was  silent. 

"  Mrs.  Allen  took  him  home.  Of  course 
that  means  Polly  '11  get  him  in  the  end." 


THE   AUTOMOBILE  269 

Mrs.  Lathrop  was  silent  for  a  long  time. 
Finally  she  said  very  deliberately  : 

"  Maybe  it 's  just  as  —  " 

"  It 's  better,"  said  her  friend,  with  de- 
cision ;  "  for  the  man  settled  with  the  deacon 
for  fifteen  hundred." 


VII 
OLD    MAN   ELY'S   PROPOSAL 

MRS.  LATHROP  had  been  dumb- 
founded to  see  a  horse  and  wagon 
being  driven  into  her  neighbor's  yard  a  little 
before  noon  one  warm  spring  day.  Her 
eyesight  was  not  good  enough  to  identify 
the  horse's  driver,  but  she  hung  breathlessly 
in  her  kitchen  window  and  peered  gaspingly 
out  upon  his  boldness  and  daring  during  the 
whole  four  minutes  that  it  took  him  to  hitch 
to  a  clothes-pole ;  and  then,  when  the  fell 
deed  was  accomplished,  she  watched  him  go 
in  by  the  kitchen  door,  and  waited,  with  a 
confidence  born  of  a  very  good  understand- 
ing of  her  neighbor's  views  as  to  driving  in 
and  hitching,  to  see  him  cast  ignominiously 
forth  by  Miss  Clegg. 

But  even  that  omniscience  of  a  friend's 
habits  which  may  be  acquired  during  a  next- 
door  residence  for  years  sometimes  fails, 
and  Mrs.  Lathrop,  after  an  hour  of  more 
or  less  active  bobbing  in  the  window  that 
270 


OLD   MAN  ELY'S   PROPOSAL      271 

commanded  the  best  view  of  the  rear  of  the 
house  on  the  other  side  of  the  fence,  was 
forced  to  see  that  the  caller,  whoever  he 
might  be,  was  not  cast  forth,  and  a  further 
hour's  attention  showed  that  he  did  not  quit 
the  premises  either  just  before  or  just  after 
dinner.  When  Mrs.  Lathrop  had  quite 
settled  the  last  point  to  her  complete  satis- 
faction and  un-understanding,  she  decided 
to  give  up  watching  and  to  go  to  sleep  as 
usual.  She  slept  until  four  in  the  afternoon, 
and  when  she  awoke  and  hurried  to  the 
window  the  horse  and  wagon  were  gone. 
Susan  seemed  gone  too,  for  her  house  looked 
very  shut  up  and  sounded  more  than  silent. 
So  Mrs.  Lathrop  went  back  forthwith  to 
her  chair  and  slept  again,  and  the  next  time 
she  awakened  it  was  her  friend's  voice  that 
awakened  her,  as  the  latter  stood  over  her 
and  demanded  briskly, 

"  Well,  did  you  see  him  ?  " 

"I  —  oh  —  oh  —  I  —  "  began  Mrs.  Lath- 
rop, vaguely. 

"  I  thought  you  could  n't  but  see  him," 
said  Susan,  "  hitchin'  his  horse  to  one  o' 
my  clothes-poles  as  large  as  life.  If  it  'd 
been  any  day  in  his  life  but  this  one  I  'd 


272      OLD   MAN   ELY'S   PROPOSAL 

surely  of  told  him  frank  'n'  open  my  views 
on  hitchin'  to  my  clothes-poles,  but  bein'  as 
it  was  to-day  I  only  told  him  my  views  on 
drivin'  over  my  grass." 

"  But  —  "  began  Mrs.  Lathrop. 

"  The  horse  did  n't  bite  the  pole,"  con- 
tinued Susan  ;  "  he  said  as  he  wa'n't  no  crib- 
ber.  I  told  him  it  wa'n't  cribs  as  was  the 
question,  but  clothes-poles,  an'  I  might  of 
spoken  some  stronger,  but  just  then  he 
stepped  on  the  edge  of  the  cistern  cover  'n' 
I  got  such  a  turn  as  drove  everythin'  else 
clean  out  o'  my  mind.  You  know  how 
easy  it  is  to  turn  that  cover,  Mrs.  Lathrop, 
'n'  I  must  say  that  if  he  and  it  had  fell  in 
together  there  'd  have  been  a  fine  tale  to  tell, 
for  the  cover  always  sinks  straight  to  the 
bottom,  'n'  is  no  joke  to  find  'n'  fish  up, — 
you  and  I  both  know  that.  Ever  since  the 
brace  give  way  I  've  always  got  it  on  my 
mind  to  keep  the  clothes-bars  sittin'  over  it, 
but  now  the  brace  in  the  clothes-bars  is  give 
way  too  'n'  as  a  consequence  they  won't  sit 
over  nothin'  no  more.  If  money  was  looser 
I  'd  certainly  never  spare  it  gettin'  them  two 
braces  mended,  but  money  bein'  tight  and 
me  alone  in  the  house  'n'  the  most  of  my 


OLD  MAN   ELY'S   PROPOSAL      273 

callers  them  as  it's  all  one  to  me  whether  I 
see  'em  in  the  parlor  or  in  the  cistern,  1 
ain't  botherin'.  I  was  never  one  to  worry 
an'  scurry  unnecessarily,  Mrs.  Lathrop,  an' 
you  know  that  as  well  as  I  do,  'n*  to-day  I 
had  my  mind  all  done  up  in  my  curtains 
anyway,  'n'  I  was  more  'n'  a  little  put  out 
over  bein'  interrupted,  even  by  a  man  as 
come  in  through  the  woodshed  door,  that  I 
never  bolt  'cause  it's  a  understood  thing 
as  woodshed  doors  is  not  to  be  come  in  at. 
The  turn  he  give  me  when  I  hear  him  clut- 
terin'  aroun'  in  the  woodshed!  —  I  thought 
he  was  rats,  an'  then  a  cat,  an'  then  a  rat  an' 
a  cat  come  together,  an'  then  all  of  a  sudden 
I  see  him  an'  remembered  the  cistern  cover." 

"  But  who  —  "  asked  Mrs.  Lathrop. 

Susan  looked  surprised. 

"  Why,  I  thought  you  said  you  seen 
him,"  she  said  ;  "  you  certainly  give  me  that 
impression,  Mrs.  Lathrop.  I  'd  have  took 
any  vow  anywhere  as  I  asked  you  if  you 
seen  him  'n'  you  said  you  did.  It 's  funny 
if  you  did  n't  for  he  drove  hisself  in  'n' 
hitched  hisself  too,  'n'  me  up  in  the  garret 
when  he  done  it,  foldin'  off  my  curtains  to 

iron.     My,  to   think   how   I   did    hate  the 
il 


idea  o'  ironin'  them  curtains !  Mother  al- 
ways ironed  the  curtains.  She  said  I  was 
young  V  she  did  n't  mind  anyhow.  I  ain't 
washed  'em  since.  I  've  been  in  the  habit 
o'  sayin'  I  was  afraid  it  'd  bring  mother 
over  me  too  much  to  take  'em  down  with- 
out her.  That's  a  thing  as  this  community 
can  easy  understand,  f 'r  they  leave  all  their 
hard  work  lay  in'  around  for  any  reason  a 
tat!,  and  although  I  can't  in  reason  deny 
as  in  most  ways  they  're  as  different  from 
me  as  anything  can  be  from  me,  still  when 
it  comes  to  ironin'  curtains  the  stove  is  as 
hot  on  the  just  as  on  the  unjust 'n'  you  can't 
mention  nothin'  hotter." 

"Did  you  — "  said  Mrs.  Lathrop,  sym- 
pathetically. 

"Well,  I  sh'd  say  I  did.  What  I  set 
out  to  do  I  always  do  whether  it 's  curtains 
or  Mr.  Kimball.  Mr.  Kimball  has  got  a 
great  idea  as  to  his  sharpness,  but  I  guess  if 
our  sharp  ends  was  under  a  microscope, 
he  'd  be  the  needle  an'  me  the  bee-sting 
most  every  day.  It  was  too  bad  you  was  n't 
to  that  lecture,  Mrs.  Lathrop,  —  I  did  learn 
a  great  deal.  Not  just  about  the  sting,  but 
some  very  handy  things.  It  seems  if  you 


OLD   MAN   ELY'S   PROPOSAL      275 

go  among  'em  quietly,  they  '11  let  you  take 
the  honey  out  any  time  'n'  you  can  buy  the 
queens  by  mail  in  a  box  'n'  they  '11  lay  a 
whole  hive  alone  by  themselves  in  no  time. 
Mrs.  Macy  said  she  thought  some  of  sendin' 
for  one  or  two  queens  'n'  settin'  'em  up  in 
business  in  bushel  baskets,  but  when  she 
went  home  'n'  looked  the  baskets  over  'n' 
thought  what  work  it 'd  be  to  clean  the 
honey  out  of  'em  each  fall  she  give  up  the 
idea.  She  's  going  to  set  out  a  orange  tree 
in  a  flower  pot  instead.  It  says  in  the 
f  Ladies'  Home  Diary  '  as  they  grow  very 
nicely  so." 

"  But  who  —  "  interrupted  Mrs.  Lathrop, 
wrinkling  up  her  face  somewhat  over  the 
long  strain  on  her  eager  attentiveness. 

"  But  I  thought  you  said  you  seen  him," 
said  her  friend,  with  a  second  recurrence  of 
her  surprised  expression  ;  "  did  n't  you  see 
him  when  you  see  him  drivin'  in  ?  He  was 
holdin'  the  reins  at  the  big  end  o'  the 
whip,  I  should  suppose.  I  can't  well  see 
how  you  saw  everythin'  else  without  seein' 
him.  He  was  some  better  dressed  'n'  usual 
but  it  just  shows  what  bein'  left  a  widower 
does  for  a  man.  It  seems  to  somehow  put 


new  spirit  in  'em  'n'  sets  'em  to  wearin'  ties 
again.  Why,  do  you  know  when  he  come 
to  go  he  actually  asked  me  to  ride  a  piece 
with  him  'n'  show  him  which  finger-post  to 
turn  in  to,  an'  I  will  say  as,  where  I  would  n't 
of  dreamed  o'  ridin'  with  him  a  week  ago,  I 
went  to-day  an'  really  enjoyed  it.  Yes,  I 
did." 

"Was  it—  "  cried  Mrs.  Lathrop,  with  a 
sudden  gleam  of  intuition. 

Susan  looked  surprised  for  the  third  time. 

"  Why,  of  course,"  she  said,  "  who  else 
could  it  be  ?  "  Then  she  left  her  position 
near  the  door,  came  over  nearer  to  her 
friend,  took  a  chair  and  began  to  untie  her 
bonnet. 

"  I  don't  know  as  I  'm  surprised  over 
your  bein'  surprised,  Mrs.  Lathrop,"  she 
continued  in  a  slightly  milder  tone  after  a 
brief  pause  for  vocal  renovation.  "  I  will 
confess  as  I  was  really  nothin'  but  surprised 
myself.  I  supposed  as  a  matter  o'  course 
that  to-day  he  was  in  Meadville  buryin'  her, 
'n'  when  I  first  see  him  the  funeral  was  so 
strong  in  my  mind  as  I  thought  he  'd  druv 
over  to  maybe  borrow  father's  black  bow  for 
his  front  door.  I  made  my  mind  right  up 


OLD   MAN  ELY'S   PROPOSAL      277 

to  tell  him  straight  to  his  face  as  he  could  n't 
have  it,  for  I  told  you  once  as  I  was  keepin' 
that  bow  for  you,  Mrs.  Lathrop,  an'  when 
I  promise  anybody  anythin'  I  keep  my 
word,  whether  it 's  a  receipt  or  a  bow  for 
their  own  funeral,  an'  when  I  saw  old  man 
Ely  it  did  n't  take  me  no  two  minutes  to 
keep  my  word  the  same  as  ever,  —  'n' 
father's  black  bow  too.  But  laws,  he  was  n't 
after  no  bow !  —  I  very  quickly  found  out 
as  all  as  he  was  after  was  the  funeral,  f 'r  it 
seems  as  they  was  uncommonly  spry  with  it. 
He  told  me  right  off  as  they  had  it  pretty 
prompt  too,  for  he  says  when  it  comes  to 
buryin'  a  wife  there  's  no  need  for  a  man  to 
go  slow,  'n'  so  he  had  all  Meadville  up  with 
the  lark  'n'  out  after  old  Mrs.  Ely.  He 
seemed  to  feel  all  of  a  sudden  as  it  was  a 
little  awkward  me  not  havin'  been  there,  but 
I  saw  how  he  felt  'n'  made  his  mind  easy 
by  tellin'  him  frank  'n'  open  that  it  was  n't 
nothin'  agin  his  wife  as  kept  me  here,  for 
when  it  come  right  square  down  to  it  I 
did  n't  know  any  one  as  I  'd  enjoy  their  fun- 
eral more  'n  gettin'  my  curtains  ironed ;  an'  I 
may  in  truth  repeat  to  you  as  that 's  so,  Mrs. 
Lathrop,  for  although  it  may  seem  hard  at 


278      OLD   MAN   ELY'S   PROPOSAL 

first  hearin',  still  we  both  know  what  it  is  to 
iron  curtains,  V  my  motto  always  is  as  a 
live  lion  has  rights  above  a  dead  dog,  and 
the  proverb  says  as  the  dead  is  always  ready 
to  bury  the  dead  anyhow.  Old  man  Ely 
seemed  to  look  on  it  much  as  I  did,  for  he 
did  n't  fiddle  about  none  with  his  affairs,  but 
came  right  to  the  point  an'  told  me  fair  an' 
square  as,  not  havin'  anythin'  particular  on 
hand  after  it  was  over,  an'  seein'  clear  as  he 
was  three  miles  out  of  his  way  anyhow,  he  'd 
thought  he  'd  come  on  as  far  as  Pete  Sander- 
son's 'n'  see  about  a  cow  as  he  'd  heard  Pete 
had,  'n'  then  after  that  it  looked  to  him  like 
it  was  pretty  much  a  day  for  odd  jobs  straight 
through,  so  he  come  over  here  to  get  some 
graftin's  from  our  grape-vine.  He  said  as 
father  'd  told  him  once  as  he  could  have 
some  graftin's  from  the  porch-vine  if  he  'd 
come  and  cut  'em,  'n'  so  he  was  come.  I 
told  him  as  when  it  was  n't  nothin'  more 
important  than  grape-vines  father's  words 
was  ever  my  laws ;  so  he  went  out  'n'  cut 
some  pieces  from  the  Virginia  creeper  an' 
come  in  perfectly  satisfied,  'n'  I  may  in  con- 
fidence remark  as  I  was  satisfied  too  for  I 
was  n't  overpleased  to  have  him  meddlin' 


OLD   MAN   ELY'S  PROPOSAL      279 

with  the  porch-vine.  I  will  remark,  though, 
as  his  cuttin'  Virginia  creeper  for  grape- 
vines did  amuse  me  some,  for  it's  been  a 
well-known  fact  for  years  as  Mrs.  Ely  was 
Mr.  Ely  in  everythin'  but  the  clothes  he 
wore,  'n'  they  say  the  way  she  managed  to 
figger-head  him  through  plantin'  'n'  harvest, 
'n'  pasture  'n'  punkins,  was  nothin'  short 
of  genius,  bred  in  the  bone  'n'  bustin'  out 
every  seam. 

"  Howsomesoever,  he  stayed  'n'  stayed 
'n'  I  ironed  'n'  ironed,  'n'  we  talked  about 
the  farm  'n'  father  'n'  how  well  he  remem- 
bered father  'n'  what  a  good  daughter  I  was 
Jn'  what  a  good  wife  Mrs.  Ely  was  'n'  how 
well  he  was  goin'  to  bear  it,  'n'  I  begun  to 
wonder  when  he  was  intendin'  to  go  or 
whether  he  was  thinkin'  of  stayin'  all  day, 
'n'  at  last  there  was  nothin'  but  to  ask  him 
to  dinner,  'n'  I  was  n't  intendin'  to  have  no 
dinner  on  a'count  o'  the  curtains.  It 's  a 
very  hard  thing,  Mrs.  Lathrop,  when  you  're 
not  intendin'  to  have  dinner  to  have  to  in- 
vite company  for  it,  but  there  did  n't  seem 
no  way  to  help  it.  I  could  n't  in  decency 
more  than  mention  as  Mrs.  Brown  was  to 
home  an'  I  knowed  as  the  Fishers  was  give 


280      OLD   MAN   ELY'S   PROPOSAL 

to  Irish  stew  on  Tuesdays,  but  no,  sir,  there 
he  sat  like  a  bump  on  a  log  V  in  the  hind 
end  I  could  n't  but  ask  him  to  stay  V  have 
just  cold  pork  'n'  beans  on  a'count  o'  the 
funeral.  'N'  so  he  stayed.  I  set  my  irons 
back  with  a  heavy  heart  'n'  said  it  seemed 
like  some  days  misfortunes  never  come  sin- 
gle, for  I  'd  already  seen  a  water-bug  in 
the  kitchen  that  very  mornin';  but  he 
seemed  to  have  decided  to  be  thick-skinned, 
so  I  put  on  the  tea-kettle  'n'  brought  out 
the  pork  'n'  beans  'n'  we  sat  down  to  eat." 

"  Was  —  "  asked  Mrs.  Lathrop. 

"  Well,  I  should  think  he  was,"  replied 
Susan.  "  I  never  see  such  a  appetite.  He 
eat  pork  'n'  beans  like  he  thought  they  was 
twins  off  a  vine,  'n'  I  had  to  finally  get  up 
'n'  clear  away  to  save  any  a  tall.  I  set  the 
tea-kettle  by  him  'n'  told  him  to  end  by 
havin'  all  the  tea  he  wanted  to  pour  through 
the  leaves  by  himself,  'n'  I  went  back  to 
my  ironin'.  He  sat  there  'n'  drank  tea 
very  happy  for  a  long  spell.  Seemed  like  it 
sort  o'  thawed  him  out,  'n'  finally  he  begin 
to  talk  about  her,  'n'  once  he  got  started  on 
that  he  never  quit.  I  ironed  curtains  'n'  lis- 
tened 'n'  let  him  talk.  It  was  n't  long  afore 


OLD   MAN   ELY'S   PROPOSAL      281 

he  begin  to  show  the  disadvantages  o'  bein' 
dead,  for  he  said  as  he  was  always  the  practi- 
cal one  of  them  both,  'n'  he  'd  never  have 
dared  say  that  with  old  Mrs.  Ely  on  top  of 
the  earth.  I  was  amused  at  his  sayin'  it 
anyhow,  with  the  Virginia  creeper  graftin's 
there  in  a  tomato-can  bearin'  witness  agin 
him,  but  I  did  n't  say  nothin'.  He  asked 
me  if  I  'd  believe  as  she  was  really  a  very 
fair-lookin'  girl  when  they  was  married.  I 
could  n't  but  stop  at  that  'n'  asked  him  if  it 
was  ever  possible  as  her  nose  was  ever  any 
different,  'n'  he  had  to  say  c  No,  not  any  dif- 
ferent;'  'n'  I  can  assure  you  as  he  set  'n' 
rubbed  his  chin  with  his  hand  a  long  time 
afterwards  'n'  then  drew  a  big  breath  'n'  said 
*  No,  not  any  different.'  I  felt  to  respect  his 
feelin's  'n'  did  n't  say  nothin', 'n'  after  awhile 
he  went  on  an'  said  that  they  was  very  happy 
married  on  the  whole,  'n'  then  he  rubbed  his 
chin  with  his  hand  a  nother  long  while  'n' 
said  over  again  (  on  the  whole.'  He  asked 
me  then  if  I  ever  heard  how  he  came  to 
marry  her  first  'n'  I  said  as  I  always  heard  as 
«t  was  to  get  the  farm.  He  kind  of  flared  up 
at  that  'n'  said  there  never  was  nothin'  agin 
her  but  her  nose,  'n'  at  that  I  took  a  fresh 


iron  'n'  said  he  asked  me  a  plain  question  'n' 
I  give  him  a  plain  answer,  which,  considerin' 
his  horse  'n'  my  clothes-pole  'n'  her  nose, 
was  all  as  could  in  reason  be  expected  of  me. 
He  softened  down  at  that  'n'  said  as  he 
was  n't  by  no  means  meanin'  to  make  light  of 
his  dead  wife's  nose,  'n'  I  said  as,  speakin' 
o'  Mrs.  Ely's  nose  bein'  the  one  thing  agin 
her,  it  was  the  joy  of  every  other  person  as 
met  her  as  it  was  agin  her  'n'  not  agin  them, 
for  it  was  a  well-known  fact  as  Mr.  Kim- 
ball  had  said  hundreds  of  times  as  if  he  had 
that  nose  an*  leaned  over  a  bridge  'n'  see 
it  in  the  water  he  'd  be  willin'  to  let  it  over- 
balance him  then  'n'  there  'n'  be  drowned 
forever.  He  got  pretty  meek  at  that,  for  it 
showed  as  I  was  in  earnest,  'n'  he  went  on 
to  say  as  it  was  large,  but  he  said  as  afore 
she  took  to  that  way  of  kind  o'  shrinkin' 
back  of  it  it  did  n't  look  so  large,  'n'  anyway 
she  was  his  married  'n'  buried  wife.  I  told 
him  I  was  certainly  glad  to  know  that,  seein' 
as  they  'd  lived  together  so  many  years,  'n' 
then  he  said  it  'd  really  be  nothin'  but  a  joy 
to  him  to  tell  me  how  he  come  to  marry, 
her,  so  I  said  I  'd  listen  'n'  welcome  'n'  he 
started  in. 


OLD   MAN   ELY'S   PROPOSAL      283 

"  I  must  say  this,  Mrs.  Lathrop,  'n'  that 
is  that  I  soon  see  as  it  was  lucky  as  I 
was  n't  feelin'  no  special  call  to  talk  any 
myself,  for  he  set  out  in  a  most  steady  sort 
of  a  discouragin'  down-pour,  kind  of  cross- 
your-legs  'n'  clear-your-throat,  'n'  I  see  as 
I  was  in  for  it  'n'  just  let  him  pour,  for  feel- 
in's  catches  us  all  ways  'n'  whatever  he  felt 
about  old  Mrs.  Ely  it  was  plain  as  some 
one  had  got  to  hear  it  to  the  last  drop.  So 
I  let  him  drop  away,  'n'  I  will  in  all  fairness 
say,  as  a  more  steady  spout  I  never  see  no 
one  under.  He  never  seemed  to  consider 
as  how  me  or  any  one  might  perhaps  enjoy 
to  maybe  make  a  remark  from  time  to  time, 
'n'  even  when  he  ain't  talkin'  he  's  got  that 
way  o'  rubbin'  his  chin  as  makes  it  seem 
most  impolite  to  bu'st  in  on.  I  did  n't 
care  much,  though,  'cause  I  had  the  curtains, 
'n'  besides  I  may  in  confidence  state  as 
when  I  really  felt  to  speak  I  sailed  right  in 
anyhow  'n'  spoke  what  I  wanted  to.  For 
I  never  was  one  to  sit  by  'n'  have  my  tail 
calmly  trod  on,  as  you  'n'  a  great  many 
others  knows  to  your  cost,  Mrs.  Lathrop, 
'n'  then,  too,  each  time  when  I  see  as  he 
was  nigh  to  tippin'  into  the  cistern  it  was 


284      OLD   MAN   ELY'S   PROPOSAL 

really  nothin'  but  a  joy  to  him  to  know  it 
in  time  to  hitch  away." 

"  Did  —  "  said  Mrs.  Lathrop. 

"  In  the  first  place,"  said  Susan,  "  he 
asked  me  if  I'd  mind  his  smokin'  his  pipe, 
V  I  told  him  I  most  certainly  would,  so 
that  ended  that  subjeck  right  up  square  at 
the  beginnin'.  Then  he  said  he  'd  been 
married  nigh  on  to  forty  years  'n'  I  told 
him  to  look  out  for  the  cistern  'n'  he 
hitched  along  a  piece  'n'  begin  again.  'N' 
then  he  seemed  set  a-goin'  for  keeps. 

"  Seems,  Mrs.  Lathrop,  as  he  never  had 
no  family,  but  he  says  he  was  a  very  hand- 
some young  fellow  for  all  that.  I  looked 
pretty  hard  at  him,  but  he  stuck  to  it  'n'  I 
let  it  go.  He  went  on  to  say  as  he  growed 
up  anyhow  'n'  drifted  to  Meadville  when 
he  was  long  about  twenty-four,  'n'  went  on 
to  the  Pearson  farm.  Oh,  my,  but  he  says 
that  was  a  stony  farm  !  I  tell  you  but  he 
rubbed  his  chin  with  his  hand  a  long  while 
afore  he  said  all  over  again, '  but  that  was  a 
stony  farm  ! '  An'  the  gophers  !  —  Well,  he 
says  whatever  the  Recordin'  Angel  has  got 
down  he  bets  he 's  skipped  some  o'  them 
gophers.  He  says  the  hairs  on  your  head  is 


OLD   MAN   ELY'S   PROPOSAL      285 

a  mere  joy  to  reckon  up,  'n'  fallin'  sparrows 
too,  beside  them  gophers.  He  says  savin' 
a  cent  in  the  time  o'  Egypt  'n'  seein'  what 
you  'd  have  now  if  you  'd  only  done  it,  is 
nothin'  to  the  way  them  gophers  on  the 
Pearson  farm  was  give  to  givin'  in  marriage. 
He  says  as  it  was  a  very  stony  farm,  'n'  in 
between  every  two  stones  was  one  hole  'n' 
half  a  dozen  gophers  to  a  hole,  in  the  sin- 
gle season.  He  says  ploughin'  was  like 
churnin'  with  nothin'  but  stones  'n'  go- 
phers in  the  churn.  He  says  they  was  that 
tame  they  'd  run  up  your  legs  'n'  up  the 
horses'  legs ;  he  said  maybe  I  would  n't  be- 
lieve it,  'n'  I  told  him  I  certainly  would  n't, 
so  then  he  went  on  to  another  subjeck. 

"  He  says  he  used  to  plough  through 
them  gophers  all  day  'n'  court  Tillie  all 
night.  Tilly  was  old  Mrs.  Ely.  He  says 
she  'd  never  been  courted  on  a'count  of  her 
nose,  but  he  said  he  wanted  a  farm  bad 
enough  to  be  willin'  to  never  forget  to  tip 
his  face  pretty  well  crossways.  He  says 
she  was  so  happy  bein'  courted  that  at  first 
it  made  the  gophers  just  seem  like  nothin' 
a  tall,  'n'  he  says  as  you  can't  maybe  get 
the  full  sense  o'  that  but  it 's  there  just  the 


286      OLD   MAN   ELY'S   PROPOSAL 

same.  I  tell  you,  Mrs.  Lathrop,  you  can 
see  that  man  has  suffered.  I  asked  him 
was  he  afraid  of  mice  too,  'n'  he  bristled 
up  pretty  sharp  'n'  said  he  wa'n't  afraid  of 
gophers,  only  they  took  you  so  unawares. 
I  had  to  tell  him  right  there  to  look  out  for 
the  cistern  lid,  'n'  he  hitched  over  by  the 
table  again  'n'  then  he  said,  Well,  so  it  went 
all  summer.  He  said  he  got  so  tired  o' 
gophers,  'n'  moonlight,  'n'  hittin'  her  nose 
hard  by  accident,  times  when  he  was  n't 
thinkin',  as  he  was  nothin'  but  glad  when 
September  come  'round.  He  says  he'd 
figgered  all  along  on  bein'  married  in  Sep- 
tember, 'n'  he  never  for  one  moment  mis- 
trusted as  he  would  n't  be ;  but  he  says  of 
all  the  awful  things  to  count  on,  Tilly  Pear- 
son was  the  worst.  Oh  !  my,  he  says,  but 
she  was  cranky  !  'n'  then  he  rubbed  his  chin 
with  his  hand  a  long  while  'n'  then  said 
c  cranky,'  over  again  in  a  very  hard  tone. 
He  says  would  you  believe  it  that  after  all 
his  love-makin'  along  the  first  o'  September 
she  begin  to  get  terrible  uppish  'n'  throw 
her  head  aroun'  'n'  put  on  airs  'n'  he  was 
just  dumbfounded  at  her  goin's  on." 
"What  —  "  asked  Mrs.  Lathrop. 


OLD   MAN   ELY'S   PROPOSAL      287 

"Then  he  says  one  awful  day  when  he 
was  stackin'  straw,  Old  Pearson  told  him 
flat  V  plain  as  if  he  was  n't  goin'  to  marry 
Tilly,  he  need  n't  count  on  spendin'  the 
winter  as  their  company.  Well,  he  says 
you  can  maybe  realize  what  a  shock  that 
was.  He  says  his  nose  was  just  smashed 
numb  'n'  his  sleep  was  full  o'  grabbin'  at  'em 
in  his  dreams  'n'  now  it  looked  like  all  was 
for  nothin*  a  tall.  Still  he  says  he  scraped 
up  a  smile  'n'  a  cheerful  look  'n'  told  Old 
Pearson  as  he  was  more'n  willin'  to  marry 
Tilly  for  his  winter's  board  but  it  was  Tilly 
as  was  makin'  the  trouble.  He  says  Old 
Pearson  looked  sort  of  surprised  at  that,  but 
he  thought  a  little  while  'n'  then  he  told 
him  as  if  he  was  smart  he  'd  find  a  way 
to  bring  Tilly  to  her  senses,  'cause  every 
woman  had  some  way  to  be  brought  to  her 
senses,  'n'  then  he  went  off  'n'  left  him  to 
think. 

"  Well,  Mrs.  Lathrop,  you  can  see  with- 
out any  tryin'  that  that  man  suffered.  I 
pretty  near  stopped  'n'  burnt  jus'  to  listen 
to  him.  He  says  as  he  sit  there  plum  be- 
side hisself  'n'  most  cried  from  not  knowin' 
what  under  Heaven's  name  to  do.  He 


288      OLD   MAN   ELY'S   PROPOSAL 

says  he  was  placed  most  awful  with  winter 
starin'  him  stark  in  the  face  V  no  warm 
place  to  stay.  He  says  nobody  knows  how 
it  feels  to  feel  like  he  was  forced  to  feel, — 
'nless  they  've  been  expectin'  to  be  married 
V  then  been  discharged  themselves  instead. 
He  says  he  looked  about  most  doleful 
'n'  wished  he  was  dead  or  anythin'  that 's 
warm,  'n'  then  he  got  down  from  the 
stack  'n'  set  on  a  old  wagon-tongue  'n' 
jus'  tried  to  figger  out  if  there  was  n't  no 
way  as  he  could  think  up  as  would  make 
Tilly  have  him.  He  says  the  bitter  part 
was  to  reflect  as  he  had  to  work  to  make 
Tilly  have  him,  when  it  'd  really  ought  by  all 
rights  to  have  been  the  other  way.  He  says 
to  think  o'  that  nose  'n'  then  him  obliged 
to  work  'n'  slave  to  get  hold  of  it !  " 

"I  —  "  began  Mrs.  Lathrop. 

"  Well,  he  see  it  different,"  said  Susan  ; 
"he  says, --'n'  I  can't  in  reason  see  how 
any  one  as  knows  as  little  as  you,  Mrs.  Lath- 
rop, can  deny  him,  —  he  says  as  no  one  as 
gets  married  easy  at  the  end  of  courtin'  can 
possibly  figger  on  the  difficulties  of  gettin' 
married  hard.  He  says  it  was  jus'  beyond 
belief  the  way  he  felt  as  he  set  there  re- 


OLD   MAN   ELY'S   PROPOSAL      289 

flectin'  on  his  wasted  summer  'n'  Tilly  flip- 
pin'  aroun'  all  unconcerned  over  him  leavin' 
in  the  end.  He  says  his  blood  begun  to 
slowly  begin  to  boil  as  he  set  there  thinkin', 
'n'  in  the  end  he  jus'  up  an'  hit  the  wagon- 
tongue  with  his  fist  'n'  said  f  By  Jinks  ! '  'n' 
he  says  when  he  says  '  By  Jinks,'  it  is  the 
end,  'n'  don't  you  forget  it. 

"  He  says  he  'd  no  sooner  said  '  By  Jinks  ' 
than  he  thought  of  a  plan,  'n'  he  says  Lord 
forgive  him  if  he  ever  thinks  of  such  an- 
other plan.  He  says  what  put  it  into  his 
head  Heaven  only  knows,  only  o'  course  he 
never  expected  as  it  would  work  out  as  it 
did.  He  says  he  thought  as  she  'd  see  what 
he  was  up  to  'n'  stop  him  along  half-way. 
But  Oh,  my,  he  says,  you  never  can  count  on 
a  woman,  'n'  then  he  rubbed  his  chin  with 
his  hand  for  a  long  time  'n'  said  all  over 
again  '  never  can  count  on  a  woman.' 

"  Well,  he  says  after  he  'd  thought  o'  the 
plan  he  went  right  to  work  to  carry  it  out. 
He  says  it  was  one  o'  them  plans  as  dilly- 
dally is  death  on.  So  he  begun  by  makin* 
sure  as  she  was  pastin'  labels  on  pickle-jars 
in  the  back  wood-house  'n'  then  he  went 
out  by  the  shed  'n'  got  some  old  clothes- 


290      OLD   MAN   ELY'S   PROPOSAL 

line  as  was  hangin'  there  'n'  come  round 
to  where  the  bingin'-pole  was  'n'  whittled 
notches  in  it  'n'  tied  a  piece  o'  the  line 
hard  aroun'  the  end.  He  says  all  the  time 
he  was  tyin'  he  was  countin'  on  her  runnin' 
right  out  'n'  askin'  him  what  under  the  sun 
he  was  doin',  —  but  she  never  budged." 

"What  —  "  asked  Mrs.  Lathrop. 

"Well,  if  you '11  keep  still  'n'  let  me  talk 
I  '11  tell  you,"  said  Miss  Clegg ;  "  I  had  to 
keep  still  while  he  told  me,  'n'  the  Bible  's 
authority  for  sayin'  as  what  man  has  done 
woman  can  always  do  too  if  she  has  a  mind 
to.  —  Well,  he  says  then  he  bent  the  end  of 
the  pole  around  'n'  tied  it  hard  to  one  of 
the  uprights  of  the  shed  so  it  was  sprung 
around  in  a  terrible  dangerous  manner  'n' 
he  says  when  he  got  it  all  tied,  he  looked 
up  at  the  window  'n'  why  she  did  n't  come 
out  he  can't  to  this  day  see.  But  she  did  n't 
— just  stayed  bobbin'  around  over  her  labels 
'n'  pastin'.  Well,  he  says  o'  course  he 
wa'n't  in  no  hurry  to  go  on  to  next  part,  so 
he  dragged  the  grin'stone  out  in  plain  view 
of  her  'n'  begun  'n'  sharpened  a  hatchet 
most  awful  sharp.  He  thought  as  the 
hatchet  would  bring  her  anyhow,  but  still 


OLD   MAN   ELY'S   PROPOSAL      291 

she  did  n't  come  out,  — jus'  stuck  to  her 
stickin'  there  in  the  window.  I  can't  well 
see  why  he  looked  for  her  to  come  out  be- 
cause my  view  would  be  as  if  you  did  n't 
want  a  man  aroun',  the  more  ropes  an' 
hatchets  he  was  inclined  to  the  more  I  'd  let 
him  tie  'n'  sharpen,  but  old  Mrs.  Ely  was 
always  another  parts  o'  speech  from  me. 
She  never  could  eat  her  own  chickens,  they 
say,  nor  sausage  her  own  pigs,  'n'  I  s'pose 
he  knowed  her  tender  spots  aforehand  'n' 
was  layin'  for  'em.  Anyhow,  to  go  back  to 
him  'n'  the  grin'stone,  he  says  you  can't 
under  no  circumstances  keep  on  sharpenin'  a 
hatchet  forever,  'n'  so  after  a  while  he  had 
to  go  on  to  the  next  part.  He  says  he  was 
beginnin'  to  feel  kind  o'  shaky,  but  he  took 
more  line  'n'  made  a  slip-noose  'n'  tied  it 
hard  'n'  fast  to  the  pole.  He  says  he 
looked  up  real  bright  'n'  hopeful  then,  but 
still  she  did  n't  come  out,  'n'  he  says  he  slid 
it  up  over  his  arm  two  or  three  times  so  she 
could  n't  but  see  as  it  was  a  noose  too.  Oh, 
my,  but  he  says  he  did  begin  to  feel  mad  at 
her  then,  —  he  says  it  wa  'n't  in  reason  as 
any  man  'd  be  pleased  at  a  woman  's  smilin' 
out  of  a  window  at  him  fixin'  a  noose  in  plain 


292      OLD   MAN   ELY'S  PROPOSAL 

sight.  He  says  he  '11  leave  it  to  any  one 
dead  or  alive  to  get  into  his  skin  V  enjoy 
the  way  he  was  beginnin'  to  feel,  but  o' 
course  he  had  to  keep  on  with  his  plan,  'n' 
he  says  next  he  laid  the  hatchet  handy  an' 
set  down  (Oh,  my,  but  he  says  the  ground 
sent  up  a  cold  chill  up  his  back!)  'n'  tied 
his  feet  to  the .  other  upright.  Well,  he 
says  that  foot-tyin'  was  no  joke,  for  he  says 
he  must  of  took  fifteen  minutes  to  it,  for  he 
was  jus'  about  wild  by  this  time,  not  knowin' 
what  he  would  do  if  she  did  n't  come  out 
now.  He  says  no  one  knows  what  it  is  to 
begin  a  thing  as  you  count  on  surely  havin' 
stopped  'n'  then  not  be  stopped  a  tall.  He 
says  as  the  sentiments  as  he  begun  to  get 
was  too  awful  for  any  ordinary  words  'n'  he 
would  scorn  to  use  the  words  as  could 
describe  'em  even  if  he  knowed  any  such. 
Well,  he  says,  at  last,  when  he  was  through 
tyin'  his  feet,  he  turned  'n'  looked  at  the 
window  'n'  if  she  wa'n't  gone  to  put  up  the 
jars,  so  he  had  no  choice  but  to  sit  there  on 
that  cold  ground  'n'  wait  for  her  to  come 
back.  He  said  he  hoped  I  'd  never  know 
what  his  feelin's  was  as  he  waited  'n'  then  he 
rubbed  his  chin  with  his  hand  a  long  time 


OLD   MAN   ELY'S   PROPOSAL      293 

'n'  said  all  over  again,  c  as  he  waited.'  I 
told  him  it  was  n't  likely  as  I  would,  'n'  to 
look  out  for  the  cistern  or  he  'd  know  new 
feelin's  'n'  a  new  kind  of  waitin',  so  he  had 
to  hitch  back  by  the  table  again  'n'  then  he 
took  a  long  breath  before  goin'  on  to  the 
next  part. 

"  Well,  Mrs.  Lathrop,  he  says  when  she 
come  back  from  puttin'  up  the  jars  he  jus' 
could  n't  but  feel  as  his  hour  was  surely 
come.  He  says  how  he  ever  done  it  he 
never  has  seen  since,  but  he  took  up  that 
noose  'n'  put  it  over  his  head.  He  says  as 
he  did  so  he  took  a  quick  look  at  the  win- 
dow 'n'  seen  her  lookin',  'n'  he  says  he  jus' 
hoped  surely  she'd  give  a  scream  now  'n' 
come  runnin'  out  the  kitchen-door.  But 
he  says  she  'd  disappointed  him  so  often  his 
heart  was  like  lead,  'n'  he  felt  bluer  'n  he  's 
ever  felt  any  other  time  in  his  life.  He  says 
he  fixed  the  noose  all  smooth  around  his 
neck  for  five  minutes  or  so,  'n'  then  there 
was  nothin'  in  the  wide  world  left  for  him 
to  do  but  to  take  up  that  awful  sharp 
hatchet. 

"  Well,  Mrs.  Lathrop,  I  vow  I  was  inter- 
ested in  spite  of  myself.  His  voice  shook 


294      OLD   MAN   ELY'S   PROPOSAL 

*n*  his  hands  too  jus'  with  rememberin.'  I 
really  felt  to  pity  him  —  I  did.  He  says  he 
lifted  the  hatchet  V  looked  at  the  window 
tryin'  to  hope  fully  'n'  securely  as  this  time 
she  'd  surely  come  out  screamin'  'n'  runnin'. 
'N'  she  never  screamed  'n'  she  never  run  ! 
Oh,  my,  but  he  says  he  was  tremblin'  from 
head  to  foot  'n'  the  cold  sweat  jus'  poured 
over  him.  He  says  he  took  up  the  hatchet 
'n'  held  it  quiverin'  in  his  quiverin'  hand,  'n' 
then  he  made  a  weak  hack  at  the  rope  as 
tied  the  pole  to  the  upright.  He  says  he 
see  her  nose  in  the  window  as  he  hacked  'n' 
then  he  says  no  words  can  ever  describe  his 
feelin's  when  he  suddenly  learned  as  he  'd 
cut  the  rope  ! —  He  says  he  never  had  no 
more  idea  o'  hittin*  the  rope  than  he  had  o' 
hangin'  himself,  'n'  he  said  when  he  very 
quickly  felt  as  he  'd  done  both  nothin'  can 
properly  explain  him  !  —  He  says  the  news- 
papers don't  have  no  idea  a  tall  of  how  it 
feels  or  they  'd  never  print  it  so  cool  'n' 
calm.  He  says  cuttin'  the  rope  let  the  pole 
loose  'n'  the  noose  ran  up  on  him  'n'  choked 
him  most  terrible.  My  gracious,  he  says, 
but  carbolic  acid  'n'  Rough  on  Rats  is 
child's  play  beside  that  grip  on  your  throat. 


OLD   MAN   ELY'S   PROPOSAL      295 

He  says  he  never  will  forget  how  it  felt,  not 
if  he  lives  to  be  Methusalem's  great-grand- 
father. He  says  he  got  a  most  awful  jerk 
from  his  head  to  his  heels  too  as  nigh  to 
broke  his  ankles,  V  a  twist  in  his  wrist  from 
the  weight  o'  the  hatchet,  but  he  said  he 
did  n't  have  no  time  to  take  no  a'count  o' 
nothin'  just  then  but  the  way  everythin' 
turned  red  V  black  'n'  run  into  his  ears." 

"Did  it  kill  — "  cried  Mrs.  Lathrop, 
much  excited. 

"  I  'm  goin'  to  tell  you.  —  He  says  the 
last  thing  he  knowed  was  Tilly's  shriek.  O' 
course  when  he  cut  the  rope  she  seen  he  'd 
meant  it  all,  'n'  so  she  grabbed  up  a  carvin' 
knife  'n'  yelled  to  her  father  'n'  run.  Old 
man  Ely  says  it  was  good  she  run,  for  there 
was  n't  a  minute  to  loose.  Old  Pearson  run 
too  from  where  he  was  in  the  barn  but  Tilly 
got  there  first.  She  did  n't  lose  one  second 
in  sawin'  him  free  at  both  ends  'n'  he  says 
he  was  so  nigh  to  dead  that  first  he  thought 
she  was  a  gopher,  'n'  then  an  angel.  Oh,  my, 
but  he  says  he  was  dizzy  at  first,  'n'  faint,  'n' 
queer  in  his  ears.  He  sat  'n'  thought  about 
it  all  by  himself  for  a  long  while  this  morn- 
in'  afore  he  went  on  again.  He  says  no  one 


ever  realizes  how  close  they  are  to  eternity 
unless  they  accidentally  go  'n'  do  suthin'  so 
darn  foolish  as  that. 

"  Well,  he  says,  after  a  while,  after  a  long, 
long  while,  he  felt  to  get  to  the  house,  'n' 
then,  he  says,  come  one  o'  the  strangest 
parts  o'  the  story  —  the  part  as  shows  how 
everythin'  turns  out  for  the  best  in  the  end. 
He  says  it's  really  most  like  a  fairy-tale,  'n' 
jus'  as  if  he  'd  planned  it  all  to  order. 
Seems  when  he  tried  to  get  up  'n'  walk  to 
the  house  Tilly  wanted  her  father  to  help 
hold  up  his  other  side,  'n'  she  could  n't  see 
where  her  father  was.  She  started  aroun' 
the  shed  to  look  for  him  'n'  there  she  found 
him  stretched  out  flat.  —  Seems  when  she 
cut  Ely  loose  she  let  the  pole  fly  roun'  jus' 
in  time  to  take  her  father  in  the  legs  'n' 
there  he  laid,  not  dead,  but  in  a  way  as 
showed  right  off  as  some  one  else  'd  have  to 
run  his  farm  from  then  on.  Well,  old  man 
Ely  says  you  need  n't  tell  him  as  there  ain't 
no  All-wise  Providence  after  that,  'n'  he 
rubbed  his  chin  with  his  hand  a  long,  long 
while  'n'  shook  his  head  'n'  then  said 
'  need  n't  tell  him  '  all  over  again.  He  says 
he  joined  the  church  the  very  next  Sunday 


OLD   MAN  ELY'S   PROPOSAL      297 

V  him  'n'  Tilly  was  married  in  September 
like  he'd  always  planned.  He  says  they 
was  very  happy  on  the  whole  'n'  after  a 
while  Old  Pearson  got  where  he  got  around 
pretty  well,  only  for  a  crazy  idea  he  had  as 
suthin'  unexpected  was  goin'  to  hit  him 
sudden.  He  says  he  had  the  idea  so  strong 
as  he  never  was  free  from  it  while  he  was 
alive  'n'  it  was  a  mercy  when  he  died.  He 
says  as  he  see  how  good  things  can  turn  out, 
for  Tilly  always  jus'  loved  him  half  to  death 
'cause  he  'd  loved  her  enough  to  cut  that 
rope  in  two.  He  says  he  means  her  to  have 
a  very  handsome  monument,  'n'  if  he  ever 
marries  again  he  shall  keep  her  picture  in 
the  parlor  just  the  same." 

"Do  —  "  said  Mrs.  Lathrop. 

"  Well,  I  think  he  '11  try  to,"  said  Miss 
Clegg,  "  but  his  other  wife  may  not  see  it  in 
the  same  spirit,  Mrs.  Ely  not  bein'  no  great 
ornament,  'n'  the  farm  is  safe  now  anyhow." 

"I  —  "  said  Mrs.  Lathrop,  further. 

"Yes,"  said  Susan,  "I  thought  so  myself 
but  it  did  n't  seem  to  strike  him  that  way." 


VIII 
THE  WOLF  AT  SUSAN'S  DOOR 

PART   FIRST 
MISS   CLEGG'S   SPECULATIONS 

MRS.  LATHROP,  rocking  placidly  in 
her  kitchen  window,  was  conscious  of 
a  vague  sense  of  worry  as  to  her  friend  over 
the  fence.  It  appeared  to  her  that  Susan 
was  looking  more  thin  and  peaked  than 
nature  had  intended.  It  is  true  that  Miss 
Clegg  was  always  of  a  bony  and  nervous 
outline,  but  it  seemed  slowly  but  surely 
borne  in  upon  her  older  friend  that  of  late 
she  had  been  rapidly  becoming  sharper  in 
every  way.  Mrs.  Lathrop  felt  that  she 
ought  to  speak  —  that  she  ought  not  to  lead 
her  next  door  neighbor  into  the  false  belief 
that  her  sufferings  were  unnoticed  by  the 
affectionate  spectacles  forever  turned  her 
way,  —  and  yet —  Mrs.  Lathrop  being  Mrs. 
Lathrop  —  it  was  only  after  several  days 
298 


MISS  CLEGG'S   SPECULATIONS     299 

of  rocking  and  cogitation  that  the  verbal 
die  came  to  its  casting. 

That  came  to  be  upon  a  summer  evening, 
and  it  came  to  pass  across  the  barrier-fence 
where  Miss  Clegg  had  come  to  lean  wearily, 
her  shoulders  and  the  corners  of  her  mouth 
following  the  same  dejected  angle,  while  her 
elderly  friend  stood  facing  her  with  a  gaze 
that  was  at  once  earnest,  penetrating,  and 
commiserating,  and  with  a  clover  blossom  in 
her  mouth. 

"  Susan,"  said  Mrs.  Lathrop,  in  a  voice 
mournful  enough  to  have  renovated  Job ; 
"  Susan,  I  —  " 

Miss  Clegg  shut  her  eyes  firmly  and 
opened  them  sharply. 

"  I  'm  glad  you  have,"  she  said,  in  a  voice 
whose  tone  was  divided  between  relief  and 
reproach,  —  "I  certainly  am  glad  you  have. 
I  try  to  be  close-mouthed  'n'  never  trouble 
any  one  with  my  affairs,  Mrs.  Lathrop,  but 
I  will  say  as  I  have  often  wondered  at  how 
you  could  sit  'n'  rock  in  the  face  of  what 
I  've  been  grinnin'  'n'  bearin'  these  last  few 
weeks.  Not  that  rockin'  is  any  crime,  'n'  I 
always  feel  it  must  be  fine  exercise  for  the 
chair,  but  it 's  hard  for  one  who  has  the  wolf 


300     MISS   CLEGG'S   SPECULATIONS 

at  their  door,  V  not  only  at  their  door,  but 
nigh  to  bu'stin'  it  in,  to  see  their  dearest 
friend  rockin'  away,  like  wolf  or  no  wolf 
she  'd  go  on  forever." 

Mrs.  Lathrop  looked  aggrieved. 

"  Why,  Susan  —  "  she  protested. 

"  That  ain't  no  excuse,"  the  friend  said, 
not  harshly  but  with  a  cold  distinctness  ; 
"  you  may  talk  yourself  blind  if  you  feel 
so  inclined,  'n'  I  don't  say  but  what  you 
really  did  n't  mean  nothin',  but  the  fact 
remains,  'n'  always  will  remain,  as  you  Ve 
took  a  deal  of  comfort  rockin'  while  I  Ve 
been  kitin'  broadcast  tryin'  to  see  if  I  could 
keep  soul  'n'  body  together  or  whether  I  'd 
have  to  let  one  or  the  other  of  'em  go." 

Mrs.  Lathrop  opened  her  mouth  and 
eyes  widely. 

"  I  never  —  "  she  gasped. 

Susan  hooked  herself  on  to  the  fence-rail 
with  both  her  elbows  preparatory  to  a 
lengthy  debate ;  her  eyes  were  bright,  her 
expression  one  of  unreserved  exposition. 
Mrs.  Lathrop  continued  to  keep  her  eyes 
and  mouth  open,  but  reasons  which  will 
soon  be  known  to  the  reader  prevented  her 
making  another  remark  for  a  long  time. 


MISS   CLEGG'S   SPECULATIONS     301 

"  Mrs.  Lathrop,  I  may  as  well  begin  by 
goin'  'way  back  to  the  beginnin'  of  every- 
thin'  'n'  takin'  you  right  in  the  hide  and 
hair  of  my  whole  troubles.  It  ain't  possible 
for  you  to  realize  what  your  rockin  's  meant 
to  me  unless  you  understand  to  the  full 
what  I  Ve  been  goin'  through  'n'  crawlin' 
under  these  last  weeks.  I  want  to  spare 
your  feelin's  all  I  can,  for  it  ain't  in  me  to 
be  unkind  to  so  much  as  a  gooseberry,  but 
I  can't  well  see  how  you  can  keep  from 
bein'  some  punched  by  remorse  when  you 
hear  how  I  've  been  cleanin'  house  with  a 
heavy  heart  ,'n'  no  new  mop.  That 's  what 
I  've  been  doin',  Mrs.  Lathrop,  'n'  so  help 
me  Heaven,  it's  death  or  a  new  mop  next 
year.  The  way  that  mop  has  skipped  dirt 
'n'  dripped  water!  —  well,  seein'  is  the  only 
believin'  when  it  comes  to  mops,  but  all  I 
can  say  is  that  you  never  looked  more  spotty 
than  I  have  since  that  mop,  'n'  you  know 
how  lookin'  spotty  is  mortal  agony  to  me  — 
me  not  bein'  one  who  can  be  happy  rockin' 
on  top  of  dirt. 

"Well,  Mrs.  Lathrop,  I  said  I  was  goin' 
to  begin  at  the  beginnin',  so  I  will,  although 
the  whole  town  knows  as  it  was  that  fine 


302     MISS   CLEGG'S   SPECULATIONS 

scheme  of  Mr.  Kimball's  as  set  my  ball 
bouncin'  down  hill.  I  wasn't  the  only  one 
as  got  rolled  over  'n'  throwed  out  feet  up, 
but  I  don't  know  as  bein'  one  of  a  number 
to  lose  money  makes  the  money  any  more 
fun  to  lose.  Mr.  Dill  was  sayin*  yesterday 
as  he  wouldn't  have  listened  to  nothin'  but 
white  for  Lucy's  weddin'-dress  if  it  had  n't 
been  for  Mr.  Kimball  'n'  his  little  scheme, 
but  I  don't  get  any  great  comfort  out  of 
knowin'  that  Lucy  Dill 's  got  to  try  'n'  get 
herself  married  in  her  Aunt  Samantha  Dill's 
blue  bengaline.  The  blue  bengaline's  very 
handsome  'n'  I  never  see  a  prettier  arrange- 
ment of  beads  'n'  fringe,  but  every  one  says 
too  much  of  Lucy  shows  at  the  top  'n' 
bottom  to  even  be  romantic.  They  can 
hook  it,  but  Lucy  can't  stay  hooked  inside 
but  five  minutes  at  the  outside.  I  'm  sure 
I  don't  see  how  they'll  ever  fix  it,  'n' 
Gran'ma  Mullins  says  she  cries  whenever 
she  thinks  that  at  Hiram's  weddin'  the 
bride  won't  have  no  weddin'-dress.  Polly 
Allen  wanted  Lucy  to  open  the  darts  'n' 
let  in  puffs  like  Mary  Stuart's  husbands 
always  was  puffed,  but  Lucy  never  see 
Mary  Stuart  'n'  the  only  picture  in  town 


MISS   CLEGG'S   SPECULATIONS    303 

of  any  of  her  husbands  has  got  him  in  bed 
with  the  sheet  drawed  up  to  his  chin  'n' 
his  hands  folded  right  on  top  of  where 
they  'd  want  to  copy  the  darts.  Such  a 
picture  ain't  no  help  a  tally  so  Lucy  is  still 
shakin'  her  head  the  same  as  at  first.  My 
idea  would  be  to  make  no  wish-bones  about 
it  'n'  just  be  married  in  her  travelin'-dress 
'n'  then  wear  it  when  she  goes  away,  but 
it  seems  she  wants  her  travelin'-dress  for 
church,  'n'  does  n't  mean  to  wear  it  travelin' 
anyhow,  because  she  'n'  Hiram  is  just  wild 
over  the  no-one-knowin'-they  're-married 
idea,  'n'  Lucy  is  goin'  to  wear  old  gloves 
'n'  some  buttons  off  her  shoes,  'n'  Hiram 
is  goin'  to  wear  his  mother's  spectacles 
'n'  Mr.  Shores'  store  umbrella.  Gran'ma 
Mullins  feels  awful  over  Hiram's  goin' 
away  like  that ;  she  says  she  's  brought  him 
up  so  neat  'n'  always  a  vest  on  Sunday  'n' 
only  shirt-sleeves  in  summer,  'n'  now  to 
think  of  him  goin'  off  on  his  weddin'-trip 
in  Mr.  Shores'  umbrella! — but  Lucy  don't 
care  —  nor  Hiram  neither  —  'n'  they're 
goin'  to  take  along  a  piece  of  sand-paper 
'n'  sand-paper  the  shine  off  the  ring  on  the 
train.  Polly  Allen  'n'  the  deacon  is  laughin' 


304    MISS   CLEGG'S   SPECULATIONS 

to  fits  over  them.  Everythin'  's  very  differ- 
ent with  Polly  'n*  the  deacon.  The  deacon 
says  it  ain't  in  reason  as  a  man  of  sixty-two 
can  look  forward  to  many  more  weddin's, 
'n'  he 's  goin'  to  sit  with  his  arm  around 
Polly,  'n'  he  don't  care  who  chooses  to 
suspeck  they  're  weddin'-trippin'.  They  're 
goin'  to  be  all  new  clothes  right  through  to 
their  skins,  'n'  Polly 's  goin'  to  have  a 
orange-blossom  bunch  on  her  hat.  The 
deacon  says  he  '11  pay  for  all  the  rice  folks 
are  willin'  to  throw,  'n'  it 's  a  open  secret  as 
he  's  goin'  to  give  the  minister  a  gold  piece. 
The  minister  was  smilin'  all  over  town  about 
it  until  Mr.  Kimball  told  him  he  see  a  gold 
quarter-of-a-dollar  once.  He  's  hopin'  for  a 
five,  but  Mr.  Shores  says  he  knows  positive 
as  the  deacon  got  two  two-dollar-and-a-halfs 
at  the  bank  when  his  wife  died,  and  he  gave 
one  to  the  minister  then  'n'  probably  he 's 
been  savin'  the  other  to  get  married  again 
with." 

Susan  paused  for  breath  —  a  vital  neces- 
sity —  and  then  went  on  : 

"  But  dear  me,  Mrs.  Lathrop,  all  that 
ain't  what  I  set  out  to  tell  you,  'n'  even 
if  it 's  a  pleasure  to  you  to  hear  it,  it  ain't 


MISS  CLEGG'S  SPECULATIONS     305 

in  reason  as  I  should  take  my  time  to  talk 
to  you  about  other  people's  affairs.  You 
may  be  interested  in  other  people's  affairs, 
but  I  ain't,  'n'  we  started  to  talk  about 
mine  'n'  what  I  set  out  to  talk  about  I  talk 
about  or  else  I  stay  at  home.  It  was  my 
troubles  as  I  was  goin'  to  make  a  clean  high 
breast  of,  Mrs.  Lathrop,  'n'  I  '11  lay  any 
odds  as  by  the  time  I  get  through  you  '11 
have  little  feelin'  to  sleep  in  you.  The 
Lord  says,  f  To  him  who  hath  shall  be 
given,'  'n'  I  will  in  confidence  remark  as 
I  've  just  been  achin'  to  give  it  to  you  for 
these  many  days.  You  Ve  always  been 
poor,  but  you  've  never  seemed  to  mind ; 
now  I  'm  poor  (yes,  Mrs.  Lathrop,  jump  if 
you  like  "  —  for  Mrs.  Lathrop  had  started 
in  surprise  —  "  but  it 's  so)  'n'  /  mind  ;  I 
mind  very  much,  I  mind  all  up  'n'  down 
and  kitty-cornered  crossways,  'n'  if  I  keep 
on  gettin'  poor,  Lord  have  mercy  on  you, 
for  I  shall  certainly  not  be  able  to  look  on 
calmly  at  no  great  amount  of  rockin'," 

Mrs.  Lathrop  stared  widely  —  and  gasped 
openly.     Susan  continued : 

"  It  all  began  with   Mr.  Kimball  'n'   his 
gettin'  the  fever  of  speculation.     Mr.  Kim- 


306    MISS   CLEGG'S   SPECULATIONS 

ball  said  he  thought  he  'd  rather  get  rich 
quick  than  not  get  rich  at  all.  That  was 
the  way  he  put  it  'n'  it  sounded  so  sensible 
't  I  felt  to  agree.  Then  he  begin  to  unfold 
how  (he  had  the  newspaper  in  his  hand),  'n' 
as  soon  as  he  was  unfolded  I  read  the  adver- 
tisement. It  was  a  very  nice  advertisement 
an'  no  patent  medicine  could  have  sounded 
easier  to  take  in.  You  buy  two  rubber  trees 
'n'  then  wait  two  years  'n'  get  fifty  per  cent 
till  you  die.  Well,  Mrs.  Lathrop,  I  went 
over  that  advertisement  fifty  times  to  try 
'n'  see  what  to  do  'n'  yet  the  more  I  studied 
it  the  less  faith  I  had  in  it  somehow.  The 
picture  of  the  man  who  tended  the  trees 
was  up  on  top  'n'  little  pictures  of  him 
made  a  kind  of  pearl  frame  around  the 
whole,  'n'  he  was  honest  enough  lookin'  as 
far  as  I  could  judge,  but  —  as  I  told  Mr. 
Kimball — what  was  to  guarantee  us  as  he'd 
stick  to  the  same  job  steady,  'n'  I  certainly 
didn't  have  no  longin'  in  me  to  buy  a  rub- 
ber tree  in  southeast  Peru  'n'  then  leave 
it  to  be  hoed  around  by  Tom,  Dick,  'n' 
Harry.  So  I  shook  my  head  'n'  said  'no' 
in  the  end  'n'  then  we  looked  up  railway 
stocks.  Mr.  Kimball  read  me  a  list  of 


MISS   CLEGG'S   SPECULATIONS     307 

millionaires  'n'  he  asked  me  if  I  would  n't 
like  to  be  called  '  Susan  Clegg,  queen  of 
the  Western  Pacific '  —  but  I  'm  too  old  to 
be  caught  by  any  such  chaff,  'n'  I  told  him 
so  to  his  face,  and  then  it  was  that  we  come 
to  his  favorite  scheme  of  the  '  Little  Flyer 
in  Wheat.'  That  was  what  he  called  it, 
'n'  I  must  say  that  I  think  it 's  a  pretty 
good  name,  only  if  I  know  myself  I  '11  buy 
wheat  as  never  sets  down  hereafter. 

"  Well,  Mrs.  Lathrop,  it  took  a  deal  of 
talkin'  'n'  Mr.  Kimball  had  to  do  a  lot  of 
figgerin'  before  my  eyes  afore  I  was  ready 
to  believe  him  when  he  said  as  five  of  us 
could  go  in  together  'n'  double  our  money 
every  few  days  for  a  month  or  so.  He 
showed  me  as  what  he  was  figgerin'  from 
was  printed  in  plain  letters  'n'  red  ink  in 
a  city  paper,  'n'  after  a  while  I  opened  my 
mouth  'n'  swallowed  the  whole  thing,  red 
ink'n'  all.  Mr.  Kimball,  Mr.  Dill,  Mr. 
Shores,  me,  'n'  me  over  again,  was  the  five, 
'n'  we  bought  the  share  right  off,  fully  be- 
lievin'  as  we  'd  begin  the  wheat-flyin'  the 
same  way  — "  Susan  paused  and  set  her 
teeth  a  little  vigorously  for  a  moment,  — 
then : 


308     MISS   CLEGG'S   SPECULATIONS 

i 
"  Well,  Mrs.   Lathrop,  that  was  the  way 

it  all  begun,  'n'  I  can  lay  my  hand  any- 
where 'n'  swear  as  all  my  bad  luck  is 
founded  solid  on  Mr.  Kimball  in  conse- 
quence. The  very  day  after  we  begun  with 
our  fly  instid  of  doublin'  he  halved  in  the 
mornin'  paper  'n'  it  seemed  we  'd  got  to 
buy  him  all  over  again  or  it  was  good-by 
Johnny.  Me  bein'  the  only  one  with 
money  known  to  be  ready  'n'  idle  they 
brought  the  paper  to  me  to  save  the  share, 
'n'  I  can  only  say,  Mrs.  Lathrop,  as  I 
wish  as  you  could  have  seen  their  faces 
when  they  saw  mine.  I  saw  I  was  a  lamb 
sittin'  among  the  sharks,  but  I  see,  too,  as 
I  'd  have  to  come  to  time  'n'  I  got  the 
money,  'n'  then  we  set  down  —  Mr.  Dill, 
Mr.  Shores,  'n'  me  —  to  figger  on  how 
much  of  the  share  was  mine  on  the  new 
deal.  It  struck  me,  'n'  it  strikes  me  now, 
'n'  it  always  will  strike  me,  as  any  one  as 
owns  two-fifths  of  a  thing  and  then  buys 
the  whole  thing  over  again  owns  seven- 
fifths  of  it  from  then  on,  but  Mr.  Dill  had 
the  face  to  tell  me  to  my  face  as  it  wa'n't  so 
a  tall.  He  figgered  the  share  at  100  'n' 
us  paid  down  at  50  'n'  me  all  together  as 


aggravatin'  up  to  45,  V  I  could  only  sit 
starin'  'n'  stark  ravin'  dumb  to  see  where 
he  would  come  out  after  that.  I  did  n't  say 
nothin'  of  what  I  felt  to  him  or  Mr.  Shores, 
for  the  very  good  reason  as  I  wanted  to  save 
all  my  feelin's  for  Mr.  Kimball,  but  I  tell 
you  that  a  volcano  gettin'  itself  made  in  the 
beginnin'  is  floatin'  lily-pads  beside  the  in- 
side of  me  that  hour. 

"  I  went  down-town  that  afternoon  'n' 
I  aired  myself  pretty  thoroughly  over  the 
whole  town,  I  can  assure  you.  Mr.  Allen 
said  I  'd  better  pocket  my  loss  'n'  give  up 
dabblin'  in  stocks,  but  I  did  n't  see  no  great 
sense  in  what  he  said.  I  did  n't  have  nothin' 
to  pocket,  everything  was  gone,  —  'n'  so  far 
as  dabblin'  goes  I  wa'n't  dabblin',  I  was  in 
up  to  my  nose.  But  Mr.  Kimball  come 
out  as  brassy  as  a  bass-drum  'n'  showed  me 
a  picture  of  wheat  layin'  on  his  back  in  bed 
takin'  a  tonic  with  four  doctors  doin'  up  his 
room  work  for  him.  The  doctors  was  all 
millionaires  on  that  stock  list  of  railroads 
'n'  I  counted  on  their  knowin'  what  they 
were  givin'  him,  so  I  come  home  quite  a 
little  easier,  'n'  that  night  I  slept  like  a  ton 
of  hay.  But  the  next  day  !  —  my  Lord 


310    MISS   CLEGG'S   SPECULATIONS 

alive,  you  remember  the  next  day,  don't 
you,  Mrs.  Lathrop,  V  it  must  have  been 
arsenic  as  them  four  had  put  in  his  bottle, 
for  I  was  up  in  the  garret  makin'  a  thistle- 
down pillow  'n'  there  come  Ed  tearin'  up 
on  his  bicycle  to  tell  me  as  I  must  stick  in 
ten  dollars  more  on  a  margin.  c  On  a  what? ' 
I  hollered  from  the  window.  *  On  a  mar- 
gin,' he  hollered  from  under  the  porch. 
Well,  really,  Mrs.  Lathrop,  I  do  believe 
if  he  had  n't  been  under  the  porch  I 
would  have  throwed  something  down  on 
him.  My,  but  I  was  mad  !  I  come  down 
that  garret-ladder  like  a  greased  pan  'n'  I 
tied  my  bonnet  on  'n'  walked  straight  in 
on  Mr.  Kimball.  That  was  one  time  as  he 
did  very  little  jokin',  'n'  in  the  end  he  put 
in  five  of  the  ten  himself  'n'  then  we  both 
sat  down  'n'  tried  to  figger  out  as  to 
how  much  of  that  share  we  each  owned.  I 
will  confess  as  takin'  down  stoves  was  lookin' 
out  of  the  window  beside  that  job,  'n'  in 
the  end  he  made  out  as  that  if  the  share  was 
worth  the  whole  of  itself  I  'd  own  half, 
but  bein'  worth  only  what  had  happened 
to  it  there  was  n't  the  half  in  the  whole. 
So  I  come  home  'n'  dreamed  nothin'  but 


MISS   CLEGG'S   SPECULATIONS    311 

nightmares    runnin'    wildly    up    'n'    down 
me. 

"You  know  what  happened  next! — it 
was  the  next  mornin',  'n'  I  was  makin' 
bread  with  a  very  heavy  dough  when  Ed 
come  bouncin'  in  for  three  dollars  more 
margin.  Well,  I  honestly  thought  I  'd 
bu'st.  I  blazed  up  so  quick  'n'  so  sudden 
that  Ed  fell  back  agin  the  table,  'n'  then 
I  shook  till  the  window  rattled.  It  was 
a  good  minute  before  I  could  speak,  'n' 
when  I  spoke,  I  may  in  truth  remark,  Mrs. 
Lathrop,  that  I  never  spoke  plainer  nor 
firmer  in  my  life,  — f  Edward  Andrews  '  — 
I  says  —  'Edward  Andrews,  you  paddle 
yourself  right  back  to  Mr.  Kimball  'n' 
tell  him  that  my  patience  is  very  short  'n' 
is  gettin'  shorter  each  minute,  'n'  you  may 
just  casually  mention  that  I  ain't  got  no 
more  money  to  margin  with  not  now  'n' 
not  never.  If  a  thing  as  I  Ve  paid  nigh  to 
eight-fifths  for  is  shrunk  to  less  than  half 
of  itself  Mr.  Dill  'n'  Mr.  Shores  can  mar- 
gin for  it  from  now  on  —  I  'm  done  forever.' 
'N'  I  was  done,  too  —  but  I  never  bargained 
on  what  came  next !  —  Mr.  Kimball  traded 
that  share  in  wheat  for  two  in  a  Refrigerator 


312    MISS   CLEGG'S   SPECULATIONS 

Trust  'n'  never  even  so  much  as  sneezed 
about  it  to  me,  'n'  I  will  say,  Mrs.  Lathrop, 
as  I  consider  that  the  Bible  sayin'  *  Honor 
among  thieves  '  ought  to  apply  to  me  just 
as  much  as  to  any  one  else.  'N'  there  I 
went  into  the  city  as  unsuspectin'  as  a  can 
brimful  of  buttermilk  'n'  bought  a  paper  to 
read  comin'  home  on  the  cars,  'n'  what  should 
I  unfold  but  wheat  runnin'  up  a  ladder 
along  with  a  bull  to  get  out  of  the  way  of 
a  lot  of  wild-lookin'  lambs  !  The  ladder- 
rungs  was  numbered  'n'  I  was  sharp  enough 
to  see  as  them  numbers  was  money  'n' 
that  wheat  had  one  leg  safe  on  no;  so 
I  kited  home  to  sell  out  — -'n'  it  was  then 
I  learned  about  the  Refrigerator ! 

"Well,  Mrs.  Lathrop!  —  well,  Mrs. 
Lathrop,  what  do  you  think  was  my 
feelin's  then  ?  —  I  tell  you  boilin'  lava  'n' 
India's  sunny  strand  wasn't  hotter  than  me 
that  minute.  Me  —  the  backbone  of  the 
whole  thing  'n'  sold  out  like  I  was  a 
mummy  while  I  was  in  town  buyin'  darnin' 
cotton  ! " 

Miss  Clegg  shifted  her  weight  to  the  other 
foot  and  drew  a  long,  fresh  breath. 

"  Mr.  Kimball  'n'  me  has  never  been  the 


MISS   CLEGG'S   SPECULATIONS    313 

same  since,"  she  continued  with  warmth ; 
—  "we  had  enough  to  make  us  different, 
Heaven  knows,  for  from  that  day  on  mis- 
fortune has  just  dogged  and  rabbited  me, 
I  know.  The  winter  was  so  cold  that  the 
only  way  the  Refrigerator  Trust  could  come 
out  even  was  to  burn  up  toward  spring,  'n' 
the  day  it  burnt  wheat  was  sittin'  on  140, 
kissin'  his  hand  to  the  new  crop." 

"  But  Mr.  Kim — "  interposed  Mrs. 
Lathrop. 

"  Oh,  well,  of  course,  havin'  Mr.  Shores 
fail  right  opposite  brightened  everything  for 
him —  I  'd  smile  myself  if  any  one  was  to 
fail  right  opposite  me,  'n'  I  said  just  that 
very  thing  to  Mr.  Shores  the  mornin'  after. 
I  says,  —  I  says,  c  Mr.  Shores,  you  must 
consider  that  this  is  a  world  of  ups  and 
downs,  'n'  that  if  you  don't  like  to  fail  your 
failure  is  makin'  Mr.  Kimball  happy  'n' 
your  loss  will  be  his  credit.'  But  Mr. 
Shores  was  too  busy  to  talk,  so  I  bought 
two  skewers  to  encourage  him  'n'  come  out, 
'n'  within  a  week  I  found  to  my  sorrow  as 
I  was  pretty  unpleasantly  near  to  a  mark- 
down  sale  myself." 

"  It  was — "  observed  Mrs.  Lathrop,  sadly. 


314     MISS  CLEGG'S   SPECULATIONS 

"Yes,"  said  her  friend,  "that's  just  when 
it  was,  —  that  very  self-same  week.  I  was 
in  the  square  listenin'  to  Gran'ma  Mullins' 
everlastin'  tale  of  woe  over  Hiram  'n'  Lucy, 
'n'  up  come  the  blacksmith  with  a  tale  of 
woe  for  myself.  Now,  Mrs.  Lathrop,  you 
know  me  'n'  you  Ve  known  me  a  long  time 
'n'  you  've  heard  me  tell  this  a  good  many 
times  'n'  yet  I  want  to  ask  you  one  time 
more,  —  do  you  think  any  one  but  the  black- 
smith 'n'  Mr.  Dill  would  ever  have  blamed 
me  for  the  crick's  washing  out  back  of  the 
blacksmith's  'n'  lettin'  the  anvil  'n'  the  hind 
legs  of  Mr.  Dill's  horse  slide  out  sudden  ? 
Of  course,  I  own  the  blacksmith  shop  'n'  of 
course  I  rent  it,  but  -  -  as  I  told  him  'n' 
Mr.  Dill  both  that  very  day  —  nobody  can't 
rent  common  sense  nor  yet  keep  track  of 
men's  washouts  'n'  horses'  hind  legs.  I 
knowed  all  the  time  I  was  walkin'  towards 
the  crick  that  it  was  goin'  to  be  a  bad  busi- 
ness, but  I  never  expected  to  see  nothin'  as 
looked  like  Mr.  Dill's  horse,  'n'  I  never 
again  shall  hope  to  see  nothin'  as  '11  look  like 
Mr.  Dill's  looks  as  he  looked  at  the  horse. 
Not  as  his  horse  was  n't  worth  lookin'  at 
either.  His  legs  had  gone  out  behind  so 


MISS   CLEGG'S   SPECULATIONS    315 

far  V  so  unexpected  that  it  seemed  like  he 
could  n't  get  them  high  enough  'n'  close 
enough  to  suit  him,  'n'  he  just  stood  there 
drawin'  them  up  alternate  for  all  the  world 
like  a  fly  on  fly-paper.  Mr.  Dill  said  he 
felt  like  if  his  horse  was  n't  ever  goin'  to  be 
able  to  h'ist  his  legs  no  quicker  'n  that  he  'd 
have  to  have  damages,  'n'  at  that  word  I 
nigh  to  sat  right  down.  I  tell  you  what, 
Mrs.  Lathrop,  Mr.  Weskin  has  bred  this 
damage  idea  too  deep  into  this  town  for  any 
comfort.  It 's  got  to  where  it 's  better  to 
hurt  yourself  most  any  way  than  to  damage 
some  one  else  only  a  little.  I  would  n't  take 
the  chances  of  sayin'  {  shoo'  to  a  hen  on  a 
slippery  mornin',  'n'  things  has  come  to  a 
pretty  pass  when  you  've  got  to  consider 
a  hen's  back-slidin's.  Such  bein'  the  case 
I  felt  more  'n  a  little  troubled  when  Mr.  Dill 
said  damages,  but  I  tried  to  look  on  the 
bright  side,  'n'  I  told  him  that  it  seemed  to 
me  that  a  proper-minded  horse  would  have 
hauled  in  his  legs  when  he  felt  himself  slip- 
pin'  in  half.  Mr.  Dill  said  his  horse  unfor- 
tunately could  n't  see  with  his  tail  'n'  was 
also  brought  up  to  consider  anvils  as  solid. 
I  answered  as  all  I  could  say  was  as  it  was  a 


316     MISS   CLEGG'S   SPECULATIONS 

great  pity  as  his  horse  was  n't  built  enough 
like  the  rest  of  the  world  to  have  better 
hindsight  than  foresight,  —  V  then  I  looked 
at  the  anvil  in  the  crick  —  'n'  then  I  come 
home." 

"'N'  that  —  "  said  Mrs.  Lathrop,  sadly. 

"  Yes,  that  very  night  !  -  -  it  was  that 
very  night  that  the  lightnin'  struck  my 
house" — Susan  halted  a  moment  to  turn 
and  look  at  the  house.  "  I  never  will  see 
why  the  lightnin'  had  to  strike  my  house, 
Mrs.  Lathrop,  with  yours  so  handy  right 
next  door;  but  it  did  strike  it  — -'n'  me 
inside  sleepin'  the  sleep  of  the  nigh  to 
poverty-stricken  'n'  done-up,  'n'  never  as 
much  as  dreamin'  of  bein'  woke  by  a  brick 
bouncin'  out  of  my  own  flesh  'n'  blood 
stove-hole.  My  heavens  alive !  what  a 
night  that  was,  'n'  even  if  nothin'  catched 
fire  everythin'  in  kingdom  come  rained  in, 
'n'  when  mornin'  come  'n'  I  see  what  a 
small  hole  it  was  after  all  I  would  n't  ever 
have  believed  it  if  you  'd  swore  it  till  the 
week  after  doomsday." 

"  And  then  -  "  said  Mrs.  Lathrop,  sym- 
pathetically. 

"  Yes,  'n'   then   come    the    roof-mendin'. 


MISS   CLEGG'S   SPECULATIONS    317 

I  never  can  feel  to  blame  myself  there 
because  I  did  n't  want  to  pay  no  carpenter, 
'n'  you  know  yourself,  Mrs.  Lathrop,  as 
it  looked  just  as  easy  to  get  up  on  that 
roof  as  to  fall  off  any  other.  I  hung  the 
shingles  around  my  neck  'n'  put  the  nails 
in  my  mouth  'n'  the  hammer  down  my 
back,  'n'  then  I  went  up  the  lattice  'n'  got 
over  the  little  window  on  to  the  ridge-pole. 
You  know,  Mrs.  Lathrop,  how  simple  it  all 
seemed  from  the  ground,  'n'  I  was  to  just 
sit  edgeways  from  the  end  of  the  peak  right 
along  up  to  the  hole,  but  you  've  heard  me 
remark  afore  'n'  I  will  now  remark  again  as 
no  one  on  the  ground  has  any  notion  of 
ridge-poles  as  they  really  are.  A  ridge-pole 
from  the  ground,  Mrs.  Lathrop,  looks  like 
it  could  n't  be  fell  off,  but  frorh  itself  it 
feels  like  it  could  n't  be  stuck  on  to,  'n' 
I  thought  I  'd  swallow  the  last  one  of  them 
nails  gaspin'  afore  I  got  to  the  hole.  You 
saw  me  tryin'  to  get  to  the  hole,  Mrs. 
Lathrop,  'n'  then  you  saw  me  tryin'  to 
get  the  hammer.  I  thought  I  'd  go  somer- 
settin'  head  over  heels  afore  I  got  it  fished 
out  'n'  then  there  was  n't  no  place  to  lay  it 
down ! 


318    MISS   CLEGG'S   SPECULATIONS 

"Well,  Mrs.  Lathrop,  I  never  shall  be 
able  to  look  back  on  that  day  and  hour 
without  a  cold  conscience.  It  was  certainly 
a  awful  time.  I  took  a  nail  out  of  my 
mouth  V  a  shingle  off  my  neck  'n'  made 
ready  to  begin.  I  took  the  hammer  'n'  — 
just  then  —  I  looked  down  — -'n'  if  there 
was  n't  the  minister  'n'  his  wife  just  turnin' 
in  my  gate  ! 

"  Well,  of  course,  that  came  nigh  to  endin' 
me  ever  'n'  ever !  No  Christian  would 
ever  dream  of  answering  her  front-door  bell 
from  her  back  ridge-pole,  'n'  I  never  was 
one  to  do  nothin'  as  folks  could  talk  of.  I 
see  it  was  to  do  or  die  right  then  or  there  'n' 
I  made  a  quick  slide  for  the  porch  roof. 
You  know  what  happened,  'n'  I  never  have 
felt  to  forgive  the  minister,  even  if  it  was  n't 
him  as  drove  that  unexpected  nail  in  my 
roof.  Mrs.  Lathrop,  we  Ve  spoke  of  this 
afore,  'n'  I  Ve  said  then,  'n'  I  '11  say  now, 
that  in  spite  of  my  likin'  for  you,  no  one  as 
rocks  forever  on  a  cushion  can  be  able  to 
even  surmise  what  it  is  to  slide  quick  over 
a  unexpected  nail,  'n'  so  it  was  only  natural 
that  even  in  the  first  hour  I  never  looked 
for  anything  from  you  but  Pond's  Extract. 


MISS   CLEGG'S   SPECULATIONS     319 

But  I  may  remark  further  —  for  it's  right 
you  should  know  —  that  nothin'  in  my 
whole  life  ever  rasped  me  worse  the  wrong 
way  of  my  hair  than  to  watch  you  rockin' 
that  fortnight  that  I  had  my  choice  to  stand 
up  or  go  to  bed,  'n'  even  in  bed  I  had  to 
get  up  'n'  get  out  if  I  wanted  to  turn  over. 
Mr.  Shores  told  Mrs.  Macy  as  probably 
it  was  the  sun  as  had  drawed  that  nail,  'n' 
all  I  can  say  is  that  I  hope  if  it  was  the  sun 
'n'  he  ever  takes  it  into  his  head  to  draw 
another  of  my  nails,  that  he  '11  either  draw 
it  completely  out  or  leave  it  completely  in, 
for  I  know  as  I  never  want  to  come  down 
from  another  ridge-pole  by  way  of  another 
nail  —  not  while  I  'm  alive  anyhow." 

A  short  pause  and  a  long  sigh.  Mrs. 
Lathrop  sighed,  too. 

"  Then  come  the  bill  from  the  carpenter 
'n'  from  young  Doctor  Brown,  'n'  for  raisin' 
the  anvil,  'n'  I  was  hardly  onto  my  legs 
before  Mr.  Dill's  horse  quit  his  hind  ones. 
Mr.  Weskin  was  up  'n'  doin'  as  usual  'n' 
advised  bringin'  a  joint  suit  with  the  black- 
smith for  the  anvil  'n'  me  for  the  crick,  but 
even  if  I  was  helpless  the  blacksmith  wa'n't 
goin'  to  be  sued  if  he  could  do  anything 


320    MISS  CLEGG'S   SPECULATIONS 

else,  'n'  he  brung  Mr.  Dill  up  to  see  if  we 
could  n't  arbitrate  ourselves.  Mr.  Dill 's 
always  been  very  nice  to  me,  but  that  wheat- 
fly  made  him  so  mad  to  be  paid  something 
by  somebody  that  it  took  the  blacksmith  'n' 
me  and  four  glasses  of  root  beer  to  bring 
him  to  reason.  In  the  end  he  said  if  the 
blacksmith  would  shoe  everything  he  owned 
till  it  died  'n'  if  I  would  put  up  Lucy's 
currants  till  I  died  that  he  'd  call  them  two 
legs  straight.  We  wrote  a  paper  'n'  signed 
it  'n'  I  went  to  bed,  'n'  seemed  like  my 
trials  were  certainly  more  than  any  mortal 
could  stand  under,  particularly  when  you 
consider  that  a  good  deal  of  the  time  I 
had  n't  been  able  to  sit  down. 

"  I  don't  see  why  any  one  should  be  sur- 
prised over  me  lookin'  worried.  It  says  in 
the  Bible  that  if  you  'n'  Mohamet  ain't  on 
the  mountain  you  're  bound  to  have  the 
mountain  'n'  Mohamet  both  on  you,  'n'  I 
must  say  I  believe  it 's  true.  I  've  had  to 
take  the  ten  dollars  as  I  never  touch,  'n' 
the  ten  as  I  will  never  touch,  'n'  the  ten  as 
I  never  will  touch  so  help  me  Heaven— -'n' 
spend  'em  all.  'N'  I  don't  know  what  I 
am  goin'  to  do  now,  I  'm  sure.  Bein'  your- 


MISS   CLEGG'S   SPECULATIONS    321 

self,  Mrs.  Lathrop,  you  can't  in  reason  be 
expected  to  understand  what  it  is  to  me  to 
have  no  one  but  you  to  turn  to.  You  Ve 
got  your  good  points,  but  you  ain't  no  hand 
to  have  ideas  nor  yet  to  advise.  I  Ve  been 
slow  in  comin'  to  that  view  of  you,  but  I  Ve 
got  to  it  at  last,  V  got  over  it,  'n'  I  'm 
walkin'  alone  on  the  further  side." 

Mrs.  Lathrop  looked  apologetic,  but  re- 
mained tritely  silent.  Susan  backed  away 
from  the  fence. 

"  It 's  gettin'  damp,"  she  said  ;  "  you  Ve 
got  rheumatism  anyway,  so  you  don't  care 
if  you  take  cold,  but  I  ain't  very  anxious  to, 
'n'  so  I  think  we  'd  ought  to  go  in." 

Mrs.  Lathrop  nodded,  and  turned  to  go. 

"  I  hope  I  have  n't  made  you  feel  uneasy, 
Mrs.  Lathrop,"  Susan  said,  as  she  also 
turned ;  "  you  know  me  well  enough  to 
know  as  if  I  come  to  starvation  it  would 
never  be  nothin'  but  a  joy  to  me  to  see  you 
starve  with  me." 

Mrs.  Lathrop  nodded. 

Susan  nodded. 

And  thus  they  parted  for  the  night. 


VIII 

PART   SECOND 
GRAN'MA   MULLINS'S   WOE 

IT  was  some  days  later  —  a  summer 
afternoon.  The  setting  sun  was  bright- 
ening the  western  sky,  and  Susan,  with 
her  bonnet  on  and  her  sun-shade  leaning 
beside  her,  sat  on  Mrs.  Lathrop's  porch  and 
discoursed  in  a  fashion  that  partook  alter- 
nately of  the  lively  and  of  the  dejected. 
Mrs.  Lathrop  rocked  calmly  and  listened 
yet  more  so. 

"  Things  is  goin'  worse  'n'  worse,"  said 
the  caller ;  "  I  Ve  had  to  bring  myself  down 
to  doin'  my  own  weedin',  so  as  to  save  that 
ten  cents  a  week  I  give  Augustus,  'n'  Lord 
knows  I  'd  gladly  put  up  anything  for  any- 
body, but  everybody  in  this  town  puts  up 
themselves.  I  don't  know  how  I  will  get 
along  if  suthin'  don't  turn  up,  'n'  I  can't 
see  what  can  turn  up  with  every  one  head 
over  ears  deep  in  the  weddin's  'n'  young 


GRAMMA   MULLINS'S   WOE       323 

Doctor  Brown  settin'  the  whole  town  mad 
over  the  crick.  That 's  a  very  strange  thing 
about  the  crick,  Mrs.  Lathrop,  'n'  it  seems 
to  be  pretty  generally  admitted  now  that 
inside  or  out  the  crick  's  good  for  most  any- 
thing in  anybody,  but  this  new  idea  as  it 's  a 
sure  cure  for  asthma  is  just  doin'  folks  up 
alive.  Young  Doctor  Brown  says  he  's  been 
investigatin'  under  his  own  microscope,  'n' 
he  says  there  ain't  a  doubt  but  the  crick 
polliwogs  can  eat  up  the  asthma  polliwogs 
as  fast  as  you  can  shake  'em  together  in 
a  bottle.  He's  goin*  to  Meadville  'n' 
shake  'em  up  for  old  Doctor  Carter,  'n' 
then  he's  goin'  to  send  to  the  city  for  a  pint 
of  typhoid  fever  'n'  a  half-pint  of  diphtheria 
'n'  let  'em  loose  on  that.  Mr.  Kimball 
asked  him  if  he  was  positive  which  side  was 
doin'  the  swallowin'  'n'  if  he  had  the  crick 
ones  wear  a  band  on  their  left  arms  when 
they  went  into  battle,  but  young  Doctor 
Brown  explained  as  there  could  n't  be  no 
mistake,  for  asthma  has  got  four  claws  in  its 
tail  and  the  crick  has  horns  all  over.  Mrs. 
Macy  says,  under  them  circumstances  she 
shall  make  her  tea  with  boiled  rain-water 
hereafter,  'n'  she  says  she  ain't  sure  as  she  's 


324-        GRANDMA   MULLINS'S   WOE 

got  enough  faith  left  in  the  crick  to  even 
scrub  with  it." 

"  If  I  —  "  said  Mrs.  Lathrop. 

"  Gran'ma  Mullins  is  a  good  deal  upset," 
said  Susan  ;  "  she  don't  like  the  notion  of 
young  Doctor  Brown's  bringin'  so  much  ty- 
phoid and  diphtheria  into  town  just  as  Hi- 
ram 's  goin'  to  get  married  a  tall.  She  says 
she  's  got  enough  to  worry  over  about  Hiram 
without  that.  She  says  she 's  feelin'  worse 
over  him  every  day.  She  can't  talk  about 
it  without  chokin'.  She  says  she  's  got  his 
rattle  and  his  first  sock  pinned  up  by  the 
clock,  so  every  time  she  looks  up  at  the 
time  she  can  see  'em  'n'  cry  again.  She 
says  it  ain't  in  reason  as  Lucy  '11  ever  under- 
stand Hiram.  She  says  Hiram  's  a  very 
singular  disposition,  but  if  you  always  ask 
him  to  do  what  you  don't  want  done  'n'  to 
never  do  what's  got  to  be  done  right  off 
he  's  one  of  the  handiest  men  around  the 
house  as  she  ever  see.  She  says  he  eats  a  lot 
of  sugar  'n'  you  must  n't  notice  it,  'cause  he 
always  says  as  he  never  does ;  and  he  most 
never  goes  to  church,  but  you  must  n't  tell 
him  so,  'cause  he  says  he  goes  regular,  'n' 
she  says  as  he  likes  to  keep  molasses  candy 


GRAN'MA   MULLINS'S   WOE       325 

in  his  pockets  'n'  under  his  pillow,  'n' 
heaven  knows,  likin'  molasses  candy  ain't 
no  crime,  and  yet  she  's  almost  sure  Lucy  's 
goin'  to  make  his  life  miserable  over  it.  She 
says  her  cup  was  full  enough  without  no 
pint  of  diphtheria  added,  'n'  I  d'n  know  as 
I  ever  see  any  one  more  downhearted.  Mrs. 
Macy  'n'  me  stayed  and  shook  our  heads 
with  her  for  a  while  'n'  then  we  went  on  to 
Mrs.  Allen's  to  look  at  Polly's  weddin' 
things.  Every  one  in  town  is  goin'  to  look 
at  Polly's  weddin'  things,  'n'  you  'd  really 
suppose  as  the  deacon  was  any  one  in  the 
world  but  the  deacon  to  see  how  they  Ve 
fixed  Polly  up  to  marry  him.  Four  of 
everythin'  'n'  six  o'  some.  Only  not  a 
apron  in  the  whole,  —  the  deacon  would  n't 
have  it.  He  said  right  out  as  he  wa'n't 
marryin'  Polly  to  work  her  to  skin  'n'  bone, 
and  he  knows  how  he  wants  his  house  kept 
'n'  his  cookin'  done,  so  he'll  just  keep  on 
keepin'  'n'  cookin'  as  usual.  He's  fixed  up 
a  good  deal ;  the  canary  bird  's  got  a  brass 
hook  after  all  these  years  o'  wooden-peggin', 
'n'  he  's  bought  one  o'  them  new  style  door- 
mats made  out  o'  wire  with  f  Welcome  P.  W.' 
let  into  it  in  green  marbles.  f  P.  W.'  stands 


326        GRANDMA   MULLINS'S  WOE 

for  <  Polly  White/  V  Mr.  Kimball  told 
Mr.  Macy  they  had  a  awful  time  over 
sticking  the  marbles  in  'n'  a  awful  time 
gettin'  the  letters  to  suit.  The  deacon  was 
for  <P.  W.'  all  along  'n'  Polly  was  for 
the  deacon,  but  Mrs.  Allen  was  for  Polly's 
name,  because  Polly  ain't  married  yet,  'n' 
they  got  P.  A.  stuck  in  afore  any  one 
knowed  how  it  'd  look,  'n'  then  they  tried 
to  patch  it  up  with  a  *  W  added  'n'  that 
seemed  like  it  was  a  new  way  to  say  to  be 
sure  'n'  wipe  your  feet.  Mr.  Kimball  told 
Mrs.  Macy  he  nigh  to  died  laughin',  'n' 
he  did  n't  mind  how  he  broke  his  nails 
pickin'  marbles  in  'n'  out  when  he  could 
have  so  much  fun.  So  they  settled  for 
'  P.  W.'  'n'  Mrs.  Macy  's  more  than  a  little 
bitter  over  it  all,  for  she  says  the  deacon  '11 
soon  come  to  his  senses  'n'  then  it  '11  be  too 
late  to  get  that  *  P.  W.'  off  of  his  door-mat 
again.  But  the  deacon  ain't  carin'.  He's 
friskin'  around  like  a  colt,  'n'  they  say  he's  got 
two  new  suits  of  clothes,  'n'  a  new  hat  for  the 
goin'  away.  He  was  always  that  way  though 
—I  recolleck  Mr.  Kimball's  sayin'  when  Mrs. 
White  died  that  the  deacon  had  been  dyein' 
his  hair  'n'  bein'  patient  for  over  fifteen  years. 


GRANDMA   MULLINS'S   WOE       327 

"  Well  —  about  them  weddin'  things  of 
Polly's  !  —  Mrs.  Allen  took  me  upstairs 
'n'  I  saw  'em  all.  The  weddin'  veil  is 
looped  along  the  lamberquin  with  a  glove 
pinned  to  each  curtain,  the  dress  hangs  on  a 
frame  between,  against  the  window  shade, 
'n'  the  under  things  is  folded  on  a  table  at 
one  side  with  the  stockin's  tied  together  in  a 
true  lover's-knot.  I  must  say  they  've  done 
it  all  real  tasty,  with  the  deacon's  picture  in 
the  middle  leanin'  up  against  her  shoes. 
It 's  a  open  question  about  the  shoes  still, 
'cause  if  Polly  wears  any  shoes  a  tall  it  only 
makes  her  that  much  more  higher  than  the 
deacon,  but  Mrs.  Allen  says,  seein'  as  it's  as 
it  is,  she  hopes  Polly  '11  only  think  o'  how  the 
higher  her  heels  is  the  more  room  it  '11  give 
her  train  to  spread.  It 's  a  very  handsome 
train  'n'  they  've  measured  so  's  it'll  make  the 
next  set  o'  parlor  curtains  at  the  Whites's. 

"  I  declare,  Mrs.  Lathrop,  I  can't  tell 
you  how  all  these  weddin's  'n'  talkin's  do 
blue  me  up  !  To  see  every  one  spendin' 
money  'n'  me  without  any  even  to  save. 
Mr.  Dill  asked  me  yesterday  if  I  did  n't 
want  to  take  Gran'ma  Mullins  to  board 
for  the  honeymoon,  an'  I  suppose  I  could 


328        GRANDMA   MULLINS'S   WOE 

maybe  do  it,  but  oh  my  !  I  can't  say  as  I 
take  to  that  idea  much.  I  'm  fond  o* 
Gran'ma  Mullins,  but  these  days  Hiram  is 
nothin'  but  a  bottomless  pit  when  she  gets 
at  him,  'n'  a  honeymoon  is  a  long  time 
to  hear  one  person  talk  about  one  person. 
I  can't  say  as  I  ever  had  anythin'  agin 
Hiram  except  that  time  't  he  did  n't  catch 
Jathrop  to  lynch  him,  but  all  the  same  I 
ain't  over  fond  o'  any  one  as  goes  around 
with  their  mouth  half-open  the  year  through. 
Mr.  Kimball  said  once  as  Hiram  Mullins 
was  the  best  design  for  a  penny  bank  as  he 
ever  saw,  'n'  Polly  Allen  says  she  's  more  'n 
sorry  for  Lucy,  'cause  no  matter  how  hard 
Lucy  was  to  try,  Polly  says  it  stands  to 
reason  as  she  could  n't  get  more  'n  half  a 
kiss  at  once.  Mrs.  Allen  giggled,  'n'  we 
all  did,  too,  'cause  the  deacon  carries  his 
mouth  so  tight  shut  that 's  a  question  if 
Polly  ever  gets  a  kiss  a  tall. 

"  Mrs.  Brown  says  Doctor  Brown  is 
gettin'  surer  'n'  surer  about  the  crick. 
He's  been  paintin'  the  cat  with  asthma  'n' 
then  washin'  him  in  crick  water,  'n'  Mrs. 
Brown  says  he  wa'n't  dead  up  to  the  time  he 
run  away  anyhow." 


GRAN'MA   MULLINS'S  WOE       329 

"That   big — "  queried    Mrs.    Lathrop. 

"  Yes,  with  the  yellow  eyes.  He  's  been 
gone  a  week,  but  they  don't  care.  Mrs. 
Brown  says  that  cat  was  so  everlastin'ly 
around  that  he  made  her  feel  like  she  was 
married  again,  'n'  she  was  glad  to  have  him 
light  out.  She  says  he  was  so  like  a  man  it 
was  awful,  —  wantin'  to  sit  by  the  fire  'n' 
think  till  you  was  dyin'  to  empty  the  tea- 
kettle over  his  head,  'n'  forever  placidly 
yawnin'  when  you  was  turned  a  hundred 
ends  at  once.  Mrs.  Brown  says  Amelia's 
goin'  to  give  a  wash-cloth  shower  for  Polly 
and  Lucy  day  after  to-morrow.  She  says 
young  Doctor  Brown  says  if  he  comes  out 
on  top  about  that  crick-cure  for  asthma 
Amelia  can  do  anythin'  she  pleases.  He 
says  this  town  '11  be  a  real  cure  then,  'n' 
we  '11  see  no  end  of  money  flow  into  us,  — • 
she  says  he  says  we  can  all  take  boarders  at 
fancy  prices  'n'  serve  'em  to  the  crick  at  a 
penny  a  glass.  I  don't  know  but  what  I 
might  take  a  few  quiet  boarders  myself  that 
way.  They  'd  be  quiet  because  they  could  n't 
be  lively,  'n'  the  asthma 'd  choke  'em  to 
where  they  could  n't  eat  much." 

"I  —  "  said  Mrs.  Lathrop. 


330        GRANDMA   MULLINS'S  WOE 

"  I  could  have  'Liza  Em'ly  to  help  me,  I 
presume.  I  could  advertise  'n'  when  they 
answered  I  could  go  in  town  'n'  look  at 
them  and  take  my  pick.  I  'd  want  to  be 
sure  as  they  were  quiet,  'n'  I  'd  want  to  be 
sure  as  they  were  sick  —  I  would  n't  take  no 
chances  at  havin'  one  o'  these  merry-go- 
round  summer  families  land  on  me,  I  know. 
Like  as  not  there  'd  be  a  boy,  'n'  you 
know  yourself,  Mrs.  Lathrop,  that  while  a 
boy  may  perhaps  accidentally  happen  to  be 
a  comfort  he's  very  much  more  likely  just 
to  be  a  boy." 

"Yes,"  said  Mrs.  Lathrop  — "I  —  " 

"Yes,  o'  course,"  said  Susan,  " 'n'  look 
where  he  come  out !  If  Jathrop  had  been 
a  girl  how  different  everything  would  have 
been  for  him  —  not  to  speak  o'  the  rest  of 
us.  You  can't  deny  that,  Mrs.  Lathrop, 
'n'  you  can't  deny  either  as  Jathrop  would 
have  been  better  off  himself  if  he  'd  been 
any  other  thing  as  God  ever  made." 

"  He  —  "  said  the  mother. 

"  You  thought  so,"  said  Susan,  "  but 
nobody  else  ever  did.  Mothers  is  always 
mothers  'n'  the  best  will  in  the  world  don't 
seem  able  to  help  'em  out  o'  the  scrape. 


GRAN'MA   MULLINS'S   WOE       331 

There 's  Gran'ma  Mullins  just  cryin'  her 
eyes  out  these  days  over  Hiram,  'n'  you'd 
think  Lucy  was  a  sea-serpent  and  Hiram 
was  chained  to  a  rock  to  hear  her  go  on. 
She  says  she's  raised  Hiram  so  careful  to 
be  a  comfort  to  her  all  these  years  'n'  she 
says  he  promised  her  when  he  was  only 
two  'n'  a  half  years  old  that  he  'd  never 
smoke  nor  drink  nor  get  married.  She 
says  she 's  trusted  him  all  his  life  'n'  this 
is  the  first  time  as  he  ever  broke  his  word 
to  her.  She  says  all  his  little  ways  is  just 
so  sweet,  but  she  feels  sure  Lucy  won't 
never  let  him  dip  his  bread  in  the  platter- 
gravy  'n'  Hiram  's  so  awful  fond  of  plat- 
ter-gravy. She  says  he  likes  to  have  the 
potato-smasher  right  by  his  place  at  the 
table  'n'  pound  the  meat  to  make  more  juice 
come  out,  'n'  she  says  it 's  been  nothin' 
but  a  joy  to  her  always  to  let  him,  'cause 
his  father  died  when  he  wa'n't  but  eleven 
months  old.  But  she  says  she  just  knows 
Lucy '11  be  death  on  Hiram's  potato-smasher, 
'n'  she  says  she  most  feels  as  if  Lucy  was 
goin'  to  be  death  on  Hiram,  too.  She  says 
she  can't  look  at  Hiram  these  days  without 
chokin'  over  thinkin'  how  Lucy  's  goin'  to 


GRAN'MA   MULLINS'S   WOE 

look  at  him  inside  o'  three  months.  She 
says  Hiram  's  a  very  tender  nature,  he  can't 
be  hurried  awake  mornin's,  'n'  if  he  wakes 
up  in  the  night  he  has  to  have  gingerbread 
'n'  whistle  till  he  drops  off  to  sleep  again. 
She  says  no  one  as  really  loved  Hiram  would 
mind  such  little  trifles  as  that,  but  she  says 
she  has  her  doubts  as  to  Lucy's  really  lovin' 
Hiram,  'n'  even  if  she  does  really  love  him 
now,  she  says  it  ain't  no  reason  as  she  '11  keep 
on  lovin'  him  long.  She  says  time  alone '11 
tell  what  the  end  '11  be,  'n'  she  only  hopes  'n' 
prays  that  whatever  Lucy  does  or  does  n't 
do,  that  she  '11  never  forget  as  she  was 
well  'n'  richly  warned  beforehand,  for  she 
says  she  went  herself  in  streamin'  tears  'n' 
begged  her  not  to  marry  Hiram,  an'  she's 
kept  straight  on  till  now  she  's  almost  done 
it." 

Susan  ceased  speaking  and  took  up  her 
parasol. 

"Are—    "  remonstrated  Mrs.  Lathrop. 

"  I  must,"  said  her  neighbor  ;  "  I  'm 
hungry  'n'  I  want  time  to  beat  up  some 
soda-biscuit.  It 's  no  use  your  askin'  me 
to  stay  to  supper,  because  my  heart  is  set  on 
soda-biscuit  'n'  I  like  my  own  better  than 


GRAN'MA   MULLINS'S   WOE       333 

any  one  could  ever  like  yours.  1  don't  say 
that  unkindly,  Mrs.  Lathrop,  for  I  ain't  got 
a  unkind  thing  about  me,  V  I  could  n't 
lay  anything  up  against  you  even  if  I 
wanted  to.  Even  when  I  get  all  at  outs 
with  you  over  your  rockin'  I  never  lay  it 
up  against  you  —  we  Ve  been  friends  too 
many  years.  If  you  can  be  happy  rockin' 
through  life  till  some  fine  day  you  rock 
over  backward  into  your  coffin,  all  I  can 
say  is  that  it  won't  be  my  funeral,  'n'  bein' 
as  it  will  be  yours,  I  shall  be  too  busy  that 
day  to  fuss  over  ifs  'n'  ands.  I  'm  keepin' 
the  board  'n'  saw-horses  as  father  had  for 
you,  'n'  the  black  bow  from  his  door-bell, 
too,  'n'  after  you  're  done  with  them  I  'm 
intendin'  to  give  them  to  the  first  needy  'n' 
deservin'  person  as  comes  along  in  need  of 
'em." 

Susan  started  down  the  steps. 

"  But  —  "  protested  Mrs.  Lathrop. 

"  Probably  not,"  said  her  friend,  "  but 
you  never  can  tell.  Anyhow  I  'm  goin'  now. 
You  don't  appear  to  consider  how  valuable 
my  time  is,  Mrs.  Lathrop,  but  that 's  another 
thing  as  I  don't  lay  up  against  you." 


334        GRANDMA   MULLINS'S   WOE 

For  the  next  week  Miss  Clegg's  financial 
difficulties  rubbed  on  in  much  the  same  way. 
So  did  the  wedding  preparations  of  Polly 
Allen  and  Lucy  Dill.  Debts  and  dates  are 
two  things  which  are  famous  for  movement, 
and  in  between  her  periods  of  repose  in  her 
own  house  and  of  activity  about  town  Susan 
seized  every  chance  possible  to  impart  the 
impending  state  of  every  one's  affairs  to  her 
neighbor. 

"  The  blacksmith  was  up  again  last  night," 
she  said  one  sunny  morning,  when  the  need 
of  hanging  out  her  wash  had  brought  her 
and  Mrs.  Lathrop  within  conversational  dis- 
tance ;  "  he  wants  to  have  his  rent  a  little 
lowered  so  as  he  can  bric-a-brac  the  side  of 
the  crick  himself.  He  says  there  's  stones 
enough  to  do  it,  only  he  must  hire  a  man  to 
help  him.  I  told  him  I  'd  consider  it,  V 
goin'  out  in  the  dark  he  fell  over  the  scraper. 
I  declare  I  got  a  damage-suit  chill  right  down 
my  spine  V  I  run  out  with  a  candle,  V 
thank  heaven,  he  had  n't  broke  nothin'  but 
the  scraper.  I  've  been  wonderin'  if  it  would 
pay  to  sue  him  for  that,  but  I  don't  believe 
I  will,  because  folks  has  been  fallin'  over  it 
ever  since  father  nailed  it  to  the  front  o'  the 


GRAN'MA   MULLINS'S   WOE        335 

step  so  's  to  let  his  pet  weasel  go  back  'n' 
forth  at  the  side.  The  weasel  's  been  dead 
for  ages,  but  the  scraper 's  never  been 
changed.  I  wish  I  could  remember  that 
weasel.  Father  loved  him  'n'  mother  hated 
him,  —  she  said  she  was  always  findin'  him 
asleep  in  her  shoes  and  sleeves.  I  was 
speakin'  about  it  to  Gran'ma  Mullins  to-day 
'n'  she  said  she  remembered  comin'  to  tea  at 
mother's  once  'n'  their  findin'  the  weasel  in 
the  tea-pot.  I  guess  that  's  the  first  time 
Gran'ma  Mullins  has  spoken  of  any  livin' 
soul  but  Hiram  in  six  months.  She  's 
feelin'  worse  than  ever  over  Lucy's  decidin' 
to  be  married  at  home  on  account  o'  the  blue 
bengaline.  She  says  that 's  a  extra  turn  o' 
the  ice-cream-freezer  handle  as  she  never 
counted  on  havin'  to  submit  to.  She  says 
she  naturally  supposed  if  Hiram  got  married 
as  she  'd  sit  in  the  front  pew  for  once  in  her 
life,  'n'  see  the  bride's  dress  good,  'n'  hear 
the  answers  plain,  'n'  now  instid  her  only 
child,  as  she  's  loved  like  a  mother  ever  since 
he  was  born,  is  goin'  to  be  married  in  a 
parlor  as  private  as  if  he  was  bein'  buried 
from  the  smallpox  !  She  says,  oh  dear,  oh 
dear,  seems  like  she  never  will  be  able  to  live 


336        GRANDMA   MULLINS'S   WOE 

down  that  mirror  as  she  smashed  with  her 
head  the  first  time  she  saw  what  she  looked 
like.  She  says  she  wa'n't  more  'n  nine 
months  old  'n'  yet  that  mirror  has  tagged 
her  right  through  life  ever  since.  She  says 
she  missed  all  her  school  examinations  'n' 
did  n't  get  the  deacon  'n'  did  get  her  hus- 
band, 'n'  as  if  that  wa'n't  enough  she  must 
needs  lose  her  husband,  'n'  she  's  had  no  choice 
but  to  be  a  widow  ever  since,  'n'  she  's  been 
sprained  in  all  directions  'n'  been  broke  in  all 
directions  'n'  her  mince-meat  'most  always 
ferments  'n'  Hiram  's  been  her  one  bright  spot 
'n'  now  he  's  got  to  get  married  in  a  parlor. 
She  says  the  worst  is  as  it  would  draw  bread 
right  out  of  a  stone  to  see  how  cheerful 
Hiram  is  these  days,  —  she  says  any  one 
would  suppose  as  Lucy  Dill  was  goin'  to 
surely  make  him  happy  to  see  how  he  goes 
smilin'  around.  She  says  it  's  one  of  the 
most  pathetikest  sights  as  she  ever  see  to 
watch  Hiram  markin'  off  the  days  on  his 
calendar,  'n'  she  cried  when  she  told  me. 
She  says  no  one  need  n't  tell  her  as  there  's 
any  one  else  like  Hiram,  for  she  knows  him 
well  enough  to  know  as  it  could  n't  possibly 
be  true.  And  then  she  cried  again.  I  tell 


GRAN'MA   MULLINS'S   WOE        337 

you  what,  Mrs.  Lathrop,  I  may  be  pretty 
well  churned  up  over  my  money  troubles, 
but  I  can  assure  you  as  I  feel  like  a  monkey 
jumpin'  through  three  rings  at  once  beside 
Gran'ma  Mullins.  Mrs.  Macy  says  that 
when  Hiram  goes  to  see  Lucy  you  can  hear 
her  sobbin'  way  to  the  crick, —  Mrs.  Macy 
says  the  first  night  she  thought  it  was  Mr. 
Jilkins  comin'  into  town  with  a  hot  wheel. 
I  would  n't  be  surprised  myself  to  see  Gran'- 
ma Mullins  drop  dead  when  she  hears  Lucy 
get  Hiram  for  better  for  worse.  It's  awful 
to  see  a  mother  suffer  so.  I  don't  see  how 
Hiram  stands  it.  If  I  was  him  V  she  had 
a  stroke  at  my  wedding  I  should  call  it  a 
stroke  o'  luck  'n'  nothin'  else.  Not  that  I 
don't  feel  kindly  disposed  towards  Gran'ma 
Mullins,  but  I  'm  pretty  tired  hearin'  her 
tale  o'  woe.  Other  folks'  troubles  is  gener- 
ally more  interestin'  to  other  folks  than  they 
are  to  me,  and  besides,  if  it  really  comes  to 
talkin'  of  troubles,  nobody  ain't  got  no  more 
to  talk  about  than  I  have  myself.  This 
money  question  is  nippin'  me  sharper  in  the 
calves  every  day,  and  when  Mrs.  Macy  told 
me  yesterday  as  her  steps  was  givin'  out  I 
felt  like  sittin'  down  on  'em  when  they  done 


338       GRANDMA   MULLINS'S   WOE 

it.  Lord  knows,  I  'd  never  be  one  to  wave 
my  flag  from  no  post-hole  in  the  thick  of  no 
fight,  'n'  you  know  yourself,  Mrs.  Lathrop, 
that  as  a  general  thing  I  keep  a  stiff  upper- 
cut  through  black  and  blue,  but  still  if  Mrs. 
Macy's  steps  really  do  break  down  I  feel 
like  I  shall  have  no  choice  but  to  Jack-and- 
Jill  it  after  'em." 

"Maybe  — "  suggested  Mrs.  Lathrop, 
hopefully. 

"  Well,  I  ain't  a-expectin'  it  anyhow.  I  'm 
expectin'  ruin,  'n'  I  can  hear  it  howlin'  and 
nosin'  around  my  house  all  night  long. 
Somethin*  was  swimmin'  in  the  cistern  last 
night,  too,  —  if  it  made  the  other  side  safe 
I  'm  all  right,  but  if  it  drowned  there  '11  be 
another  bill.  It  ain't  no  use  your  tryin'  to 
cheer  me  up,  Mrs.  Lathrop,  because  I  ain't 
to  be  cheered.  I  know  I  'm  goin'  to  the 
poorhouse,  'n'  I  don't  thank  you  nor  no 
other  man  for  tellin'  me  to  my  face  as  what 
I  know  ain't  so.  Gran'ma  Mullins  'n'  me  is 
two  very  sad  hearts  these  days,  'n'  Heaven 
help  us  both.  To  hear  her  talk  you'd  think 
the  Siamese  twins  was  the  sun  and  moon 
apart  compared  to  her  'n'  Hiram,  'n'  now 
she's  got  to  give  him  up  to  Lucy  Dill.  She 


GRAN'MA   MULLINS'S   WOE       339 

says  Lucy  ain't  old  enough  to  appreciate 
Hiram  ;  she  says  Lucy  '11  expect  Hiram  to 
be  pleased,  V  Hiram  ain't  never  pleased; 
she  says  when  Hiram  keeps  still  V  don't 
say  nothin'  he  's  pleased,  'n'  when  he  goes  to 
bed  'n'  to  sleep  right  off  he  's  real  pleased. 
She  says  Lucy  won't  understand,  'n'  then 
there  '11  be  trouble.  She  says  trouble  is  a 
awful  thing  to  have,  'n'  shj  knows  all  about 
it  'cause  she  had  it  wit  'ier  husband.  She 
says  the  only  good  o'  vin'  trouble  with 
your  husband  is  the  comfort  you  get  out  o' 
talkin'  about  it  'n'  that  when  she  thinks  as 
Lucy  '11  get  her  comfort  out  o'  talkin'  about 
Hiram  she  pretty  nearly  gets  up  and  goes 
right  out  of  her  mind." 

Susan  stopped  suddenly ;  she  had  been 
standing  with  her  basket  in  her  hand,  in  the 
attitude  of  one  arrested  for  a  moment's  in- 
quiry, throughout  this  conversation. 

"  Did  you  —  "  said  Mrs.  Lathrop. 

"  Yes,  I  did.  It  was  n't  no  great  joy 
pinched  as  I  am,  but  I  believe  in  doin'  what 
you  can  for  people  gettin'  married  —  God 
help  'em  —  'n'  I  give  'em  each  somethin'. 
I  give  Lucy  a  very  good  pair  of  scissors  as 
mother  had,  as  always  grabs  me  in  the  joint 


340        GRANDMA   MULLINS'S   WOE 

so  I  can't  use  'em,  'n'  I  give  Polly  our 
best  carvin'  knife.  They  was  both  sharp 
things,  so  they  each  had  to  give  me  a  cent 
to  hold  on  to  friendship.  I  know  two 
cents  ain't  much,  but  it 's  better  'n  nothin', 
'n'  I  may  tell  you  in  confidence,  Mrs. 
Lathrop,  as  all  my  presents  '11  be  sharp 
right  along  from  now  on." 

Mrs.  Lathrop  raised  her  eyebrows  to 
testify  to  the  acute  perception  which  had 
grasped  her  friend's  point  at  once. 

"Are  you  —  "  she  asked  presently. 

"  Coin'  to  the  weddin's  ?  —  oh,  yes.  It 
may  make  me  a  little  blue  to  look  at 
Lucy,  but  it  could  n't  but  cheer  anybody  to 
compare  themselves  with  Gran'ma  Mullins. 
She  says  it 's  goin'  to  half  murder  her,  'n' 
she's  made  Hiram  promise  as  he'll  give  her 
his  first  husband's  kiss.  Lucy 's  got  the 
idea  as  she'll  have  a  weddin'  procession  o* 
Mr.  Dill  'n'  her,  an'  Hiram  'n'  his  mother, 
down  the  stairs  'n'  in  through  the  back 
parlor.  Hiram  don't  want  to,  'cause  he's 
afraid  his  mother  won't  let  go  of  him  when 
the  time  comes.  Hiram  says  he  ain't  lived 
through  these  last  weeks  o'  half  stranglin' 
without  knowin'  what  he  's  talkin'  about  all 


GRAN'MA   MULLINS'S   WOE        341 

right,  but  Lucy  's  dead  set  on  the  procession. 
They  're  goin'  to  try  'n'  keep  Polly  'n'  the 
deacon  a  little  back  'n'  out  o'  sight,  'cause 
there  's  a  many  as  thinks  as  half  o'  Gran'ma 
Mullins's  tears  is  for  the  deacon,  only  she 
can't  say  so.  Mrs.  Allen  says  every  one  is 
talkin'  that  idea,  'n'  Mrs.  Sperrit  says  she 
hopes  to  Heaven  as  it  ain't  so,  for  how  the 
deacon  is  to  be  kept  a  little  back  God  only 
knows,  for  he 's  so  happy  these  days  that 
he's  more  than  ever  everlastin'ly  on  tap. 
Mrs.  Sperrit 's  been  very  kind  ;  she  's  goin' 
to  take  Gran'ma  Mullins  to  the  Dills',  'n' 
she  says  she'll  take  her  home  afterwards. 
Gran'ma  Mullins  is  goin'  to  carry  ammonia 
'n'  camphor,  'n'  be  sure  an'  have  the  corks 
out  of  'em  both." 

"I  wish  —  "  said  Mrs.  Lathrop. 

"Yes,  I  do,  too,"  said  her  friend,  heartily, 
"but  I'll  come  'n'  tell  you  about  them 
both  right  afterwards.  I  d'n  know  as  I 
was  ever  more  curious  in  my  life  than  I  am 
to  see  how  Lucy  is  going  to  claw  Hiram 
free  long  enough  to  marry  him.  'N'  I  'm 
interested  in  Polly's  weddin',  too.  But 
there  is  no  use  deceivin'  you  as  to  one 
thing,  Mrs.  Lathrop,  'n'  that  is  as  what 


342        GRAN\MA   MULLINS'S   WOE 

interests  me  the  most  of  all,  is  what  under 
the  sun  I  'm  goin'  to  do  myself  to  get  some 
money.  I  can't  live  on  bread  V  water 
alone,  'n'  even  if  I  could,  the  flour  '11  soon 
give  out  if  I  bread  it  along  steady  for  very 
long.  I  've  got  to  get  some  money  some- 
how, 'n'  I  've  about  made  up  my  mind  as 
to  what  I  '11  have  to  do.  It  makes  me  sick 
to  think  of  it,  'cause  I  hate  him  so,  but  I 
guess  I  '11  have  to  come  to  it  in  the  end. 
I  '11  go  to  the  weddin's,  'n'  then  I  '11  brace 
up  'n'  make  the  leap." 

Mrs.  Lathrop  looked  perturbed  —  even 
slightly  anxious. 

"  I  'm  sorry  not  to  be  able  to  tell  you  all 
my  plans,"  Miss  Clegg  continued,  "  but  —  " 

She  stopped  suddenly  —  a  train-whistle 
had  sounded  afar. 

"  My  heavens  alive  !  if  that  ain't  to-day's 
ten-o'clock  comin'  from  Meadville,  'n'  me 
solemnly  promised  to  be  at  Lucy's  at  half- 
past  nine  to  help  Mrs.  Macy  stone  raisins  ! 
Well,  Mrs.  Lathrop,  I  would  n't  have 
believed  it  of  you  if  I  had  n't  been  a  eye- 
witness !  —  " 


VIII 

PART  THIRD 
LUCY   DILL'S   WEDDING 

«  TT7ELL,  Lucy  has  got  Hiram!" 
V  V  There  was  such  a  strong  in- 
inflection  of  triumphant  joy  in  Miss  Clegg's 
voice  as  she  called  the  momentous  news 
to  her  friend  that  it  would  have  been  at 
once  —  and  most  truthfully  —  surmised  that 
the  getting  of  Hiram  had  been  a  more  than 
slight  labor. 

Mrs.  Lathrop  was  waiting  by  the  fence, 
impatience  written  with  a  wandering  reflec- 
tion all  over  the  serenity  of  her  every-day 
expression.  Susan  only  waited  to  lay  aside 
her  bonnet  and  mitts  and  then  hastened  to 
the  fence  herself. 

"  Mrs.  Lathrop,  you  never  saw  nor  heard 
the  like  of  this  weddin'  day  in  all  your  own 
days  to  be  or  to  come,  V  I  don't  suppose 
there  ever  will  be  anything  like  it  again, 
for  Lucy  Dill  did  n't  cut  no  figger  in  her 
own  weddin'  a  tall,  —  the  whole  thing  was 

343 


344          LUCY   DILL'S   WEDDING 

Gran'ma  Mullins  first,  last  'n'  forever  here- 
after. I  tell  you  it  looked  once  or  twice 
as  if  it  would  n't  be  a  earthly  possibility  to 
marry  Hiram  away  from  his  mother,  'n' 
now  that  it 's  all  over  people  can't  do  any- 
thing but  say  as  after  all  Lucy  ought  to 
consider  herself  very  lucky  as  things  turned 
out,  for  if  things  had  n't  turned  out  as  they 
did  turn  out  I  don't  believe  anything  on 
earth  could  have  unhooked  that  son,  'n' 
I  'm  willin'  to  swear  that  anywhere  to  any 
one. 

"  Do  you  know,  Mrs.  Lathrop,  that 
Gran'ma  Mullins  was  so  bad  off  last  night 
as  they  had  to  put  a  mustard  plaster  onto 
her  while  Hiram  went  to  see  Lucy  for  the 
last  time,  'n'  Mrs.  Macy  says  as  she  never 
hear  the  beat  o'  her  memory,  for  she  says 
she  '11  take  her  Bible  oath  as  Gran'ma  Mul- 
lins told  her  what  Hiram  said  'n'  done 
every  minute  o'  his  life  while  he  was  gone 
to  see  Lucy  Dill.  'N'  she  cried,  too,  'n' 
took  on  the  whole  time  she  was  talkin'  'n' 
said  Heaven  help  her,  for  nobody  else 
could,  'n'  she  just  knowed  Lucy  'd  get 
tired  o'  Hiram's  story  'n'  he  can't  be  happy 
a  whole  day  without  he  tells  it,  'n'  she  's 


LUCY   DILL'S   WEDDING          345 

most  sure  Lucy  won't  like  his  singin' 
'  M archm'  Through  Georgia'  after  the  first 
month  or  two,  'n'  it 's  the  only  tune  as 
Hiram  has  ever  really  took  to.  Mrs. 
Macy  says  she  soon  found  she  could  n't  do 
nothin'  to  stem  the  tide  except  to  drink  tea 
'n'  listen,  so  she  drank  an'  listened  till  Hiram 
come  home  about  eleven.  Oh,  my,  but  she 
says  they  had  the  time  then !  Gran' ma 
Mullins  let  him  in  herself,  'n'  just  as  soon 
as  he  was  in  she  bu'st  into  floods  of  tears 
'n'  would  n't  let  him  loose  under  no  consid- 
eration. She  says  Hiram  managed  to  get 
his  back  to  the  wall  for  a  brace  'cause 
Gran'ma  Mullins  nigh  to  upset  him  every 
fresh  time  as  Lucy  come  over  her,  'n'  Mrs. 
Macy  says  she  could  n't  but  wonder  what 
the  end  was  goin'  to  be  when,  toward  mid- 
night, Hiram  just  lost  patience  'n'  dodged 
out  under  her  arm  'n'  ran  up  the  ladder  to 
the  roof-room  'n'  they  could  n't  get  him  to 
come  down  again.  She  says  when  Gran'ma 
Mullins  realized  as  he  would  n't  come  down 
she  most  went  mad  over  the  notion  of  her 
only  son's  spendin'  the  Christmas  Eve  to 
his  own  weddin'  sleepin'  on  the  floor  o'  the 
attic  'n'  she  wanted  to  poke  the  cot  up  to 


346          LUCY   DILL'S   WEDDING 

him,  but  Mrs.  Macy  says  she  drew  the  line 
at  cot-pokin'  when  the  cot  was  all  she  'd 
have  to  sleep  on  herself,  'n'  in  the  end  they 
poked  quilts  up,  'n'  pillows,  'n'  doughnuts 
'n'  cider  'n'  blankets,  'n'  Hiram  made  a  very 
good  bed  on  the  floor  'n'  they  all  got  to 
sleep  about  three  o'clock. 

"Well,  Mrs.  Lathrop,  what  do  you 
think?  What  do  you  think?  They  was 
so  awful  tired  that  none  of  them  woke  till 
Mrs.  Sperrit  came  at  eleven  next  day  to 
take  'em  to  the  weddin'  !  Mrs.  Macy  says 
she  hopes  she  '11  be  put  forward  all  her 
back-slidin's  if  she  ever  gets  such  a  start 
again.  She  says  when  she  peeked  out 
between  the  blinds  'n'  see  Mrs.  Sperrit's 
Sunday  bonnet  'n'  realized  her  own  state 
she  nearly  had  a  fit.  Mrs.  Sperrit  had  to 
come  in  'n'  be  explained  to,  'n'  the  worst 
of  it  was  as  Hiram  could  n't  be  woke  no- 
how. He  'd  pulled  the  ladder  up  after  him 
'n'  put  the  lid  on  the  hole  so  's  to  feel  safe, 
'n'  there  he  was  snug  as  a  bug  in  a  rug  'n' 
where  no  human  bein'  could  get  at  him. 
They  hollered  'n'  banged  doors  'n'  sharp- 
ened the  carvin'  knife  an'  poured  grease  on 
the  stove  'n'  did  anything  they  could  think 


LUCY   DILKS   WEDDING          347 

of,  but  he  never  budged.  Mrs.  Macy  says 
she  never  was  so  close  to  beside  herself 
in  all  her  life  before,  for  Gran'ma  Mullins 
cried  worse  'n  ever  each  minute,  'n'  Hiram 
seemed  like  the  very  dead  could  n't  wake 
him. 

"  They  was  all  hoppin'  around  half  crazy 
when  Mr.  Sperrit  come  along  on  his  way 
to  the  weddin'  'n'  his  wife  run  out  'n'  told 
him  what  was  the  matter  'n'  he  come  right 
in  'n'  looked  up  at  the  matter.  It  did  n't 
take  long  for  him  to  unsettle  Hiram,  Mrs. 
Macy  says.  He  got  a  sulphur  candle  'n' 
tied  it  to  a  stick  'n'  h'isted  the  lid  with 
another  stick,  'n'  in  less  'n  two  minutes 
they  could  all  hear  Hiram  sneezin'  an'  comin' 
to.  'N'  Mrs.  Macy  says  when  they  hollered 
what  time  it  was  she  wishes  the  whole  town 
might  have  been  there  to  see  Hiram  Mul- 
lins come  down  to  earth.  Mr.  Sperrit 
did  n't  hardly  have  time  to  get  out  o'  the 
way  'n'  he  did  n't  give  his  mother  no  show 
for  one  single  grab,  —  he  just  bounced  into 
his  room  'n'  you  could  have  heard  him 
gettin'  dressed  on  the  far  side  o'  the  far 
bridge. 

"  O'  course,  us  at  Lucy's  did  n't  know  any- 


348          LUCY   DILUS   WEDDING 

thin'  a  tall  about  Mrs.  Macy's  troubles. 
We  had  our  own,  Heaven  help  us,  V  they 
was  enough,  for  the  very  first  thing  of  all 
Mr.  Dill  caught  his  pocket  on  the  corner  of 
Mrs.  Dill  'n'  come  within  a  ace  of  pullin' 
her  off  her  easel.  That  would  have  been  a 
pretty  beginnin'  to  Lucy's  weddin' day  if  her 
father  had  smashed  her  mother's  glass  to 
bits,  I  guess,  but  it  could  n't  have  made 
Lucy  any  worse ;  for  I  will  say,  Mrs.  La- 
throp,  as  I  never  see  no  one  in  all  my  born 
life  act  foolisher  than  Lucy  Dill  this  day. 
First  she  'd  laugh  'n'  then  she  'd  cry  'n'  then 
she  'd  lose  suthin'  as  we  'd  got  to  have  to 
work  with.  'N'  when  it  come  to  dressin' 
her!  —  well,  if  she'd  known  as  Hiram  was 
sleepin'  a  sleep  as  next  to  knowed  no  wakin' 
she  could  n't  have  put  on  more  things  wrong 
side  out  an'  hind  side  before !  She  was  n't 
dressed  till  most  every  one  was  there  'n'  I 
was  gettin'  pretty  anxious,  for  Hiram  was  n't 
there  neither,  'n'  the  more  fidgety  people 
got  the  more  they  caught  their  corners  on 
Mrs.  Dill.  I  just  saved  her  from  Mr. 
Kimball,  'n'  Amelia  saw  her  goin'  as  a  re- 
sult o'  Judge  Fitch  'n'  hardly  had  time  for 
a  jump.  The  minister  himself  was  beginnin' 


LUCY   DILL'S   WEDDING          349 

to  cough  when,  all  of  a  sudden,  some  one 
cried  as  the  Sperrits  was  there. 

"  Well,  we  all  squeezed  to  the  window  'n' 
such  a  sight  you  never  saw.  They  was 
gettin'  Gran'ma  Mullins  out  'n'  Hiram  was 
tryin'  to  keep  her  from  runnin'  the  color  of 
his  cravat  all  down  his  shirt  while  she  was 
sobbin'  c  Hi-i-i-i-ram,  Hi-i-i-i-i-ram ,'  in  a 
voice  as  would  wring  your  very  heart  dry. 
They  got  her  out  'n'  got  her  in  an'  got  her 
upstairs,  'n'  we  all  sat  down  'n'  begin  to  get 
ready  while  Amelia  played  {  Lead,  Kindly 
Light '  and  f  The  Joyous  Farmer '  alternate, 
'cause  she'd  mislaid  her  Weddin'  March. 

"  Well,  Mrs.  Lathrop,  you  never  knowed 
nothin'  like  it!  —  we  waited,  'n'  we  waited, 
'n'  we  waited,  'n'  the  minister  most  coughed 
himself  into  consumption,  'n'  Mrs.  Dill  got 
caught  on  so  often  that  Mr.  Kimball  told 
Ed  to  stand  back  of  her  'n'  hold  her  to  the 
easel  every  minute.  Amelia  was  just  begin- 
ning over  again  for  the  seventeenth  time 
when  at  last  we  heard  'em  bumpin'  along 
downstairs.  Seems  as  all  the  delay  come 
from  Lucy's  idea  o'  wantin'  to  walk  with  her 
father  'n'  have  a  weddin'  procession,  instid 
o*  her  'n'  Hiram  comin'  in  together  like 


LUCY   DILL'S   WEDDING 

Christians  V  lettin'  Mr.  Dill  hold  Gran'ma 
Mullins  up  anywhere.  Polly  says  she  never 
see  such  a  time  as  they  had  of  it;  she  says 
fightin'  wolves  was  layin'  lambs  beside  the 
way  they  talked.  Hiram  said  frank  V  open 
as  the  reason  he  did  n't  want  to  walk  in  with 
his  mother  was  he  was  sure  she  would  n't  let 
him  out  to  get  married,  but  Lucy  was  dead 
set  on  the  procession  idea.  So  in  the  end 
they  done  it  so,  'n'  Gran'ma  Mullins's  sobs 
fairly  shook  the  house  as  they  come  through 
the  dinin'-room  door.  Lucy  was  first  with 
her  father  'n'  they  both  had  their  heads 
turned  backward  lookin'  at  Hiram  'n'  his 
mother. 

"Well,  Mrs.  Lathrop,  it  was  certainly  a 
sight  worth  seein'  !  The  way  that  Gran'ma 
Mullins  was  glued  on  !  All  I  can  say  is  as 
octopuses  has  got  their  backs  turned  in  com- 
parison to  the  way  that  Hiram  seemed  to  be 
all  wrapped  up  in  her.  It  looked  like  wild 
horses,  not  to  speak  of  Lucy  Dill,  would  n't 
never  be  able  to  get  him  loose  enough  to 
marry  him.  The  minister  was  scared  ;  we 
was  all  scared.  I  never  see  a  worse  situation 
to  be  in. 

"They    come    along    through    the    back 


LUCY   DILL'S   WEDDING          351 

parlor,  Lucy  lookin'  back,  Mr.  Dill  white  as 
a  sheet,  'n'  Hiram  walkin'  like  a  snow- 
plough  as  is  n't  sure  how  long  it  can  keep 
on  makin'  it.  It  seemed  like  a  month  as 
they  was  under  way  before  they  finally  got 
stopped  in  front  o'  the  minister.  'N'  then 
come  the  time  !  Hiram  had  to  step  beside 
Lucy  'n'  take  her  hand  'n'  he  could  n't ! 
We  all  just  gasped.  There  was  Hiram 
tryin'  to  get  loose  'n'  Mr.  Dill  tryin'  to 
help  him.  Gran'ma  Mullins's  tears  dripped 
till  you  could  hear  'em,  but  she  hung  on  to 
Hiram  like  he  'd  paid  for  it.  They  worked 
like  Trojan  beavers,  but  as  fast  as  they  'd 
get  one  side  of  him  uncovered  she  'd  take  a 
fresh  wind-round.  I  tell  you,  we  all  just 
held  our  breath,  'n'  I  bet  Lucy  was  sorry 
she  persisted  in  havin'  a  procession  when 
she  see  the  perspiration  runnin'  off  her 
father  'n'  poor  Hiram. 

"  Finally  Polly  got  frightened  'n'  begun 
to  cry,  'n'  at  that  the  deacon  put  his  arm 
around  her  'n'  give  her  a  hug,  an'  Gran'ma 
Mullins  looked  up  just  in  time  to  see  the 
arm  'n'  the  hug.  It  seemed  like  it  was  the 
last  hay  in  the  donkey,  for  she  give  a  weak 
screech  'n'  went  right  over  on  Mr.  Dill. 


352          LUCY   DILL'S   WEDDING 

She  had  such  a  grip  on  Hiram  that  if  it 
had  n't  been  for  Lucy  he  'd  have  gone  over, 
too,  but  Lucy  just  hung  on  herself  that 
time,  'n'  Hiram  was  rescued  without  nothin' 
worse  than  his  hair  mussed  'n'  one  sleeve 
a  little  tore.  Mr.  Sperrit  'n'  Mr.  Jilkins 
carried  Gran'ma  Mullins  into  the  dinin'- 
room,  'n'  I  said  to  just  leave  her  fainted  till 
after  we'd  got  Hiram  well  'n'  truly  married.- 
so  they  did. 

"  I  never  see  the  minister  rattle  nothin' 
through  like  that  marriage-service.  Every 
one  was  on  whole  papers  of  pins  'n'  needles, 
'n'  the  minute  it  was  over  every  one  just 
felt  like  sittin'  right  straight  down. 

"  Mrs.  Macy  'n'  me  went  up  'n'  watered 
Gran'ma  Mullins  till  we  brought  her  to, 
'n'  when  she  learned  as  it  was  all  done  she 
picked  up  wonderful  'n'  felt  as  hungry  as 
any  one,  'n'  come  downstairs  'n'  kissed 
Lucy  'n'  caught  a  corner  on  Mrs.  Dill  just 
like  she  'd  never  been  no  trouble  to  no  one 
from  first  to  last.  I  never  see  such  a  sudden 
change  in  all  my  life ;  it  was  like  some 
miracle  had  come  out  all  over  her  'n'  there 
was  n't  no  one  there  as  was  n't  rejoiced  to 
death. 


LUCY   DILUS   WEDDING          353 

"We  all  went  out  in  the  dinin'-room  'n' 
the  sun  shone  in  'n'  every  one  laughed  over 
nothin'  a  tall.  Mrs.  Sperrit  pinned  Hiram 
up  from  inside  so  his  tear  did  n't  show,  'n' 
Lucy  'n'  he  set  side  by  side  'n'  looked  like 
no  one  was  ever  goin'  to  ever  be  married 
again.  Polly  'n'  the  deacon  set  opposite  'n' 
the  minister  'n'  his  wife  'n'  Mr.  Dill  'n' 
Gran'ma  Mullins  made  up  the  table.  The 
rest  stood  around,  'n'  we  was  all  as  lively  as 
words  can  tell.  The  cake  was  one  o'  the 
handsomest  as  I  ever  see,  two  pigeons 
peckin'  a  bell  on  top  'n'  Hiram  'n'  Lucy 
runnin'  around  below  in  pink.  There  was 
a  dime  inside  'n'  a  ring,  an'  I  got  the  dime, 
'n'  they  must  have  forgot  to  put  in  the  ring 
for  no  one  got  it." 

Susan  paused  and  panted. 

"  It  was  -  '  commented  Mrs.  Lathrop, 
thoughtfully. 

"  Nice  that  I  got  the  dime  ?  —  yes,  I 
should  say.  There  certainly  was  n't  no  one 
there  as  needed  it  worse,  'n',  although  I  'd 
never  be  one  to  call  a  dime  a  fortune,  still 
it  is  a  dime,  'n'  no  one  can't  deny  it  the 
honor,  no  matter  how  they  feel.  But,  Mrs. 
Lathrop,  what  you  'd  ought  to  have  seen 


354          LUCY  DILUS   WEDDING 

was  Hiram  'n'  Lucy  ready  to  go  off.  I  bet 
no  one  knows  they  're  brides  —  I  bet  no  one 
knows  what  they  are,  —  you  never  saw  the 
like  in  all  your  worst  dreams.  Hiram  wore 
spectacles  'n'  carpet-slippers  'n'  that  old 
umbrella  as  Mr.  Shores  keeps  at  the  store 
to  keep  from  bein'  stole,  'n'  Lucy  wore 
clothes  she  'd  found  in  trunks  'n'  her  hair 
in  curl-papers,  'n'  her  cold-cream  gloves. 
They  certainly  was  a  sight,  'n'  Gran'ma 
Mullins  laughed  as  hard  as  any  one  over 
them.  Mr.  Sperrit  drove  'em  to  the  train, 
'n'  Hiram  says  he's  goin'  to  spend  two 
dollars  a  day  right  along  till  he  comes  back ; 
so  I  guess  Lucy  '11  have  a  good  time  for 
once  in  her  life.  'N'  Gran'ma  Mullins 
walked  back  with  me  'n'  not  one  word  o' 
Hiram  did  she  speak.  She  was  all  Polly  'n' 
the  deacon.  She  said  it  wa'n't  in  reason  as 
Polly  could  imagine  him  with  hair,  'n'  she 
said  she  was  thinkin'  very  seriously  o'  givin' 
her  a  piece  o'  his  hair  as  she  's  got,  for  a 
weddin'  present.  She  said  Polly  'd  never 
know  what  he  was  like  the  night  he  give  her 
that  hair.  She  said  the  moon  was  shinin' 
'n'  the  frogs  were  croakin',  'n'  she  kind  o' 
choked ;  she  says  she  can't  smell  a  marsh  to 


LUCY   DILL'S   WEDDING          355 

this  day  without  seein'  the  deacon  givin'  her 
that  piece  of  hair.  I  cheered  her  up  all  I 
could —  I  told  her  anyhow  he  could  n't  give 
Polly  a  piece  of  his  hair  if  he  died  for  it. 
She  smiled  a  weak  smile  V  went  on  up  to 
Mrs.  Brown's.  Mrs.  Brown's  asked  her  to 
stay  with  her  a  day  or  two.  Mrs.  Brown 
has  her  faults,  but  nobody  can't  deny  as 
she's  got  a  good  heart,  —  in  fact,  some- 
times I  think  Mrs.  Brown's  good  heart  is 
about  the  worst  fault  she 's  got.  I  've 
knowed  it  lead  her  to  do  very  foolish  things 
time  'n'  again  —  things  as  I  thank  my  star 
I  'd  never  think  o'  doin'  —  not  in  this 
world." 

Mrs.  Lathrop  shifted  her  elbows  a  lit- 
tle ;  Susan  withdrew  at  once  from  the 
fence. 

"  I  must  go  in,"  she  said,  "  to-morrow  is 
goin'  to  be  a  more  'n  full  day.  There 's 
Polly's  weddin'  'n'  then  in  the  evenin'  Mr. 
Weskin  is  comin'  up.  You  need  n't  look  sur- 
prised, Mrs.  Lathrop,  because  I  've  thought 
the  subject  over  up  'n'  down  'n'  hind  end 
foremost  'n'  there  ain't  nothin'  left  for  me 
to  do.  I  can't  sell  nothin'  else  'n'  I  Ve  got 
to  have  money,  so  I  'm  goin'  to  let  go  of 


356          LUCY   DILL'S   WEDDING 

one  of  those  bonds  as  father  left  me.  There 
ain't  no  way  out  of  it ;  I  told  Mr.  Weskin 
I  'd  expect  him  at  sharp  eight  on  sharp 
business,  'n'  he  '11  come.  'N'  I  must  go  as 
a  consequence.  Good  night." 


VIII 

PART   FOURTH 
MR.   JILKINS'S    HAT 

POLLY  ALLEN'S  wedding  took  place 
the  next  day,  and  Mrs.  Lathrop  came 
out  on  her  front  piazza  about  half  past  five 
to  wait  for  her  share  in  the  event. 

The  sight  of  Mrs.  Brown  going  by  with 
her  head  bound  up  in  a  white  cloth,  ac- 
companied by  Gran'ma  Mullins  with  both 
hands  similarly  treated,  was  the  first  inkling 
the  stay-at-home  had  that  strange  doings  had 
been  lately  done. 

Susan  came  next  and  Susan  was  a  sight ! 

Not  only  did  her  ears  stand  up  with  a 
size  and  conspicuousness  never  inherited 
from  either  her  father  or  her  mother,  but 
also  her  right  eye  was  completely  closed  and 
she  walked  lame. 

"  The  Lord  have  mercy ! "  cried  Mrs. 
Lathrop,  when  the  full  force  of  her  friend's 
affliction  effected  its  complete  entrance  into 
her  brain,  —  "Why,  Susan,  what  —  " 

357 


358  MR.   JILKINS'S   HAT 

"  Mrs.  Lathrop,"  said  Miss  Clegg,  "  all 
I  can  say  is  I  come  out  better  than  the 
most  of  'em,  V  if  you  could  see  Sam 
Duruy  or  Mr.  Kimball  or  the  minister 
you  'd  know  I  spoke  the  truth.  The  dea- 
con 'n'  Polly  is  both  in  bed  V  can't  see 
how  each  other  looks,  'n'  them  as  has  a 
eye  is  goin'  to  tend  them  as  can't  see  at  all, 
an'  God  help  'em  all  if  young  Dr.  Brown 
an'  the  mud  run  dry ! "  with  which  pious 
ejaculation  Susan  painfully  mounted  the 
steps  and  sat  down  with  exceeding  gentle- 
ness upon  a  chair. 

Mrs.  Lathrop  stared  at  her  in  dumb 
and  wholly  bewildered  amazement.  After 
a  while  Miss  Clegg  continued. 

"  It  was  all  the  deacon's  fault.  Him  'n' 
Polly  was  so  dead  set  on  bein'  fashionable 
'n'  bein'  a  contrast  to  Hiram  and  Lucy,  'n' 
I  hope  to-night  as  they  lay  there  all  puffed 
up  as  they  '11  reflect  on  their  folly  'n'  think 
a  little  on  how  the  rest  of  us  as  did  n't  care 
rhyme  or  reason  for  folly  is  got  no  choice 
but  to  puff  up,  too.  Mrs.  Jilkins  is  awful 
mad ;  she  says  Mr.  Jilkins  wanted  to  wear 
his  straw  hat  anyhow,  'n'  she  says  she 
always  has  hated  his  silk  hat  'cause  it 


MR.   JILKINS'S   HAT  359 

reminds  her  o'  when  she  was  young  'n' 
foolish  enough  to  be  willin'  to  go  'n' 
marry  into  a  family  as  was  foolish  enough 
to  marry  into  Deacon  White.  Mrs.  Jil- 
kins  is  extra  hot  because  she  got  one  in 
the  neck,  but  my  own  idea  is  as  Polly 
Allen's  weddin'  was  the  silliest  doin's  as  I 
ever  see  from  the  beginning  'n'  the  end 
wa'n't  no  more  than  might  o'  been  ex- 
pected —  all  things  considered. 

"  When  I  got  to  the  church,  what  do 
you  think  was  the  first  thing  as  I  see,  Mrs. 
Lathrop  ?  Well,  you  'd  never  guess  till 
kingdom  come,  so  I  may  as  well  tell  you. 
It  was  Ed  'n'  Sam  Duruy  'n'  Henry 
Ward  Beecher  'n'  Johnny  standin'  there 
waitin'  to  show  us  to  our  pews  like  we 
did  n't  know  our  own  pews  after  sittin'  in 
'em  for  all  our  life-times !  I  just  shook 
my  head  'n'  walked  to  my  pew,  'n'  there, 
if  it  was  n't  looped  shut  with  a  daisy-chain  ! 
Well,  Mrs.  Lathrop,  I  wish  you  could 
have  been  there  to  have  felt  for  me,  for  I 
may  remark  as  a  cyclone  is  a  caterpillar 
wove  up  in  hisself  beside  my  face  when 
I  see  myself  daisy-chained  out  o'  my  own 
pew  by  Polly  Allen.  Ed  was  behind  me 


360  MR.   JILKINS'S   HAT 

'n'  he  whispered  *  That's  reserved  for  the 
family.'  I  give  him  one  look  'n'  I  will 
state,  Mrs.  Lathrop,  as  he  wilted.  It 
did  n't  take  me  long  to  break  that  daisy- 
chain  'n*  sit  down  in  that  pew,  'n'  I  can 
assure  you  as  no  one  asked  me  to  get  up 
again.  Mrs.  Jilkins's  cousins  from  Mead- 
ville  come  'n  looked  at  me  sittin'  there, 
but  I  give  them  jus'  one  look  back  'n' 
they  went  'n'  sat  with  Mrs.  Macy  them- 
selves. A  good  many  other  folks  was  as 
surprised  as  me  over  where  they  had  to  sit, 
but  we  soon  had  other  surprises  as  took  the 
taste  o*  the  first  clean  out  o'  our  mouths. 

"Just  as  Mrs.  Davison  begin  to  play 
the  organ,  Ed  'n'  Johnny  come  down  with 
two  clothes-lines  wound  'round  with  clem- 
atis 'n'  tied  us  all  in  where  we  sat.  Then 
they  went  back  'n'  we  all  stayed  still  'n' 
could  n't  but  wonder  what  under  the  sun 
was  to  be  done  to  us  next.  But  we  did  n't 
have  long  to  wait,  'n'  I  will  say  as  anythin' 
to  beat  Polly's  ideas  I  never  see  —  no  — 
nor  no  one  else  neither. 

"  'Long  down  the  aisle,  two  'n'  two,  'n' 
hand  in  hand,  like  they  thought  they  was 
suthin'  pretty  to  look  at,  come  Ed  'n' 


MR.   JILKINS'S   HAT  361 

Johnny  V  Henry  Ward  Beecher  V  Sam 
Duruy,  V  I  vow  'n'  declare,  Mrs.  Lathrop, 
I  never  was  so  nigh  to  laughin'  in  church  in 
all  my  life.  They  knowed  they  was  funny, 
too,  'n'  their  mouths  'n'  eyes  was  tight  set 
sober,  but  some  one  in  the  back  just  had  to 
giggle,  'n'  when  we  heard  it  we  knew  as 
things  as  was  n't  much  any  other  day  would 
use  us  up  this  day,  sure.  They  stopped  in 
front  'n'  lined  up,  two  on  a  side,  'n'  then, 
for  all  the  world  like  it  was  a  machine-play, 
the  little  door  opened  'n'  out  come  the 
minister  'n'  solemnly  walked  down  to  be- 
tween them.  I  must  say  we  was  all  more 
than  a  little  disappointed  at  its  only  bein'  the 
minister,  'n'  he  must  have  felt  our  feelin's, 
for  he  began  to  cough  'n'  clear  up  his  throat 
'n'  his  little  desk  all  at  once.  Then  Mrs. 
Davison  jerked  out  the  loud  stop  'n'  began 
to  play  for  all  she  was  worth,  'n'  the  door 
behind  banged  'n'  every  one  turned  aroun' 
to  see. 

"  Well,  Mrs.  Lathrop,  we  saw,  —  n'  I 
will  in  truth  remark  as  such  a  sawin'  we  '11 
never  probably  get  a  chance  to  do  again ! 
Mrs.  Sweet  says  they  practised  it  over  four 
times  at  the  church,  so  they  can't  deny  as 


362  MR.   JILKINS^S   HAT 

they  meant  it  all,  V  you  might  lay  me 
crossways  'n'  cut  me  into  chipped  beef  'n' 
still  I  would  declare  as  I  would  n't  have  the 
face  to  own  to  havin'  had  any  hand  in 
plannin'  any  such  weddin'. 

"  First  come  'Liza  Em'ly  'n'  Rachel 
Rebecca  hand  in  hand  carryin'  daisies  —  of 
all  things  in  the  world  to  take  to  a  weddin' 
—  'n'  then  come  Brunhilde  Susan,  with  a 
daisy-chain  around  her  neck  'n'  her  belt 
stuck  full  o'  daisies  'n'--you  can  believe 
me  or  not,  jus'  as  you  please,  Mrs.  Lathrop, 
'n'  still  it  won't  help  matters  any  —  'n'  a 
daisy  stuck  in  every  button  down  her  back, 
'n'  daisies  tangled  up  in  her  hair,  'n'  a 
bunch  o'  daisies  under  one  arm. 

"  Well,  we  was  nigh  to  overcome  by 
Brunhilde  Susan,  but  we  drawed  some  fresh 
breath  'n'  kept  on  lookin',  'n'  next  come 
Polly,  'n'  Mr.  Allen.  I  will  say  for  Mr. 
Allen  as  he  seemed  to  feel  the  ridiculousness 
of  it  all,  for  a  redder  man  I  never  see,  nor 
one  as  looked  more  uncomfortable.  He 
was  daisied,  too  —  had  three  in  his  button- 
hole; —  but  what  took  us  all  was  the  way 
him  'n'  Polly  walked.  I  bet  no  people 
gettin'  married  ever  zigzagged  like  that 


MR.   JILKINS'S   HAT  363 

before,  V  Mrs.  Sweet  says  they  practised  it 
by  countin'  two  V  then  swingin'  out  to  one 
side,  'n'  then  countin'  two  'n'  swingin'  out 
to  the  other  —  she  watched  'em  out  of  her 
attic  window  down  through  the  broke  blind 
to  the  church.  Well,  all  I  can  say  is,  that 
to  my  order  o'  thinkin'  countin'  'n'  swingin' 
is  a  pretty  frame  o'  mind  to  get  a  husband  in, 
but  so  it  was,  'n'  we  was  all  starin'  our  eyes 
off  to  beat  the  band  when  the  little  door 
opened  'n',  to  crown  everythin'  else,  out 
come  the  deacon  'n'  Mr.  Jilkins,  each  with 
a  daisy  'n'  a  silk  hat,  'n'  I  will  remark, 
Mrs.  Lathrop,  as  new-born  kittens  is  blood- 
red  murderers  compared  to  how  innocent  that 
hat  o'  Mr.  Jilkins  looked.  Any  one  could 
see  as  it  was  n't  new,  but  he  was  n't  new  either 
as  far  as  that  goes,  'n'  that  was  what  struck 
me  in  particular  about  the  whole  thing  — 
nothin'  'n'  nobody  was  n't  any  different  only 
for  Polly's  foolishness  'n'  the  daisies. 

"  Well,  they  sorted  out  'n'  begun  to  get 
married,  'n'  us  all  sittin'  lookin'  on  'n'  no 
more  guessin'  what  was  comin'  next  than  a 
ant  looks  for  a  mornin'  paper.  The  minister 
was  gettin'  most  through  'n'  the  deacon  was 
gettin'  out  the  ring,  'n'  we  was  lookin'  to  get 


364  MR.   JILKINS'S   HAT 

up  'n'  out  pretty  quick,  when  —  my  heavens 
alive,  Mrs.  Lathrop,  I  never  will  forget  that 
minute  —  when  Mr.  Jilkins  —  poor  man, 
he  's  sufferin'  enough  for  it,  Lord  knows  !  — 
when  Mr.  Jilkins  dropped  his  hat ! 

"  That  very  next  second  him  'n'  Ed  'n' 
Brunhilde  Susan  all  hopped  'n'  yelled  at 
once,  'n'  the  next  thing  we  see  was  the 
minister  droppin'  his  book  'n'  grabbin'  his 
arm  'n'  the  deacon  tryin'  madly  to  do  hisself 
up  in  Polly's  veil.  We  would  'a'  all  been 
plum  petrified  at  such  goings  on  any  other 
day,  only  by  that  time  the  last  one  of  us 
was  feelin'  to  hop  and  grab  'n'  yell  on  his 
own  account.  Gran'ma  Mullins  was  tryin' 
to  slap  herself  with  the  seat  cushion,  'n'  the 
way  the  daisies  flew  as  folks  went  over  'n' 
under  that  clematis  rope  was  a  caution.  I 
got  out  as  quick  as  I  —  " 

"  But  what  —  "  interrupted  Mrs.  Lathrop, 
her  eyes  fairly  marble-like  in  their  redundant 
curiosity. 

"  It  was  wasps  !  '  said  Susan.  "  It  was  a 
young  wasps'  nest  in  Mr.  Jilkins's  hat. 
Seems  they  carried  their  hats  to  church  in 
their  hands  'cause  Polly  did  n't  want  no  red 
rings  around  'em,  'n'  so  he  never  suspected 


MR.   JILKINS'S   HAT  365 

nothin'  till  he  dropped  it.  'N'  oh,  poor 
little  Brunhilde  Susan  in  them  short  skirts 
of  hers  —  she  might  as  well  have  wore  a  bee- 
hive !  I  will  in  confidence  remark  as  I  got 
off  easy,  'n'  you  can  look  at  me  'n'  figger  on 
what  them  as  got  it  hard  has  got  on  them. 
Young  Dr.  Brown  went  right  to  work  with 
mud  'n'  Polly's  veil  'n'  plastered  'em  over 
as  fast  as  they  could  get  into  Mrs.  Sweet's. 
Mrs.  Sweet  was  mighty  obligin'  'n'  turned 
two  flower-beds  inside  out  'n'  let  every  one 
scoop  with  her  kitchen  spoons,  besides 
runnin'  aroun'  herself  like  she  was  a  slave 
gettin'  paid.  They  took  the  deacon  'n' 
Polly  right  to  their  own  house.  They  can't 
see  one  another  anyhow,  'n'  they  was  most 
all  married  anyway,  so  it  did  n't  seem  worth 
while  to  wait  till  the  minister  gets  the  use  of 
his  upper  lip  again." 

"  Why  —  "  interrogated  Mrs.  Lathrop. 

"  Young  Dr.  Brown  wanted  to,"  said 
Susan,  "  he  wanted  to  fill  my  ears  with  mud, 
'n'  my  eye,  too,  but  I  did  n't  feel  to  have 
it  done.  You  can't  die  o'  wasps'  bills,  'n' 
you  can  o'  young  Dr.  Brown's  —  leastways 
when  you  ain't  got  no  money  to  pay  'em, 
like  I  ain't  got  just  at  present." 


366  MR.   JILKINS'S   HAT 

"  It's  —  "said  Mrs.  Lathrop. 

"Yes,"  said  Susan,  "it  struck  me  that 
way,  too.  This  seems  to  be  a  very  unlucky 
town.  Anything  as  comes  seems  to  catch 
us  all  in  a  bunch.  The  cow  most  lamed  the 
whole  community  'n'  the  automobile  most 
broke  its  back  ;  time  '11  tell  what  '11  be  the 
result  o'  these  wasps,  but  there  won't  be  no 
church  Sunday  for  one  thing,  I  know. 

"'N'  it  ain't  the  least  o'  my  woes,  Mrs. 
Lathrop,  to  think  as  I  Ve  got  to  sit  'n' 
smile  on  Mr.  Weskin  to-night  from  between 
two  such  ears  as  is  on  me,  for  a  man  is  a 
man,  'n'  it  can't  be  denied  as  a  woman  as  is 
mainly  ears  ain't  beguilin'.  Besides,  I  may 
in  confidence  state  to  you,  Mrs.  Lathrop,  as 
the  one  as  buzzed  aroun'  my  head  wa'n't 
really  no  wasp  a  tall  in  comparison  to  the 
one  as  got  under  my  skirts." 

Mrs.  Lathrop's  eyes  were  full  of  sincere 
condolence ;  she  did  not  even  imagine  a 
smile  as  she  gazed  upon  her  afflicted  friend. 

"  I  must  go,"  said  the  latter,  rising  with 
a  groan, "  seems  like  I  never  will  reach  the 
bottom  o'  my  troubles  this  year.  I  keep 
thinkin'  there  's  nothin'  left  'n'  then  I  get  a 
wasp  at  each  end  at  once.  Well,  I  '11  come 


MR.   JILKINS'S   HAT  367 

over  when    Mr.  Weskin  goes  —  if  I   have 
strength." 

Then  she  limped  home. 

It  was  about  nine  that  night  that  she  re- 
turned and  pounded  vigorously  on  her 
friend's  window-pane.  Mrs.  Lathrop  woke 
from  her  rocker-nap,  went  to  the  window 
and  opened  it.  Susan  stood  below  and  the 
moon  illuminated  her  smile  and  her  ears 
with  its  most  silvery  beams. 

"  He  's  just  gone  !  "  she  announced. 

"Yes,"  said  Mrs.  Lathrop,  rubbing  her 
eyes. 

"  He  's  gone  ;   I  come  over  to  tell  you." 

"What — "  said  Mrs.  Lathrop. 

"  I  would  n't  care  if  my  ears  was  as  big  as 
a  elephant's  now." 

"  Why  —  "  asked  Mrs.  Lathrop. 

"  Mrs.  Lathrop,  you  know  as  I  took 
them  bonds  straight  after  father  died  'n' 
locked  'em  up  'n'  I  ain't  never  unlocked 
'em  since  ? " 

Mrs.  Lathrop  assented  with  a  single  rapt 
nod. 

"  Well,  when  I  explained  to  Mr.  Weskin 
as  I  'd  got  to  have  money  'n'  how  was  the 


368  MR.   JILKINS'S   HAT 

best  way  to  sell  a  bond,  he  just  looked  at 
me,  'n'  what  do  you  think  he  said  —  what 
do  you  think  he  said,  Mrs.  Lathrop  ?  " 

Mrs.  Lathrop  hung  far  out  over  the 
window-sill  —  her  gaze  was  the  gaze  of  the 
ever  earnest  and  interested. 

Susan  stood  below.  Her  face  was  aglow 
with  the  joy  of  the  affluent  —  her  very  voice 
might  have  been  for  once  entitled  as  silvery. 

"  He  said,  Mrs.  Lathrop,  he  said,  *  Miss 
Clegg,  why  don't  you  go  down  to  the  bank 
and  cut  your  coupons  ? ' 


IX 
A   VERY   SUPERIOR    MAN 

MISS  CLEGG  sat  in  Mrs.  Lathrop's 
rocking-chair,  on  Mrs.  Lathrop  s 
kitchen  stoop.  Mrs.  Lathrop  sat  at  her 
friend's  feet,  picking  over  currants.  If  she 
picked  over  a  great  many  she  intended  mak- 
ing jelly ;  if  only  a  few,  the  result  was  to  be 
a  pie. 

Susan  had  on  her  bonnet  and  mitts  and 
held  her  sun-umbrella  firmly  gripped  be- 
tween her  two  hands  and  her  two  knees. 
She  looked  weary  and  worn. 

"It  seems  kind  o'  funny  that  I  bothered 
to  go,  now  that  I  come  to  think  it  over," 
she  said,  gazing  meditatively  down  upon  her 
friend  and  her  friend's  currant-picking ;  "  I 
wa'n't  no  relation  of  Rufus  Timmans,  'n' 
although  I  don't  deny  as  it 's  always  a 
pleasure  to  go  to  any  one's  funeral,  still  it 's 
a  long  ways  to  Meadville,  'n'  the  comin' 
back  was  most  awful,  not  to  speak  o'  havin' 

no  dinner  nowhere.     It  never  makes  no  one 
24  369 


370         A   VERY   SUPERIOR   MAN 

brisk  but  a  horse  to  go  without  eatin',  'n'  I 
must  in  consequence  say  't  I  was  really  very 
sorry  as  Rufus  was  dead  durin'  the  last  part 
of  the  drive ;  but  o'  course  he  was  a  very 
superior  man,  'n'  as  a  consequence  nobody 
wanted  to  have  it  said  in  after  life  as  they 
wa'n't  to  his  buryin*.  So  I  went  along  with 
the  rest,  'n'  Heaven  help  me  now,  for  I  never 
was  more  beat  out  in  all  my  life.  I  was  up 
awful  early  this  mornin'  to  be  sure  o'  not 
bein'  left,  'n'  I  may  in  confidence  remark  as 
I  've  thought  many  times  to-day  as  if  I  had 
been  left  I  'd  of  been  a  sight  better  off. 
Long  rides  is  very  frisky  for  them  as  is 
young  'n'  in  love  'n'  likes  to  drive  alternate, 
but  for  a  woman  o'  my  age,  bein'  wedged 
solid  for  sixteen  miles  at  a  time  is  most 
tryin' ;  'n'  comin'  back  some  o'  them  smart 
Meadville  boys  had  the  fine  idea  o*  puttin' 
walnuts  under  the  seats,  'n'  we  rode  most 
of  the  way  thinkin'  as  they  was  our  bones 
till  Mr.  Dill  jus'  got  up  'n'  whopped  his 
cushion  over  to  see  if  it  'd  feel  any  different 
the  other  side,  'n'  I  may  state  as  the  results 
I  shall  remember  till  I  die." 

"Who  —  "  began  Mrs.  Lathrop. 

"  Everybody  !  "    said    Susan  ;    "  I    never 


A   VERY   SUPERIOR   MAN         371 

knowed  how  superior  Rufus  was  till  I  see 
how  folks  turned  out  for  his  funeral.  Every 
minister  'n'  doctor  in  the  whole  vicinity  was 
there.  The  Lumbs  drove  way  up  from 
Clightville,  got  overturned  in  the  brook  by 
the  old  knife  factory,  but  come  along  just 
the  same.  Old  Mr.  'n'  Mrs.  Trumbull 
started  day  before  yesterday  as  soon  as  they 
knowed  he  was  dead  'n'  ate  with  relations 
all  the  way  along  'n'  got  them  to  come  too 
whenever  they  could.  They  was  seven 
buggies  'n'  two  democrats  when  they  arrived 
at  last.  Mrs.  Macy  was  waitin'  for  me  in 
the  square  when  I  got  there  this  mornin'  'n' 
she  told  me  as  a  city  reporter  had  come  up 
to  write  a  account  of  it  'n'  as  Dr.  Cogswell 
was  goin'  to  be  there.  They  say  as  a  live 
bishop  wanted  to  make  the  prayer  but 
Rufus  was  so  advanced  in  his  views  it  seemed 
better  not  to  come  out  too  strong  over  his 
dead  body.  Mrs.  Macy  said  it  all  showed 
what  a  very  superior  man  he  was.  She  says 
as  she  feels  as  maybe  we  did  n't  appreciate 
him  enough.  She  says  maybe  we  was  preju- 
diced. Lord  knows  it 's  very  hard  not  to 
be  prejudiced  agin'  the  folks  you  live  among, 
'n'  I  guess  any  one  as  see  Rufus  mildly 


372         A   VERY   SUPERIOR   MAN 

stumblin'  around  losin'  pocket-handkerchiefs 
'd  of  had  a  hard  time  regardin'  him  as  supe- 
rior; but  he  was  superior,  'n'  Mrs.  Macy 
says  he  always  was  superior,  for  her  aunt, 
old  Mrs.  Kitts,  of  Meadville,  remembers 
when  he  was  born,  'n'  Mrs.  Macy  says 
Mrs.  Kitts  always  says  as  he  was  superior 
right  from  the  start.  She  says  as  Mrs. 
Kitts  says  as  Rufus's  father  was  really  'most 
a  nuisance,  talkin'  about  his  superiority  even 
the  very  first  week  he  was  born.  Mrs. 
Macy  says  Mrs.  Kitts  says  that  his  father 
said  right  off  the  day  he  was  born,  as  to  his 
order  o'  thinkin'  Rufus  was  different  from 
other  babies  right  then  'n'  there.  He  told 
Mrs.  Kitts  hisself  as  he  knowed  folks  was 
often  fools  over  their  first  babies,  'n'  he 
did  n't  calcalate  to  act  no  such  part,  but  in 
common  honesty  he  must  state  as  Rufus  was 
'way  above  the  ordinary  run,  not  because  he 
was  his  baby,  but  just  because  it  was  the 
plain  truth.  Mrs.  Kitts  said  she  see  Rufus 
herself  when  he  wa'n't  but  three  days  old,  'n' 
she  told  Mrs.  Macy  as  she  must  in  truth 
confess  as  he  looked  then  jus*  about  as  he 
always  looked  —  kind  of  too  awful  wise  to 
have  any  sense  a  tall.  Mrs.  Macy  says 


A   VERY   SUPERIOR   MAN         373 

Mrs.  Kitts  says  the  superior  thing  about 
Rufus  them  first  days  was  the  way  as  his 
mother  looked  on  him.  Mrs.  Kitts  says 
Tabitha  Tim  mans  was  a  mos'  remarkable 
woman,  straight  up  her  back  V  all  in  'n'  out 
in  front  —  one  o'  them  women  as  is  most 
all  teeth  —  front  teeth,  'n'  Mrs.  Kitts  said 
whenever  she  looked  at  Rufus  she  was  all 
back  teeth  too.  They  had  him  in  a  clothes- 
basket  to  keep  off  draughts,  with  a  quilt 
to  pervent  changes  in  the  weather,  'n'  a 
mosquito-nettin'  for  fear  a  fly  might  thaw 
out  unexpectedly  'n'  get  near  him.  Mrs. 
Kitts  said  Tabitha  Timmans  was  just  about 
wild  over  him  ;  she  told  Mrs.  Kitts  she  felt 
it  gallopin'  up  'n'  down  her  spine  as  how 
Rufus  was  surely  goin'  to  grow  up  to  be 
a  inspector  —  or  mebbe  the  president ;  she 
said  any  one  could  see  he  was  in  for  bein' 
suthin'  high  up'  n'  sort  o'  quiet  'n'  impor- 
tant. Tilda  Ann,  Sammy  Timmans's  aunt, 
was  there  too.  Mrs.  Kitts  says  she  always 
liked  Tilda  Ann,  what  little  she  see  of  her, 
even  if  she  wasn't  patient.  Mrs.  Macy  says 
Mrs.  Kitts  says  Tilda  Ann  never  had  no 
real  fault,  only  her  never  bein'  able  to  be 
patient.  She  says  if  Tilda  Ann  had  only 


374         A   VERY   SUPERIOR   MAN 

had  a  little  patience  it  'd  of  been  a  great  deal 
better  for  her  in  the  end,  for  if  Tilda  Ann 
'd  had  a  little  more  patience  she  'd  never 
have  come  scurryin'  home  cross-lots  that 
night  in  the  fog  'n'  gone  hickety-pickety 
over  the  well-curb,  thinkin'  it  was  a  stone 
wall.  Mrs.  Kitts  says  she  never  can  help 
considerin'  what  a  shock  Tilda  Ann  must 
have  got  when  she  realized  as  she  was  over, 
'n'  so  was  everythin'  else." 

"  My  —  "  said  Mrs.  Lathrop. 

"  But  she  was  alive  then,"  continued 
Susan,  "  'n'  she  was  there  takin'  care  o' 
Tabitha  'n'  watchin'  over  Rufus.  Mrs. 
Kitts  said  it  did  n't  take  much  to  see  as 
Tilda  Ann  had  n't  no  particular  admiration 
for  Rufus  ;  she  said  right  then  'n'  there,  as 
to  her  order  o'  thinkin',  Tabitha  'd  ought  to 
teach  him  to  quit  suckin'  his  thumb  right 
off,  —  she  said  as  it  was  a  most  terrible  job 
when  they  got  bigger.  Mrs.  Kitts  said 
Tabitha  said  as  not  many  babies  was  smart 
enough  to  suck  their  thumbs  at  Rufus's 
age,  'n'  then  Tilda  Ann  said  as  not  many 
mothers  was  fool  enough  to  let  'em.  Mrs. 
Kitts  said  Tilda  Ann  was  never  one  to 
mince  words.  She  always  said  jus'  what 


A   VERY   SUPERIOR   MAN         375 

she  thought,  'n'  that  was  a  very  bad  thing 
for  her  too,  for  afore  she  died  she  'd  said 
jus'  what  she  thought  to  so  many  people 
that  they  had  great  difficulty  gettin'  a  party 
together  to  hunt  for  her  that  day  as  she 
turned  up  missin'  on  a'count  of  bein'  down 
in  the  well. 

"  While  we  was  talkin'  —  Mrs.  Macy 
'n'  me  —  up  Gran'ma  Mullins  come  'n'  it 
turned  out  from  her  as  we  was  all  three 
expected  to  squeeze  over  to  Meadville  on 
Mr.  Jilkins's  back  seat  together.  Mrs. 
Macy  'n'  me  was  far  from  pleased  at  that 
prospeck,  'n'  Gran'ma  Mullins  did  n't  look 
over  rejoiced  herself.  There  is  them  as  can 
wedge,  'n'  them  as  can't,  'n'  we  was  all  three 
the  kind  as  can't.  I  ain't  as  wide  as  Mrs. 
Macy,  nor  yet  the  soft  and  squashy  kind 
like  Gran'ma  Mullins,  but  I  will  say,  Mrs. 
Lathrop,  as  bein'  overflowed  around  for 
sixteen  miles,  is  to  my  order  o'  thinkin' 
full  as  tryin'  as  to  be  overflowin'  aroun' 
somebody  else." 

"  I  -  -  "  said  Mrs.  Lathrop,  mildly. 

"  No,  you  would  n't  either,"  said  Susan. 
"  I  know  you  better  'n  you  know  yourself, 
Mrs.  Lathrop,  for  I  know  you  asleep  'n' 


376         A   VERY   SUPERIOR  MAN 

awake,  'n'  you  only  know  yourself  awake  ; 
not  as  asleep  'n'  awake  is  n't  very  much  the 
same  thing  with  you,  Mrs.  Lathrop ;  but 
asleep  or  awake,  the  main  fact  is  as  I  know 
most,  so  you  can  just  keep  still  till  I  get 
done  with  what  I'm  sayin'." 

Mrs.  Lathrop  kept  still. 

"  Well,  after  it  was  settled  as,  willy-nilly, 
we  'd  got  to  back-seat  it  to  Meadville  to- 
gether, Gran'ma  Mullins  begin  about  what 
a  very  superior  man  Rufus  was  'n'  what 
a  very  superior  boy  he  used  to  be.  Mrs. 
Macy  did  n't  say  nothin',  'cause  it  was  easy 
to  see  as  she  'd  really  took  it  a  good  deal  to 
heart  bein'  thirded  for  sixteen  miles ;  but 
Gran'ma  Mullins  went  right  on  with  when 
she  lived  in  Meadville  'n'  taught  school 
that  winter  she  was  seventeen.  She  said  as 
Rufus  was  in  her  middle  class  that  winter 
'n'  mo s  superior.  He  was  nine  'n'  the 
oldest  o'  nine,  there  bein'  two  pairs  o'  twins; 
she  said  it  looked  like  Tabitha  'n'  Sammy  had 
took  the  Bible  about  replenishin'  the  earth 
right  on  to  their  own  shoulders.  Gran'ma 
Mullins  said  it  was  suthin'  to  make  any  one 
content  to  teach  school  forever,  only  to  look 
at  'em ;  she  said  she  should  always  think  it 


A  VERY   SUPERIOR   MAN         377 

was  that  as  made  all  the  men  in  Meadville 
so  ready  to  go  to  the  war  'n'  the  women  so 
calm  over  their  gettin'  killed ;  she  said  no 
one  wanted  to  get  married  there,  anyhow." 

"  But  she  —  "  interposed  Mrs.  Lathrop, 
quickly. 

"  Well,  but  she  knew  he  had  a  bullet  in 
him  'n'  the  Roman  fever  'n'  a  pension," 
said  Susan,  cc  she  knowed  she  was  pretty  safe 
—  I  would  n't  blame  her  under  them  cir- 
cumstances. But  that's  neither  here  nor 
anywhere  else,  Mrs.  Lathrop,  'n'  what  with 
your  interruptin*  Lord  knows  when  we  will 
get  around  to  Rufus,  for  I  keep  forgettin' 
he's  dead  'n'  rememberin'  him  alive,  'n'  no 
one  as  remembers  Rufus  Timmans  alive 
could  ever  tell  anything  about  him,  'n'  you 
know  that  as  well  as  I  do.  Gran'ma  Mul- 
lins  said  herself  to-day  as  he  was  a  great 
problem  to  her  in  school,  'n'  she  used  to 
study  him  out  of  all  comparison  to  the  other 
children.  Every  one  admitted  as  he  was 
superior,  'n'  yet  no  one  knowed  jus'  why. 
She  says  he  really  was  superior  in  lots  o* 
ways,  'n'  he  whittled  her  an  open-work  ink- 
stand once  for  a  Christmas  as  she  's  used  for 
toothpicks  ever  since,  but  she  says  the  in- 


378         A   VERY   SUPERIOR   MAN 

side  o'  his  ideas  was  surely  most  amazin'. 
She  says  she  had  him  for  two  years,  V  all 
she  could  say  was  as  in  all  them  two  years 
she  was  mostly  struck  dumb  by  him.  She 
says  she  used  to  go  up  'n'  talk  to  Tabitha, 
'n'  Tilda  Ann  used  to  come  down  'n'  talk 
with  her,  but  nothin'  ever  seemed  to  come 
of  it.  Tilda  Ann  declared  up  'n'  down  as 
he  was  a  fool  through  'n'  through,  'n'  poor 
Tabitha  was  awful  nervous  for  fear  he  'd  in- 
vent somethin'  in  bed  some  night  as  would 
surely  blow  the  house  up.  Seems  he  was 
so  ahead  at  ten  years  old  that  he  wanted 
to  study  to  be  a  chemist,  'n'  so  behind  that 
he  spelt  it  f  kemst,'  'n'  him  all  of  ten  years 
old. 

"  Gran'ma  Mullens  said  she  used  to  be 
clean  beside  herself;  he  was  the  show-boy 
whenever  the  board  came,  'n'  never  got  his 
lessons  between  times.  She  says  she  always 
knowed  he  'd  turn  out  some  way,  but  Tilda 
Ann  never  had  no  opinion  of  him  a  tall. 
Not  as  Tilda  Ann's  opinion  mattered  much, 
'cause  she  climbed  into  the  well  just  about 
then,  'n'  Rufus  looked  out  a  verse  for  her 
tombstone  in  the  Bible.  It  was  a  very  good 
motto  for  her  too,  —  it  was,  *  Well  done, 


A   VERY  SUPERIOR   MAN         379 

thou  good  'n'  faithful  servant '  ;  it  made  a 
lot  o'  talk,  'cause  she  really  never  was  paid 
nothin',  but  the  sentiment  about  the  well 
was  very  pretty,  'n'  every  one  thought  Tilda 
Ann  herself  would  have  liked  it  if  she  'd 
stayed  up  'n'  so  had  any  say  in  the  matter. 

"  Gran'ma  Mullins  went  on  to  say  as  she 
got  married  soon  after,  so  she  run  out  of  talk, 
an'  Mrs.  Macy  'n'  me  was  so  tired  listenin'  to 
her  anyway  that  we  was  all  more  'n'  content 
jus'  to  stand  aroun'  'n'  wait  till  the  Jilkinses 
come  drivin'  up.  Then  we  all  had  to  up  'n' 
in  somehow,  'n'  I  will  say,  Mrs.  Lathrop,  as 
wedgin'  Mrs.  Macy  an'  Gran'ma  Mullins 
was  certainly  a  sight  to  see.  They  was  for 
puttin'  me  in  the  middle,  but  I  was  flat  for  a 
outside  so  's  I  could  breathe,  'n'  in  the  end 
Mrs.  Jilkins  set  between  me  'n'  Gran'ma 
Mullins,  'n'  Mrs.  Macy  set  with  Mr.  Jilkins 
—  what  of  her  did  n't  hang  over  outside." 

"  What  did —  "  began  Mrs.  Lathrop. 

"  There  was  n't  no  other  way  to  get  'em 
both  there  — that 's  why,"  said  Susan;  "there 
was  them  as  went  on  the  cars,  but  that  was  n't 
no  great  success,  for  they  was  so  late  that 
Rufus  had  his  lid  all  on  afore  they  got  there, 
so  they  really  had  very  little  for  their  money. 


380         A   VERY   SUPERIOR   MAN 

'N'  besides,  if  we  'd  all  gone  on  the  cars,  how 
was  we  to  get  to  the  grave  ?  Rufus  was  well 
this  side  o'  Meadville,  V  the  cemetery 's 
some  further  this  way,  'n'  whatever  your 
views  may  be  I  hope  you  don't  mind  my 
sayin'  right  out  as  other  folks'  views  is 
always  more  sensible.  You  can't  be  expected 
to  know  much,  Mrs.  Lathrop,  with  your 
few  church  privileges  'n'  your  parlor  too 
small  for  the  sewin'  society  ;  but  if  you  was 
less  inclined  to  talk  'n'  more  inclined  to 
listen  to  me  I  may  in  confidence  remark  as 
you  might  learn  about  the  funeral  —  even 
if  you  never  learned  nothin'  else  in  this 
world." 

Mrs.  Lathrop  was  again  silent  forthwith. 

"Drivin'  over  we  all  talked  about  Rufus. 
We  had  really  a  very  pleasant  ride,  for  we 
was  all  disposed  to  view  him  kindly  goin' 
over.  Mrs.  Macy  told  over  again  what  a 
superior  baby  he  was,  'n'  Gran'ma  Mullins 
told  over  again  what  a  superior  boy  he  was, 
'n'  Mrs.  Macy  said  as  Mrs.  Kitts  said  as 
he  was  the  talk  o'  the  town  when  he  was 
twenty-one.  Gran'ma  Mullins  did  n't  re- 
member much  about  him  then,  'cause  she 
got  married  along  about  that  time,  'n'  she 's 


A   VERY   SUPERIOR   MAN         381 

always  said  that  them  who  gets  married 
don't  need  nothin'  else  to  do  for  one  while ; 
but  Mrs.  Macy  said  Rufus  was  one  o'  the 
most  superior  young  men  as  Mrs.  Kitts  ever 
see.  She  said  as  old  Mr.  Tilley  took  him 
right  into  the  heart  'n'  soul  o'  his  drug-store 
jus*  because  his  mother  was  his  cousin,  'n' 
even  then  the  general  feelin'  was  as  he  was 
way  above  the  business.  Mrs.  Macy  said 
as  Mrs.  Kitts  said  she  'd  never  forget  goin'  in 
one  day  for  some  salts  'n'  rinding  Rufus  all 
alone.  Why,  she  said  she  never  had  known 
he  was  so  head  'n'  shoulders  above  other  peo- 
ple !  She  says  she  's  told  the  story  a  million 
times  'n'  it 's  still  fresh  in  her  mind.  She 
said  she  asked  for  simple  salts,  'n'  he  begun 
right  off  about  a  comet.  She  felt  awful  un- 
comfortable to  have  to  say  as  she  had  n't 
seen  no  comet,  'n'  then  it  turned  out  no 
wonder,  'cause  you  could  only  see  it  from 
China  an'  Maddygasgar.  She  said  she  was 
awful  interested,  'n'  he  was  too,  'n'  in  the 
end  he  was  so  interested  that  he  found  he 
had  n't  poured  out  o'  the  salts  bottle  a  talL 
It  was  only  just  a  chance  as  he  remembered 
as  it  was  salts  she  wanted,  'n'  she  said  he 
was  so  nice  about  it,  went  under  the  counter 


382         A   VERY   SUPERIOR  MAN 

to  find  a  cork  to  fit,  V  told  her  all  about 
how  they  get  gumarabic  while  he  was  under 
there,  'n'  she  was  so  deep  in  the  subjeck  that 
she  never  noticed,  'n'  he  stuck  a  poison 
label  on,  'n'  they  both  laughed  over  that  fit 
to  kill  themselves.  My  goodness,  Mrs. 
Macy  said,  but  Mrs.  Kitts  said  as  he  was  a 
taking  young  man.  In  the  end  he  wrote 
the  name  in  Latin  across  the  skull  'n'  cross- 
bones,  'n'  she  only  had  to  always  remember 
as  '  Sally  Simplex  '  meant  *  simple  salts  ' 
from  them  on. 

"  She  went  on  to  say  as  the  biggest  thing 
Rufus  ever  done  long  about  then  was  to 
down  the  minister  in  a  open  conversation 
one  night  callin'  at  Deacon  GrummePs. 
She  told  all  about  it,  'n'  seems  as  there  was 
some  talk  afterwards  about  gettin'  up  a 
subscription  to  send  him  to  college,  only 
it  never  come  to  nothin'  'cause  no  one 
wanted  to  subscribe.  Seems  the  minister 
was  Luther  Law,  him  as  moved  to  Chicago 
afterwards  'n'  got  burnt  up  or  out — I  for- 
get which  —  in  the  fire.  Seems  he  was  to 
Deacon  GrummePs  one  night,  'n'  him  'n' 
Rufus  got  to  discussin'  what  we  all  come 
from.  Mrs.  Macy  says  Mrs.  Grummel 


A   VERY  SUPERIOR  MAN         383 

said  she  never  hear  the  like.  She  'n'  her 
husband  was  jus'  all  of  a  tremble.  She 
said  afterwards  that  if  it  'd  of  been  any 
other  minister  than  Luther  Law,  Rufus 
would  have  had  him  sure.  She  said  it  was 
just  like  a  lecture  hall  to  hear,  upon  her 
honor.  The  minister  begun  by  startin'  out 
for  our  all  comin'  from  Adam  'n'  Eve, 
but  Rufus  come  out  flat  for  our  bein'  from 
monkeys.  Well,  Mrs.  Grummel  said  she 
'n'  her  husband  could  n't  do  no  more  than 
feel  their  hearts  beat  at  that.  Rufus  jus' 
argued  'n'  kep'  on  arguin'  till  he  made 
the  minister  admit  as  there  was  n't  nothin' 
absolute  agin'  monkeys,  'n'  then  —  if  that 
young  man  did  n't  go  him  one  better  'n' 
say  as  he  believed  in  tadpoles  himself. 
Luther  Law  was  flat  agin'  tadpoles,  but 
Rufus  never  let  up  till  he  got  him  to  admit 
that  if  the  Lord  could  make  a  man  out  of 
a  monkey  He  could  make  him  out  of  a 
tadpole,  too.  'N'  then,  when  he  'd  got  him 
so  far,  what  do  you  think,  Mrs.  Lathrop, 
—  what  do  you  think!  —  Mrs.  Macy  said 
as  Mrs.  Kitts  said  as  Mrs.  Grummel  said 
if  that  young  man  did  n't  look  right  square 
into  Luther's  face  'n'  say  as  to  his  order 


384         A   VERY   SUPERIOR   MAN 

o'  thinkin'  it  was  n't  what  we'd  come  from 
as  mattered  so  much  as  what  we  'd  develop 
into  next.  f  That 's  what  I  want  to  know,' 
he  said  to  Luther  Law,  runnin'  his  hand 
into  himself  in  that  way  as  was  so  fashion- 
able along  'bout  then,  *  that 's  what  /  want 
to  know,  'n'  I  can't  find  no  one  as  has  a 
addykit  answer  for  me.' 

"Well,  Mrs.  Macy  said  Mrs.  Kitts  said 
as  up  to  her  deathbed  day  Mrs.  Grummel 
always  said  as  that  was  the  minute  o'  her 
life.  She  said  facin'  cannon  would  n't  be 
nothin'  to  the  way  she  'n'  the  deacon  felt 
over  seein'  the  minister  asked  a  thing  like 
that  right  on  top  o'  their  own  tea  !  But, 
lor,  you  never  could  stick  Luther  Law.  A 
minister  would  n't  be  able  to  be  able  to  be 
a  minister  if  little  things  like  questions  you 
can't  answer  could  run  him  aground.  He 
jus'  waited  a  minute  'n'  then  he  looked  slow 
'n'  sad,  an'  lifted  up  his  hand  soy  'n'  pointed 
so,  an'  said,  '  Young  man,  how  can  you  ask 
such  a  question,  with  the  starry  heaven  right 
on  top  of  your  head  ? ' 

"  Well !  Mrs.  Grummel  said  it  was  like  a 
flash  o'  thunder  splittin'  clean  through  the  air. 
She  said  her  husband  never  quit  saying  to  his 


A   VERY   SUPERIOR   MAN         385 

dying  day  as  that  was  the  smartest  thing  as 
Luther  Law  ever  said,  considerin'  how  little 
time  he  had  to  think,  'n'  it  was  the  only 
thing  in  the  wide  world  as  he  could  of  said, 
too.  She  said  she  told  that  story  all  over 
town,  'n'  no  one  could  ever  decide  which  was 
the  smartest,  Rufus  or  Luther  Law ;  'cause 
even  if  Luther  Law  did  find  a  way  out,  it 
was  such  a  astonishin'  thing  as  he  did  that 
Rufus  got  a  sight  o'  credit  out  of  comin'  as 
nigh  to  stickin'  him  as  he  did.  A  good 
many  people  begun  to  say  then  as  he  was 
too  superior  for  a  small  town ;  —  old  Dr. 
Lumb  said  as  to  his  order  o'  thinkin'  he  'd 
ought  to  move  near  to  some  place  where 
he  'd  have  professors  to  talk  to. 

"  Mrs.  Macy  said  Mrs.  Kitts  give  her  to 
understand,  though,  as  there  was  a  nother 
side  to  Rufus  even  then,  'n'  it  begun  to  crop 
out  mighty  young,  too.  Mrs.  Kitts  said 
she  would  n't  mention  it  only  in  confidence, 
but  Mr.  Tilley,  of  the  drug-store  where 
Rufus  was,  told  her  as  he  'd  be  only  too 
glad  to  see  Rufus  move  anywhere^  whether 
he  had  professors  to  talk  to  or  not.  Mr. 
Tilley  said  his  ideas  was  far  too  advanced  for 
a  small  town.  Mr.  Tilley  said  he  could  n't 


386         A   VERY   SUPERIOR   MAN 

find  the  easiest  things  after  Rufus  had  got 
'em  labelled  in  Latin,  'n'  he  said  it  was  n't 
practical  to  classify  no  drug-store  without  a 
rollin'  step-ladder  anyhow.  Then  there  came 
up  the  Kelly  cat,  'n'  on  account  o'  the 
Kellys  havin'  money  the  Kelly  cat  come 
nigh  to  endin'  Rufus.  I  never  hear  about 
the  Kelly  eat  afore,  but  seems  as  the  Kelly 
cat  was  ailin*  'n'  the  Kellys  took  it  to  Rufus 
for  catnip,  'n'  Rufus  got  to  discoursin'  with 
Bessy  on  how  if  you  're  born  under  Venus 
with  Mars  gettin'  up  you  're  bound  to  marry 
whoever  you  love,  'n'  he  clean  forgot  what 
ailed  the  cat  'n'  tried  to  give  her  ipecac  as 
if  she  was  croupy  instead  o'  bein'  droopy. 
The  cat  knowed  ipecac  even  if  Rufus  did  n't, 
'n'  she  bounced  out  from  between  him  'n' 
Bessy  'n'  bounced  into  the  winder  'n'  busted 
the  big  bottle  full  o'  green.  Rufus  said  it 
was  a  fit,  'n'  he  got  a  hair-oil  bottle  as  gives 
you  a  nickel  nose  of  your  own  for  nothin', 
'n'  he  put  the  nose  on  the  ipecac  'n'  got 
the  whole  down  the  cat  so  far  that  she 
come  nigh  to  swallowin'  the  nose.  Mrs. 
Macy  said  Mrs.  Kelly  never  felt  to  forgive 
Rufus,  'n'  it  set  her  deader  'n'  ever  agin* 
him,  but,  lor,  Bessy  was  too  head  over  heels 


A   VERY   SUPERIOR   MAN         387 

in  love  to  care  abouts  cats  or  ipecac.  She 
was  as  sure  Rufus  was  superior  as  any  one 
could  be,  'n'  every  one  knowed  what  was 
up  as  well  as  she  'n'  Rufus  did.  Mrs.  Macy 
said  as  every  one  said  as  a  superior  young 
man  must  marry  money  or  he  could  n't 
in  reason  stay  superior  long,  'n'  Rufus  was 
dead  set  on  stayin'  superior,  so  they  was 
married  the  next  spring  'n'  moved  to  the 
city,  'n'  they  did  n't  come  back  till  it  was 
plain  as  Mr.  Kelly  'd  have  to  support  'em 
or  let  Bessy  starve  on  Rufus's  superiority." 

Susan  paused  abruptly  and  sighed.  Mrs. 
Lathrop  said  never  a  word.  Presently  the 
discourse  flowed  on  again. 

"  Well,  there  was  n't  really  no  wish  to  say 
nothin'  but  good  of  Rufus,  but  it  is  a  long 
drive  to  Meadville  an'  we  had  to  talk,  'n' 
you  know  as  well  as  I  do,  Mrs.  Lathrop,  as 
it 's  nigh  to  impossible  to  talk  long  of  people 
if  you're  only  to  say  good  of  'em.  Rufus 
was  there  'n'  dead  to  talk  about,  'n'  while 
we  naturally  wished  him  well,  still  we 
was  pretty  tired  before  we  got  through 
drivin'  sixteen  miles  to  bury  him.  Gran'ma 
Mullins  said  finally  as  he  was  certainly  a 
very  superior  man,  but  she  knowed  from  her 


388         A   VERY   SUPERIOR   MAN 

niece  Hannah  as  he  was  trying  to  live  with. 
She  said  Hannah  lived  with  'em  for  five 
years  'n'  looked  after  the  children,  'n' 
cheered  Bessy  up  when  she  was  nigh  to  wore 
out  with  bein'  married  to  Rufus.  Hannah 
never  had  no  use  for  Rufus  Timmans  herself, 
—  she  was  awful  fond  o'  Bessy  'n'  the  boys, 
but  she  drawed  the  line  at  Rufus,  'n'  Gran'ma 
Mullins  says  she  never  minced  matters 
neither.  Gran'ma  Mullins  says  as  Hannah 
used  to  walk  right  in  on  Rufus  'n'  let  fly 
whenever  she  felt  as  the  salvation  of  her  soul 
called  on  her  to  speak  or  bu'st.  She  said 
Hannah  said  what  she  could  n't  stand  was 
the  way  the  general  public  seemed  to  coin- 
cide with  Rufus's  opinion  of  himself.  Han- 
nah used  to  say  as  the  general  run  o'  folks 
did  n't  have  to  live  with  Rufus  Timmans  an' 
she  did,  'n'  she  furthermore  used  to  say  if 
the  general  run  o'  folks  had  had  to  live  with 
Rufus  Timmans  they  would  n't  o'  viewed 
him  from  no  fancy  standpoint  no  more  'n' 
she  did  herself.  Hannah  used  to  say  as  day 
in  'n'  day  out  was  a  terrible  lettin'  in  o'  light 
on  dark  spots,  'n'  for  her  part  she  had  n't 
got  no  use  for  a  man  as  had  the  whole  o'  the 
inside  o'  the  earth  by  heart  'n'  was  n't  one 


A   VERY   SUPERIOR   MAN         389 

earthly  bit  o'  good  on  the  outside  of  it. 
Hannah  said  as  all  she  could  say  was  as  she 
wisht  as  some  o'  them  as  admired  his  su- 
perior understandin'  could  just  be  in  her 
place  one  while.  Gran'ma  Mullins  said  as 
there  was  one  time  as  Hannah  never  got 
over,  V  that  was  the  cistern,  she  said  as 
Hannah  always  got  mad  whenever  she  told 
it  'n'  she  told  it  so  often,  her  face  stayed 
always  red  in  the  end,  jus'  from  tellin'  that 
story  so  often. 

"  Seems  as  Rufus  thought  mebbe  there 
was  a  dead  rat  in  the  cistern,  so  he  had  the 
cistern  cleaned  out,  'n'  the  drouth  came  on, 
'n'  Monday  come  on  top  o'  the  drouth,  'n' 
Hannah  pumped  her  arms  most  off  afore  she 
realized  as  there  wa'n't  no  water  a  tally  'n' 
then  she  was  that  mad  as  she  walked  right 
in  on  Rufus  'n'  give  it  to  him. 

"  Gran'ma  Mullins  said  Hannah  said  it 
made  her  mad  only  to  look  at  him  ;  he  was 
sittin'  in  the  little  shady  parlor,  jus'  softly 
rockin'  back  'n'  forth,  readin'  a  book  as  told 
why  the  Dead  Sea  's  dead.  Well,  Hannah 
said  no  words  could  tell  how  much  madder 
she  got  when  she  got  right  in  front  o'  him 
—  to  see  a  able-bodied  man  rockin'  'n' 


390         A   VERY   SUPERIOR   MAN 

readin'  Dead  Seas  on  top  of  a  empty  cistern. 
Hannah  was  never  one  to  keep  her  own 
counsel  in  the  face  of  her  own  feelin's,  you 
know,  'n'  she  jus'  went  right  up  in  front  of 
Rufus  'n'  said  as  calm  as  she  could,  f  Mr. 
Timmans,  where  's  the  water  for  the  wash  to 
come  from  ? '  Gran'ma  Mullins  said  Han- 
nah always  said  as  she  tried  to  stay  calm  but 
she  give  out  young,  'n'  the  sight  o'  Rufus 
liftin'  his  superior  eyes  jus'  did  for  her. 
She  put  her  two  hands  on  her  two  hips,  an' 
let  out  right  then  'n'  there,  *  Mr.  Timmans,' 
she  says,  c  you  was  so  sure  't  there  was  a  rat 
drowned  in  the  cistern,'  she  says,  *  that 
nothin'  mus'  do  but  you  mus'  clean  it  out,' 
she  says ;  ( 'n'  there  wa'n't  no  rat,'  she  says, 
'  'n'  it  ain't  rained  since,'  she  says,  ( 'n'  how 
're  we  to  wash  ? '  she  says,  —  'n'  then  she 
waited  to  see  what  he  would  say,  'n'  she  said 
a  lamb  would  o'  begun  to  hop  about  'n' 
yowl  with  mad  to  see  how  kind  of  calm  'n' 
dazed  like  'n'  altogether  peaceful  'n'  happy 
he  looked  up  at  her.  'N'  he  says,  quite 
placid  'n'  contented,  '  Can't  you  get  some 
water  out  o'  the  pond  ? '  he  says.  t  Out  o' 
the  pond  ! '  says  Hannah,  high-keyed  like, 
—  Gran'ma  Mullins  says  Hannah  always 


A   VERY   SUPERIOR  MAN         391 

went  high-keyed  easy,  —  '  out  o'  that  muddy, 
swampy,  slimy,  marshy,  cow-churned  pond,' 
says  Hannah, ( out  o'  that  nasty,  dirty,  filthy, 
green  pond,'  says  Hannah,  gettin'  high- 
keyeder  'n'  high-keyeder.  '  I  can  get  it 
clean  for  you,'  says  Rufus,  a-openin'  the 
Dead  Sea  'n'  runnin'  his  eyes  aroun'  for  his 
place,  — '  jus'  say  when  you  want  it,'  he  says. 
Well,  Gran'ma  Mullins  said  Hannah  always 
said  as  she  never  knowed  what  kept  her  off 
him  at  that  minute,  for  she  was  that  mad  she 
felt  like  the  righteous  judgment  o'  the  Lord 
was  in  the  ends  of  her  very  finger-nails. 
1  Now,'  she  says,  *  right  now,'  she  says ; 
'  that  's  when  I  want  it,'  she  says.  Rufus 
looked  up  'n'  see  she  was  in  earnest,  'n'  she 
says  the  way  he  sighed  like  he  was  a  martyr 
as  led  the  band  was  enough  to  have  ended 
her  patience  once  'n'  for  all  time  if  it  had  n't 
been  for  the  wash,  'n'  then  he  carefully 
turned  a  leaf  down  in  the  Dead  Sea  'n'  got 
out  o'  the  rocker  'n'  went  'n'  got  Nathan 
Lumb  'n'  they  went  off  together. 

"Well,  Gran'ma  Mullins  said  Hannah 
begun  to  wait,  'n'  Hannah  waited  until  if 
Hannah  had  waited  any  longer  she  'd  have 
gone  off  like  a  rocket,  she  was  that  mad 


392         A   VERY   SUPERIOR   MAN 

again.  Gran'ma  Mullins  said  Hannah  al- 
ways got  so  red  she  got  purple  if  she  only 
was  rememberin'  it  after.  'N'  in  the  end 
she  could  n't  stand  it  no  longer  'n'  she  set 
off  for  the  pond  herself.  She  always  said  as 
she  just  hoped  'n'  prayed  as  they  was  both 
on  'em  drowned  all  the  way  there,  but  the 
Lord  in  his  mercy  was  n't  seein'  fit  to  deal 
out  no  such  luck,  'n'  she  found  the  pond 
there  an'  Rufus  'n'  Nathan  gone. 

"  'N'  what  do  you  suppose  she  see,  Mrs. 
Lathrop ;  what  do  you  suppose  she  see  ? 
You  never  heard  the  like,  'n'  the  whole 
wagon  of  us  could  n't  but  feel  as  it  was 
maybe  just  as  well  as  we  was  on  our  way  to 
Rufus's  funeral,  for  we  never  could  have 
faced  him  in  real  life  after  hearin'  such  a 
tale. 

"  Seems  there  was  the  pond  'n'  there  was 
the  edge  o'  the  pond,  'n'  there  was  two 
barrels  as  Rufus  'n'  Nathan  had  set  close  to 
the  edge.  One  o'  the  barrels  was  empty  'n' 
one  was  full  o'  dirty  swamp-water,  'n'  Rufus's 
superior  mind  had  hung  a  old  piece  o'  car- 
pet from  one  barrel  over  into  the  other  so  it 
could  suck  up  dirty  water  'n'  drip  off  clean, 
'n'  mebbe  if  the  sun  did  n't  shine  too  hard 


A   VERY   SUPERIOR   MAN         393 

Hannah  'd  have  a  pail  o'  clean  water  come 
Hallowe'en.  'N'  the  wash  waitin'  ! 

"  Mr.  Jilkins  said  as  that  was  jus'  what 
might  o'  been  expected  o'  Rufus.  He  'd 
like  to  observe  the  theery  'n'  he  would  n't 
care  about  the  wash.  Gran'ma  Mullins 
said  it  did  the  business  for  Hannah,  though. 
She  never  could  make  up  her  mind  to  take 
Dr.  Lumb  before  on  a'count  o'  his  swearin' 
so,  but  she  made  up  her  mind  as  anythin' 
as  'd  rid  her  o'  Rufus  'n'  give  her  a  chance 
to  boss  Nathan  'd  fill  her  bill  after  that,  'n' 
she  went  up  that  very  night  'n'  told  Dr. 
Lumb,  as  if  he  still  wanted  her,  she  was 
prepared  to  be  took.  He  wanted  her  'n'  he 
took  her,  'n'  she  was  to  the  funeral  to-day 
with  Nathan  'n'  his  two  boys,  all  of  'em 
brushed  so  slick  you  could  see  with  half  a 
eye  as  Hannah  had  got  a  deal  o'  satisfaction 
out  o'  them  all  these  years  since. 

"  She  come  over  to  sit  beside  Gran'ma 
Mullins  'n'  talked  a  little  while.  She  said 
Bessy  Timmans  was  bearin'  Rufus's  loss  mos' 
bravely,  'n'  her  daughter  Betty  was  come 
home  'n'  brought  the  baby  to  comfort  her. 
Hannah  said  as  Betty  was  a  very  sweet 
young  woman.  She  said  she  never  forgot 


394.         A   VERY   SUPERIOR   MAN 

the  day  when  she  was  only  four  years  old,  'n' 
asked  right  out  why  the  family  had  to  be  so 
proud  o'  Rufus.  Hannah  said  her  mother 
shut  her  up  quick,  but  it  was  plain  to  be  seen 
as  that  child  had  eyes  for  them  as  could  hear, 
'n'  was  pretty  quick  at  sizin'  up  Rufus. 

"  It  was  a  awful  big  funeral.  Folks  was 
there  from  all  over.  I  drove  out  to  the 
graveyard  with  old  Dr.  Lumb  'n'  Dr. 
Cogswell  from  the  city.  The  other  one  was 
Susy  Carter,  'n'  she's  so  deaf  all  I  could  do 
was  to  listen  to  the  front  seat.  Dr.  Cogs- 
well said  as  it  was  a  great  pity  that  a 
superior  man  like  Rufus  Timmans  should 
have  had  to  live  his  life  out  on  highways 
'n'  edges  by  circumstances  probably  beyond 
his  control.  Dr.  Lumb  said  yes,  a  small 
community  like  Meadville  could  n't  never 
offer  nothin'  like  a  addykit  scope  to  a  brain 
like  Rufus's.  He  said  he  was  surprised  as 
Rufus's  brain  had  managed  to  scratch  along 
as  well  as  it  had  under  the  circumstances. 
He  said,  with  the  exception  of  himself 
Rufus  had  never  had  no  one  to  really  talk 
to.  He  said,  to  be  frank,  he  would  in  con- 
fidence remark  to  Dr.  Cogswell  as  Bessy 
Timmans  was  a  very  inferior  person  an'  no 


A   VERY   SUPERIOR  MAN         395 

ways  up  to  Rufus.  He  said  as  he  should  n't 
be  personally  surprised  to  know  as  her 
feelin's  towards  Rufus  partook  more  of  a 
element  of  impatience  than  of  admiration. 
He  said  as  one  night  when  he  was  there 
he  was  most  dumbfounded  to  see  how  little 
attention  she  paid  with  Rufus  discoursin' 
on  trilobites  V  their  relations  to  the  cursory 
strata.  Dr.  Cogswell  sighed  'n'  said  he  was 
afraid  he  'd  have  to  admit  as  he  feared  that 
was  mebbe  only  too  likely  to  be  true.  He 
said  he  felt  a  sadness  because  every  trilobite 
as  was  related  by  Rufus  was  of  profound  value 
to  any  scientific  student.  He  said  Rufus 
was  one  at  whose  feet  them  as  is  learned 
could  easy  sit  and  learn  some  more.  He 
said  Rufus  ought  to  o'  gotten  out  in  the  world 
thirty  years  ago,  —  but  then  he  sighed  again, 
'n'  said  probably  circumstances  as  no  one 
knowed  nothing  of  probably  chained  him  here. 
It  was  easy  to  see  as  Dr.  Lumb  had  a  awful 
high  opinion  o'  Rufus,  but  that'd  be  only 
natural,  him  bein'  married  to  Hannah  as  was 
so  dead  set  agin'  him,  'n'  he  shook  his  head 
then  'n'  said  as  he  believed  as  Dr.  Cogswell 
had  guessed  pretty  nigh  to  the  truth.  He 
said  he  knowed  as  Bessy  was  born  in  Mead- 


396         A   VERY   SUPERIOR   MAN 

ville,  V  as  her  property  was  there  'n'  he  said 
his  own  opinion  was  that  with  the  short- 
sightedness common  to  her  sex  she  had 
chained  the  eagle  so  as  she  might  stay 
among  her  little  circle  o'  petty  friendships, 
'n'  so  the  noble  bird  had  worn  his  soul 
away  in  captivity,  so  to  speak. 

"  Dr.  Cogswell  said  '  Ah  ! '  'n'  then  they 
both  shook  their  heads  together  'n'  sighed 
together. 

"  Hannah  did  n't  go  out  to  the  grave. 
She  stayed  with  Bessy.  She  took  me  into 
the  pantry  afore  we  left  'n'  said  as  the  spirit 
o'  relief  hoverin'  in  the  house  was  beyond  all 
belief.  She  said  Betty  was  goin'  to  take 
her  mother  home  with  her  when  she  went. 
She  said  Betty  said  as  she  could  come  back 
to  Meadville  whenever  she  liked,  but  she 
said  as  Bessy  said  she  'd  never  want  to  come 
back.  Hannah  says  Bessy  told  her  as  all 
she  asked  was  to  live  out  her  days  some 
place  where  she  'd  never  have  to  hear  again 
what  a  very  superior  man  Rufus  was. 

"  I  stood  aroun'  an'  talked  with  a  lot 
more  folks.  The  general  feelin'  was  as  it 
was  a  great  honor  to  be  buryin'  Rufus,  but 
nobody  knowed  just  why.  I  thought  about 


A   VERY   SUPERIOR   MAN         397 

it  comin'  home  a-jouncin'  along  over  them 
walnuts.  (My,  but  they  were  hard  !)  The 
truth  seems  to  be  as  there  's  some  folks  born 
to  be  superior  'n'  to  know  as  they  're  su- 
perior, 'n'  other  folks  born  to  admire  'em, 
'n'  neither  set  sees  jus'  why." 

"I  —  "  said  Mrs.  Lathrop. 

"  Well,  as  long  as  you  say  so  I  may  as 
well  admit  as  I  was  thinkin'  that  very  thing 
myself,"  said  Susan  ;  "  but  far  be  it  from  me 
to  have  said  such  a  thing  myself  of  myself, 
Mrs.  Lathrop  —  but  as  long  as  you  say  it  I 
can't  but  remark  as  no  one  in  their  senses 
could  deny  its  bein'  true  o'  me." 

"I  — "  said  Mrs.  Lathrop. 

"  Oh,  that 's  your  misfortune,"  said  Miss 
Clegg,  graciously ;  "  there  ain't  no  need 
of  apologizin'  to  a  old  friend  like  me.  'N' 
anyway,  Mrs.  Lathrop,  I  guess  nobody 
could  n't  tell  me  nothin'  about  your  infe- 
riorities—  not  after  livin*  next  to  you  all 
the  years  as  I  have ;  but  you  know  me,  *n* 
you  know  as  nothin'  ever  changes  my  feelin's 
towards  a  friend  —  not  even  towards  such 
a  friend  as  you,  Mrs.  Lathrop." 

Mrs.  Lathrop  was  silent. 


Anne  Warners  "Susan  Clegg"  Books 


SUSAN  CLEGG,  HER  FRIEND 
AND  HER  NEIGHBORS 


By  ANNE   WARNER 

New  Edition.     Illustrated.     $1.50 


Combining  the  first  Susan  Clegg  book,  "Susan  Clegg 
and  Her  Friend  Mrs.  Lathrop,"  and  "Susan  Clegg  and 
Her  Neighbor's  Aft'airs." 

Nothing  better  in  the  new  homely  philosophy  style  of 
fiction  has  been  written.  — San  Francisco  Bulletin. 

One  of  the  most  genuinely  humorous  books  ever  written. 
—  St.  Louis  Globe- Democrat. 

Anything  more  humorous  than  the  Susan  Clegg  stories 
would  be  hard,  to  find.  —  The  Critic,  New  York. 

All  the  stories  brim  over  with  quaint  humor,  caustic 
sarcasm,  and  concealed  contempt  for  male  and  matrimonial 
chains.  —  Philadelphia  Ledger. 

By  the  Same  Author 

SUSAN    CLEGG    AND  A    MAN    IN 
THE    HOUSE 

Illustrated  by  ALICE    BARBER  STEPHENS.     $1.50 

Susan  is  a  positive  joy,  and  the  reading  world  owes 
Anne  Warner  a  vote  of  thanks  for  her  contribution  to  the 
list  of  American  humor.  — New  York  Times. 

SUSAN  CLEGG  AND  HER  FRIEND 
MRS.  LATHROP 

Popular  Edition.     With  Frontispiece.     $1.00 


LITTLE,  BROWN,  &   CO.,  PUBLISHERS 
34  BEACON  STREET,  BOSTON 


An  exceedingly  clever  volume  of  stories 


AN 
ORIGINAL  GENTLEMAN 


%  ANNE  WARNER 

With  frontispiece  by  Alice  Barber  Stephens 

Cloth.     §1.50 


Exhibits  her  cleverness  and  sense  of  humor. — New  York 
Times. 

Crisply  told,  quaintly  humorous.  —  Boston  Transcript. 

An  "Original  Gentleman"  is  truly  also  one  of  the  most 
entertaining  and  witty  gentlemen  that  it  has  been  our 
fortune  to  run  across  in  many  a  day,  not  to  mention  the 
more  original  lady  that  he  has  to  do  with.  —  Louisville 
Evening  Post. 

By  the  same  author 

A  WOMAN'S  WILL 

Illustrated.     360  pages.     Cloth.     $1.50 


A  deliciously  funny  book.  —  Chicago  Tribune. 

It  is  bright,  charming,  and  intense  as  it  describes  the 
wooing  of  a  young  American  widow  on  the  European 
Continent  by  a  German  musical  genius.  —  San  Francisco 
Chronicle. 

As  refreshing  a  bit  of  fiction  as  one  often  finds.  —  Provi- 
dence Journal. 


LITTLE,  BROWN,  &   CO.,  PUBLISHERS 
34  BEACOX  STREET,  BOS-TON 


Anne  Warner  s  Latest  Character  Creation 


IN  A 
MYSTERIOUS  WAY 


By  ANNE  WARNER 
Illustrated  by  J.  V.  McFall.     Cloth.     $1.50 


A  story  of  love  and  sacrifice  that  teems  with  the 
author's  original  humor.  —  Baltimore  American. 

The  humor  peculiar  to  her  pen  is  here  in  wonted 
strength,  but  in  a  new  guise ;  and  set  against  it,  or  inter- 
woven with  it,  is  a  story  of  love  and  the  strange  sacrifice 
of  which  a  few  loving  hearts  are  capable.  —  New  York 
American. 

* 
By  the  same  author 

YOUR  CHILD  AND  MINE 

Illustrated.         12mo.        Cloth.        $1.50 


The  child  heart,  strange  and  sweet  and  tender,  lies  open 
to  this  sympathetic  writer,  and  other  human  hearts  —  and 
eyes  —  should  be  opened  by  her  narratives. — Chicago 
Record- Herald. 

The  literary  charm  of  the  stories  is  not  the  least  of  their 
attractions.  The  interest  is  all  the  greater  for  the  style 
in  which  the  story  is  told,  and  the  author's  sympathy  with 
her  young  friends  lends  a  vital  warmth  to  her  narrative. 
—  Philadelphia  Public  Ledger. 


LITTLE,  BROWN,  &  CO.,  PUBLISHERS 
34  BEACON  STREET,  BOSTON 


"Simply  delicious  humor" 


THE  REJUVENATION 
OF  AUNT  MARY 


By  ANNE    WARNER 

New  Edition,  with  Illustrations  reproduced  from  scenes 
in  the  play.     Cloth.     $1.50 


The  comedy  is  sweetened  by  a  satisfying  love  tale.  — 
Boston  Herald. 

Always  amusing  and  ends  in  a  burst  of  sunshine. — 
Philadelphia  Ledger. 

A  book  to  drive  away  the  blues  and  make  one  well  con- 
tent with  the  worst  weather.  —  Pittsburg  Gazette. 

By  the  same  author 

JUST   BETWEEN  THEMSELVES 

Frontispiece  in  color  by  Will  Grefe.     $1.50 


Anne  Warner  has  surpassed  herself  in  the  variety  of 
waywardness  exhibited  by  this  latest  group  of  personages 
of  her  drawing.  —  New  York  Times. 

Anne  "Warner  can  always  be  relied  upon  to  furnish  us 
with  entertainment.  "  Just  Between  Themselves  "  is  full 
of  apt,  pert  little  take-offs  on  human  nature  that  provokes 
frequent  chuckles.  —  Philadelphia  Item. 


LITTLE,  BROWN,  &  CO.,  PUBLISHERS 
34  BEACON  STREET,  BOSTON 


